when I catch up on some personal stuff.

當我趕上了一些個人的東西。

You know, I check my inbox, I return some e-mails,

你知道，我檢查我的收件箱，我回一些郵件。

and I, of course, send out thank-you notes.

當然，我也會發感謝信。

[ Cheers and applause ]

[歡呼聲和掌聲]

-Wow. -Feels good to hear applause.

-哇哦-聽到掌聲的感覺真好。

We haven't heard that in a year. That's amazing.

我們已經一年沒聽到這個消息了。這真是太神奇了

-Wow! -Thank you, guys.

-哇！-謝謝你們，夥計們

[ Cheers and applause ]

[歡呼聲和掌聲]

I was running a bit behind today.

今天我的進度有點落後。

-Really? -Yeah.

-真的嗎？真的？ - 是的

So I was getting -- -Why's that?

所以我得到了... -為什麼？

-Well, remember all those tattoos I got removed?

-還記得我去掉的那些紋身嗎？

-Yeah. -I'm reapplying them.

-是的 我正在重新應用它們。

-Are you serious? -Yeah, I second-guessed it.

-你是認真的嗎？-是的，我猜到了。

-Really? -Yeah.

-真的嗎？真的？ - 是的

So I spent all day doing that.

所以我花了一整天的時間來做這件事。

And I forgot to write out my thank-you notes.

而且我忘了寫出我的感謝信。

So I was just wondering, can I write it out right now?

所以我就在想，我現在可以寫出來嗎？

Do you guys mind? [ Cheers and applause ]

你們介意嗎？[歡呼聲和掌聲]

I appreciate that.

我很感激

James, can I get some thank you note writing music, please?

詹姆斯，能不能給我一些寫感謝信的音樂？

♪♪

♪♪

-Okay. -Wow.

-好吧

-He's just Zooming in. That's not even James.

-他只是在放大那甚至不是詹姆斯。

-Wow. -I think his picture froze.

-哇哦-我想他的照片被凍結了

-He looks great. [ Laughter ]

-他看起來棒極了。他看起來很好。 [笑]

-You know it feels good to be here for this.

-你知道來這裡的感覺很好。

-What's that? [ Music stops ]

-那是什麼？[音樂停止]

[ Laughter ] -I haven't been here all year.

我一整年都沒有來過這裡。

This is the first time in a year I've seen you --

這是一年來我第一次見到你... ...

-Yeah, you were waiting, and I was about to do it.

-是的，你在等著，而我正準備這麼做。

-You guys are working. I had to be at home,

-你們在工作我必須在家。

hanging out. -Yep, I understood.

掛出。-是的，我明白了

-Goofing off. -But then here it is.

-傻乎乎的.-但後來就到了

-But you guys held the fort down, yeah.

-但你們守住了堡壘，是的。

Glad it's here. -Wow.

很高興它在這裡。-哇。

-Just, thank you. I love you.

-只是，謝謝你。只是，謝謝你。 我愛你。

I'm glad I'm here. That's all.

我很高興我在這裡。就這樣吧

-All right, man. You know what?

-好吧，夥計。好吧，夥計 - 你知道嗎？

[ Applause ]

[掌聲]

It's all about timing, you know? -Yeah, it is.

這是所有關於時機的問題，你知道嗎？-是的，是這樣的

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

'Cause my heart, just -- You know what I mean?

因為我的心，只是... 你知道我的意思嗎？

It's, like -- It feels good to see you.

就像... ... 見到你感覺很好。

It feels good to see The Roots. Feels good to see an audience.

看到 "根 "樂隊感覺很好看到觀眾的感覺真好

-Yeah, yeah, yeah. [ Cheers and applause ]

-是啊，是啊，是啊。[歡呼聲和掌聲]

-Go ahead. I can't wait to hear these.

-說吧我等不及要聽這些了

-Feels good to see you.

-很高興見到你

-Yeah, I can't wait to hear these.

-是的，我等不及要聽這些了。

-You can't wait, yeah. It's about to happen.

-你不能等待，是的。你不能再等了，是的。 它即將發生。

-Well, I love them. They're my favorite part of the show.

-我喜歡他們他們是我最喜歡的部分的節目。

-Yeah. Well, here it is, right here for you.

-好的好了，在這裡，就在這裡給你。

♪♪ -I also love --

我也愛...

[ Laughter ] -Many things --

[笑] -很多事情 --

There's many things that we could do.

有很多事情我們可以做。

-I love many things. But go ahead, you go ahead.

-我喜歡很多東西但你去吧，你去吧。

-I just want to talk to the control room,

-我只想和控制室談談。

see if we can turn your microphone off.

看看我們是否可以把你的麥克風關閉。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

They said yes.

他們說是。

-[ Imitating mic cutting out ] I --o --ove it.

-[模仿麥克風切出] 我 - -o --

-All right. [ Laughter ]

-好吧。[笑聲]

-My mic wasn't... [ Laughter ]

-我的麥克風不是...[笑聲]

-I was doing a bit. I was doing a bit.

-我是做了一點。我是做了一點。

I was doing a bit, pretending my mic was cut.

我當時做了一下，假裝我的話筒被剪了。

'Cause, you know what the most important thing --

因為，你知道什麼是最重要的事情... ...

This is the only -- This is the last thing I'm gonna do.

這是唯一... 這是我最後要做的事情。

This is the lesson I learned through all of this

這是我從這些事情中得到的教訓。

whole horrible, all of the stuff,

整個可怕的，所有的東西。

all the horrible things were happening,

所有可怕的事情都在發生。

the people -- the best to me.

人 -- 對我來說是最好的。

That's all. -Your mic cut out.

就這樣吧-你的麥克風被切斷了

That was a beautiful thing you just said.

你剛才說的真漂亮。

-Yeah, go ahead. I'm good.

-是的，去吧是啊，去吧。 我很好。

-Oh, that was -- I wish we had the microphone on.

-哦，那是... ... 我希望我們有麥克風。

-Oh, what's that? [ Laughter ]

-哦，那是什麼？[笑聲]

♪♪

♪♪

-Thank you, Biden's press conference,

-謝謝你，拜登的新聞發佈會。

for feeling like going to a Yanni concert

因為我想去看甄妮的演唱會

after four years of listening to Slipknot.

在聽了四年的Slipknot之後。

[ Laughter and applause ]

[笑聲和掌聲]

-Oh. -I like Yanni.

-哦-我喜歡Yanni.

-Come on.

-來吧

♪♪

♪♪

-Thank you, "Godzilla vs. Kong," for giving vaccinated couples

-謝謝你，"哥斯拉與金剛"，給了接種疫苗的夫婦們

the ultimate reason to go out,

出去的最終原因。

watching two hours of a different couple fighting.

看了兩個小時的不同的夫婦戰鬥。

[ Applause ]

[掌聲]

"It's not us!" -"Not us, baby."

"這不是我們！"-"不是我們，寶貝。"

-"It's not us. That's all that matters."

-"這不是我們的問題。那才是最重要的。"

♪♪

♪♪

Thank you, giant ship blocking the Suez Canal,

謝謝你，巨輪擋住了蘇伊士運河。

for causing flashbacks for anyone that's had

導致回想任何人，有

to move a couch into a New York City apartment.

把一張沙發搬到紐約市的公寓裡。

[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]

[笑聲，歡呼聲，掌聲]

You know what I'm talking about.

你知道我在說什麼

-My fingers. -"What if we move it this way?"

-我的手指-"如果我們把它移到這邊來呢？"

-"Flip it like an L! Flip it like an L!"

-"像L一樣翻轉！像L一樣翻轉！"

♪♪

♪♪

-Thank you, Pepsi's new Peeps-flavored soda,

-謝謝你，百事可樂新推出的Peeps味汽水。

for turning "Is Pepsi okay?"

因為把 "百事可樂好嗎？"

into, "No, seriously, is Pepsi, like, okay?"

成，"不，說真的，是百事可樂，喜歡，好嗎？"

[ Laughter and applause ]

[笑聲和掌聲]

-Mmm. Yellow can.

-嗯黃罐。

-Did you get that? -I got it.

-你拿到了嗎？-我明白了

-What'd you think? Okay.

-你覺得呢？你覺得呢？

-Eh... [ Laughter ]

-嗯... [笑]

-Never mind. -Eh...

-沒關係-嗯...

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-They can't all be winners. You know what I mean?

-他們不可能都是贏家。你知道我的意思嗎？

-You talking about the jokes or the soda?

-你說的是笑話還是蘇打水？

-Everything.

-所有的事情。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

If everybody's a winner --

如果每個人都是贏家...

Somebody's gotta watch the parade.

總得有人去看遊行

That's all I'm saying. You know what I mean?

這就是我要說的。你明白我的意思嗎？

Every joke can't be a winner. Every soda can't be a winner.

每個笑話都不可能是贏家。每一杯蘇打水都不可能是贏家。

Go ahead. [ Laughter ]

來吧。[笑聲]

-That joke was pretty good. -Yeah, I loved it.

-這個笑話很不錯-是的，我喜歡

-Is it your favorite? -I'm just saying,

-這是你最喜歡的嗎？-我只是說說而已

as a general note, all things can't win.

俗話說，萬物不勝寒。

Somebody's got to be number two. You know what I'm saying?

總得有人當二號人物你知道我在說什麼嗎？

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-Why would you point to me when you said "number two"?

-為什麼你說 "二號 "的時候要指著我？

-No reason. [ Laughter ]

-沒有理由。[笑聲]

-I don't want to point any fingers, but, uh...

-我不想指責別人，但是... ...

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-You have three pointing back at you.

-有三個人指著你。

-Every finger's pointing at me. -You have 10 fingers?

-每個手指都在指著我.-你有10根手指？

-Wow. -Two thumbs.

-哇哦-兩根大拇指

-Two thumbs.

-兩根大拇指。

♪♪

♪♪

-Thank you, Joe Biden supporting universal pre-k,

-謝謝你，喬-拜登支持普及學前教育。

although I'm pretty sure it's just so that

雖然我敢肯定，這只是為了使

you'll have somewhere to leave Pete Buttiegieg

你會有地方離開皮特-布提格格的

between 9:00 and 3:00.

9點到3點之間。

[ Applause ]

[掌聲]

He's young. -He's just a young man.

他還年輕-他只是個年輕人

-He's a young man. -He's a young man.

-他是個年輕人-他是個年輕人

-Don't judge. -Come on.

-別評頭論足-來吧

♪♪

♪♪

Thank you, spring, for introducing us all

謝謝你，春天，為我們大家介紹

to the fun new game, allergies or COVID?

到有趣的新遊戲，過敏或COVID？

[ Laughter and applause ]

[笑聲和掌聲]

-"That's it -- I got it!" -"I got COVID.

-"就是這樣--我拿到了！"-"我拿到了COVID。

What do I do?" -"Scratchy throat, yes."

我該怎麼辦？"-"抓喉嚨，是的。"

-Don't go to WebMD!

-不要去WebMD！

Oh, my gosh, I'm gonna die.

哦，我的天哪，我要死了。

♪♪

♪♪

Thank you, spring cleaning. I can't wait to clean my house

謝謝你，春季大掃除。我已經迫不及待地想打掃房子了

and wipe down every surface after spending a full year

擦拭每一個表面，用了一整年的時間

cleaning my house and wiping down every surface.

清潔我的房子，擦拭每一個表面。

[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]

[笑聲，歡呼聲，掌聲]

Oh, dude, you can do your best impression.

哦，夥計，你可以做你最好的印象。

-Oh, yeah. [ Imitating spray bottle ]

-哦，是的。[模仿噴霧瓶]

-A Windex bottle. -Ready? Do it.

-一瓶Windex.-準備好了嗎？準備好了嗎？

-Ready?

-準備好了嗎？

-[ Imitating spray bottle ]

-[仿製噴霧瓶]

[ Imitating window squeaking ]

[模仿窗戶吱吱作響]

[ Imitating spray bottle ]

[仿製噴霧瓶]

[ Imitating window squeaking ]

[模仿窗戶吱吱作響]

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

[ Imitating birds chirping ]

[模仿鳥兒的叫聲]

[ Imitating gunshot ]

[模仿槍聲]

[ Imitating bird falling ]

[模仿鳥落]

Pbht!

Pbht!

[ Laughter ] -Man...

[笑聲] 男人...

-It's been a while. -Yeah, well...

-好久不見了.-是啊，嗯...

-Steve Higgins, everybody. -It's been a while!

史蒂夫-希金斯，各位-好久不見！

Come on! We're back!

來吧，我們回來了！我們回來了！

-For your consideration, Emmy voters.

-艾美獎的選民們，請你們考慮一下。

[ Laughter ] Right?

[笑聲] 對嗎？

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-Any voters. -Any voters.

-任何選民-任何選民。

♪♪

♪♪

Thank you, firing up the grill the first time this season,

謝謝你，這個季節第一次開烤爐。

for reminding me that I meant to clean the grill last September.

提醒我去年9月就想清洗烤架了。

[ Applause ]

[掌聲]

"Eh, it'll burn off."

"恩，會燒掉的。"

"That makes it taste better."

"這樣味道會更好。"

-"You need the grill, you need the soot,

-"你需要烤架，你需要菸灰。

you need the grease."

你需要油脂。"

-"That makes the burger taste better."

-"這讓漢堡的味道更好。"

-"Without it, it's just propane."

-"沒有它，它只是丙烷。"

-"That's like eating -- I'd rather eat nothing."

-"這就像吃飯一樣，我寧願什麼都不吃。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

"I'd rather starve myself." -"I'd rather starve myself

"我寧願餓死自己。"-"我寧願餓死自己

than eat off a -- A guy who eats off

比吃了 - 一個人誰吃了 -

a clean grill --" -"Is a real idiot."

一個乾淨的烤架--"-"是一個真正的白痴。"

-"Yeah. Is no good in my book.

-"是啊，在我的書裡是不好的。

Might as well kick him in the cojones."

還不如踢他的肋骨。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-"That's what I would do. If someone tried to cook me

-"我也會這麼做。如果有人想煮我

a clean burger on a clean grill..."

一個乾淨的漢堡在一個乾淨的烤架上..."

-"Right." -"I'd kick that person

-"對"-"我會踢那個人

in the cojones."

在cojones。"

-"It's the only logical thing to do!"

-"這是唯一合乎邏輯的事情！"

-"Exactly." -"You got logic on your side.

-"沒錯。"- "你有邏輯在你這邊。

You got mathematics, you got logic,

你有數學，你有邏輯。

you got everything on your side

左右逢源

telling you you're in the right."

告訴你，你是在正確的。"

-"I'm so happy you're my neighbor."

-"我很高興你是我的鄰居。"

-"Me too! I'm so glad we live in this --

-"我也是！我很高興我們生活在這個...我很高興我們生活在這個------。

in this shipping container in the back of the Walmart.

在沃爾瑪後面的這個貨櫃裡。

I love it." -I think it's --

我喜歡它。"-我想這是...

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-It's been a year! Come on, man.

-已經一年了！來吧，夥計。

Little rusty. -Little rusty.

小生鏽。-有點生鏽了

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

♪♪

♪♪

-Thank you, matzah, or as I call you, swole saltines.

-謝謝你，馬紮，或者我叫你 "swole saltines".

There you have it, everybody! Those are my thank-you notes!

大家都有了吧!這是我的感謝信!