I just gotta go... do some things real quick.

我只是要去...快速完成一些事情。

The real holiday is the day after Valentine's Day, when all the candy is on sale.

真正的節日是情人節的隔天，所有的糖果都會特價。

I'm so alone.

我好寂寞。

I went all out for my Valentine this year; complete spa package, manicure, pedicure, facial, massage, everything your Valentine could ever want.

今年的情人節我可是卯足全力，完整的SPA課程、手部美甲、足部美甲、作臉、按摩，所有你的情人最想做的事。

And just to be clear, my Valentine this year is me.

先聲明一點，我今年的情人就是我自己。

I never know what to write in these Valentines.

我根本不知道怎麼寫這些情人節卡片。

I really enjoy spending two days a week with you.

我很喜歡每週花兩天跟你相處。

That's romantic, right?

很浪漫，對吧？

What are we trying to say with Valentine's Day gifts?

我們想用情人節禮物表達什麼？

Here are some flowers representing how I feel about you.

買一些花表示我對你的愛。

They're beautiful now, but will die very soon.

雖然花現在很漂亮，但很快就會枯死。

And here's some candy, which is terrible for your health and wellbeing, sort of like our relationship.

送一些對你健康有害的糖果，就像我們的關係。

You got me plain navy socks for Valentines?

你送我素色深藍色的襪子當情人節禮物？

You really do know me.

你真的很懂我。

If you really loved me, you would excuse me from participating in this lame Hallmark holiday from now until forever.

如果你真的愛我，你就會原諒我不參加這種很瞎的商業性節日，直到永遠。

That's the gift that keeps on giving.

那就是最好的禮物。

Yeah, I have a Valentine.

我有一個情人。

Grandma gave me $5 in this Valentine's Day card.

我奶奶在情人節卡片裡給了我五美金。

That's more than any other woman has ever done for me.

這比其他女生為我做的都還多。

Oh, my gosh, a list of detailed reasons why you like me that I can reference at any time?

我的天啊，一張你為什麼會喜歡我的細節清單，讓我可以隨時翻閱參考？

It's all I could've ever wanted.

這就是我想要的。

I don't know what about a holiday celebrating a beheaded saint says love and romance to everybody, but whatever.

我不知道一個慶祝被斬首聖徒的節日是要如何向每個人表達愛和浪漫，但隨便啦。

I'm only in it for the candy, anyway.

反正我只是想要糖果而已。

My girlfriend told me over and over that she really doesn't want me to make a big deal out of Valentine's Day.

我女朋友一再的跟我說她真的不需要我為了情人節大費周章。

So, I've hired skywriters to spell out "I love you" over the house, a band to perform her favorite love songs live in the living room, and a Guy Fieri impersonator to cook us a three-course dinner.

所以我聘了一架小飛機在家裡上方拼出「我愛你」的字樣、樂團在客廳現場演出她最愛的歌、一個扮演蓋菲里的大廚替我們煮三道晚餐。

She can't fool me.

她騙不倒我的。

Do you like the drawing I made of you?

你喜歡我為你畫的畫像嗎？

Yeah, it took me, like, three hours to finish the shading on your upper lip.

我花了三個小時畫你上唇的陰影。

I'm doing the usual for Valentine's tonight; soup for one, salad for one, wine for three.

我今晚的情人節就照常地過，一碗湯、一碗沙拉、三杯酒。

Remember being a kid when you had a really big crush on a girl at school and you labored for hours trying to pick the perfect Valentine to give her in class, and then she gave you one in exchange that just said something like, "You're a good pal"?

你記得小時候在學校迷戀上一個女生，努力了好幾個小時，就為了在班上給她最完美的情人節禮物，但她卻對你說「你是我最好的朋友」作為回覆？

Yeah, me neither.

對啊，我也沒有過。

There's nothing wrong with me not having a date on Valentine's Day, ok, Timmy?

Timmy，我在情人節沒有約會是很正常的好嗎？

Actually, you know what?

你知道嗎？

I do have a date tonight.

我今晚的確有約會。

It's with your mom, bro! Boom!

跟你媽約會啦！

Yeah.

耶...

Ah, Valentine's Day, time for more of my friends to get engaged and let their friendship with me fall by the wayside. Yay.

情人節，讓我的朋友們都訂婚，讓他們把友誼放一邊離我而去，耶。

OMG, so happy for you.

我的天，我真替你高興。

Hey, thanks for watching.

感謝觀看。

You know, I've got more 16-personalities videos than you could shake a stick at on this channel.

在這個頻道裡，我有更多16種人格的影片。

If you wanna watch another one, click right here, or if you wanna binge the whole playlist, I got you covered right here.

如果你想去看另一部，點這裡；如果你想要狂看整個系列，那我建議你點這。

And if one of these types in the video reminded you of a friend or something, share this video with them.

如果這些影片中讓你聯想到朋友或其他人，就把影片分享給他們。

Till next time, stay cool and attractive.

下次見，保持帥氣跟迷人。