-[ Cheers and applause ] -What a crowd.

-好多人啊！

-That's fantastic. -It feels great.

-那真是太棒了-感覺很好

Welcome to "The Tonight Show."

歡迎來到 "今夜秀"。

Well, guys, this is very exciting.

嗯，夥計們，這是非常令人興奮的。

Today, New York lowered the COVID vaccine eligibility

今天，紐約降低了COVID疫苗的接種資格。

to 50 years old.

至50歲。

[ Cheers and applause ]

[歡呼聲和掌聲]

So good news -- now every New York City hot dog

好消息是... 現在每個紐約市的熱狗...

can get the vaccine.

可以接種疫苗。

-Aww.

-啊

-Yep, New Yorkers will do anything to get vaccinated.

-是的，紐約人為了接種疫苗不擇手段。

This morning, I saw Times Square Elmo getting gray streaks.

今天早上，我看到時代廣場的Elmo有了灰色的條紋。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

He was wearing a mask.

他戴著面具。

-Yeah, that's true. -Yeah. Technically.

-是的，那是真的-是的，這是真的。技術上來說.

Dropping the age requirement to 50 is super-exciting

將年齡要求降至50歲，超級激動人心啊

until you go for your shot and no one checks your ID.

直到你去打針，沒有人檢查你的身份。

It's like -- "Don't you want to see proof?"

這就像... "你不想看證據嗎？"

It's like, "No. You're -- You're fine."

就像，"不，你...你很好"

My mom would do that all the time.

我媽媽經常這樣做。

Like, "I got my ID checked today at the store."

比如說，"我今天在店裡檢查了我的身份證"

I go, "They didn't think you were 21 years old?"

我說："他們沒有想到你才21歲？"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

She really did do that. Oh, gosh.

她真的做到了。哦，天哪。

Honestly, this really means that everyone's eligible

說實話，這真的是人人都有資格參加了

'cause, after the last year, even kids look 50.

"因為，經過去年，連孩子們都看起來50歲了。

[Inhales sharply]

[急速吸氣]

[Gravelly voice] "What do I have to do

"我必須要做什麼？

to get a Go-Gurt around here?"

要在這裡買個Go-Gurt？"

Meanwhile, today in Russia, Vladimir Putin

同時，今天在俄羅斯，普京...

got his COVID vaccine,

得到了他的COVID疫苗。

but the Kremlin wouldn't say which vaccine Putin got.

但克里姆林宮不願透露普京打的是哪種疫苗。

-Ooh.

-哦

-Yep, it will either be Sputnik V, COVID-Vac,

-是的，要麼是斯普尼克五號，要麼是COVID -Vac。

or Smirnoff & Smirnoff.

或Smirnoff & Smirnoff。

The nurse asked which arm, and Putin said, "Left pec,"

護士問是哪條胳膊，普京說："左胸肌"。

and then galloped away shirtless on a horse.

然後赤裸著上身騎馬馳騁而去。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Yep, by getting the vaccine,

是的，通過接種疫苗。

Putin made history as the first Russian

普京創造了歷史，他是俄羅斯第一個

to get injected with something and live to talk about it.

被注入一些東西，活生生的說出來。

[ Audience groans ]

[觀眾呻吟]

I mean, normally, when a Russian

我的意思是，通常情況下，當一個俄羅斯人

gets injected, they're either being poisoned

被注射，他們要麼是被毒死的

or preparing for the Olympics. Let's be honest.

或準備參加奧運會。我們說實話吧。

-[ Audience groans ] -Woman: Nice!

-[觀眾呻吟]女人：很好！

-[ Laughs ] I got a "nice" on that.

-我得到了一個 "不錯 "的。

-Wow. "Nice!" -Somebody said, "Nice!"

-哇哦"很好！"有人說，"很好！"-有人說，"不錯！"

That's the thing about these tinier, smaller crowds.

這就是這些更小更小的人群的特點。

-They're intimate. -Yeah, they're actual --

-他們很親密-是的，他們是真正的...

Verbal feedback. -Yeah.

口頭反饋。-是的

-"Nice!" All right. I'll take "nice."

-"不錯！"好吧，我要 "不錯"。我要 "不錯"。

Speaking of the pandemic, I saw that DoorDash will now

說到流行病，我看到DoorDash現在將。

deliver COVID test kits to your house.

將COVID測試包送到您的家中。

Yeah, the DoorDash guy will hook you up with fast food,

是的，DoorDash的人會給你提供快餐。

COVID tests, and, after a long enough pause, weed.

COVID測試，並且，在足夠長的停頓後，耪 。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

"Here's your delivery. Here's your test.

"這是你的快遞，這是你的測試。這是你的測試。

[ Clears throat ]

[清喉]

All right. All right. Let me see what I got."

好吧，好吧。好吧，讓我看看我有什麼。讓我看看我得到了什麼。"

I got to be honest. It's a little strange

我得說實話。這是一個有點奇怪的

getting medical supplies from the same guy

一人得道雞犬升天

who bought you lunch from Fuddruckers.

誰給你買的午餐從Fuddruckers。

Get this. I saw that the theme park

聽好了我看到主題公園

Disney California Adventure just reopened.

迪士尼加州冒險之旅剛剛重新開放。

That's right. You can pay $75

沒錯，你可以付75元你可以付七十五元

to walk around the park and buy stuff,

在公園裡散步，買東西。

but none of the rides are running.

但沒有一個遊樂設施在運行。

The CEO of Disneyland was on the news to talk about it.

迪斯尼樂園的CEO在新聞上談及此事。

Check it out.

看看吧

-We're certainly going to be operating

-我們肯定會進行

under some significant capacity constraints,

在一些重大能力限制下。

but there's still plenty of things you can do at the park

但仍有很多事情你可以在公園裡做。

like...

喜歡...

Ohh. That sounds -- That sounds fun.

哦，聽起來...這聽起來 - 這聽起來很有趣。

"Hey. Hey. We're on the tea cups.

"嘿，嘿。我們在茶杯上。

We're on the tea cups!"

我們上茶杯了！"

Some news --

一些新聞 -- --

Some news out of Washington this week.

本週華盛頓的一些新聞。

President Biden's team is working on a $3-trillion

拜登總統的團隊正在進行一項價值3萬億美元的。

proposal for jobs, education, and infrastructure.

關於就業、教育和基礎設施的建議；

Yeah. $3 trillion.

是的，3萬億美元

Does Joe Biden have a bunch of bitcoin we don't know about?

喬-拜登有一堆我們不知道的比特幣嗎？

Yep, the plan will cost $3 trillion,

是的，該計劃將花費3萬億美元。

and it will be paid for in quarters

季度支付

Biden finds behind your ear.

拜登發現你的耳朵後面。

"Hey, whippersnapper."

"嘿，自大狂。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Actually, to pay for his plan,

其實，為了支付他的計劃。

Biden may raise taxes on corporations.

拜登可能會對企業加稅。

And you can tell big corporations aren't happy.

而且你可以看出大公司並不高興。

This morning, when Biden asked his iPhone for the weather,

今天早上，當拜登向他的iPhone詢問天氣情況時。

Siri was like...

Siri就像...

-Siri: Try opening a window, bitch.

-西里試著打開一扇窗戶，婊子。

-Ohh! Indeed!

-哦，真的！

[ Applause ]

[掌聲]

That is rude!

這是不禮貌的！

-This was interesting. According to the White House,

-這很有趣根據白宮的說法

Biden and former President Obama talk on the phone all the time.

拜登和前總統奧巴馬經常通電話。

Yeah, it's strange when those guys talk.

是啊，那些人說話的時候很奇怪。

Half the time, the other is thinking,

一半時間，另一半時間在思考。

"Will this guy wrap it up already?"

"這傢伙會不會已經收工了？"

Biden and Obama actually have a great relationship,

拜登和奧巴馬的關係其實很好。

I mean, compared to the last president,

我的意思是，與上一任總統相比，

who tried to have his VP murdered!

誰想讓他的副總統被謀殺！

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Some business news. I saw that Popeyes just announced plans

一些商業新聞。我看到 "大力水手 "剛剛宣佈計劃

to open its first restaurant in the UK.

將在英國開設第一家餐廳。

Oh, man, the monarchy is already on the brink of collapse.

哦，夥計，君主制已經處於崩潰的邊緣了。

I don't think they can handle a chicken-sandwich war.

我不認為他們可以處理雞肉三明治的戰爭。

Yeah, at long last, people of the UK will be able to taste

是啊，英國人民終於可以嚐到了。

that exotic delicacy -- chicken on bread.

那異國情調的美食 -- 麵包雞。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

[British accent] "My word, what do you call this?

[英國口音]"我說，你這叫什麼？

-[British accent] "Insane!

-[英國口音]"瘋了!

-This isn't a scone at all!

-這根本就不是烤餅!

-Someone call the Earl of Surrey!"

-誰來給薩里伯爵打個電話！"

-It's a buttermilk biscuit!"

-是牛乳餅乾！"

-"Wait. This chicken is fried!"

-"等等，這雞是炸的！"等等，這雞是炸的！"

-Listen to this. There's a new study

-聽聽這個有一項新的研究

that found that, on average,

該發現，平均而言，。

people gained 2 pounds per month during quarantine.

人在檢疫期間每月增加2磅。

Keep in mind, some of that weight

請記住，一些重量

is just layers of sweatpants

只是層層疊疊的運動褲

that are now melded to your body.

現在已經和你的身體融為一體。

People are like, "Whoa. Hang on.

人們都喜歡，"哇。掛在。

I got injected with the vaccine. That's got to weigh something."

我被注射了疫苗。這得掂量掂量。"

We all knew something was up because over the last year

我們都知道有事發生，因為在過去的一年裡

either our masks got smaller or our faces got bigger.

要麼我們的面具變小了，要麼我們的臉變大了。

Do you know what I'm talking about?

你知道我在說什麼嗎？

And, finally, this is crazy.

最後，這也太瘋狂了。

A Utah man's Ring doorbell camera

猶他州一名男子的環形門鈴攝像頭。

captured four cougars outside his front door.

在他家門外捕獲了四隻美洲獅。

Take a look at this.

看看這個。

Look at that.

你看那個。

Yeah. When he looked back later, he saw an empty pizza box

是的，當他後來回頭看的時候當他後來回過頭來的時候，他看到了一個空的披薩盒。

and a torn red shirt that said "Papa John's."

還有一件寫著 "約翰老爹 "的破舊紅衫。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

You know when I heard about four cougars on a camera,

你知道當我聽到四隻美洲獅在相機上。

I thought it was going to be the trailer

我還以為會是預告片呢

for the new "Sex and the City."

為新的 "慾望都市"。