WELCOME BACK.

歡迎回來。

YOU KNOW, ONE OF THE BEST THINGS ABOUT

你知道嗎，最好的事情之一就是

DOING THIS SHOW IS GETTING TO TALK TO ALL SORTS OF FASCINATING

做這個節目是要跟所有類型的FASCINATING交談。

PEOPLE.

人。

BUT IT'S HARD TO FULLY EXPLORE A GUEST'S PSYCHE IN JUST TEN

但要在短短的十天內完全瞭解客人的心理是很難的。

MINUTES OVER ZOOM.

MINUTES OVER ZOOM.

WHICH IS WHY WE HERE AT THE LATE SHOW CREATED "THE COLBERT

這就是為什麼我們在晚間節目中創造了 "科爾伯特"。

QUESTIONERT."

QUESTIONERT."

IT'S A SERIES OF 15 QUESTIONS SCIENTIFICALLY CALIBRATED TO

它是一系列的15個問題的科學計算，以

REVEAL A PERSON'S TRUEST SELF: EVERYTHING FROM YOUR PRIMAL

揭示一個人最真實的自我。從你的本體出發...

FEARS TO YOUR FAVORITE SANDWICH TO THE SANDWICH YOU'RE MOST

恐懼到你最喜歡的三明治到你最喜歡的三明治。

AFRAID OF.

害怕：

AND I RECENTLY HAD THE PLEASURE OF ADMINISTERING THE QUESTIONERT

而我最近也很榮幸地擔任了這個問題的管理員。

TO HOLLYWOOD LEGEND BILLY CRYSTAL.

致好萊塢傳奇人物比利-克萊斯塔爾。

FORGET "WHEN HARRY MET SALLY"-- THIS IS "WHEN HARRY MET BILLY."

忘記 "當哈里遇見莎莉"，這是 "當哈里遇見比利"。

♪♪♪ BILLY CRYSTAL, LOVELY TO HAVE

BILLY CRYSTAL, LOVELY TO HAVE.

YOU HERE.

你在這裡。

ALWAYS ENJOY.

永遠享受。

AS I'VE ALWAYS SAID, A VACATION TO TALK TO YOU.

就像我一直說的那樣，一個和你說話的假期。

ONE TO HAVE THE PROBLEMS WITH THESE JOBS IS YOU GET TO MEET A

這些工作的一個問題是你要去見一個人。

LOT OF PEOPLE, BUT IT'S HARD TO PLUNGE THE DEPTHS AND REVEAL THE

很多人，但它很難深入到深處，並揭示了。

SOUL OF THE PEOPLE YOU'RE TALKING TO BUT I HAVE COME UP

你說的那些人的靈魂，但我已經上來了。

WITH A FOOLPROOF QUESTION QUESTI ON FUNK AND WAG NAIL'S POMP.

與一個愚蠢的問題QUESTI對FUNK和WAG NAIL的POMP。

SINCE NOON TODAY, I'LL ASK YOU THESE 15 QUESTIONS.

從今天中午開始，我將問你這15個問題。

BILLY CRYSTAL, WHAT IS THE BEST SANDWICH?

BILLY CRYSTAL，什麼是最好的三明治？

>> PRESIDENT BUSH, JELLY, WHITE BREAD.

>> 布什總統，果凍，白麵包。

>> Stephen: SIMPLE, CLASSY, I LIKE IT.

>> Stephen: SIMPLE, CLASSY, I LIKE IT.

WHAT'S THE ONE THING THAT YOU OWN THAT YOU REALLY SHOULD THROW

你有什麼東西應該扔掉？

OUT?

OUT？

>> HMM...

>> HMM...

OH...

哦...

I GUESS MY BELL BOTTOMS.

我猜我的鈴鐺底。

>> Stephen: DO YOU ACTUALLY HAVE BELL BOTTOMS?

>> 史蒂芬：你真的有貝爾底嗎？

>> YEAH, I KEEP A LOT OF STUFF.

>> 是的，我保留了很多東西。

>> Stephen: WHAT'S THE SCARIEST ANIMAL?

>> 史蒂芬：什麼是最可怕的動物？

>> THE SPITTING COBRA.

>> 《吐絲眼鏡蛇》。

>> Stephen: BECAUSE IT'S RUDE?

>> 史蒂芬：因為它是粗魯的？

NO, BECAUSE IT'S WEIRD.

不，因為它很怪異。

YOU KNOW, IT STANDS UP AND IT SPITS AND IF IT GETS IN YOUR

你知道，它站起來，它吐，如果它進入你的。

EYES, YOU'RE BLIND, THEN IT KILLS.

眼睛，你是盲目的，然後它殺了。

BUT, YEAH, IT'S ANY KIND OF SNAKE.

但是，是的，它是任何種類的蛇。

WE HAD A RATTLESNAKE HERE NOT LONG AGO IN THE FRONT YARD, AND

我們這裡不久前有一隻老鼠蛇在前院，而且。

IT WAS REALLY TERRIFYING.

這真是太可怕了。

SO, YEAH.

所以，是的。

>> Stephen: APPLES OR ORANGES?

>> 史蒂芬：蘋果還是橘子？

OH, APPLES.

哦，蘋果。

>> Stephen: OF COURSE.

>> 史蒂芬：當然。

YOU CAN PUT PRESID PEANUT BUTTER SLICE OF APPLE.

你可以把PRESID花生醬片的蘋果。

>> YEAH.

>> 是的。

>> Stephen: HAVE YOU EVER ASKED SOMEONE FOR THEIR

>> 斯蒂芬: 你有沒有問過別人的名字？

AUTOGRAPH?

AUTOGRAPH?

>> OH, I STILL DO.

>> 哦，我還在做。

>> Stephen: WHO'S THE LAST PERSON YOU ASKED?

>> 史蒂芬：你最後問的一個人是誰？

DO YOU HAVE ONE THAT COMES TO MIND, EVEN IF IT'S NOT THE EXACT

你是否有一個想到的，即使不是完全一樣的。

LAST?

LAST?

>> THIS WAS INTERESTING.

>> 這很有趣。

I WAS AT A CLEVELAND INDIANS/NEW YORK YANKEES PLAYOFF

我在克利夫蘭印第安人隊/紐約揚基隊的比賽中。

GAME AND I SAT NEXT TO A MAN NAMED LARRY DOBIE.

我和GAME坐在一個叫LARRY DOBIE的人旁邊。

LARRY DOBIE WAS THE FIRST AFRICAN-AMERICAN TO PLAY IN THE

LARRY DOBIE是第一個參加過 "非洲人 "比賽的非洲裔美國人。

AMERICAN LEAGUE, WHEN JACKIE ROBINSON BROKE THE BARRIER WITH

美洲聯盟，當傑基-羅賓遜用它打破了障礙。

THE DODGERS, OF COURSE, LARRY DOBIE WAS BASICALLY BUZZ ALDRIN,

道奇隊，當然，拉里・杜比是基本的BUZZ ALDRIN。

WAS THE SECOND, AND HE PLAYED WITH THE CLEVELAND INDIANS.

他是第二個，他和克利夫蘭印第安人隊一起打球。

I HAPPENED TO SIT NEXT TO HIM.

我碰巧坐在他旁邊。

HE'S A VERY DISTINGUISHED MAN.

他是一個非常遙遠的人。

I ASKED HIM TO SIGN A BALL AND HE DID.

我讓他籤個球，他就簽了。

VERY LOVELY.

非常可愛。

>> Stephen: HANK AARON, YOU HAVE BASEBALL PLAYERS.

>> 漢克-阿倫，你有棒球運動員。

>> I HAVE SO MANY.

>> 我有這麼多。

IT'S A BIG PASSION OF MINE.

這是我的一大愛好。

>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENS WHEN WE DIE?

>> 你認為我們死後會發生什麼？

>> WE GO INTO SYNDICATION.

>> 我們進入同步。

>> Stephen: FAVORITE ACTION MOVIE?

>> Stephen:最喜歡的動作片？

>> RAIDERS"RAIDERS OF THE LOST A >> Stephen: I'M GOING TO GO

>> 奪寶奇兵 "奪寶奇兵之迷途知返 >> 史蒂芬：我要走了。

WITH YOU ON THAT ONE BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING LIKE MELTING

和你一起，因為沒有什麼比融化更重要的了。

NAZIS.

納粹。

( LAUGHTER ) DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE SMELL?

你有一個最喜歡的氣味？

>> YES, MY NEWBORN BABIES.

>> 是的，我的新生兒。

>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE A LOT OF THOSE?

>> 史蒂芬：你有很多這樣的東西嗎？

SMELL DOESN'T LAST VERY LONG.

氣味不會持續很久。

YOU'VE GOT TO GET FRESH ONES ALL THE TIME.

你得一直買新鮮的。

>> WHEN THEY WERE LITTLE, NOTHING LIKE THE BABY SMELL.

>> 當他們還小的時候，沒有什麼像嬰兒的味道。

>> Stephen: TOP TO HAVE THE HEAD.

>> 史蒂芬：上有頭。

LEAST FAVORITE SMELL.

最不喜歡的味道：

>> MY NEWBORN BABIES.

>> 我的新生兒。

>> Stephen: GOT IT, THE OTHER END.

>> 明白了，另一個結局。

>> YEAH.

>> 是的。

( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: EXEFER SIZE, IS IT

(笑) >> 史蒂芬: EXEFER尺寸，是嗎？

WORTH IT?

值得嗎？

>> SURE, ABSOLUTELY.

>> 當然，當然。

>> Stephen: EVERY SINGLE PERSON I'VE ASKED THIS QUESTION

>> Stephen: 我問過的每一個人都會問這個問題

HAS LIED.

騙了。

OKAY.

好的。

FLAT OR SPARKLING?

平坦的還是閃光的？

>> SPARKLING.

>> 旌旗招展。

>> Stephen: LET'S HAVE A PARTY.

>> 讓我們開個派對吧。

MOST USED APP ON YOUR PHONE?

您手機上最常用的APP？

>> THERE'S TWO -- WELL, ALL RIGHT, CALM.

>> 有兩個... 好了，冷靜點。

>> Stephen: OH, THAT'S NICE.

>> 史蒂芬：哦，那很好。

DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE -- IT PLAYS SOUNDS, RIGHT?

你有一個最喜歡的 -- 它能播放聲音，對嗎？

>> THERE ARE SAYINGS, THERE IS MUSIC.

>> 有句話，有音樂。

I JUST STARTED THIS DURING THIS HORRIBLE TIME.

我剛剛開始這期間這個可怕的時間。

JUST, LIKE, OOOH, WHAT IS THIS, AND I JUST PUT IT ON FOR A

只是，喜歡，哦，這是什麼，我只是把它放在一個。

LITTLE BIT.

一點點。

>> Stephen: YOU GET TO LISTEN TO ONE SONG FOR THE REST OF YOUR

>> 史蒂芬: 你可以在你的餘生中只聽一首歌。

LIFE, WHAT IS IT?

生命，是什麼？

>> WELL, WE WOULD JUST -- WE JUST HAD OUR 50th WEDDING

>> 好吧，我們只是 - 我們剛剛度過了我們的第50個婚禮。

ANNIVERSARY.

週年紀念。

>> Stephen: MAZEL TOV.

>> Stephen: MAZEL TOV.

THANK YOU.

謝謝你。

AND THE SONG WE DANCED TO IS A SONG CALLED "THAT'S ALL,"

我們跳的是一首叫 "That's all "的歌。

RECORDED BY NAT KING COLE.

由NAT KING COLE錄製。

♪ I CAN ONLY GIVE YOU LOVE THAT LASTS FOREVER ♪

我只能給你的愛是永恆的

♪ AND THE PROMISE TO BE NEAR EACH TIME YOU CALL ♪

和承諾，以接近每一次你的電話

♪ AND A LOVE WHO'S BURNING BRIGHT CAN WARM A WINTER'S

和愛誰的燃燒明亮可以溫暖一個冬天的

NIGHT ♪ ♪ THAT'S ALL ♪

夜晚，這是所有

>> Stephen: WHAT NUMBER AM I THINKING OF.

>> 斯蒂芬：我在想什麼數字。

♪ I CAN ONLY GIVE YOU WALKS IN SPRINGTIME AND A HAND TO HOLD

我只能給你散步在春天的時間和手握住

WHEN LEAVES BEGIN TO FALL.

當葉子開始落下時。

>> Stephen: WHAT NUMBER AM I THINKING OF?

>> Stephen: 我在想什麼數字？

>> SEVEN.

>>七：

>> Stephen: NO.

>> 史蒂芬：沒有。

DESCRIBE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IN FIVE WORDS.

用五個字來描述你生命的其餘部分。

>> SEX, SEX, SEX, LAUGHS, SEX.

>> 性，性，性，性，笑，性。

>> Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS, BILLY.

>> Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS, BILLY.

>> HOW DID I DO?

>> 我是怎麼做的？

YOU ARE FINALLY KNOWN.

你終於知道了。

BILLY CRYSTAL, EVERYBODY.

BILLY CRYSTAL, EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU, SIR.

謝謝你，先生。

>> GREAT TO BE WITH YOU AGAIN.

>> 很高興能和你在一起。

>> Stephen: NICELY TO SEE YOU, TOO.

>> 史蒂芬：也很高興見到你。

♪♪♪ THANKS AGAIN TO BILLY CRYSTAL.

再次感謝比利-克萊斯塔爾。

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH EMMY AWARD WINNING ACTOR AARON PAUL.

我們馬上回來，艾美獎獲獎演員AARON PAUL。

♪♪♪

♪♪♪