We could say that they are masters at being very nasty to themselves without noticing they are even being so.

可以說，他們是在不知不覺中厭惡自己，卻渾然不自知的高手。

Released from the grip of self-loathing, therefore has to start with a growing awareness of what we are doing to ourselves and what the alternatives might be.

要從自我厭惡的控制中釋放出來，必須更加意識到我們正在對自己做什麼以及替代方案可以是什麼開始。

For example, we might start to notice that no sooner has something nice happened to us, that we set about wondering when something awful will strike in revenge.

例如，我們可能開始注意到，一旦有好的事情發生在我們身上，我們就會開始琢磨什麼時候會有可怕的事情發生來報復。

That every success has to be ruined by a feeling of foreboding and guilt, that every potentially pleasant day ends up marred by panic or a sense of loss,

每一次成功都必須被一種預感和內疚感所破壞，每一個潛在愉快的日子最終都將被恐慌或失落感所破壞，

and that we spontaneously imagine that everyone must hate us and that the worst things are being said about us the moment we leave any room.

而且我們不由自主地想象每個人都恨我們，在我們離開任何房間的時候都會有人說我們最糟的壞話。

None of this looks on the surface like self-hatred.

這一切從表面上看都不像是自我憎恨。

We could just say that we have a worried mind or a regretful temperament, but it is useful to group these ideas under a singular title,

可以說，我們有一顆憂慮的心或一種遺憾的性格，但把這些想法歸入一個單一的症狀下是有用的，

in order to fully identify the direction in which they point towards the systematic destruction of any pleasure in being ourselves.

以便充分確定它們系統地破壞作為自己的任何樂趣的方向。

Which is when we think about it, a very nasty thing indeed to do to someone without realizing it.

當我們考慮到這一點時，會在不知不覺中對某人做出一件非常討厭的事情。

We are committed to throttling all of our chances at contentment at the earliest possible opportunity.

我們致力於儘早扼殺我們所有滿足的機會，

We might imagine, as an experiment, trying to be as kind as possible towards our own minds, rather than dragging in every last deformed and mean idea into the theater of consciousness.

我們會想象，作為一個實驗，儘量對我們自己的頭腦友好，而不是把每一個畸形和卑鄙的想法拖進意識中。

We could dare to be vigilant about only presenting our minds with the very kindest and most reassuring ideas.

我們可以敢於警惕，只向我們的頭腦提出非常善良和最令人放心的想法。

The moment we left a room, we might be ruthless in preventing thoughts about our unacceptability from manifesting themselves in the usual way.

在我們離開腦中房間的那一刻，我們可能會無情地阻擋關於我們不被接受的想法以普遍的方式表現出來，

They might be begging to be let in and claiming all sorts of reasons why they should be so.

它們可能會乞求進入腦中，並聲稱有各種理由表明它們應該如此。

But for once we could give them a firm no.

但這一次我們可以給它們一個堅定的拒絕。

If they kept trying to make their way into our minds, we might put on a piece of music or do some gardening, anything other than allow destructive concepts to have their normal rule over us.

如果它們一直試圖進入我們的頭腦，可以放一段音樂或做一些園藝，任何不會讓破壞性的想法像平常那樣控制我們的事。

Where does this unconscious impulse to be unkind to ourselves come from?

這種不自覺地對自己不友好的衝動來自哪裡？

How is the choice to torture ourselves made?

拷問自己的選擇是如何做出的？

We can hazard another generalization.

我們可以大膽地進行另一種歸納。

The way we treat ourselves is an internalization of the way others once treated us, either directly in the sense of how they spoke to us, or indirectly, in the sense of how they behaved around us,

我們對待自己的方式是別人曾經對待我們的方式的內化，要麼直接體現在他們如何對我們說話，要麼間接體現在他們在我們周圍的行為方式，

which could have included ignoring us, or openly displaying a preference for someone else.

這可能包括忽視我們，或者公開表現出對別人的偏愛。

To get a measure of where we stand on the spectrum of self love.

衡量一下我們在自愛光譜上的位置。

We need only ask ourselves a very simple question that we have nevertheless ignored for far too long.

我們只需要問自己一個非常簡單，但我們已經長時間忽略的問題。

"How much do I like myself?" if the answer immediately and intuitively comes back that we feel loathsome.

「我有多喜歡自己？」如果立即直覺地回答說我們感到厭惡，

There's a history that we urgently need to consider and are conveniently for our self torturing minds, choosing to ignore the contempt we habitually show ourselves is in neither way fair nor right.

有一段歷史是我們迫切需要考慮的，也是方便我們自我折磨的頭腦，選擇忽視我們習慣性地對自己的蔑視，既不公平也不正確。

We should spot the oddity, impartiality of treating ourselves with a viciousness we wouldn't accord to our worst enemies.

我們應該發現對待自己的怪癖，不偏不倚的狠勁。我們不會給我們最壞的敵人提供幫助。

People who commit suicide aren't those for whom a few things have gone very wrong.

自殺的人並不是那些有幾件事情出了很大問題的人。

They are people who have encountered some otherwise survivable reversals against a background of fierce self-hatred.

他們是在激烈的自我憎恨的背景下遇到一些本來可以生存的逆轉的人。

It is the self-hatred that will end up killing them, not the apparent subjects of their panic and sorrow.

最終殺死他們的是自我憎恨，而不是像以往一樣，他們恐慌和悲傷的表面主體。

As ever, salvation comes through self awareness.

救贖是通過自我意識來實現的。

There is nothing inevitable about self-hatred.

自我憎恨沒有什麼不可避免的。

We are treating ourselves unkindly because people were in the past not especially kind to us, and we are being touchingly yet dangerously loyal to their philosophies of derision.

我們對自己不友善，因為過去人們對我們不是特別友善，而我們對他們的嘲笑哲學的忠誠令人感動，但卻很危險。

But if we are to stay alive, we need radically to redraw our moral code and return to kindness, the prestige that it should always have had.

但是，如果我們要保持活力，我們需要從根本上重新制定我們的道德準則，恢復仁慈，恢復它應該一直擁有的威信。

We have learned far too much about a lack of mercy, about panic, about self suspicion and finding oneself pitiful.

我們已經學到了太多關於缺乏憐憫，關於恐慌，關於自我懷疑和發現自己的可憐。

Now we need to rediscover the virtues of forgiveness, mercy, calm and gentleness.

現在我們需要重新發現寬恕、憐憫、平靜和溫柔的美德。

And when we panic and feel intensely anxious about the future, we need to remember that we are in essence worrying about our fundamental legitimacy and love ability.

而當我們對未來感到恐慌和強烈的焦慮時，我們需要記住，我們在本質上是在擔心我們的基本合法性和愛的能力。

Our survival depends on a swift mastery of the art of self compassion.

我們的生存取決於迅速掌握自我憐憫的藝術。

Our online shop has a range of books and gifts that address the most important and often neglected areas of life, click now to learn more.

我們的網上商店有一系列的書籍和禮品，涉及生活中最重要和經常被忽視的領域，現在點擊瞭解更多。