we all know someone who is active or passively

我們都知道有人是主動或被動的

taking steps to prevent themselves

採取步驟防止自己

from reaching their goals.

他們的目標。

Maybe it's you.

也許是你。

Whether that's in areas of relationships and dating,

無論是在關係和約會領域。

in business, when it comes to money, friendships,

在商業上，當涉及到金錢，友誼。

health and body image,

健康和身體形象。

the opportunities for self-sabotage in your life

你生活中自我破壞的機會

are limitless.

是無限的。

It's so weird because self-sabotaging

它是如此奇怪，因為自我破壞性

is a behavior that's like almost invisible.

是一種幾乎看不見的行為。

But if we were to visually show it...

但是，如果我們要直觀地展示它...

- Anna no, don't shoot yourself in the foot!

- 安娜，不，不要自尋死路。

- I have to do this,

- 我必須這樣做。

my deepest desire is to be a track runner!

我最深的願望是成為一名田徑選手!

I want it more than anything in the world!

我希望它比世界上的任何東西都要好!

- Well if that's what you want,

- 好吧，如果這是你想要的。

then this doesn't make any sense!

那麼這就沒有任何意義了!

- I know!

- 我知道!

We recognize the symptoms of self-sabotaging too, right?

我們也認識到自我破壞的症狀，對嗎？

Like classic behaviors of it are so recognizable

像它的經典行為是如此的可識別

they may as well be a franchise.

他們也可能是一個特許經營。

- Hello ladies, welcome to Restaurant McSaboteur.

- 女士們好，歡迎來到麥克薩博特餐廳。

Our specials today

我們今天的特價商品

are Drowning In a Stew of Self Pity (with cilantro)

淹沒在自我憐憫的燉菜中（加香菜）

Impulsive Spending That Leads to Financial Ruin

導致財務崩潰的衝動性消費

and finally, a very simple but elegant,

最後，一個非常簡單但優雅的。

Not Standing Up For Yourself.

不為自己站出來。

- Mm. - Ooh!

- 呣。- 嗚嗚!

Okay, I will take Procrastination,

好吧，我選擇 "拖延"。

Self-Medicating With Drugs and Alcohol,

用藥物和酒精進行自我治療。

Performing Below My Capabilities On Purpose,

故意表現得低於我的能力。

and Not Showing Up, please.

和不露面，請。

- Ah, lovely choices.

- 啊，可愛的選擇。

And for you, madam?

你呢，夫人？

- Oh, I will take Comfort Eating, Interpersonal Conflict

- 哦，我將採取舒適的飲食，人際衝突

- Would you like a small or a large?

- 你想買小號的還是大號的？

- Ah, large.

- 啊，大。

I will also have the Impulsive Spending Special

我還將有衝動消費特輯

with a side of Constant Self-Sacrifice For Others

為他人不斷自我犧牲的一面

to Avoid Working on Myself.

以避免在自己身上下功夫。

- Ooh, can we split that?

- 哦，我們能不能把它分開？

- Yeah.

- 是的。

- I will bring out two plates.

- 我將帶出兩個盤子。

Thank you.

謝謝你。

But what is the root cause of self-sabotage?

但自我破壞的根本原因是什麼呢？

'Cause we can identify the behaviors all we want,

因為我們可以隨心所欲地識別這些行為。

but until we address the reasons for it,

但在我們解決其原因之前。

we're just gonna keep shooting ourselves

我們只是要繼續拍攝自己

in the metaphorical foot.

在比喻的腳。

So hopefully, there's a personal attack incoming soon.

是以，希望很快就會有人身攻擊出現。

Here are six reasons we self-sabotage:

以下是我們自我破壞的六個原因。

One - Worth.

一 - 價值。

We just don't believe we deserve better.

我們只是不相信我們應該得到更好的待遇。

Whether that's love or success,

無論是愛情還是成功。

if we don't believe we deserve it,

如果我們不相信我們應該得到它。

we're gonna find ways to push it away.

我們要想辦法把它推開。

- You are the chosen one.

- 你是被選中的人。

- What? No, I don't wanna be.

- 什麼？不，我不想成為。

I just wanna be normal like everyone else.

我只想和其他人一樣成為正常人。

- Okay, YOU are the chosen one.

- 好吧，你是被選中的人。

- Yay, magical powers are awesome!

- 耶，神奇的力量真了不起!

- Wait, no, I do want magical powers.

- 等等，不，我確實想要神奇的力量。

- Sorry, girl.

- 對不起，姑娘。

This isn't a YA novel where your emotional arc

這不是一部青春期小說，你的情感弧線

goes from nonbeliever to believer in your own capabilities.

從不相信到相信自己的能力。

If you don't want or think you deserve magical powers,

如果你不想要或認為你應該得到神奇的力量。

why the hell would I give them to you?

我為什麼要把它們交給你？

- Two - We focus on instant gratification

- 二 - 我們專注於即時滿足

at the expense of our long-term goals.

以犧牲我們的長期目標為代價。

- So how's your screenplay going?

- 那麼你的劇本寫得怎麼樣了？

- Oh, my god.

- 哦，我的上帝。

I posted an Instagram photo every single day last month.

上個月，我每天都在Instagram上發佈一張照片。

- Oh, is it about Instagram?

- 哦，是關於Instagram的嗎？

- No.

- 沒有。

- Oh.

- 哦。

- But a picture is worth a thousand words.

- 但一張照片勝過千言萬語。

Three - We have seen self-sabotage modeled in our family.

三 - 我們已經看到自我破壞的模式在我們的家庭中出現。

- We're a family of losers, aren't we?

- 我們是一個失敗者的家庭，不是嗎？

Yes we are.

是的，我們是。

No one in this family is ever gonna amount to anything

這個家庭中沒有人是會有成就的

and that's the way we like it, huh?

這就是我們喜歡的方式，是吧？

- Four - We're afraid of rejection or failure

- 四 - 我們害怕被拒絕或失敗

that may come from trying.

這可能來自於嘗試。

- Do you, Anna, take this woman

- 安娜，你會不會把這個女人

to be your lawfully wedded wife?

成為你的合法妻子？

- I do...not know.

- 我......不知道。

Can we just take like a timeout?

我們能不能先暫停一下？

This is all going really fast.

這一切都進行得非常快。

- It's been seven years.

- 已經七年了。

- I know, but in comparison to the average lifespan

- 我知道，但與平均壽命相比

of an American woman, that's nothing.

一個美國女人的，這不算什麼。

That's nothing!

這不算什麼!

That's a blink of an eye!

那是一眨眼的時間！。

Divorce rates, guys, let's think about this.

離婚率，夥計們，讓我們考慮一下這個問題。

Let's think about this.

讓我們考慮一下這個問題。

Why aren't you married?

你為什麼不結婚？

Five - We feel more in control when we're engaging

五 - 當我們參與時，我們感到更有控制力

with familiar patterns, even if they're harmful.

與熟悉的模式，即使它們是有害的。

- Hey Anna, you look good.

- 嘿，安娜，你看起來不錯。

- Thanks, yeah, they said I missed a tendon,

- 謝謝，是的，他們說我錯過了一條肌腱。

so I'm quite lucky.

所以我很幸運。

- That's great.

- 這很好。

So after this heals

是以，在這一問題得到解決後

you can start training to be a track runner again.

你可以開始訓練，再次成為一名田徑選手。

Anna no!

安娜不!

(Anna screams)

(安娜尖叫聲)

- Don't do it!

- 不要這樣做!

- And finally, six - All of the above.

- 最後，六--以上皆是。

Didn't see that one coming, did you?

沒想到會有這樣的結果，是嗎？

Okay, so at this point you probably know

好吧，所以在這一點上你可能知道

you're a self-saboteur, so what do you do?

你是一個自我破壞者，那麼你是怎麼做的？

How do you stop?

你如何停止？

How do you get out of your own way

你如何走出自己的路

and then achieve what you want?

然後實現你的願望？

Well, obviously beyond awareness,

嗯，顯然超出了意識。

make moves to become an assertive person.

採取行動，成為一個自信的人。

Assertive people like themselves as they are.

自信的人喜歡自己的本色。

They have a strong sense of self and autonomy,

他們有強烈的自我意識和自主性。

have no problems with their needs being met,

他們的需求得到滿足是沒有問題的。

know how to express their feelings,

知道如何表達他們的感受。

know where they're going in life, what they want

知道他們的生活方向，他們想要什麼

and they're not afraid of conflict and, bonus,

而且他們不害怕衝突，而且，獎金。

they know how to set boundaries.

他們知道如何設定界限。

And also one more, they take initiative.

還有一點，他們採取主動。

It's easy, right?

這很容易，對嗎？

Just do that really long list like right now.

就像現在這樣做那個真正的長清單。

No, I mean in vivo learning,

不，我是指體內學習。

like integrating these traits into your life

如將這些特徵融入你的生活

and actually practicing them

並真正實踐它們

in moments where you feel like triggered,

在你感覺被觸發的時刻。

it's gonna take time.

這需要時間。

And unraveling these self-sabotaging causes

並解開這些自我破壞的原因

and then their symptoms also will take time.

然後他們的症狀也將需要時間。

But the more you can practice in your own life

但你越是能在自己的生活中實踐

doing any of the above assertive traits

做到以上任何一種自信的特徵

and actively halting

並積極制止

your self-sabotaging behaviors when they come up,

當你的自我破壞行為出現的時候，你的自我破壞行為。

the sooner you can align your actions

你越早調整你的行動

with what you actually want.

與你實際想要的東西。

Good luck doing that.

祝您好運。

I'm Anna Akana and thank you to the Patreons

我是安娜-阿卡納，感謝贊助人的支持

who supported today's video and thank you to Warby Parker

支持今天的視頻的朋友們，感謝Warby Parker公司。

for sponsoring today's episode.

為今天的節目提供贊助。

Warby Parker is committed

華比派克致力於

to providing exceptional vision care online and in stores.

在網上和店內提供卓越的視力保健。

Glasses, can you believe this,

眼鏡，你能相信這一點嗎。

they start at $95, including prescription lenses.

它們的起價為95美元，包括處方鏡片。

And they offer eye exams, sunglasses, contact lenses,

而且他們提供眼科檢查、太陽鏡、隱形眼鏡。

and since we're always looking at our screens

由於我們總是在看我們的螢幕

and I'm getting migraines all the time,

而且我一直在得偏頭痛。

they have blue light lenses

他們有藍光鏡片

so that I can actually go to sleep at a reasonable hour.

這樣我就能在一個合理的時間內真正入睡。

I have been a Warby Parker fan and partner for years.

多年來，我一直是沃比帕克的粉絲和合作夥伴。

You guys remember, we did a line together.

你們還記得，我們一起做了一條線。

It was fabulous.

這真是太美妙了。

And the thing I love most about them

而我最喜歡他們的地方是

is that for every pair of glasses sold,

是，每賣出一副眼鏡。

they distribute a pair to someone in need.

他們向有需要的人分發一對。

So their Home Try-on Program, it's super easy:

所以他們的家庭試穿計劃，是超級簡單的。

You pick five frames to try on

你挑選五個框架來試穿

they send the frames to you for free.

他們把框架免費寄給你。

You get the opinions of your friends.

你會得到你的朋友的意見。

You host a small fashion show with your beautiful face.

你用你美麗的臉蛋主持一個小型時裝秀。

You make your selection and then you send them back

你做出選擇，然後把它們送回來

with a prepaid return shipping label.

並附上一個預付的退貨運輸標籤。

Plus every pair is anti-reflective, which is huge

此外，每一對都是抗反射的，這一點非常重要。

'cause if you're wearing your glasses on screen,

因為如果你在螢幕上戴著眼鏡，

either in auditions, filming or, you know,

無論是在試鏡、拍攝還是，你知道。

you're just checking out someone

你只是在檢查某人的情況

who's really cute in a sunny spot,

在陽光充足的地方，他真的很可愛。

people can see your eyeballs.

人們可以看到你的眼球。

You can try Warby Parker's free Home Try-On Program:

你可以嘗試Warby Parker的免費家庭試戴計劃。

Order five pairs of glasses, try at home for free

訂購五副眼鏡，在家免費試用

five days, no obligation to buy, ships for free

五天，沒有購買的義務，免費發貨

and then you return it for free.

然後你就可以免費退貨了。

Everything is free.

一切都是免費的。

Try it for free at warbyparker.com/Anna.

在warbyparker.com/Anna網站上免費試用。