WELCOME, WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."

歡迎，歡迎來到 "晚間秀"。

I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.

我是你的主播，史蒂芬-科爾伯特。

IT WAS 63 DEGREES IN NEW YORK TODAY, ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL!

今天紐約的氣溫是63度，真是太美了!

NOT A CLOUD IN THE SKY!

天空中沒有一絲雲彩！

AND I SPENT THE WHOLE THING INSIDE IN A SERIES OF DARK,

我在裡面度過了一連串的黑暗。

DIRTY ROOMS TO HAVE TONIGHT'S SHOW PREPARED FOR YOU.

骯髒的房間為你準備好今晚的節目。

BECAUSE YOU DESERVE IT, AMERICA!

因為你應該得到它，美國！

AND THERE IS SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT.

還有很多事情要談。

LET'S GET RIGHT TO TONIGHT'S BIG, BREAKING STORY.

讓我們直接進入今晚的重大新聞。

♪ ♪ ♪ THIS JUST IN: THERE WAS AN

"這只是在。有一個

INTERVIEW FROM FEBRUARY THAT AIRED TWO DAYS AGO.

兩天前播出的FEBRUARY的採訪。

EVERYONE-- AND I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ONE OF THE "EVERY"-- IS

每個人... 我不敢相信我是 "每個人 "中的一個... 是...

STILL TALKING ABOUT OPRAH'S EXCLUSIVE SIT-DOWN WITH THE DUKE

仍在談論OPRAH與公爵的獨家座談。

AND DUCHESS OF NETFLIX, HARRY AND MEGHAN, WHO ACCUSED MEMBERS

和DUCHESS OF NETFLIX，HARRY AND MEGHAN，WHO ACCUSED MEMBERS(指責成員)

OF THE ROYAL FAMILY OF BEING RACIST.

種族歧視的王室成員。

TOUGH CHARGE.

艱難的充電。

I'M SURE THAT MADE THEIR HACKLES RISE.

我敢肯定，這讓他們的黑客上升。

ONE OF THE SIGNS OF INBREEDING IS A RISEN HACKLE.

遺傳的標誌之一是一個新的攻擊。

PALACE SOURCES SAY THAT THE WINDSORS WERE BLINDSIDED BECAUSE

宮廷消息來源說，溫莎家族被矇蔽了，因為

THEY THOUGHT, AT WORST, THE INTERVIEW WOULD MAKE THEM LOOK

他們認為，在最壞的情況下，面試會讓他們看起來。

OUT OF TOUCH, BECAUSE IF THERE IS ONE THING THE PALACE

因為如果宮殿有一件事

SURROUNDED BY IRON SPIKES LOOKED LIKE BEFORE, IT WAS "IN TOUCH."

被鐵釘包圍，看起來像以前一樣，它是 "觸手可及"。

NOW, REMEMBER TO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH THE LADY WHOSE

現在，請記住，不要與誰的女士進行眼神交流。

FACE IS ON THE COINS.

臉是在硬幣上。

FOR DAYS, THE ROYALS WERE SILENT, BUT THIS AFTERNOON,

幾天來，王室都很沉默，但這個下午，

THE PALACE ISSUED THIS STATEMENT:

宮廷發佈了這一聲明。

( CLEARS THROAT ) ( BELL RINGING )

( 清嗓子 ) ( 鈴鐺聲 )

"HEAR YE, HEAR YE.

"聽見了，聽見了。

A STATEMENT FROM HER-- HOLD ON.

從她的聲明 - 等一下。

( LAUGHTER ) A STATEMENT--

聲明...

( BELL RINGING ) A STATEMENT FROM HER MAJESTY,

女王陛下的聲明。

THE QUEEN."

女王。"

BUT FIRST, TO ALLOW ME TO FORGET I'M AN AMERICAN WHO DOES NOT

但首先，請允許我忘記我是一個美國人，他不...

GIVE A DAMN...

給一個該死的...

( LAUGHTER ) "THE WHOLE FAMILY IS SADDENED TO

"整個家族的人都被嚇壞了，都被嚇壞了。

LEARN THE FULL EXTENT OF HOW CHALLENGING THE LAST FEW YEARS

全面瞭解過去幾年的挑戰。

HAVE BEEN FOR HARRY AND MEGHAN.

已經為哈里和梅根。

THE ISSUES RAISED, PARTICULARLY THAT OF RACE, ARE CONCERNING.

所提出的問題，特別是種族問題，令人關切。

WHILE SOME RECOLLECTIONS MAY VARY--"

雖然有些回憶可能會有不同--"

OH, YEAH, "RECOLLECTIONS MAY VARY."

哦，是的，"回憶可能會有所不同。"

YOU BETTER HOPE NO ONE RECOLLECTS ANY OF THIS.

你最好希望沒人記得這些。

MAY I RECOMMEND THE FORGETTING WRENCH.

我可以推薦遺忘扳手嗎？

I WANT TO THANK EVERYONE-- EVERYONE FROM LOONY TOONS FOR

我想感謝每一個人 -- 每一個來自LOONY TOONS的人，為的是

LEFT-HANDING US THIS.

左手遞給我們這個。

( LAUGHTER ) THE STATEMENT CONTINUES, "THEY

聲明繼續說："他們......"。

ARE TAKEN VERY SERIOUSLY, AND WILL BE ADDRESSED BY THE FAMILY

非常認真地對待，並將由家庭處理。

PRIVATELY."

私下裡。"

OH, NO DOUBT.

哦，毫無疑問。

I HEAR PRINCE ANDREW HAS AN ISLAND HE GOES TO TO ADDRESS HIS

我聽說安德魯王子有一個島嶼，他去解決他的。

PRIVATES.

私營部門：

IT ROYALS ON, "HARRY, MEGHAN AND ARCHIE WILL ALWAYS BE MUCH LOVED

IT ROYALS ON, "HARRY, MEGHAN AND ARCHIE WILL ALWAYS MUCH LOVED"（《IT ROYALS ON》）。

FAMILY MEMBERS."

家庭成員。"

WHICH IS NICE, BUT THEN, IN ALL-CAPS IT SAYS, "ENDS."

這是很好的，但是，在所有的大寫字母，它說，"結束。"

THAT SOUNDS OMINOUS, BUT TO BE FAIR, THAT'S HOW THEY SAY GOOD

這聽起來微不足道，但說句公道話，這就是他們說好話的方式

NIGHT IN THE ROYAL FAMILY.

王室的夜晚。

"I HOPE YOU'VE HAD A LOVELY DAY, DARLING.

"我希望你有一個美好的一天，達令。

ENDS."

ENDS。"

( LAUGHTER ) ( LAUGHTER )

（笑聲） （笑聲）

>> Stephen: THAT ACTUALLY HURTS, BY THE WAY.

>> 斯蒂芬：這實際上很痛，順便說一下。

AFTER THE INTERVIEW HIT THE AIRWAVES, FANS OF THE ROYAL

採訪播出後，皇室的粉絲們紛紛表示："這是個很好的機會。

FAMILY DUMPED A CRUMPET IN THEIR KNICKERS, ESPECIALLY TV ORGANISM

家人在自己的褲襠裡扔了個銅板，特別是電視機構。

PIERS MORGAN, SEEN HERE GETTING HIS TALLYWHACKER WHACKED.

皮爾斯・摩根，在這裡看到得到他的高麗黑客攻擊。

MORGAN DEFENDED A ROYAL FAMILY MEMBER ASKING HARRY ABOUT HIS

摩根為一位皇室成員辯護，問哈里關於他的事。

BABY'S SKIN COLOR BY SAYING THIS:

寶寶的皮膚顏色通過說這個。

>> CAN I PUT TO YOU JUST A SCENARIO THAT MAY HAVE

>> 我可以給你一個可能有的場景嗎？

HAPPENED-- AND I WONDER WHETHER YOU FIND THIS-- YOU WOULD

發生 - 我想知道，如果你發現這個 - 你會的。

AUTOMATICALLY THINK THIS IS OFFENSIVE AND RACIST.

自動認為這是冒犯和種族主義。

IF YOU HAVE TWO PARENTS, ONE IS WHITE AND ONE IS BLACK, AS IN

如果你有兩個父母，一個是白人，一個是黑人，比如說

MEGHAN'S CASE, AND SHE'S PREGNANT AND GOING TO HAVE A

梅根的情況下，她懷孕了，並將有一個。

BABY, IS IT RACIST AND OFFENSIVE FOR A FAMILY MEMBER TO SAY, "OH,

寶貝，一個家庭成員說："哦，這是種族主義和冒犯的。

WHAT COLOR MIGHT THE BABY BE?" >> Stephen: UH, I KNOW THE

孩子是什麼顏色的？">> 史蒂芬：呃，我知道孩子是什麼顏色的。>> 史蒂芬：呃，我知道。

ANSWER: YOU'RE A SPOTTED DICK.

答案：你是一個有斑點的迪克。

PIERS ALSO RESPONDED TO MEGHAN MARKLE'S VERY PERSONAL

PIERS也迴應了MEGHAN MARKLE的個人意見。

REVELATIONS ABOUT WHAT SHE WENT THROUGH AT BUCKINGHAM

揭祕她在巴金漢姆的經歷。

PALACE.

宮殿：

>> MEGHAN HAS, WITHIN THIS INTERVIEW, SAID IT GOT SO

>> 梅根，在這次採訪中，說它得到了這樣的。

BAD THAT SHE WAS SUICIDAL.

糟糕的是，她是自殺的。

>> I'M SORRY, I DON'T BELIEVE A WORD SHE SAYS, MEGHAN MARKLE.

>> 對不起，我不相信她說的話，MEGHAN MARKLE。

>> Stephen: ( AS PIERS MORGAN ) "HELLO, SUICIDE HOTLINE, PIERS

>> 斯蒂芬：（作為PIERS摩根）"你好，自殺熱線，PIERS。

SPEAKING.

說話：

OH, REALLY?

哦，真的嗎？

I DON'T BELIEVE A WORD YOU'RE SAYING.

我不相信你說的一個字。

OH, YOU'RE ON THE BRIDGE RIGHT NOW?

哦，你在橋上 現在？

REALLY?

真的嗎？

WELL, IF YOU'RE SO MISERABLE, WHY DON'T YOU PROVE IT?

好吧，如果你這麼差勁，你為什麼不證明呢？

HELLO?

你好？

HELLO?

你好？

ANOTHER HANG UP.

另一個吊起來。

THIRD LIAR OF THE WEEK."

第三週的金光黨。"

AS MUCH AS PIERS LOVES TO DISH OUT THE CRITICISM, HE SURE CAN'T

儘管皮爾斯很喜歡責備，但他肯定不能。

TAKE IT.

拿著它。

>> I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU'VE GOT A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH

>> 我知道你和我有私人關係，我知道你和我有私人關係，我知道你和我有私人關係，我知道你和我有私人關係，我知道你和我有私人關係。

MEGHAN MARKLE, OR HAD ONE, AND SHE CUT YOU OFF.

MEGHAN MARKLE，或有一個，她把你砍掉。

SHE'S ENTITLED TO CUT YOU OFF IF SHE WANTS TO.

如果她想的話，她有權把你砍掉。

HAS SHE SAID ANYTHING ABOUT YOU SINCE SHE CUT YOU OFF?

自從她和你分手後，她有說過你什麼嗎？

I DON'T THINK SHE HAS, BUT YET YOU CONTINUE TO TRASH HER--

我不認為她有，但你還是繼續砸她... ...

>> OKAY, I'M DONE WITH THIS.

>> 好吧，我受夠了。

>> NO, NO, NO!

>> 不，不，不！

>> SORRY, NOPE.

>> 對不起，沒有。

NOPE, SORRY.

不，對不起。

YOU CAN TRASH ME, MATE, BUT NOT ON MY OWN SHOW.

你可以砸我，夥計，但不能在我的節目上砸。

>> OH, THAT'S PATHETIC.

>> 哦，那是可悲的。

NO, NO, NO, I'M BEING SERIOUS.

不，不，不，我是認真的。

>> SEE YOU LATER.

>> 待會兒見。

SORRY, CAN'T DO THIS.

對不起，不能這樣做。

>> Stephen: PIERS MORGAN IS SUCH A BABY, SOMEONE AT BUCKINGHAM

>> 斯蒂芬: 皮爾斯-摩根是個孩子，巴克漢姆的某個人。

PALACE JUST ASKED WHAT COLOR HE'S GOING TO BE.

帕利斯剛剛問了他要成為什麼顏色。

PIERS DIDN'T JUST STORM OFF THE SET IN SLOW-MOTION TWIT SNIT. HE

皮爾斯不只是暴走的設置 在慢動作的TWIT SNIT。他

STORMED OFF THE WHOLE SHOW, BECAUSE A FEW HOURS AGO, HIS

暴走了整個節目，因為幾個小時前，他的。

NETWORK ANNOUNCED "PIERS MORGAN HAS DECIDED NOW IS THE TIME TO

網絡公告 "皮爾斯-摩根決定現在是時候了。

LEAVE 'GOOD MORNING BRITAIN.'" CONGRATULATIONS.

離開'早上好，英國'。"祝賀你。

TOMORROW'S GOING TO BE A GREAT MORNING, BRITAIN.

明天將是一個偉大的早晨，英國。

BACK STATESIDE-- ( BELL RINGING )

回到州際 -- （鐘聲響起）

AND WE LEAVE ENGLAND!

而我們離開英國！

AND WE LEAVE ENGLAND!

而我們離開英國！

BACK STATESIDE, IN THE LATEST COVID NEWS, THERE MIGHT BE A DAY

回到國內，在最新的科維德新聞中，也許有一天會有這樣的結果

WHERE I CAN STOP SAYING "IN THE LATEST COVID NEWS!"

我在哪裡可以停止說 "在最新的COVID新聞！"

BECAUSE U.S. CORONAVIRUS CASES HAVE POSTED THEIR SLOWEST SPREAD

因為美國的冠狀病毒病例已經創下了最慢的傳播速度。

SINCE THE PANDEMIC BEGAN.

自從氾濫成災以來，

I HAVEN'T BEEN THIS HAPPY ABOUT A SLOW SPREAD SINCE THAT GUY WAS

自從那個傢伙被選中後，我就沒這麼高興過，因為他的傳播速度太慢了

PEEING IN MY SUBWAY CAR.

在我的地鐵車上撒尿。

PEOPLE ARE FINALLY STARTING TO SEE SIGNS THAT LIFE IS TRICKLING

人們終於開始看到生命在下降的跡象。

BACK.

返回。

THANKS TO NEW C.D.C. GUIDELINES, VACCINATED GRANDPARENTS CAN ONCE

由於新的C.D.C.指南，已接種疫苗的祖父母可以一次

AGAIN VISIT ADULT CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN.

再次訪問成人兒童和孫子女。

THIS MEANS SO MUCH FOR SENIORS WHO'VE BEEN ISOLATED.

這對已經被隔離的老人來說意義重大。

GRANDKIDS, TIME TO PUT ON A SNORKEL, BECAUSE THE FORECAST

孩子們，是時候穿上滑雪鞋了，因為預報說

CALLS FOR EXTENDED BOSOM HUGS.

呼叫擴展的胸部隆起。

ISN'T THAT GREAT?

這不是很好嗎？

ISN'T THAT GREAT.

是不是很棒。

WE CAN HUG OUR PARENTS AGAIN.

我們可以再次向我們的父母致敬。

LEAVE RIGHT NOW AND GO DOWN THERE!

馬上離開，到下面去！

THE C.D.C. ALSO SAYS THAT VACCINATED ADULTS MAY BEGIN TO

C.D.C.還說，接種過疫苗的成年人可能會開始。

PLAN MASK-FREE DINNERS WITH VACCINATED FRIENDS.

與打過疫苗的朋友計劃無面具晚餐。

DINNERS!

DINNERS！

WITH FRIENDS!

和朋友們一起！

THAT'S FANTASTIC.

這是夢幻般的。

ALTHOUGH, AFTER A YEAR IN LOCKDOWN, I'M NOT SURE IF I WANT

雖然，經過一年的鎖定，我不知道我是否想要。

TO MAKE MY FRIENDS SEE HOW I EAT NOW.

讓我的朋友們看到我現在的飲食方式。

"MY MUG OF RANCH DRESSING IS RUNNING LOW!

"我的那杯牧場調味品快沒了！

AM I SUPPOSED TO EAT MY STRING-CHEESE DRY?"

我應該吃我的串串香乾酪嗎？"

THESE VACCINES ARE CHANGING SENIORS' LIVES.

這些疫苗正在改變老年人的生活。生活。

ONE NEW YORK WOMAN TOLD REPORTERS THAT WHEN SHE'S

一個紐約女人告訴記者，當她的時候

ALLOWED TO BE WITH FAMILY, "SHE INTENDS TO RE-CELEBRATE EVERY

被允許與家人在一起，"她打算重新慶祝每一個。

MISSED HOLIDAY, STARTING WITH HANUKAH AND WORKING HER WAY BACK

錯過的假期，從哈努卡開始，然後再往回走。

THROUGH THE CALENDAR."

通過日曆。"

SAME HERE!

這裡也是！

BUT I'M GOING TO GET THEM ALL IN AT ONCE:

但我要把它們都弄進去一次。

THANKS-FATHER'S-EASTER-HANNUKA- TINES DAY OF JULY!

感恩父親節-聖誕節-漢努卡-7月的錫紙日!

I'M GOING TO EAT A TURKEY STUFFED WITH CANDY HEARTS AND

我要去吃一個火雞塞滿了糖果心和。

DREIDELS, AND ALL THE KIDS WILL RUN AROUND THE YARD WITH THEIR

DREIDELS，和所有的孩子會跑在院子裡與他們的。

STOCKINGS LOOKING FOR PAINTED FIREWORKS LEFT BY THE PASSOVER

存貨尋找被上層所遺棄的彩繪火種

BUNNY.

兔子：

OUR NEW LEASE ON LIFE IS ALL THANKS TO IMPROVED VACCINATION

我們的新生活全靠改進的疫苗接種。

RATES.

費率：

IN FACT, THE ROLLOUT IS GOING SO WELL, THAT IN THE NEXT TWO

事實上，這次活動進行得非常順利，在接下來的兩個月裡。

MONTHS, THE U.S. IS EXPECTED TO HAVE 500 MILLION DOSES, WHICH IS

月，美國預計將有5億劑量，這是

ENOUGH TO FILL A 55,000-GALLON SWIMMING POOL-- THOUGH I THINK

足夠填滿一個55000加侖的游泳池--雖然我覺得... ...

IT WOULD BE BETTER TO PUT IT IN THE SYRINGES.

最好把它放在Sirringes裡。

OTHERWISE, WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO GET INOCULATED SCROOGE McDUCK

不然的話，我們就得給史古革-麥克德克接種疫苗了

STYLE.

風格：

OH, THERE'S MORE GOOD NEWS: EXPERTS ARE PREDICTING THAT THE

哦，還有更多的好消息。專家們預測，這將是

ECONOMY COULD SURGE THANKS TO THE VACCINE ROLLOUT AND BIDEN'S

經濟可能會因為疫苗的流傳和BIDEN's而激增。

COVID STIMULUS PLAN, WHICH WILL SEND MILLIONS OF AMERICANS.

科維德刺激計劃，這將使數百萬的美國人。

$1,400 CHECKS.

1,400美元支票。

I HAVE A FEELING A LOT OF MAGA FOLKS ARE ABOUT TO ACCEPT THE

我有種感覺，很多魔術師都要接受...

ELECTION RESULTS.

選舉結果：

JOE'S NOT PUTTING HIS NAME ON THE CHECKS LIKE THE LAST GUY,

喬不像上一個人那樣把自己的名字寫在支票上。

BUT THEY ARE GOING TO SAY, "WHO'S SLEEPY NOW, BEEEOTCH?"

但他們會說，"現在誰在偷懶，BEEEOTCH？"

THIS STIMULUS IS DESPERATELY NEEDED SO, NATURALLY, SENATE

這個刺激措施是迫切需要的，所以，自然而然，參議院。

REPUBLICANS VOTED UNANIMOUSLY AGAINST IT.

共和黨人一致投了反對票。

TO BE FAIR, THEY ARE BUSY FIGHTING FOR OTHER ISSUES

平心而論，他們正忙著為其他問題而戰。

AMERICANS CARE DEEPLY ABOUT, LIKE ENSURING THAT MR. POTATO

美國人很關心，比如確保先生。洋芋

HEAD KEEPS HIS BEAUTIFUL PENIS.

頭保持他的美麗的陰莖。

EVEN THOUGH 77% OF AMERICANS SUPPORT THE STIMULUS PLAN, IT

儘管有77%的美國人支持經濟刺激計劃，但它

GOT SLAMMED BY SENATE MINORITY LEADER AND GRANDPA ABOUT

被參議院少數黨領袖和爺爺抨擊了，關於

TO PUT A CHILD'S IMAGINARY FRIEND OUT OF ITS MISERY, MITCH

把一個孩子的想象中的朋友從我的錯誤中解脫出來，MITCH。

McCONNELL.

麥康奈爾：

WHEN THE BILL PASSED, McCONNELL SAID THIS:

當法案通過的時候，麥康奈爾說過這樣的話：

>> THE SENATE HAS NEVER SPENT.

>>參議院從來沒有花過錢。

$2 TRILLION IN A MORE HAPHAZARD WAY.

2萬億美元，以更危險的方式。

>> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT.

>> 我不知道。

McCONNELL IS CLEARLY FORGETTING WHEN THE NEW DEAL BAILED OUT

麥康奈爾顯然忘記了新合約何時失效的問題。

DUST BOWL FARMERS VIA MONEY BOOTH.

沙塵暴農民通過錢莊。

McCONNELL'S ALSO CONVENIENTLY FORGETTING THE REPUBLICAN TAX

麥康奈爾也很容易忘記了共和黨的稅款

CUT THAT ADDED NEARLY $2 TRILLION TO THE FEDERAL DEBT.

削減了近2萬億美元的聯邦債務。

AND THAT MONEY OVERWHELMINGLY WENT TO CORPORATIONS AND RICH

而這些錢絕大多數都流向了公司和富人。

FOLKS, LIKE MARK ZUCKERBERG, WHO I'M SURE JUST BLEW IT ON

像馬克-朱克伯格這樣的人，我敢肯定，他一定是在吹牛。

LUXURIES LIKE FANCY HAIRCUTS AND SUNSCREEN.

奢侈品，如花式髮夾和防晒網。

I THINK THAT WAS ZUCKERBERG.

我想那是ZUCKERBERG。

WAS THAT ZUCKERBERG?

那是德國漢堡嗎？

THAT COULD HAVE BEEN A PHOTO FROM THE NEW CBS

那可能是CBS新片中的一張照片。

HIT PROCEDURAL, HIGH SEAS MIME CRIME "SILENT AND DEADLY."

HIT PROCEDURAL，公海模擬犯罪 "無聲無息，致命的。"

BY CONTRAST, BIDEN'S COVID RELIEF PLAN-- WHICH, AGAIN, NOT

相比之下，BIDEN的COVID救濟計劃--其中，再次，不

ONE DAMN REPUBLICAN VOTED FOR-- TARGETS LOW-INCOME EARNERS SO

一個該死的共和黨人投票支持--針對低收入者，所以

EFFECTIVELY THAT IT WILL LIFT MORE THAN 13 MILLION PEOPLE FROM

它將有效地使1300多萬人擺脫困境。

POVERTY THIS YEAR AND CUT CHILD POVERTY NEARLY IN HALF, TO WHICH

貧困，並將兒童貧困率減少近一半，為此。

PIERS MORGAN ASKED, "WHAT COLOR MIGHT THESE CHILDREN BE?"

皮爾斯-摩根問："這些孩子可能是什麼顏色的？"

SPEAKING OF THE PRESIDENT, YESTERDAY, HE HELD AN EVENT

談到主席，昨天，他舉行了一個活動。

HONORING INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY, WHERE HE NOMINATED TWO

紀念國際婦女節，他在會上提名了兩名婦女。

FEMALE GENERALS TO FOUR-STAR COMMANDS.

女將軍到四星軍令。

IT WAS SO INSPIRING FOR ALL THE LITTLE GIRLS OUT THERE WHO DREAM

它是如此鼓舞所有的小姑娘們在那裡誰的夢想。

OF GROWING UP AND LAUNCHING AIR STRIKES ON SYRIA.

在成長過程中，對敘利亞發動空襲。

BUT THE EVENT WASN'T WITHOUT SOME OF THAT CLASSIC BIDEN GAFFE

但這次活動並不缺少一些經典的比登-加菲。

MAGIC, BECAUSE IT SURE SEEMED LIKE HE FORGOT THE NAME OF HIS

魔法，因為他似乎忘記了他的名字。

OWN SECRETARY OF DEFENSE, GENERAL LLOYD AUSTIN:

本身的國防部長，勞埃德・奧斯汀將軍。

>> I WANT TO THANK THE SEC-- THE FORMAL GENERAL-- I KEEP CALLING

>> 我要感謝證監會... 正式的將軍... 我一直在打電話。

HIM "GENERAL," BUT MY-- THE GUY WHO RUNS THAT OUTFIT OVER THERE.

他是 "將軍"，但我的... ... 那個在那邊開服裝店的傢伙。

I WANT TO MAKE SURE WE THANK THE SECRETARY FOR ALL HE'S DONE.

我想確保我們感謝部長所做的一切。

>> Stephen: ( AS BIDEN ) "I WANNA THANK THE GUY...

>> 斯蒂芬：（作為比登）"我想感謝的傢伙... ...

WITH THE JOB, OLD JOHNNY MONEY GUNS OVER THERE WITH THE BOOM

伴隨著工作，老約翰尼的錢槍隨著經濟的繁榮在那邊。

BOOM AND THE PEW PEW!

嘣，還有那隻 "喵喵"！

HE DOES GREAT WORK FOR THE WHOLE OUTFIT!

他為整個團隊做了很好的工作!

WITH THE UNIFORMS AND EVERYTHING.

與制服和一切。

I WANT TO THANK MY SECRETARY OF TRAINS AND PLANES, LITTLE

我想感謝我的火車和飛機部部長李特。

MAYOR TOOT-TOOT!

市長嘟嘟嘟！

AND OVER IN EDUCATION, SECRETARY TEACH-'EM-UPS!

而在教育方面，教師--UPS！

THANKS, TEACH!

謝謝你，老師！

THEY'RE ALL FANTASTIC!

他們都很好！

C'MON, JACK!

來吧，傑克！

IS IT JACK?

是賈克嗎？

IS IT SECRETARY JACK McJACK, JACK?"

是傑克-麥傑克嗎，傑克？"

OF COURSE, THAT WAS JUST A LITTLE SLIP-UP.

當然，這只是一個小的滑倒。

THE SCANDAL BLOWING WASHINGTON OPEN TODAY INVOLVES PRESIDENTIAL

今天吹華盛頓公開賽的醜聞涉及總統

DOG, MAJOR BIDEN.

狗，主要是比登。

LAST WEEK, THE FIRST DOG REPORTEDLY WAS A BIT

上週，第一隻狗據說被咬了。

"AGGRESSIVE" AND AS A RESULT, WAS "SENT BACK TO DELAWARE."

"怨氣沖天"，結果被 "送回特拉華"

NOW, BEFORE YOU WORRY, THE DOG IS FINE.

現在，在你擔心之前，這隻狗很好。

HE WASN'T SENT TO A FARM UPSTATE IN DELAWARE, BECAUSE DELAWARE

他沒有被送到一個農場在德拉瓦州的州， 因為德拉瓦州

DOESN'T HAVE AN UPSTATE.

沒有一個upstate。

IT BARELY HAS A STATE.

它幾乎沒有一個國家。

APPARENTLY, THE THREE-YEAR-OLD GERMAN SHEPHERD HAD A "BITING

顯然，這隻三歲的德國牧羊犬有 "咬人 "的毛病。

INCIDENT" WITH A MEMBER OF WHITE HOUSE SECURITY.

與白宮安全部成員發生的 "事件"。

YOU CAN'T BLAME MAJOR.

你不能責怪主要的。

HE WAS JUST FOLLOWING THE PRESIDENT'S EXAMPLE.

他只是在效仿總統的榜樣。

RUH-ROH!

RUH -ROH！

I JUST WANT TO POINT OUT THAT WE'RE A MONTH AND A HALF INTO

我只想指出，我們已經過去一個半月了。

THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION, AND THE FIRST SCANDAL IS LITERALLY

BIDEN政府，和第一個醜聞是字面上的。

"DOG BITES MAN."

"狗咬人"

AND MAJOR ISN'T THE FIRST FIRST PET TO MISBEHAVE IN THE WHITE