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  • - Oh look, it's a tiny chip basket.

  • - Oh no, no, no.

  • Uncle Roger mom used to hit me with that.

  • - Oh look, that's pretty cool.

  • - Uncle Roger mom hit me with that too.

  • (beep)

  • - Hello, it's Uncle Roger.

  • - And Auntie Hersha.

  • - After meeting Auntie Hersha last time,

  • Uncle Roger realized Auntie Hersha, whitest person I know.

  • She look Indian, but inside, very white, no culture.

  • Why are you so white?

  • - I'm not.

  • - But you have kombucha in your kitchen.

  • What is this?

  • Look like dog penis in water.

  • - No, that's kombucha.

  • - Kombucha?

  • - Yeah, I brewed my own.

  • - Does kombucha mean dog penis in Peruvian?

  • - Well, did you know actually

  • kombucha comes from China,

  • originates from China.

  • - Really?

  • - Yeah, see that's how cultured you are.

  • Anyway, Chinatown.

  • I mean, this is a bit of an obvious place to take me.

  • I've been here at least three times

  • in the 20 years I've lived in London.

  • - What do you come here for?

  • - Well, for edamame beans.

  • - Hey, yeah.

  • That is Japanese.

  • Not even Chinese.

  • You are like coconut, you know.

  • - Oh, I love coconuts.

  • - No, it's not compliment.

  • Coconut is brown on outside,

  • but white on inside.

  • - Yeah I know what coconut means.

  • So today, Uncle Roger going to show

  • Auntie Hersha my culture.

  • Hope you like it,

  • but please put on your face mask

  • because Chinatown is dangerous place

  • for egg fried rice lady.

  • - Can you stop calling me egg fried rice lady?

  • - They hate you here.

  • Put your face mask on.

  • First, Uncle Roger bring Auntie Hersha

  • to Chinese grocery store.

  • Okay, Auntie Hersha, this is Chinese grocery store.

  • It's where Uncle Roger shop for all my groceries.

  • No more Tesco, Tesco more for British people.

  • You cannot get this at Tesco.

  • This is chili oil with Asian face.

  • No way you can find Asian face on chili oil in Tesco.

  • Auntie Hersha, look the big rice sack.

  • When Asian people buy rice,

  • we always buy the big sack.

  • The bigger, the better.

  • And before you buy it, you have to smack the rice.

  • So satisfying.

  • Come on, slap with me.

  • - Why do you slap the rice?

  • - It feels good.

  • It feels good.

  • That's how you practice before you slap kids.

  • - I grew up in an Indian household.

  • We used to have huge tubs of rice.

  • Like bigger than that, so in your face Uncle Roger.

  • - Oh, but do you smack kid?

  • Do you smack kid?

  • - No, we don't smack kids.

  • - That's why you turned out like this.

  • Uncle Roger don't have children,

  • but this rice can be my child.

  • - Oh, spices.

  • I need cinnamon.

  • Oh, turmeric, elixir of life.

  • Oh my God!

  • Exactly what I was looking for.

  • (Uncle Roger gasps)

  • - Dog penis again.

  • Auntie Hersha, look.

  • It's Uncle Roger favorite thing, MSG.

  • Purity created at 99 percent.

  • So pure.

  • Oh my God.

  • Don't need face mask, I got MSG.

  • It's okay, this will keep me healthy.

  • - Because I'm so white,

  • I believe that MSG isn't good for you.

  • I've been taught to believe.

  • - That is a wrong fact.

  • People scared because Chinese food the best food.

  • People can not compete with Chinese cooking.

  • So they say MSG bad, trying to kill our business.

  • - Oh, right, so that's why.

  • You don't know, like the science or the data.

  • - No science in Asian culture.

  • If tastes good, no need science.

  • - Uncle Roger. What's this?

  • - Yes.

  • - It's dried fungus.

  • - Yeah, this is type of fungus before there was truffle,

  • there was this.

  • Truffle is pirated version of Chinese fungus.

  • This is what you need.

  • Rice cooker, okay.

  • 40 year warranty.

  • You will die before the rice cooker does.

  • This will change your life.

  • No more using colander, just buy this rice cooker.

  • - Are you literally sponsored by rice cookers?

  • - No, no.

  • I wish.

  • If rice cooker company wants to sponsor Uncle Roger,

  • let me know.

  • Hit me up.

  • - So can you name all these people?

  • Like who are these people?

  • - No, these are just Chinese gods.

  • In Chinese culture,

  • we've got too many gods.

  • I can't even remember the name of my friends.

  • Why do I remember the name of the gods?

  • Chinese culture is the OG culture.

  • Indian people just copy,

  • you just put more hands on your god.

  • This is what ex-wife Auntie Helen looked like

  • when she angry.

  • Auntie Hersha, buy new wok.

  • This wok is the best wok.

  • (Hersha laughs)

  • Oh my God.

  • I thought the wok in your house is nice,

  • but this wok is like at least a C cup.

  • - I think it's double F.

  • - Auntie Hersha must be really envious.

  • Uncle Roger love wok.

  • I think I am pansexual.

  • - I really like this.

  • I might buy it.

  • Make a bit of egg fried rice at home.

  • - Just make sure you don't use metal spoon

  • because this is nonstick.

  • - Yeah, no, I wouldn't use a metal spoon with this one.

  • This is like a big giant colander almost.

  • - No, that is not colander.

  • (Hersha laughs)

  • - Look at this!

  • - That's for noodle, not for rice.

  • That's not colander.

  • - Yeah, but this would work.

  • - Auntie Hersha see anything with hole

  • and she think it's colander.

  • - This is so good.

  • - Something wrong with her.

  • Oh look, it's a tiny chip basket.

  • Oh no, no, no.

  • Uncle Roger mom used to hit me with that.

  • - Oh, look!

  • That's pretty cool.

  • - Uncle Roger mom hit me with that too.

  • Hey, everything in this aisle is just Asian parent

  • weapon shop.

  • So dangerous.

  • Don't bring your mom here.

  • (Speaks Chinese)

  • (Speaks Chinese)

  • - Next, Uncle Roger brings Auntie Hersha to Chinese bakery.

  • Get some nice pastry.

  • - Oh, custard.