Shaquille O'Neil, in the movie.

俠客‧歐尼爾竟然演電影

And it surprised me, because I've met him a bunch of times,

我太震驚了 因為我見過他幾次

and he's such a funny guy.

他蠻幽默的

And you put him in a movie, you know, to be an actor.

然後你把他擺到大螢幕 當演員

And he's funny.

然後他很好笑

He's great.

他很屌

He's funnier than any of us.

他比我們任何人都風趣

Yeah.

是呀

I swear to god.

我向上天發誓

There's all comedians in the movie,

電影中有很多喜劇演員

every time he does a scene.

每次他拍完戲

Everybody walks away, and can go:

大家各自離開後 就會說

"Shaq is funnier than me."

「俠客竟然比我好笑」

He's like the nicest, greatest guy.

他就是最好 最棒的傢伙

And we hang out with the Shaq,

然後我們常常跟俠客鬼混

and we all play basketball.

我們都打籃球

Everyone of us on the set.

所有的劇組人員

That's right.

這倒是真的

You're fanatic for basketball.

你對籃球很狂熱

Yeah.

是呀

You play it all the time.

你隨時都在打

Yes, all the time.

是的 隨時

And the Shaq's there, so we're like,

然後俠客剛好在 所以我們就想

"Let's play ball with Shaq."

「我們也來跟俠客打球」

So we play ball with Shaq.

所以我們就跟俠客打球

Full court, running up and down,

全場 我們跑上跑下

Shaq is swatting,

俠客不斷蓋火鍋

Shaq's in our face,

當著我們的臉蓋火鍋

and we're like "yes~~"

然後我們就是 「爽~~」

So happy to get swatted.

真高興能被蓋火鍋

It's an honor to be rejected by Shaq.

能被俠客封蓋是一種榮幸

OK, then comes this thing.

所以接著就有這件事

So we play basketball,

我們打完籃球

we got to get back to the movie set.

之後必須回到拍片現場

Shaq has to take a shower.

俠客需要先沖個澡

So everyone's like "Alright, we'll see you later, Shaq."

所以大家想 「好喔 那等下見 俠客」

In my head I'm like,

但我腦中想的是

"I got to see Shaq's penis."

「我一定得看看俠客的老二」

So.....

所以.....

It's just, it's just not....

這只是 不是.....

I can't pass up that opportunity.

我不能錯過這個機會

You just mean for historical reasons.

你的意思是 為了歷史性的意義

Yeah.

對

It's not a gay thing.

這不是在搞基

It's just like.......

這只是像.....

"You got to see that."

「非得看不可」

It's like the Grand Canyon.

這就跟大峽谷一樣

You got to see it.

非看不可

You got to see it.

絕對要看他一下

You can't live and not see it.

你不能虛度人生 沒去看一下

I get this completely.

我完全明白

Thank you.

謝謝你

So,

所以

my plan was to kind of.....

我的計畫有點像是.....

I hear the shower going on in the back,

我聽到後方傳來的沖澡聲

and I said,

然後我就想

"Alright, I'm just going to...."

「好 我就只要」

In the back of what?

在什麼的後面？

In the locker room.

在更衣室之中

I think you were like in his trailer or something.

我以為你在他的拖車上之類的

No!

不是

There's a gym we play basketball.

我們有一個打籃球的健身房

Oh, OK, alright!

喔 好 我知道了

So it's like in a high school,

有點像在高中

and he showers in a way: he's just not being the Shaq down there in the showers.

他在沖澡： 以一種不是俠客的方式在沖澡

Everyone else left.

大家都走了

I'm like, "Alright, let me see that thing."

我就想 「好 讓我看看俠客的那根」

So........

所以.....

Oh boy!!

啊 天呀

I'm going to see that!

我要去看那東西了

Here we go!

我來囉！

I go back there,

所以我來到後方

I hear the shower,

聽到沖澡聲

and I start......

然後開始.....

I kind of turned around backwards,

我有點轉過身

and walked backwards a little, like....

然後背對著走 向.....

Walking backwards....

倒著走.....

You want to look kind of.....

你想要看起來.....

Like I was going to track him.

像我在追蹤他

Like I walk backwards, and I saw, and I was like,

就是我倒著走 然後就會看到 然後就會說

"Hey, what's up?"

「嘿 怎麼了？」

And I....

然後我.....

But no!

但並不是的！

I'm walking backwards, doing my routine,

我倒著走 照著計劃好的

getting closer to the shower,

慢慢接近淋浴間

and I turn around.

然後一個轉身

And I go, "Alright, I got to see Shaq's thing right now."

我心裡想 「好 我現在總看得到俠客的老二了吧」

His bodyguard is there.

但他的保鑣在那

And his bodyguard is just so strong and big.

他的保鑣不但粗壯 又很巨大

And like his thick neck, bald head

然後粗厚的頸子 光頭

And this one eye is looking at me with this one eye, alright.

然後那個獨眼的人 就用著那唯一的眼睛盯著我

So I said,

所以我說

"Sorry,

抱歉

I was just trying to see Shaq's penis."

我只是想看俠客的老二」

"I apologize, I'm out of here." "Please don;t tell Shaq."

「我道歉 我馬上滾」 「拜託別跟俠客講」

So I see Shaq later on the set,

我之後在拍片現場遇到俠客

and I was like,

我就想說

"I guarantee that guy ratted me out."

「我敢說那傢伙絕對會把我抖出來」

So I said,

所以我就說

"Shaq, sorry about that before with your security guard"

「俠客 抱歉之前跟你保鑣發生的事情」

And he goes,

然後他說

"I don't got a security guard,

「我沒有保鑣

that was my dick."

那是我的老二」

Pretty good.

哏鋪得不錯吧

It's terrible.

這太糟糕了！

That's terrible.

太糟糕了！