I saw my very first psychotherapy client.

我見到我第一位心理治療病患

I was a Ph.D. student in clinical psychology at Berkeley.

我當時是柏克萊大學臨床心理學博士生

She was a 26-year-old woman named Alex.

她是名叫Alex的26歲女子

Now Alex walked into her first session

Alex第一次前來會談時

wearing jeans and a big slouchy top,

穿著牛仔褲和寬大上衣

and she dropped onto the couch in my office

她一屁股坐在我辦公室的沙發上

and kicked off her flats

踢掉她的平底鞋

and told me she was there to talk about guy problems.

告訴我她想談談她和男人的問題

Now when I heard this, I was so relieved.

聽見這句話時，我感到如釋重負

My classmate got an arsonist for her first client.

因為我同學的第一位病人是個縱火犯

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And I got a twentysomething who wanted to talk about boys.

我的不過是想聊聊男人的年輕女子

This I thought I could handle.

我以為我能搞定這件事

But I didn't handle it.

事實卻不然

With the funny stories that Alex would bring to session,

聽著Alex在會談中所說的有趣故事

it was easy for me just to nod my head

對我來說十分輕鬆，只需點頭

while we kicked the can down the road.

避而不談真正的問題

"Thirty's the new 20," Alex would say,

「三十歲不就是再活一次二十歲嘛」Alex說

and as far as I could tell, she was right.

就我當時的想法，她說的沒錯

Work happened later, marriage happened later,

工作、結婚都是之後的事

kids happened later, even death happened later.

孩子是之後的事，甚至死亡也是之後的事

Twentysomethings like Alex and I had nothing but time.

像 Alex 和我這樣二十歲世代的年輕人，有的是時間

But before long, my supervisor pushed me

但不久後，指導教授催促我

to push Alex about her love life.

督促 Alex 積極面對她的戀愛關係

I pushed back.

我不以為然

I said, "Sure, she's dating down,

我說，「沒錯，她有固定約會對象」

she's sleeping with a knucklehead,

「她和一個蠢蛋上床」

but it's not like she's going to marry the guy."

「但不代表她會和那個傢伙結婚」

And then my supervisor said,

於是指導教授說

"Not yet, but she might marry the next one.

「目前是如此，但或許她會和下一個蠢蛋結婚」

Besides, the best time to work on Alex's marriage

「此外，Alex 經營婚姻的最佳時機」

is before she has one."

「就是在她結婚前」

That's what psychologists call an "Aha!" moment.

這就是心理學家所謂的「啊哈！」時刻

That was the moment I realized, 30 is not the new 20.

那一刻，我領悟到你無法等到三十歲，再重頭過二十歲的生活

Yes, people settle down later than they used to,

沒錯，人們比以往更晚成家立業

but that didn't make Alex's 20s a developmental downtime.

但不代表 Alex 的二十歲是她的發展停滯期

That made Alex's 20s a developmental sweet spot,

而是 Alex 的最佳發展時機

and we were sitting there blowing it.

我們卻坐視這段時光白白流逝

That was when I realized that this sort of benign neglect

此時我才明白善意的忽視

was a real problem, and it had real consequences,

確實是個問題，而且會有嚴重的後果

not just for Alex and her love life

不僅對 Alex 和她的愛情生活來說如此

but for the careers and the families and the futures

對所有二十歲世代年輕人的

of twentysomethings everywhere.

事業、家庭和未來亦然

There are 50 million twentysomethings

目前美國有五千萬名

in the United States right now.

二十歲世代人口

We're talking about 15 percent of the population,

大約佔總人口的15%

or 100 percent if you consider

或者說100%，如果考慮到

that no one's getting through adulthood

任何邁入成年期的人

without going through their 20s first.

都曾經歷過二十多歲這個年紀

Raise your hand if you're in your 20s.

現場二十多歲的請舉手

I really want to see some twentysomethings here.

我非常希望在現場見到二十多歲的聽眾

Oh, yay! Y'all's awesome.

太好了！你們都棒極了

If you work with twentysomethings, you love a twentysomething,

如果你和二十歲世代年輕人共事你或是你的交往對象二十多歲

you're losing sleep over twentysomethings, I want to see —

或者是你非常關心二十歲世代我想知道你們在哪－

Okay. Awesome, twentysomethings really matter.

好，棒極了二十歲的這個世代真的很重要

So I specialize in twentysomethings because I believe

因此我專門研究二十歲這個世代

that every single one of those 50 million twentysomethings

因為我認為這五千萬名二十多歲年輕人中的每一位

deserves to know what psychologists,

都該知道心理學家

sociologists, neurologists and fertility specialists

社會學家、神經學家及生育專家

already know:

都知道的事

that claiming your 20s is one of the simplest,

二十歲的這個世代是最單純

yet most transformative, things you can do

也最具可塑性的階段

for work, for love, for your happiness,

對工作、愛情和幸福來說

maybe even for the world.

也許甚至對全世界來說

This is not my opinion. These are the facts.

這並非我個人的觀點，而是事實

We know that 80 percent of life's most defining moments

我們知道，人生中 80% 最具決定性的時刻

take place by age 35.

發生於35歲前

That means that eight out of 10 of the decisions

這意味著10個中有8個

and experiences and "Aha!" moments

塑造你人生的決定、經歷

that make your life what it is

和「啊哈！」時刻

will have happened by your mid-30s.

發生於30歲中旬前

People who are over 40, don't panic.

超過40歲的人別慌

This crowd is going to be fine, I think.

我想在座的各位應該沒問題

We know that the first 10 years of a career

我們知道一份職業的最初十年

has an exponential impact

有舉足輕重的影響

on how much money you're going to earn.

對你未來的收入而言

We know that more than half of Americans

我們知道半數以上的美國人

are married or are living with or dating

30歲前結婚、同居或約會的對象

their future partner by 30.

就是你未來的終生伴侶

We know that the brain caps off its second

我們知道大腦在二十多歲這個年紀會歷經第二次

and last growth spurt in your 20s

及最後一次成長高峰

as it rewires itself for adulthood,

以轉型為成人期

which means that whatever it is you want to change about yourself,

這意味著無論你打算如何改變自己

now is the time to change it.

此刻正是最佳時機

We know that personality changes more during your 20s

我們知道性格在二十多歲這個年紀的變化

than at any other time in life,

勝於人生其他階段

and we know that female fertility peaks at age 28,

我們知道女性生育高峰期是28歲

and things get tricky after age 35.

35歲後則每況愈下

So your 20s are the time to educate yourself

因此二十年華正是瞭解自我

about your body and your options.

身體狀況及選擇的最佳時機

So when we think about child development,

因此當我們談到兒童發展

we all know that the first five years are a critical period

我們都知道最初五年是關鍵期

for language and attachment in the brain.

對大腦的語言和情感依附發展來說

It's a time when your ordinary, day-to-day life

這是日常生活

has an inordinate impact on who you will become.

對未來發展影響甚鉅的階段

But what we hear less about is that there's such a thing

但我們較少聽說的是所謂的「成人發展」

as adult development, and our 20s

二十歲的這個年紀

are that critical period of adult development.

正是成人的發展關鍵期

But this isn't what twentysomethings are hearing.

但很少有二十多歲的年輕人聽說過這件事

Newspapers talk about the changing timetable of adulthood.

報紙談論的總是成人階段的變化

Researchers call the 20s an extended adolescence.

研究人員稱二十歲世代為青春期的延續

Journalists coin silly nicknames for twentysomethings

新聞記者賦予二十歲世代一些愚蠢的綽號

like "twixters" and "kidults."

例如「啃老族」和「大孩子」

It's true.

確實如此

As a culture, we have trivialized what is actually

文化使然，我們輕忽了

the defining decade of adulthood.

成人階段的決定性十年

Leonard Bernstein said that to achieve great things,

倫納德‧伯恩斯坦（著名指揮家）說，欲達成偉大成就

you need a plan and not quite enough time.

需要一個計畫和不甚充裕的時間

Isn't that true?

事實不就是這樣嗎？

So what do you think happens

因此你認為會發生什麼事

when you pat a twentysomething on the head and you say,

當你拍著一位二十歲世代年輕人的頭說

"You have 10 extra years to start your life"?

「你的人生還有十年才開始」

Nothing happens.

什麼也不會發生

You have robbed that person of his urgency and ambition,

你剝奪了那個人的迫切感和雄心

and absolutely nothing happens.

不會發生任何結果

And then every day, smart, interesting twentysomethings

日復一日地這些聰明有趣的二十歲世代

like you or like your sons and daughters

如同你們或你們的子女

come into my office and say things like this:

前來我辦公室說類似以下的話

"I know my boyfriend's no good for me,

「我知道我男友不適合我」

but this relationship doesn't count. I'm just killing time."

「但這段感情不能當真，只是打發時間罷了」

Or they say, "Everybody says as long as I get started

或是，「每個人都說，我只要」

on a career by the time I'm 30, I'll be fine."

「在30歲前展開事業就沒問題」

But then it starts to sound like this:

但之後他們開始這麼說：

"My 20s are almost over, and I have nothing to show for myself.

「我二字頭的人生即將結束但我卻一事無成」

I had a better resume the day after I graduated from college."

「我最好從大學畢業那天就開始投履歷表」

And then it starts to sound like this:

然後他們開始這麼說：

"Dating in my 20s was like musical chairs.

「二十多歲時的約會就像玩大風吹」

Everybody was running around and having fun,

「大家四處遊蕩、樂在其中」

but then sometime around 30 it was like the music turned off

「但30歲左右音樂逐漸停止」

and everybody started sitting down.

「大家開始就座」

I didn't want to be the only one left standing up,

「我不想成為唯一站著的人」

so sometimes I think I married my husband

「因此有時我覺得和丈夫結婚」

because he was the closest chair to me at 30."

「只因為他是30歲時離我最近的椅子」

Where are the twentysomethings here?

我們當中二十幾歲的年輕人們？

Do not do that.

千萬別這麼做

Okay, now that sounds a little flip, but make no mistake,

好，聽起來像是說笑，但別誤會

the stakes are very high.

其中的風險極大

When a lot has been pushed to your 30s,

當許多事延宕到三十歲的時候

there is enormous thirtysomething pressure

將造成三十歲世代極大的壓力

to jump-start a career, pick a city, partner up,

展開事業、選擇居住地、尋找伴侶

and have two or three kids in a much shorter period of time.

在極短時間內生兩三個孩子

Many of these things are incompatible,

這些事大多無法同時兼顧

and as research is just starting to show,

如近期研究結果顯示

simply harder and more stressful to do

在三十世代同時完成這些事

all at once in our 30s.

難度和壓力將變得更大

The post-millennial midlife crisis

千禧年後的中年危機

isn't buying a red sports car.

不在於是否買輛紅色跑車

It's realizing you can't have that career you now want.

而在於意識到無法擁有目前想要的事業

It's realizing you can't have that child you now want,

在於意識到無法生出這時候所想要的孩子

or you can't give your child a sibling.

或無法替孩子生出兄弟姊妹

Too many thirtysomethings and fortysomethings

太多三十歲世代及四十歲世代的人

look at themselves, and at me, sitting across the room,

看看自己然後望著坐在房間另一頭的我

and say about their 20s,

開始談論起他們的二十歲生活

"What was I doing? What was I thinking?"

「我當時在做什麼？在想什麼？」

I want to change what twentysomethings

我希望改變二十歲世代的

are doing and thinking.

做法和想法

Here's a story about how that can go.

以下是關於如何著手的故事

It's a story about a woman named Emma.

這是關於一位名叫Emma的女子的故事

At 25, Emma came to my office

25歲時，Emma來到我辦公室

because she was, in her words, having an identity crisis.

因為她－根據她的說法－她正經歷身份危機

She said she thought she might like to work in art

她說她認為自己或許想從事藝術

or entertainment, but she hadn't decided yet,

或娛樂工作，但尚未下定決心

so she'd spent the last few years waiting tables instead.

因此過去幾年她暫時擔任餐飲服務生

Because it was cheaper, she lived with a boyfriend

為了省錢，她和男友同居

who displayed his temper more than his ambition.

他展現脾氣的能力更勝於雄心

And as hard as her 20s were,

儘管她的二十歲生活充滿艱辛

her early life had been even harder.

她之前的生活更是困難重重

She often cried in our sessions,

她經常於會談中哭泣

but then would collect herself by saying,

但恢復平靜後，她說

"You can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends."

「你無法選擇家庭，但可以選擇朋友」

Well one day, Emma comes in

某天，Emma走進辦公室

and she hangs her head in her lap,

把頭倚在膝蓋上

and she sobbed for most of the hour.

哭了將近一個小時

She'd just bought a new address book,

她剛買了一本新通訊錄

and she'd spent the morning filling in her many contacts,

她花了整個上午填寫連絡人資料

but then she'd been left staring at that empty blank

但接著她茫然地盯著

that comes after the words

以下文字後的空白

"In case of emergency, please call ... ."

「發生緊急情況時，請撥打…」

She was nearly hysterical when she looked at me and said,

她幾乎是歇斯底里地看著我說

"Who's going to be there for me if I get in a car wreck?

「如果出車禍，誰會陪在我身邊？」

Who's going to take care of me if I have cancer?"

「如果得癌症，誰會照顧我？」

Now in that moment, it took everything I had

當時，我費盡心力

not to say, "I will."

才忍住說「我會」的衝動

But what Emma needed wasn't some therapist

但 Emma 需要的並非一位

who really, really cared.

對她關懷備至的治療師

Emma needed a better life, and I knew this was her chance.

Emma 需要更好的生活我知道這是她的機會

I had learned too much since I first worked with Alex

自從治療 Alex 後，我學到很多

to just sit there while Emma's defining decade

我不會坐視 Emma 的決定性十年

went parading by.

白白流逝

So over the next weeks and months,

因此接下來幾週、幾個月中

I told Emma

我告訴 Emma

three things that every twentysomething, male or female,

三件每位二十歲世代年輕人

deserves to hear.

無論男女都該聆聽的忠告

First, I told Emma to forget about having an identity crisis

首先，我要Emma忘了她的身份危機

and get some identity capital.

累積一些身份資本

By get identity capital, I mean do something

至於累積身份資本，我指的是進行某些

that adds value to who you are.

增加自我價值的事

Do something that's an investment

進行某些投資

in who you might want to be next.

以達成理想中的自己

I didn't know the future of Emma's career,

我不知道 Emma 的工作前景

and no one knows the future of work, but I do know this:

沒人知道任何工作的前景但我確實知道這一點：

Identity capital begets identity capital.

身份資本將衍生身份資本

So now is the time for that cross-country job,

因此此時正是接受那份跨國工作

that internship, that startup you want to try.

那份實習職位和你想嘗試的創業的時機

I'm not discounting twentysomething exploration here,

我並非反對二十歲世代進行探索

but I am discounting exploration that's not supposed to count,

但我不贊同無意義的探索

which, by the way, is not exploration.

順帶一提，那並非探索

That's procrastination.

而是浪費時間

I told Emma to explore work and make it count.

我要 Emma 進行有意義的工作探索

Second, I told Emma that the urban tribe is overrated.

其次，我告訴Emma人們高估了城市部落（Urban Tribes）

Best friends are great for giving rides to the airport,

好友是載你去機場的絕佳人選

but twentysomethings who huddle together

但二十世代年輕人常聚集的對象

with like-minded peers limit who they know,

在於志同道合的同齡族群，侷限於相識者

what they know, how they think, how they speak,

彼此知道的事相似的思考模式和說話方式

and where they work.

及工作地點

That new piece of capital, that new person to date

新資本、新約會對象

almost always comes from outside the inner circle.

幾乎總是來自圈外

New things come from what are called our weak ties,

新事物來自我們所謂的弱連結

our friends of friends of friends.

例如朋友的朋友的朋友

So yes, half of twentysomethings are un- or under-employed.

因此－沒錯，半數二十多歲的人並未就業或擁有全職工作

But half aren't, and weak ties

但其中一半並非如此，弱連結正是

are how you get yourself into that group.

使你加入那個族群的方式

Half of new jobs are never posted,

半數新職位不曾公佈

so reaching out to your neighbor's boss

因此接觸鄰居的老闆

is how you get that un-posted job.

正是得到那份未公佈工作的方法

It's not cheating. It's the science of how information spreads.

這並非投機，而是資訊傳播原理

Last but not least, Emma believed that

最後，同樣重要的是，Emma 認為

you can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends.

你無法選擇家庭，但可以選擇朋友

Now this was true for her growing up,

以她的成長經歷來說確實如此

but as a twentysomething, soon Emma would pick her family

但作為一個二十多歲的年輕人 Emma 很快就得選擇自己的家庭

when she partnered with someone

當她和某人結為連理

and created a family of her own.

建立屬於自己的家庭

I told Emma the time to start picking your family is now.

我告訴 Emma 此時正是她選擇家庭的時機

Now you may be thinking that 30

你或許認為30歲是

is actually a better time to settle down

較適當的成家時機

than 20, or even 25,

相較於20歲，甚至25歲

and I agree with you.

我同意這一點

But grabbing whoever you're living with or sleeping with

但套牢某個和你同居或上床的人

when everyone on Facebook starts walking down the aisle