as told by Jed McKenna and his student Julie

Ego is a bird's nest -

haphazardly collected and

carelessly placed,

shaped by every bit of debris

and every breeze that has

ever passed its way.

Once you start

tearing it apart,

you'll actually find

very little to identify with -

and even less that was

consciously placed there

by you.

And even then,

you, who?

The self that takes part

in the creation and development

of self was not itself

the product of self,

but of countless non-self

agencies and events

So what is self...

really?

You can try to take control

of yourself,

try to make some sense of it,

organize it,

but all you can really do is

tidy up on the surface.

Some egos are more cluttered,

some less...

but the idea that a

true self lurks

within the clutter

is just one of the little vanities

that keeps us walking

in small, purposeful circles.

There's no such thing

as true self.

Realizing that you have no idea

who you are

is the beginning of finding out

who you are.

The idea of the

individual self -

valid and separate -

unravels very quickly

under any serious scrutiny;

all beliefs do.

What takes time and effort

is becoming the person who

chooses to put the idea

of self under such scrutiny

and making sense of what's left

after the belief is gone.

Julie's Holocaust of the Self

"Jed,

what you called the

"first step"

is nothing so innocuous

as a "step" at all,

it's a nuclear holocaust

of the self -

a personal Armageddon.

A post-apocalyptic

nightmare metaphor

feels in some respects

so accurate that

an actual post-apocalyptic nightmare

would seem like a vain pretender.

This is real -

and everything else is,

as you say,

just an image

flickering on the wall.

All I am is

a frightened little bundle

of opinions and memories

and desires.

That's all anyone is.

I'm just amazed that

everyone isn't like me -

doing what I'm doing -

ripping away their bullshit

as fast as they can.

I'm starting to see how deep

this separation runs,

how pervasive it truly is. "

Self Sabotage

Ego as a structure of confinement

is an apt analogy -

but slightly misleading;

jails wall in,

ego walls out.

A minor distinction, perhaps,

but a critical one.

Whatever's 'out there'

isn't holding us in -

we're holding "it" out.

We are our own keepers.

We can open the door

and walk out whenever we want.

Of course,

the thing one leaves isn't just

the prison of self...

but self itself.

So the freedom thus won

is something of a booby prize.

Julie may rage against

the fear that confines us

in one email, and

display a calm understanding

and respect for it in the next.

Fear looks like evil when you're

trying to escape from it,

but it looks very sensible and necessary

when you're not.

You can say fear and ignorance

are bad, and that

Maya is evil.

But that's a low-level perspective.

For this whole dualistic universe thing to work,

it's important that everyone

doesn't just go wandering off;

that they stay on stage

and play their role.

Fear is the glue that

holds the whole thing together

and keeps everyone in character.

Julie understands that,

intellectually, at least.

I was walking today,

and I was so overcome by happiness

that I had to skip...

SKIP!

I haven't skipped since I

got interested in boys~

I skipped through the woods,

and sang loud, idiot songs,

and I jumped up and down on the earth

so it knew I was here!

Tilly came bounding along with me,

leaping and yipping --

I think we bonded.

I suddenly realized that

after more than a year

of this agonizing upheaval,

I have absolutely nothing to show for it.

And that thought was just too funny!

It was like the dam had burst...

I have no wisdom,

no knowledge,

nothing to impart,

all this hell,

and I have nothing to show for it!

I have acquired nothing,

gained nothing...

how perfect!

The word "wise fool"

popped into my head right then,

and it felt perfect.

What a great word.

I've become so delightfully stupid

that I really enjoy being with myself.

I think it might be because

I don't think about things to much anymore.

I can't believe how much of my life

I've spent in thought...

think, think, think, all day long --

as if there was anything to think about!

What was I thinking?

When this is over I vow

never to think again...

disgusting habit.

Self Realization

To become an adult human,

is like being born anew

into an unimaginably different world,

and having to figure out where you are

and how everything works.

You come to see,

as Julie has,

that thought,

our primary method

for understanding life,

is really our way of

walling ourselves off from it.

We translate the world into our

our artificial language

of symbols and concepts,

in order to avoid

knowing it directly.

Self Acceptance

That's how it is, everyday,

as I uncover more of these aspects

of my former self --

some greater, some lesser.

I don't grieve for any of them

even those I held most dear,

I simply mark their passing

dry-eyed,

shell-shocked,

and move on.

The Tamed Self

When the intervening layer

of symbols and concepts is removed,

the terrain and self are seen as one,

and the rules of motion and navigation

become radically different.

This is the true but seldom realized

potential of the human being

Walt Whitman

I wandered off by myself,

in the mystical moist night air,

and from time to time,

looked up in perfect silence

at the stars.

Compiled by Lelabear

From information on the world wide web

Passages from:

Spiritually Incorrect Enlightenment by Jed McKenna

Music: Electro Bells

and Claire de Lune

Sand Art by: Ilana Yahav

and Toke-Cha performance

for Beth

As always... In Lak'ech