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    記錄員:

  • I am unabashedly a daddy's girl.

    我是一個不折不扣的爸爸的女孩。

  • My daddy is the first person to have told me that I was beautiful.

    我的爸爸是第一個告訴我,我很美的人。

  • He often told me that he loved me,

    他經常跟我說,他愛我。

  • and he was one of my favorite people in the entire world,

    他是我最喜歡的人之一 在整個世界。

  • which was why it was really challenging

    這就是為什麼它是真正的挑戰

  • to discover that we had a deep ideological divide

    發現我們的思想分歧很大

  • that was so sincere and so deep

    情真意切

  • that caused me to not talk to him for 10 years.

    導致我10年都沒有和他說話。

  • Before the term was coined,

    在這個詞被創造出來之前。

  • I canceled my father.

    我取消了我的父親。

  • In the last few years,

    在過去的幾年裡。

  • cancel culture has of course come into great prominence.

    當然,取消文化已經非常突出。

  • It's existed throughout time,

    從古至今都是存在的。

  • but cancel culture in the bigger society

    但在大社會中取消文化

  • is when a person in prominence says or does something

    是指當紅人物說的話或做的事。

  • that we, the people, disagree with,

    我們,人民,不同意的。

  • and the decision is made to make them persona non grata.

    並決定讓他們成為不受歡迎的人。

  • They are done.

    他們已經完成了。

  • They are not to be revered.

    他們是不應該被尊敬的。

  • They are not to be a part of our world anymore.

    他們不再是我們世界的一部分。

  • And that is in the public realm.

    而這是在公共領域。

  • I'm going to talk to you today about the private realm.

    我今天要和大家談談私人領域的問題。

  • When we choose to cancel the people in our circle,

    當我們選擇取消圈子裡的人。

  • the people in our core,

    我們核心的人。

  • the people who love us and who we love,

    愛我們的人和我們愛的人。

  • and it has been mutually beneficial,

    而且是互惠互利的。

  • but due to a deep and sincere ideological divide,

    但由於思想上的深刻而真誠的分歧。

  • we make the decision to cancel them out of our lives.

    我們決定將它們從我們的生活中取消。

  • I want to suggest that cancel culture needs to change,

    我想建議,取消文化需要改變。

  • and instead we need to move to compassion culture.

    而我們則需要向慈悲文化發展。

  • But before I go there,

    但在我去那裡之前。

  • let me tell you two of the premises that exist

    讓我告訴你兩個存在的前提是什麼

  • when we indulge in cancel culture.

    當我們沉迷於取消文化。

  • One, we have to believe that we're right.

    一、我們要相信自己是對的。

  • A hundred percent,

    百分之百。

  • no possibility of being wrong.

    沒有錯的可能。

  • And two, the other person,

    二是對方。

  • the person we're going to cancel,

    我們要取消的人。

  • clearly does not have the ability

    顯然沒有能力

  • to change, to grow, to develop.

    改變、成長、發展。

  • Obviously, both of these are problematic

    顯然,這兩點都是有問題的。

  • because sometimes we're not right.

    因為有時候我們不對

  • I don't know about you, but there have been times in my life

    我不知道你怎麼想的,但在我的生活中也有過這樣的時候

  • when I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was right

    當我毫無疑問地知道我是對的時候。

  • only to discover that I was wrong,

    才發現自己錯了。

  • badly wrong, completely missed the mark.

    錯得很厲害,完全沒有達到目的。

  • So if it could happen to me and perhaps it's happened to you,

    所以,如果它能發生在我身上,也許它已經發生在你身上。

  • perhaps it could happen to others.

    也許會發生在其他人身上。

  • The second is a little even more challenging

    第二種更有挑戰性

  • because I know that I've changed over the years.

    因為我知道,這些年我已經變了。

  • Haven't we all?

    我們不都是嗎?

  • Though the core parts of Betty have pretty much stayed the same,

    雖然貝蒂的核心部分幾乎沒有變化。

  • there have been key elements that have changed drastically.

    有一些關鍵因素已經發生了巨大的變化。

  • The Betty of eight years old was not the same as the Betty of 18,

    8歲的貝蒂和18歲的貝蒂不一樣。

  • which was not the same as 28, which was not the same as 38.

    其中與28不一樣的是,與38不一樣的是。

  • I've changed.

    我已經改變了。

  • And if I'm able to change,

    而如果我能夠改變。

  • shouldn't I extend grace to believe that others can change too?

    我是不是應該廣施恩惠,相信別人也能改變?

  • So what should we do?

    那麼我們應該怎麼做呢?

  • Instead of canceling people, we should use the tool called compassion.

    與其取消人,不如用慈悲這個工具。

  • I find the definition of compassion is a fascinating one.

    我覺得同情心的定義很有魅力。

  • And it's not one that I hear people talk about.

    而這並不是我聽到人們談論的。

  • Compassion means to suffer with someone.

    惻隱之心是指與人同甘共苦。

  • To suffer alongside them.

    與他們同甘共苦。

  • Imagine.

    想象一下

  • When someone, say, Grandpa,

    當有人,說,爺爺。

  • says that thing that's caused you to decide

    說,那件事情,使你決定。

  • he's no longer invited to Thanksgiving,

    他不再被邀請參加感恩節了。

  • what if instead we chose to suffer alongside him?

    如果我們選擇和他一起受苦呢?

  • We decided that our love was so big, so deep, so strong

    我們決定,我們的愛是如此之大,如此之深,如此之強。

  • that we were willing to suffer,

    我們願意吃苦。

  • even when it could be potentially painful.

    即使它可能是潛在的痛苦。

  • Now let's be clear.

    現在讓我們說清楚。

  • I am not denying anyone's right to cancel anyone else.

    我沒有剝奪任何人取消別人的權利。

  • What I'm suggesting is that maybe that's not the best way.

    我的建議是,也許這不是最好的辦法。

  • When we think about the situation with Grandpa at Thanksgiving,

    當我們想到感恩節時與爺爺的情況。

  • if we choose to cancel him,

    如果我們選擇取消他。

  • we are no longer in proximity to him.

    我們已經不在靠近他了。

  • Not only do we not get to hear his point of view,

    我們不僅聽不到他的觀點。

  • we don't get to share ours.

    我們沒有得到分享我們的。

  • What if we're the only person,

    如果我們是唯一的人呢。

  • because of our deep connection and love and affection for our grandfather --

    因為我們對祖父的深情厚誼和愛意 -- --

  • and substitute anyone you choose.

    並代替你選擇的任何人。

  • What if we're the ones to plant seeds of change,

    如果我們是播下改變的種子呢。

  • seeds of influence,

    影響力的種子。

  • seeds of difference.

    差異的種子。

  • Now, to be fair,

    現在,為了公平起見,

  • I cannot promise you that just because you plant the seed,

    我不能因為你種下種子就答應你。

  • that it will get water,

    它將得到水。

  • that it'll get any sunlight or even a little fertilizer.

    它能得到任何陽光甚至一點肥料。

  • But what I can tell you is that if you don't plant it,

    但我可以告訴你的是,如果你不種。

  • who will?

    誰來

  • I find it interesting,

    我覺得很有趣。

  • this idea of suffering alongside someone.

    這種與人共患難的想法。

  • It means that we are choosing to value the totality of the person

    這意味著我們選擇重視人的整體性。

  • rather than one particular aspect,

    而不是某一方面。

  • like a framework or a mindset or a belief system.

    就像一個框架或一種思維方式或一種信仰體系。

  • We're choosing to believe that the entire person is more valuable

    我們選擇相信,整個人更有價值。

  • than any of the individual parts.

    比任何一個單獨的部分。

  • And I found an amazing duo who demonstrated this beautifully.

    而我發現了一個神奇的二人組,他們很好地演示了這一點。

  • Perhaps you've heard of them.

    也許你已經聽說過他們。

  • The late justices

    已故大法官

  • Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Antonin Scalia

    露絲-巴德-金斯伯格和安東寧-斯卡利亞

  • were close, close friends.

    是親密無間的好友。

  • And they were completely divided in terms of belief systems.

    而且他們在信仰體系上是完全分裂的。

  • In fact, Antonin Scalia once said,

    事實上,安東寧-斯卡利亞曾經說過:

  • "What's not to like, other than her thoughts on the law."

    "除了她對法律的想法,還有什麼不喜歡的呢?"

  • He believed she was wrong.

    他相信她是錯的。

  • She believed he was wrong.

    她相信他是錯的。

  • They did not shift in that point of view whatsoever.

    他們在這個觀點上沒有任何轉變。

  • And yet they had tea together every week,

    然而他們每週都會一起喝茶。

  • and every New Year's Eve,

    和每年的除夕夜。

  • they spent it together with their families.

    他們和家人一起度過。

  • They went on family vacations together.

    他們一起去參加家庭度假。

  • They chose to suffer with each other rather

    他們選擇了同甘共苦,而不是

  • than to cancel each other.

    比互相取消。

  • Their love and respect for each other

    他們對彼此的愛和尊重

  • continued to grow,

    繼續增長。

  • even though they never saw eye to eye.

    儘管他們從未見過面。

  • I imagine that curiosity might be a part of that.

    我想,好奇心可能是其中的一部分。

  • That if we choose to be curious about that which is different,

    那如果我們選擇對那不同的東西感到好奇。

  • we might discover something along the way.

    我們可能會發現一些東西在路上。

  • After all, if we are who we are because of our lived experiences,

    畢竟,如果我們是因為我們的生活經歷而成為我們的人。

  • isn't that true for someone else?

    是不是別人的真實情況?

  • And have we ever decided to use that tool of empathy,

    而我們有沒有決定使用這種共情的工具。

  • of walking a mile or so in someone else's shoes

    代步的感覺

  • to really discover the context for why they believe what they believe?

    來真正發現他們為什麼相信他們所相信的背景?

  • Now, by now you're probably saying,

    現在,你可能會說:

  • "Yeah, OK, Betty, this sounds good.

    "對,好的,貝蒂,這聽起來不錯。

  • But what about you?

    但你呢?

  • What about you and your dad?"

    那你和你爸爸呢?"

  • It's a fair question.

    這是一個公平的問題。

  • After 10 years of not talking to my dad,

    在10年不和我爸說話之後。

  • I picked up the phone one day, called him and said,

    有一天,我拿起電話,打給他說。

  • "I bet if it were up to you,

    "我敢打賭,如果由你來決定。

  • you'd probably go back in time and change some things.

    你可能會回到過去,改變一些事情。

  • I know I would.

    我知道我會的

  • But since we can't,

    但既然我們不能。

  • how about we start again?"

    我們重新開始怎麼樣?"

  • And he said,

    他說:

  • "Yes, because I love you.

    "是的,因為我愛你。

  • I always have. And I always will."

    我一直都有。我也會一直如此。"

  • I am so grateful that I made that call

    我很感激我打了那個電話

  • because there was no way for me to know

    因為我沒有辦法知道

  • that a few years later my dad would develop Alzheimer's.

    幾年後,我爸爸就會患上老年痴呆症。

  • And a few years after that he would die.

    而幾年後,他就會死去。

  • And we never saw eye to eye about the thing that divided us,

    而我們從來沒有就我們之間的分歧之事達成共識。

  • ever.

    曾經。

  • But our love continued.

    但我們的愛情還在繼續。

  • It continued through those 10 years when we didn't speak

    在那10年裡,我們沒有說話,一直持續著

  • and it continued in the six years after.

    並在此後的6年時間裡繼續。

  • So I am encouraging us to become a society of people

    所以我鼓勵我們成為一個人的社會。

  • that choose compassion over canceling.

    選擇同情心而不是取消的。

  • I'm asking us to consider

    我要求我們考慮

  • that curiosity might be a better practice.

    好奇心可能是一種更好的做法。

  • That we might choose empathy,

    我們可以選擇同理心。

  • that we might choose to have a love that is so deep, so wide,

    讓我們可以選擇擁有一份如此深沉、如此寬廣的愛。

  • so strong that it can surpass differences.

    強大到可以超越差異。

  • Why are we so scared of differences anyway?

    為什麼我們還是那麼害怕差異呢?

  • I also want us to be a people that plant seeds,

    我也希望我們是一個播種的民族。

  • seeds of change, seeds of influence,

    改變的種子,影響的種子。

  • seeds of diversity.

    多樣性的種子。

  • Again, I cannot promise to you or anyone else

    同樣,我也不能向你或其他人保證。

  • that planting that seed is going to make a difference.

    種下那顆種子就會有所改變。

  • But what if it does?

    但如果真的如此呢?

  • I am the sum of who I am

    我是我的總和

  • because of everything that I've been exposed to.

    因為我所接觸的一切。

  • My mind has changed over the years

    這些年來,我的思想發生了變化

  • and grown because of the people in my life who planted seeds in me,

    並因為我生命中的人在我身上種下的種子而成長。

  • some that I saw and some that I didn't.

    有些我看到了,有些我沒有看到。

  • So wouldn't it be great

    那不是很好嗎?

  • if instead of having a cancel culture

    如果不是有取消文化

  • we create a compassion culture

    我們創造了一種慈悲文化

  • where we are willing to suffer alongside the ones we love,

    在那裡我們願意和我們所愛的人一起受苦。

  • because we love them.

    因為我們愛他們。

  • And can't we become a community that plants seeds?

    而我們是不是可以成為一個播種的社會?

  • After all, if we don't, who will?

    畢竟,如果我們不這樣做,誰會?

  • Thank you.

    謝謝你了

Transcriber:

記錄員:

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同情心如何拯救你緊張的人際關係|Betty Hart (How compassion could save your strained relationships | Betty Hart)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 03 月 27 日
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