but I have someone here who can help.

但我有一個人在這裡誰可以幫助。

It's time for "Life Coach with Jerry Seinfeld."

現在是 "傑瑞・宋飛的生活教練 "時間。

-♪ Life Coach with Jerry Seinfeld ♪

生活教練與傑裡-塞恩菲爾德

-I am joined now by Jerry Seinfeld.

-現在有請傑瑞・宋飛加入我的行列

Jerry, are you there?

傑瑞，你在嗎？

-Jimmy, I am here. I am ready.

-吉米，我在這裡。我已經準備好了

Let's do some comedy!

讓我們做一些喜劇！

-Jerry, you are not afraid to speak your mind.

-傑瑞，你不怕說出你的想法。

I love hearing your take on things.

我喜歡聽你對事情的看法。

So we asked viewers at home -- -I do, too.

所以我們問了家裡的觀眾------我也是。

-To -- -I love my mind.

-我愛我的心。

-Thank you. -And I love my take on things.

-謝謝你.-我喜歡我對事物的看法

-We asked viewers at home to send in questions

-我們請家裡的觀眾發來問題。

that they need your coaching on.

他們需要你的指導。

Are you ready to give out some tough advice?

你準備好給出一些艱難的建議了嗎？

-I am. But I'm going to tell you right now,

-我是這樣想的但我現在要告訴你。

my advice to most people with most questions

我對大多數人大多數問題的建議

is just going to be,

就是要。

shave your head, move to Phoenix.

剃光頭，搬到鳳凰城去。

-[ Laughing ] Okay, good.

-好的，很好。

-Just start over.

-重新開始吧

That's gonna be my advice 99% of the time,

這將是我99%的建議。

no matter what your problem is.

不管你的問題是什麼。

-Yeah. I understand.

-是的，我明白

-Okay. But I love this kind of thing,

-好吧，但我喜歡這樣的事情。

'cause I do have opinions on everything.

因為我對所有事情都有意見

They're not correct. They're just mine.

他們不正確。他們只是我的。

-Okay. This first one --

-好的這第一個...

"My girlfriend goes to bed early..."

"我女朋友很早就睡覺了......"

-Yes. And you're also a moron,

-是的而且你也是個白痴

because all you have to do is get in bed with her.

因為你所要做的就是和她上床。

First of all, do what she wants to do.

首先，做她想做的事。

If she wants to go to bed early, you go to bed early.

她要早睡，你就早睡。

-Yeah. -She will fall asleep!

-是的 她會睡著的！

Then you get up and do what you want.

然後，你起來做你想做的事。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Idiot!

笨蛋！

-Exactly -- I told you --

-沒錯... 我告訴過你...

That is exactly right. What are you doing --

這是完全正確的。你在做什麼...

Why are you causing a problem? -Yes, let her fall asleep!

你為什麼要製造麻煩？-是的，讓她睡吧！

She's never going to know.

她永遠不會知道。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-Causing such a big problem while she's awake?

-在她醒著的時候製造這麼大的麻煩？

She's got -- Yeah, exactly. -Yeah.

她有 - 是的，沒錯。-是的，沒錯。

You think she can hear your eyes open?

你覺得她能聽到你睜開眼睛的聲音嗎？

She can't.

她不能。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-Here's another question.

-還有一個問題

"My unemployed friend has been crashing at my place

"我那個失業的朋友一直在我這裡過夜

for six months."

6個月。"

That's not the problem yet.

這還不是問題所在。

-You are not Paul McCartney.

你不是保羅-麥卡特尼

You cannot let it be.

你不能讓它成為。

[ Laughter ] Tell this person --

[笑] 告訴這個人 -

You have to confront them, yes. You're going to do it --

你必須面對他們，是的。你要做到這一點 -

You know, if you don't tell them about this,

你知道，如果你不告訴他們這件事。

you're going to act it out in other ways,

你要用其他方式來表現它。

slamming cupboards

翻箱倒櫃

and, you know, knocking things over.

而且，你知道，敲東西了。

Get -- Tell him, "Look, this is bothering me."

告訴他 "聽著，這讓我很困擾"

Don't be so -- Don't be so weak.

別這麼... 別這麼軟弱。

And shave your head and move to Phoenix.

然後剃光頭，搬到鳳凰城去。

-Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Alright, here's one.

-是啊，是啊，是啊，是啊。好吧，這裡有一個。

"My brother is about to have his first child..."

"我的哥哥即將有他的第一個孩子..."

-No! Shut up. It's none of your business.

-不！不！ - 閉嘴！這不關你的事

Saffron is a beautiful name.

紅花是個美麗的名字。

It's a beautiful color.

這是一個美麗的顏色。

None of your business.

不關你的事。

And need I say... -Yeah.

還需要我說...-需要我說...

-...shave your head and move to Phoenix.

-剃光頭，搬到鳳凰城去。

-Yeah. No, no, you don't even have to say that. Yeah, exactly.

-對啊是啊。 不，不，你甚至沒有說。是啊，沒錯。

I like this one. "I'm a bridesmaid in a wedding..."

我喜歡這個"我是婚禮上的伴娘..."

-Yeah. You can, but Cabo's pretty good.

-是啊，你可以的，但卡波很不錯你可以，但卡波的相當不錯。

I would go to Cabo. Why not? That's pretty good.

我會去卡波。為什麼不呢？這是相當不錯的。

That's not a bad wedding place.

那是個不錯的婚禮場所。

Anything you don't want to do is probably --

任何你不想做的事都可能... ...

You're going to enjoy it.

你會喜歡它的。

That's -- That's my kind of M.O. in life.

這... ... 這就是我的生活方式。

Anything my wife wants me to do,

我妻子要我做的任何事情。

I absolutely don't want to do it,

我絕對不想這樣做。

and I'm always glad I did it.

我總是很高興我這樣做。

-You don't -- For the most part, you don't want --

-你不... 大部分情況下，你不希望...

like to do things?

喜歡做的事情？

-No. Whatever -- Whatever anyone wants me to do,

-不，不管是什麼..,

I don't want to do it. If I want to do it,

我不想做如果我想做。

if it was my idea, even that, I don't want to do.

如果這是我的主意，即使這樣，我也不想做。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-So, if you have an idea of something you want to do --

-所以，如果你有一個想法 你想做的事情 -

-Yeah. -There's -- What percentage?

-是的，有多少百分比？

-50/50, I'm gonna like that.

-50/50，我會喜歡的。

-[ Laughs ] -And it's my idea.

-這是我的主意。

-50/50. -So anybody else's idea --

-50/50.-那麼其他人的想法 --

That's why I can't stand vacations,

這就是為什麼我無法忍受假期的原因。

because a vacation is someone else's idea

因為度假是別人的主意

of what you're going to like.

的你會喜歡。

-Yeah. -They think you'll like this.

-是的 他們認為你會喜歡這個的

They think you want to zip-line and kayak.

他們認為你想滑索和皮划艇。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-You go, "Do I look like the guy who zip-lines and kayaks?"

-你會問："我看起來像滑索和皮划艇的人嗎？"

-Zip-line is like, you know, like --

-繩索就像，你知道，就像 --

like I need to know what it feels like to be dry cleaning.

就像我需要知道它是什麼感覺 是乾洗。

That's what zip-lining is.

這就是拉鍊的作用。

I want to have that experience. I would do a zip-line

我想有這樣的經歷。我會做一個滑索

where after the zip-line, they put me in clear plastic

在滑索之後，他們把我放在透明的塑膠中

and on a hook in the back of somebody else's car

並在別人的車後掛上鉤子

back to the hotel.

回酒店。

Give me the full experience of being dry cleaning.

讓我充分體驗到了做乾洗的樂趣。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-"Jerry, I've been secretly

-"傑瑞，我一直在偷偷地。

using my girlfriend's expensive shampoo..."

用我女朋友昂貴的洗髮水..."

-Ah, good. I like that.

-啊，好。啊，很好。 我喜歡這樣。

Yeah.

是啊。

No. There are other things you do that make you a bad person,

不，你做的其他事情讓你成為一個壞人。

but not this. [ Laughter ]

但不是這個。[笑聲]

This -- This, I like.

這個... 這個，我喜歡。

Screw her. Screw the fancy shampoo people.

去她的去他媽的那些花哨的洗髮水的人。

-Yeah. -Keep the scam going

-是啊 繼續騙下去吧！

as long as you can.

只要你能。

I think it's very creative.

我覺得這很有創意。

Very inventive. [ Laughter ]

非常有創意。[笑聲]

-"Very creative." You are ridiculous.

-"很有創意"你真可笑

[ Giggles ]

[笑聲]

Alright. Here we go. Last one here.

好吧，我們開始吧。在這裡，我們去。最後一個在這裡。

"We've been ordering lots of takeout during the last year..."

"去年我們叫了很多外賣..."

-This is -- Again, this is so simple.

-這是... ...這又是如此簡單。

I cannot believe the stupidity of this.

我無法相信這是愚蠢的。

Just take a bottle of ketchup

就拿一瓶番茄醬

and open each one and put it in.

並分別打開放進去。

Put it in.

把它放進去。

And let her catch you doing that.

讓她抓到你這樣做。

-And then if she -- Yeah. -Let her find you,

-然後如果她... - 是的 讓她來找你吧

when she comes home from work, sitting there...

當她下班回家，坐在那裡... ...

-Doing that all day long. -...putting them in

-整天都在做這個-...把它們放進

one after the other. But, yeah,

一個接一個。但是，是的。

maybe you and the shampoo guy could hang out.

也許你和洗髮水的傢伙可以掛出。

-Or -- -Or --

-或... 或...

-Shave your head and move to Phoenix.

-剃了頭搬到鳳凰城去吧

-Thank you very much.

-謝謝你，非常感謝

That's all the time we have for "Life Coach."

這就是我們對 "生活教練 "的全部時間。

My thanks to the great Jerry Seinfeld!

我感謝偉大的傑瑞-宋飛！