getting to shoot an international travel show

獲得拍攝國際旅遊節目的機會

that we call Conan Without Borders

我們稱之為 "柯南無國界"。

has been one of the absolute highlights

一直是絕對的亮點之一

of my career.

在我的職業生涯中。

I love it. I really do love it.

我愛它。我真的很愛它。

It's also been a great way for me to hide my money

這也是我藏錢的一個好辦法

in banks all around the world.

在世界各地的銀行。

Here are just a few highlights. Take a look.

這裡只是幾個亮點。請看一看。

These are everywhere.

這些東西無處不在。

This is a Cuban payphone that enables you to make a call,

這是一個古巴的公用電話，可以讓你打電話。

and get your hair permed at the same time.

並同時進行頭髮燙染。

The only problem is it will only call

唯一的問題是，它只會調用

that phone.

那個電話。

You just don't see this anywhere else.

你只是在其他地方沒有看到這一點。

Whole row of just one product.

整排只有一個產品。

Vino Seco Sweet Wine El Mundo.

Vino Seco甜酒El Mundo。

We cannot film here?

我們不能在這裡拍攝？

I don't need to, I was just wondering

我不需要，我只是想知道

if you had any um... um...

如果你有任何嗯... 嗯...

Vino Seco El Mundo. Do you have that?

Vino Seco El Mundo。你有這個嗎？

Oh, here it is.

哦，在這裡。

(singing in Spanish)

(用西班牙語唱歌)

(speaking Korean)

(講韓語)

Love you.

愛你。

(speaking Korean)

(講韓語)

(speaking Korean)

(講韓語)

This is my stick.

這是我的棍子。

Are you going to do that with me?

你要和我一起做嗎？

Punish me with that stick.

用那根棍子懲罰我。

Why you like it?

你為什麼喜歡它？

Stop it!

停止吧！

Stop liking it?

不再喜歡？

No, no. Stop.

不，不。停止。

You don't understand. My entire fantasy is a stern woman.

你不明白。我的整個幻想是一個嚴厲的女人。

I don't like you.

我不喜歡你。

Can I just say you're the best dressed soldier

我可以說你是穿得最漂亮的阿兵哥嗎？

I've ever seen in my life.

我一生中見過的。

Yeah. Like a Janet Jackson backup dancer.

是的。像珍妮特-傑克遜的伴舞者。

It's incredible.

這真是不可思議。

He looks amazing.

他看起來很了不起。

You're in North Korea.

你在北韓。

I'm in North Korea first.

我先是在北韓。

I'm still in South Korea.

我仍然在韓國。

Oh, congratulations.

哦，恭喜你。

(Korean pop music)

(韓國流行音樂)

Those gentlemen right there are sheep herders.

那裡的那些先生是牧羊人。

And I'm disappointed because they're dressed like bouncers.

而我很失望，因為他們穿得像保鏢。

From an East Indian disco.

來自東印度的一個迪斯科舞廳。

(grandiose music)

(宏偉的音樂)

See, this won't have that much drama.

看，這不會有那麼多的戲劇性。

Sona, your natural speaking voice

索納，你自然的說話聲

is driving them that way.

是促使他們這樣做的原因。

You're a great herder.

你是一個偉大的牧民。

(children laugh)

(孩子們笑)

Yeah!

是的!

Yes! He gets me!

是的，他得到了我!

What is your name?

你叫什麼名字？

David.

大衛。

It was very nice to meet you.

很高興見到你。

If I'm done shooting maybe later on, I can come by.

如果我拍完了，也許晚些時候，我可以過來。

You don't believe me?

你不相信我？

Does your family know

你的家人是否知道

that you meet strangers on the street,

你在街上遇到陌生人。

and invite them up to your house for coffee?

並邀請他們到你家喝咖啡？

Do they know about that?

他們知道這個情況嗎？

I worry about you. I don't want you to do that.

我為你擔心。我不希望你這樣做。

I could be crazy, right? Look at me.

我可能是瘋了，對嗎？看著我。

I could be crazy.

我可能是瘋了。

I see where this is going.

我知道這是怎麼回事了。

I'm okay with that.

我對這一點沒有意見。

The male echidna actually has

雄性針鼴鼠實際上有

a four pronged penis.

一個四稜柱的陰莖。

Why?

為什麼？

Why not?

為什麼不呢？

She's good.

她很好。

[Announcer] Conan O'Brien!

[播音員]柯南-奧布萊恩!

Muchos gracias!

非常感謝!

(speaking Spanish)

(講西班牙語)

Trump said you would pay.

特朗普說你會付錢。

I will pay nothing. I put this.

我不會支付任何費用。我把這個。

Huh? No, you can't, no.

嗯？不，你不可以，不可以。

Oh Ghana, I want to wear a Ghana shirt.

哦，加納，我想穿一件加納的襯衫。

What do you think?

你怎麼看？

Oh, it's too small.

哦，這太小了。

Another big deal here in Ghana,

在加納，這又是一件大事。

is having a fantasy coffin.

是有一個幻想的棺材。

So this is someone who died of type two diabetes.

所以這是一個死於二型糖尿病的人。

The great thing about this turkey coffin

這個火雞棺材的偉大之處在於

is that you get to be the stuffing.

是，你可以成為餡料。

(men laugh)

(男人笑)

Are you laughing because you like the joke

你笑是因為你喜歡這個笑話嗎？

or just to be polite?

還是隻是為了禮貌？

Polite.

有禮貌。

(man coughs)

(男人咳嗽聲)

Oh, the cough at the end.

哦，最後的咳嗽聲。

It's not the cough that carries you off,

不是咳嗽讓你離開。

it's the coffin they carry you off in.

這就是他們把你抬走的棺材。

I put in my special request.

我提出了我的特別要求。

A TV, so I can watch myself for all eternity.

一臺電視，這樣我就可以永遠看著自己了。

Oh, thank you, death.

哦，謝謝你，死亡。

(German music plays)

(德國音樂響起)

Who hit me in the face?

誰打了我的臉？

What was that?

那是什麼？

There are companies throughout Japan

日本各地都有公司

that provides fake families

提供假家庭的

for people who are lonely.

為孤獨的人。

I am back in my hotel room in Tokyo

我回到了我在東京的酒店房間

and I have a family.

和我有一個家庭。

This is incredible.

這真是不可思議。

Could you guys like ramen?

你們能不能喜歡拉麵？

Yes, we do.

是的，我們有。

Not me. I like my men cooked.

不是我。我喜歡我的男人被煮熟。

Please tell them to laugh.

請告訴他們要笑。

This is so much better.

這就好得多了。

I'm worried now that if I tell her,

我現在擔心，如果我告訴她。

oh I just came back from the doctor

哦，我剛剛從醫生那裡回來

and I only have a year to live.

而我只剩下一年的生命了。

(women laugh)

(女人笑)

I'm here to buy your country.

我是來買你的國家的。

Hi, here to buy your country.

你好，在這裡購買你的國家。

Good evening, I'm Conan O'Brien

晚上好，我是柯南-奧布萊恩

and I'm bringing you the latest weather report

我將為您帶來最新的天氣報告

here in Greenland.

在格陵蘭島這裡。

(speaking foreign language)

(講外語)

There's cold stuff coming.

寒冷的東西要來了。

Limoncello!

Limoncello!

When I'm walking around,

當我四處走動的時候。

I like to yell out random Italian things, you know?

我喜歡隨意喊出意大利的東西，你知道嗎？

(speaking Italian)

(講意大利語)

You keep thinking it's offensive,

你一直認為這很有攻擊性。

people just think that I'm Italian.

人們只是認為我是意大利人。

Ragu in a can!

罐頭中的臘腸

Tell him I want a pumpkin spice latte.

告訴他我想要一杯南瓜香精拿鐵。

What I like to do is drive around here.

我喜歡做的是在這裡開車。

I have very specific music that I like to listen to.

我有非常具體的音樂，我喜歡聽。

Guess what? I looked into it.

你猜怎麼著？我調查了一下。

To play that music would cost us a lot of money.

要播放這種音樂會花掉我們很多錢。

I had the band make us up some music

我讓樂隊給我們做了一些音樂

that doesn't cost us anything.

這並沒有讓我們付出任何代價。

(old time stereotypical Italian music plays)

(舊時陳舊的意大利音樂播放)

You see, this sounds very stereotypical to me.

你看，這在我看來是非常刻板的。

Almost to the point of insulting.

幾乎到了侮辱的地步。

I brought some sound effects. You want to listen to those?

我帶來了一些聲音效果。你想聽聽這些嗎？

[Elephant trumpets]

[大象的喇叭聲]

But we can also have silence as well, if we want.

但如果我們願意，我們也可以有沉默。

(crying baby sound plays)

(嬰兒哭聲響起)

Uh-oh. Oh the car stalled, huh?

呃--哦。哦，汽車熄火了，嗯？

Hold on.

等一下。

(deflating slide whistle sound plays)

(放氣的滑梯口哨聲響起)

Can you stop the car for a second?

你能把車停一下嗎？

Stop it?

阻止它？

Yeah.

是的。

Just one other thing.

還有一件事。

Yeah?

是嗎？

(fart noises play)

(放屁聲響起)

(epic music plays)

(史詩般的音樂響起)

Two quick things.

有兩件快事。

When I did the weather in Greenland, that went out.

當我在格陵蘭島做天氣預報的時候，那個就被淘汰了。

That was the weather report for Greenland that night.

這就是當晚格陵蘭島的天氣報告。

And I walked around the whole next day

第二天我走了一圈

and people were like, what?

而人們則認為，什麼？

What was that?

那是什麼？

That was a mess.

那是一場混亂。

I really did run away on camera.

我真的在鏡頭前跑掉了。

Cause I thought that was the only way out.

因為我認為那是唯一的出路。

The other thing I wanted to mention is I went to Armenia

我想提到的另一件事是我去了亞美尼亞

with my assistant Sona Movsesian.

與我的助手Sona Movsesian。

I have to give Sona a big shout out.

我必須對索納大加讚賞。

She's been a big part of my life

她一直是我生活的重要組成部分

these last 11 years.

在過去的11年中。

And she is not working with us at the moment,

而且她目前沒有和我們一起工作。

because any day now she will be giving birth to twins.

因為現在任何一天她都會生下雙胞胎。

Oh! There she is!

哦，她在那裡

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

等一下！等一下！等一下等一下！

I didn't know you were here.

我不知道你在這裡。

I thought you were being nice!

我以為你是好心的！

You told me you couldn't work,

你告訴我你不能工作。

but you can come out here and check the show out?

但你可以到這裡來看看演出？

We love you Sona, and we're so excited for you

我們愛你，索納，我們為你感到非常興奮。

and thank you for everything.

並感謝你所做的一切。