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  • At first I was surpised to hear about

    起初我聽到這個消息很驚訝

  • another caucasian woman coming for my gig.

    另一個白種女人來為我的演出。

  • But after a thought and a couple of Xanax,

    但想了想,又吃了幾顆Xanax。

  • I realized...

    我意識到...

  • bob recognizes bob.

    鮑勃認出了鮑勃。

  • So I'm going to be breaking down

    所以,我將打破

  • some of the movie's best scams.

    一些電影中最好的騙局。

  • Because our stories matter.

    因為我們的故事很重要。

  • money in the bag, got enough money,♪

    *錢在包裡,得到了足夠的錢, *

  • in the bag, money, money in the bag, money

    在包裡,錢,錢在包裡,錢

  • So using the 'Scam Bob' system,

    所以使用'詐騙鮑伯'系統。

  • Let's get started.

    我們開始吧

  • There is actually someone I have been meaning to talk to you about.

    其實有一個人我一直想和你談談。

  • I think she -- she might be--

    我想她 -- 她可能是 --

  • A cherry?

    櫻桃?

  • Yes --

    是--

  • Gimme the details --

    把細節告訴我...

  • Ok, now this is the type of threesome that I like.

    好吧,現在這是我喜歡的3P類型。

  • Jennifer Peterson.

    珍妮弗-彼得森

  • She's in reasonably good health,

    她的健康狀況還算不錯。

  • but recently she has shown some signs of memory loss and confusion.

    但最近她出現了一些失憶和混亂的跡象。

  • Memory loss is a great scam tactic.

    失憶是一種很好的詐騙手段。

  • If you don't remember what you did,

    如果你不記得你做了什麼。

  • How can you lie?

    你怎麼能撒謊呢?

  • She has no kids. No husband.

    她沒有孩子。沒有丈夫。

  • No living family.

    沒有活著的家人。

  • No living family?

    沒有活著的家人?

  • I haven't spoke to mine since I stole my aunt's Mustang.

    自從我偷了我姨媽的野馬車後,我就沒和我姨媽說過話。

  • Who's the rich Auntie now?

    現在誰是有錢的阿姨?

  • Can I get a copy of all this?

    我可以得到這些東西的副本嗎?

  • You bet [gasps]

    你打賭 [喘氣]

  • All except her test results. That wouldn't be ethical.

    除了她的測試結果那就不道德了

  • Of course...

    當然了...

  • I rate this scam three blonde bobs and one shoulder length red one.

    我給這個騙局打分,三根金髮,一根齊肩的紅髮。

  • Good morning, Ms. Peterson. I'm sorry to disturb you so early.

    早上好,彼得森女士很抱歉這麼早打擾你 I'm sorry to disturb you so early.

  • You're a doctor?

    你是醫生?

  • No, ma'am. I, uh--

    不,女士,我...我,呃...

  • May I show you this?

    我可以給你看這個嗎?

  • The fake doctor's note reminds me of when

    那張假醫生的紙條讓我想起了當...

  • I gave the Four Season's valet somebody else's ticket.

    我把四季的代駕給了別人的票。

  • It was a Honda Civc.

    那是一輛本田思域。

  • But so what, scammers can't be chosers.

    但那又如何,金光黨不可能是挑夫。

  • Oh my goodness. Have I done something wrong?

    我的天啊我做錯什麼了嗎?

  • The court has ruled under the guidance of your doctor

    法院已經在你的醫生指導下做出了裁決。

  • that you require assistance in taking care of yourself,

    你需要幫助來照顧自己。

  • and the court has appointed me to be your legal guardian.

    法院已指定我為你的法定監護人。

  • What?

    什麼?

  • White women scamming white women.

    白人婦女詐騙白人婦女。

  • Cheers to us.

    為我們乾杯。

  • This is Frances. She will help you pack a suitcase.

    這是Frances.她會幫你收拾行李。

  • -I don't believe this is happening. -Oh, it's totally fine. It's gonna be--

    -我不相信這是真的.-哦,沒事的.這將是...

  • Don't touch me.

    別碰我

  • This reminds me of the 2016 VMA Awards,

    這讓我想起了2016年的VMA頒獎典禮。

  • when I scammed my way in.

    當我詐騙我的方式。

  • I told them I worked for "E" --

    我告訴他們我為E公司工作 --

  • Little did they know I was just on E.

    他們不知道我只是在E。

  • I give this scam '5 out of 5' bobs.

    我給這個騙局'5分'的評價。

  • And a 'Pixie Cut.'

    還有一個 "精靈剪"。

  • One time I got my hands on an $800,000 necklace,

    有一次,我拿到了一條80萬的項鍊。

  • but then I was quickly tackled to the floor.

    但隨後我很快就被撲倒在地。

  • Plot twist - I enjoyed it.

    情節轉折--我很喜歡。

  • Because they got to put their hands on me.

    因為他們要把手放在我身上。

  • This looks like security footage of me at Target.

    這看起來像我在目標公司的監控錄像。

  • As someone who enjoys a good couch,

    作為一個喜歡好沙發的人。

  • I'm going to give this scam '5 Bobs' and a 'Gavel.'

    我要給這個騙局 "5個鮑勃 "和一個 "棒槌"。

  • Bitch.

    婊子

  • Honestly, truly, Marla Grayson is an inspiration.

    老實說,真的,瑪拉-格雷森是一個靈感。

  • And I've got to get back out there too.

    而我也要回到那裡去。

  • And lie to somebody.

    並對某人撒謊。

  • So buh-bye.

    所以,再見。

  • money in the bag, got enough money in the bag

    袋子裡的錢,得到了足夠的錢 在袋子裡的錢

  • money, money in the bag, money, money in the bag

    錢,錢在袋子裡,錢,錢在袋子裡

  • money, dollar in the bag, got the dollar in the bag

    錢,美元在袋子裡, 得到了美元在袋子裡

  • dollar, dollar in the bag, dollar, dollar in the bag

    美元,美元在袋子裡, 美元,美元在袋子裡

At first I was surpised to hear about

起初我聽到這個消息很驚訝

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