My car was stolen.

我的車被偷了。

I don't know if anybody's ever had their car stolen before.

我不知道以前是否有人的車被偷過。

Uh, I didn't love my car.

我並不愛我的車。

I was also not done using it.

我也沒有用完它。是的。 對。 是的。 是的。

More than like, seriously, more than anything, it was just a massive inconvenience.

不止是喜歡，真的嗎？比什麼都重要。 這只是一個巨大的不便之處。

I came out, came out of my apartment building one morning, cup of coffee.

我出來了，在一個早晨喝著咖啡走出了我的公寓樓。

It was just street parking, came over and it was just car, car, no car... no broken glass on the ground or anything.

只是路邊的停車位過來了，只是車車，沒有車，哦不，地上有碎玻璃什麼的。

And I was like, "Huh, I totally forgot where I parked my car."

我當時想，我完全忘了我把汽車刺客停在哪裡，因為你不只是默認為邪惡或任何東西。

(Inaudible) because you don't just default to evil or anything.

You just, you're like, "No, I'm an idiot, I probably forgot where I parked it," walks around the whole block chuckling to myself.

你只是，你喜歡，不，我是個白痴。我可能忘了我把車停在哪裡了，我自己繞著整個街區巧克力走了一圈。

It's gonna be so funny where I found my car - It's gonna be hilarious.

在我發現我的車很搞笑的地方，真是太搞笑了。

I make a whole loop, come back around.

我做了一個全新的，回來的時候。

I was like, "Yeah, all right, now I need to make a phone call, apparently."

我當時想，是啊，現在我顯然需要打一個電話。

And there was a part of me that thought, you know what?

而我有一部分人，認為，你知道嗎？

Maybe my car was towed because my car had been towed before.

也許我的車被拖走是因為我的車以前被拖走過。

I had some parking tickets with the city of Seattle.

我在西雅圖市有一些停車罰單。

Uh, I thought my parking tickets were decent, although according to the city, I also had several outstanding parking tickets, so not to brag, but they, uh, they don't give those out to anybody.

我認為我的停車罰單很體面，雖然根據市政府的說法，我也有幾張未付的停車罰單，所以不是吹牛，但他們，我不會把這些交給任何人。

But it also didn't quite feel like my car had been towed because normally when your car gets towed, it's because you left it somewhere you don't feel 100 percent about.

什麼，但也不太覺得我的車被拖走了，因為通常當你的車被拖走時，是因為你把它留在了某個地方。

Like, maybe you're in a big hurry to get somewhere, you get like the last spot on the curb in front of the restaurant you're going to.

你不覺得百分之百，就像也許你在一個大的匆忙的地方，你得到像你要去的餐廳前的路邊的最後一個位置。

But then like the back third of your car is hanging a little bit into the crosswalk to the point where as you're walking away, you're like, "I don't know if that's going to be there when I."

但是，就像你的車的後三分之一懸掛在人行道上，以至於當你走開時，你會覺得，我不知道那是否會在那裡。

I bet you say to your friends, "Guys, if you don't mind, I'm just gonna move my car quickly."

我打賭你會說你的朋友們，如果你不介意，我只是要快速移動我的車。

They're like, "Well, what are they going to do?"

他們就像，他們要做什麼？

"What are you gonna tow your car," and then your car gets towed, and those people disappear.

你要把你的車拖走，然後你的車被拖走，那些人就會消失。

They will not drive you to a tow yard later.

他們以後不會把你送到拖車場。

So I called the police, uh, well actually, first, I called a buddy of mine who lived about a block away whose car had been stolen a month earlier, and I was like, "Hey dude, I think my car got stolen."

所以我打電話給警察，實際上，首先，我打電話給我的一個朋友，他住在大約一個街區外，他的車在一個月前被偷了，我就說，嘿，夥計，我想我的車被偷了。

"You just went through the whole thing."

你剛剛經歷了整個事情。

"What do I do?"

我應該怎麼做？

He's like, "Oh man, it's terrible."

他說，哦，這很糟糕。

"Just call the police."

只要打電話給警察。

"They'll start walking you through it, and they'll get in touch with your insurance and everything."

他們會開始引導你，我把你的保險和一切都像，好的。

I was like, "All right."

他說，你認為他們偷了你的車？

He's like, "When do you think they stole your car?"

I was like, "I don't know, like two in the morning or so."

我當時好像，我不知道，好像是凌晨兩點左右。

He's like, "Uh, sucks, don't you wish you could have caught the people stealing your car?"

他說，很糟糕，你難道不希望你能抓住偷你車的人嗎？

"No, actually not at all."

不，實際上根本沒有。

"You've met me before."

你以前見過我。

"Like, what? What would you imagine I have done?"

比如，什麼？你能想象我做了什麼嗎？

I just would've walked out, "Hey."

我只是想走出去，嘿。

"That's not yours, hey."

是啊，是啊，是啊，那不是你的哎，哇。

Wow, they're stealing it faster now.

他們現在偷得更快了。

Alright, that really bothered them.

好吧。這真的很讓人困擾。 是的。 嗯。

So I called the Seattle Police Department.

所以我打電話給西雅圖警察局。

I said, "Uh, yes, I believe my vehicle's been stolen," and they're like, "Okay, what kind of car do you have?"

我說，是的，我相信我的車輛被偷了，他們就說，好吧，你有什麼車？

I was like, "I have a 1998 Honda civic."

比如，我有一輛1998年的本田civic。嗯。

People chuckling, they're like, "Oh, I've stolen one of those."

人們笑著說，好像我偷了其中的一個。

Do you have a Civic?

你有一輛Civic嗎？

It's a very easy car to steal.

這輛車很容易被偷。

I never realized how easy was to break into except for one time I accidentally bumped into it a little too hard, and the driver's side door open and the engine started, which I think is a design flaw.

我從來沒有意識到，除了有一次我不小心撞了一下，駕駛座的車門打開了，發動機啟動了，我認為這是一個設計缺陷。

(Inaudible) I call the police, I was like, "I have a 98 Honda Civic."

在某些時候，我打電話給警察，我當時想，我有一輛98年的本田思域。

They laughed and then they're like, "Yeah, that's gone."

他們笑了，然後他們就說，是啊，那就沒了。

"Uh, probably not gonna get the back, just get in touch with your insurance."

呃，可能不會得到背部，只是與你的保險聯繫。

So I called my insurance agency, and they started walking me through the process asking me a lot of questions about my car, about the condition it was in, to kind of determine what the value was going to be.

所以我打電話給我的保險機構，他們開始指導我的程序，問了我很多關於我的車，關於車況的問題。

And my car was not in great condition because it had gotten to a point where I've had it ever since high school, and now it was just about kind of getting from point A to point B.

它是在兩種情況下確定價值是什麼，我的車狀況不是很好，因為它已經到了一個地步，我從高中開始就有了它，現在它只是為了從A點到B點的那種。

It's not, it's not cool anymore.

這不是，這已經不酷了。

It's just your car, like it gained a personality.

這只是你的車像獲得了個性。

I don't know if anybody else named their car.

我不知道是否有其他人給他們的車命名。

I named my car.

我給我的車命名。

Uh, I named him Doug, which I know it's not a fancy kind of name, but it fits because he had one headlight that kind of looked off in another.

我給他取名道格，我知道這不是一個花哨的名字，但它很合適，因為他有一個大燈，在另一個大燈裡看起來有點不對勁。

He just gave off this "duh" kind of vibe.

他只是散發出這種氣息。

Like it was just...

就像它只是第二個。

But he had a lot of cracks and dents and scratches and things.

是的，但他有很多裂縫、凹痕和劃痕之類的東西。

Just didn't look very good.

只是看起來不是很好。

So as this woman is asking all these questions, I figured she's going to get to the end and be like, "Okay, based on our calculations, we'll be sending you a bag of gummy bears."

是以，當這個女人在問所有這些問題時，我想她會在最後說，好吧，根據我們的計算，我們會送你一袋小熊軟糖。

I didn't have high hopes.

我沒有寄予厚望。

Somehow it got to the very end, and she said, "Okay, based on our calculations, we're gonna be sending you a check for $4,200."

不知何故，它到了最後。她說，好的，根據我們的計算，我們會給你寄一張4200美元的支票。

And I said, "Yup, that sounds right."

我說，是的，這聽起來很對。

I hung up really, really fast, and I took the $4,200, combined it with my wife's sterling credit history, and together we got a new car, which was great.

我很快就掛斷了電話，我拿著4200美元和我妻子的信用記錄結合起來，我們一起得到了一輛新車，這是該故事的偉大後續。

Follow up on that story, about eight months later, I got another call from the Seattle Police Department and they said, "Hey, uh, we've, we've located your vehicle."

大約八個月後，我又接到了西雅圖警察局的電話，他們說，嘿，我們已經，我們已經找到了你的車輛。

I was like, "Yeah, that's okay."

我當時想，是的，這很好。

"I don't want you guys to go out of your way or anything."

我不希望你們不顧一切地去做什麼。

"We've all kind of moved on."

我們都有點向前看了。

He was like, no, "It was abandoned in a neighborhood."

他說，不，它被遺棄在一個街區。

"We've towed it down near the stadiums."

我們已經把它拖到體育場附近了。

"You can go down and take a look, see if you enter your personal effects are still there."

你可以下去看一看，看看你進入你的個人物品是否還在那裡。

"Also, we've been in touch with your insurance agency."

另外，我們已經和你的保險機構取得了聯繫。

"They're sending somebody down there as well."

他們也在派人去那裡。

And my first thought was, "Oh no, they're gonna want some of that money back."

我的第一個想法是，哦不，他們會想要回一些錢的。我關心的是。

I guarantee you, there's gonna be a guy walking around my car with a clipboard being like, "All right, whoa wait, wait."

會有一個人拿著夾板在我的車上走來走去 就像，好吧，哇，等等，等等。

"We paid how much for this?"

我們為這個花了多少錢？

"$4200... That was supposed to be $42."

4200元應該是42元。

"You guys, somebody moved the decimal point."

你這傢伙，有人移動了小數點。

"That headlight doesn't even look in the right direction."

那個大燈甚至沒有看對方向。