another caucasian woman coming for my gig.

另一個白種女人來為我的演出。

But after a thought and a couple of Xanax,

但想了想，又吃了幾顆Xanax。

I realized...

我意識到...

bob recognizes bob.

鮑勃認出了鮑勃。

So I'm going to be breaking down

所以，我將打破

some of the movie's best scams.

一些電影中最好的騙局。

Because our stories matter.

因為我們的故事很重要。

♪ money in the bag, got enough money,♪

*錢在包裡，得到了足夠的錢， *

♪ in the bag, money, money in the bag, money ♪

在包裡，錢，錢在包裡，錢

So using the 'Scam Bob' system,

所以使用'詐騙鮑伯'系統。

Let's get started.

我們開始吧

There is actually someone I have been meaning to talk to you about.

其實有一個人我一直想和你談談。

I think she -- she might be--

我想她 -- 她可能是 --

A cherry?

櫻桃？

Yes --

是--

Gimme the details --

把細節告訴我...

Ok, now this is the type of threesome that I like.

好吧，現在這是我喜歡的3P類型。

Jennifer Peterson.

珍妮弗-彼得森

She's in reasonably good health,

她的健康狀況還算不錯。

but recently she has shown some signs of memory loss and confusion.

但最近她出現了一些失憶和混亂的跡象。

Memory loss is a great scam tactic.

失憶是一種很好的詐騙手段。

If you don't remember what you did,

如果你不記得你做了什麼。

How can you lie?

你怎麼能撒謊呢？

She has no kids. No husband.

她沒有孩子。沒有丈夫。

No living family.

沒有活著的家人。

No living family?

沒有活著的家人？

I haven't spoke to mine since I stole my aunt's Mustang.

自從我偷了我姨媽的野馬車後，我就沒和我姨媽說過話。

Who's the rich Auntie now?

現在誰是有錢的阿姨？

Can I get a copy of all this?

我可以得到這些東西的副本嗎？

You bet [gasps]

你打賭 [喘氣]

All except her test results. That wouldn't be ethical.

除了她的測試結果那就不道德了

Of course...

當然了...

I rate this scam three blonde bobs and one shoulder length red one.

我給這個騙局打分，三根金髮，一根齊肩的紅髮。

Good morning, Ms. Peterson. I'm sorry to disturb you so early.

早上好，彼得森女士很抱歉這麼早打擾你 I'm sorry to disturb you so early.

You're a doctor?

你是醫生？

No, ma'am. I, uh--

不，女士，我...我，呃...

May I show you this?

我可以給你看這個嗎？

The fake doctor's note reminds me of when

那張假醫生的紙條讓我想起了當...

I gave the Four Season's valet somebody else's ticket.

我把四季的代駕給了別人的票。

It was a Honda Civc.

那是一輛本田思域。

But so what, scammers can't be chosers.

但那又如何，金光黨不可能是挑夫。

Oh my goodness. Have I done something wrong?

我的天啊我做錯什麼了嗎？

The court has ruled under the guidance of your doctor

法院已經在你的醫生指導下做出了裁決。

that you require assistance in taking care of yourself,

你需要幫助來照顧自己。

and the court has appointed me to be your legal guardian.

法院已指定我為你的法定監護人。

What?

什麼？

White women scamming white women.

白人婦女詐騙白人婦女。

Cheers to us.

為我們乾杯。

This is Frances. She will help you pack a suitcase.

這是Frances.她會幫你收拾行李。

-I don't believe this is happening. -Oh, it's totally fine. It's gonna be--

-我不相信這是真的.-哦，沒事的.這將是...

Don't touch me.

別碰我

This reminds me of the 2016 VMA Awards,

這讓我想起了2016年的VMA頒獎典禮。

when I scammed my way in.

當我詐騙我的方式。

I told them I worked for "E" --

我告訴他們我為E公司工作 --

Little did they know I was just on E.

他們不知道我只是在E。

I give this scam '5 out of 5' bobs.

我給這個騙局'5分'的評價。

And a 'Pixie Cut.'

還有一個 "精靈剪"。

One time I got my hands on an $800,000 necklace,

有一次，我拿到了一條80萬的項鍊。

but then I was quickly tackled to the floor.

但隨後我很快就被撲倒在地。

Plot twist - I enjoyed it.

情節轉折--我很喜歡。

Because they got to put their hands on me.

因為他們要把手放在我身上。

This looks like security footage of me at Target.

這看起來像我在目標公司的監控錄像。

As someone who enjoys a good couch,

作為一個喜歡好沙發的人。

I'm going to give this scam '5 Bobs' and a 'Gavel.'

我要給這個騙局 "5個鮑勃 "和一個 "棒槌"。

Bitch.

婊子

Honestly, truly, Marla Grayson is an inspiration.

老實說，真的，瑪拉-格雷森是一個靈感。

And I've got to get back out there too.

而我也要回到那裡去。

And lie to somebody.

並對某人撒謊。

So buh-bye.

所以，再見。

♪ money in the bag, got enough money in the bag ♪

袋子裡的錢，得到了足夠的錢 在袋子裡的錢

♪ money, money in the bag, money, money in the bag ♪

錢，錢在袋子裡，錢，錢在袋子裡

♪ money, dollar in the bag, got the dollar in the bag ♪

錢，美元在袋子裡， 得到了美元在袋子裡

♪ dollar, dollar in the bag, dollar, dollar in the bag ♪

美元，美元在袋子裡， 美元，美元在袋子裡