I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.

我是你的主播，史蒂芬-科爾伯特。

FOLKS, A LOT HAS CHANGED BECAUSE OF THE ATTACKS ON JANUARY 6:

夥計們，由於1月6日的襲擊事件，很多事情都發生了變化。

2021 HOW WE SEE EACH OTHER AS

2021年我們如何看待彼此？

AMERICANS, MY UNDERWEAR, AND RISK ASSESSMENT.

美國人，我的內衣，和風險評估。

TODAY WAS A PARTICULARLY TENSE DAY IN WASHINGTON, BECAUSE

今天是華盛頓特別緊張的一天，因為

YESTERDAY, THE CAPITOL POLICE ANNOUNCED THAT THEY HAD OBTAINED

今天，首都警察宣佈，他們已經獲得了... ...

INTELLIGENCE ABOUT A Q-ANON PLOT TO BREACH THE U.S. CAPITOL.

關於Q-Anon計劃入侵美國首都的情報。

AGAIN?

又來了？

COME ON, Q-BEES.

來吧，Q -BEES。

REMEMBER WHAT EINSTEIN SAID, "THE DEFINITION OF INSANITY IS

記得愛因斯坦說過："精神錯亂的定義是... ...

DOING THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER BUT EXPECTING DIFFERENT

一遍又一遍地做同樣的事情，但期望得到不同的結果。

RESULTS.

結果：

ALSO, QANON.

還有，卡農。

THOSE PEOPLE ARE (BLEEP) CRAZY."

這些人都是（BLEEP）瘋子。"

BECAUSE THE INAUGURATION USED TO BE ON MARCH 4, ACCORDING TO

因為就職典禮曾經是在3月4日，根據：

Q-SPIRACY THEORISTS, TODAY WAS THE DAY THE FORMER POTUS WOULD

Q-精神理論家們，今天是前總統會的日子

BE RESTORED TO THE PRESIDENCY.

恢復總統職位。

THAT DID NOT HAPPEN.

這並沒有發生。

BUT HE WAS RESTORED AS CUSTOMER OF THE MONTH AT THE PALM BEACH

但他被恢復為棕櫚灘的月度客戶。

K.F.C.-TACO BELL.

K.F.C.-TACO BELL。

NOW, WHILE THEY TOOK THESE THREATS SERIOUSLY, FEDERAL

現在，雖然他們認真對待這些威脅，但聯邦政府

OFFICIALS DID DESCRIBE THEM AS MORE "ASPIRATIONAL" THAN

官員們將其描述為比 "有理想 "的人。

OPERATONAL.

業務：

WHICH EXPLAINS WHY THE Q-ANON MESSAGE BOARDS WERE FILLED WITH

這就解釋了為什麼Q-Anon留言板上充滿了

INSPIRATIONAL MESSAGES LIKE: "LIVE, LAUGH, LOOT NANCY

鼓舞人心的留言，如："活、笑、樂、南西"。"活、笑、樂、南西

PELOSI'S OFFICE," AND "HANG MIKE PENCE IN THERE, BABY."

PELOSI的辦公室，"把MIKE PENCE掛在那裡，寶貝。"

WERE THESE PLANS EVER REAL?

這些計劃是真的嗎？

WHO KNOWS.

誰知道呢？

BUT OUT OF AN ABUNDANCE OF CAUTION, THE HOUSE CANCELED

但出於謹慎起見，房子取消了。

TODAY'S LEGISLATIVE SESSION.

今天的立法會議。

IT'S KIND OF LIKE A DOMESTIC TERRORISM SNOW DAY.

這有點像一個國內恐怖活動的雪天。

THEY'RE BOTH DANGEROUS AND WHITE.

他們都是危險的和白色的。

AND I UNDERSTAND WHY THEY WANT TO BE EXTRA CAUTIOUS.

我明白他們為什麼要特別小心翼翼。

WE'RE LEARNING MORE ABOUT THE TROUBLING FAILURE TO PROTECT

我們正在瞭解更多關於保護失敗的麻煩。

CONGRESS DURING THE JANUARY 6 RIOT.

1月6日暴動期間的國會。

FOR INSTANCE, YESTERDAY, THE COMMANDER OF THE D.C. NATIONAL

今天，華盛頓特區國民軍司令官暫時

GUARD TESTIFIED BEFORE THE SENATE ABOUT WHAT DELAYED HIS

守衛在參議院作證，說明了什麼原因使他延後了他的

TROOPS FROM COMING TO THE RESCUE.

軍隊從前來救援。

>> AT 1:49 P.M., I RECEIVED A FRANTIC CALL FROM THE CHIEF OF

>> 下午1點49分，我接到了局長的電話，他說："我是來找你的。

THE U.S. CAPITOL POLICE STEVEN SUND.

美國首都警察STEVEN SUND。

IMMEDIATELY AFTER THAT 1:49 CALL, I ALERTED THE U.S. ARMY

1點49分的電話後，我立即通知了美國陸軍。

SENIOR LEADERSHIP OF THE REQUEST.

請求的高級上司。

THE APPROVAL FOR THE CHIEF'S REQUEST WOULD EVENTUALLY COME

主席的要求最終會得到準許。

FROM THE ACTING SECRETARY OF DEFENSE AND BE RELAYED TO ME BY

由代理國防部發出，並由代理國防部轉交給我。

ARMY SENIOR LEADERS AT 5:08 P.M.

陸軍高級領導人在下午5:08分。

ABOUT THREE HOURS AND 19 MINUTES LATER.

大約3小時19分鐘後。

>> Stephen: THE PENTAGON DIDN'T SEND HELP FOR THREE HOURS AND 19

>> 史蒂芬：五角星在三小時19分鐘內沒有送來幫助。

MINUTES.

MINUTES.

WHEN THE CALL FOR HELP CAME IN, HAD THE JOINT CHIEFS JUST

當接到求助電話時，聯合酋長們是否已經完成了任務？

PRESSED PLAY ON "THE IRISHMAN?" "WHO'S CALLING?

"愛爾蘭人 "的重播？"WHO'S CALLING？

CONGRESS?

CONGRESS？

LET IT GO TO VOICEMAIL.

讓它去語音郵件。

I WANT TO SEE YOUNG JOE PESCI!" AND I'M BEING TOLD WE HAVE A

我想看看年輕的喬-佩西！"我被告知，我們有一個。

RECORDING OF THE PENTAGON'S VOICEMAIL.

五角星的語音記錄：

>> THANK YOU FOR CALLING THE PENTAGON.

>> 謝謝你打電話給五角星。

IF YOU LOST THE KEYS TO YOUR AIRCRAFT CARRIER, PRESS ONE.

如果你丟失了飛機運輸機的鑰匙，請按一。

IF THIS IS AN EMERGENCY PRESS TWO, AND HELP WILL BE SENT IN

如果這是一個緊急情況，按二，和幫助將被送入。

THREE HOURS.

三小時。

PLEASE HOLD.

請等待。

YOUR COUP IS IMPORTANT TO US.

您的配偶對我們很重要。

>> Stephen: ONE THING HAS BEEN SWIFT, AND THAT'S JUSTICE FOR

>> 史蒂芬: 有一件事是SWIFT的，那就是正義的。

THE RIOTERS.

"暴徒"。

I'LL GIVE YOU THE LATEST IN TONIGHT'S "SEDITIONIST ROUND-UP

我將為您提供今晚 "保守主義者綜述 "的最新內容。

ROUNDUP."

ROUNDUP。"

>> I HAVE A BEEF WITH MOOO-ANON.

>> 我對MOOO -ANON有意見。

>> Stephen: FIRST UP, REMEMBER THIS INSURRECTIONIST IDIOT, WHO

>> Stephen:首先，請記住這個保險業的白痴，他

PUT HIS FEET UP IN NANCY PELOSI'S OFFICE?

把他的腳伸進南希-佩洛西的辦公室？

HE'S A SELF-DESCRIBED WHITE NATIONALIST NAMED RICHARD "BIGO"

他是一個自稱是白人民族主義者的人，叫理查德-"比戈"

BARNETT.

BARNETT.

"BIG O" BECAUSE "TOTAL ZERO" WAS ALREADY TAKEN.

"大O"，因為 "完全零 "已經被拿走了。

AS YOU MIGHT EXPECT FROM A GUY WHO BRAGGED ON CAMERA ABOUT HIS

一個在鏡頭前吹噓自己的人，你可能會想到。

CRIMES, HE'S BEEN TOSSED IN PRISON.

犯罪，他被關進了監獄。

AND AT A COURT DATE TODAY, HE SHOWED TRUE CONTRITION ABOUT THE

而在今天的法庭上，他表現出了真實的承諾，關於這一點。

SERIOUSNESS OF HIS CRIMES.

他犯罪的嚴重性；

JUST KIDDING, HE CRIED LIKE A BIGO BABY, YELLING, "THEY'RE

開個玩笑，他哭得像個小嬰兒，大喊："他們是... ...

DRAGGING THIS OUT.

拖著這個出來。

THEY'RE LETTING EVERYONE ELSE OUT," INSISTING THAT "IT'S NOT

他們在放任別人，"堅持認為 "這不是。

FAIR" THAT HE IS STILL IN JAIL AND SAYING "THIS HAS BEEN A

公平"，他仍然在監獄裡，並說："這是一

BUNCH OF CRAP."

一堆垃圾。"

NOT TRUE.

不是真的。

THE "BUNCH OF CRAP" WAS SMEARED ON THE WALLS OF CONGRESS, AND

"一堆垃圾 "被塗抹在國會的牆壁上，並且。

THEY ARRESTED THAT GUY, TOO.

他們也逮捕了那個傢伙。

TURNS OUT CHIEF DISTRICT JUDGE BERYL HOWELL USED TO WORK IN THE

原來首席地方法官BERYL HOWELL曾在美國加州大學工作。

CAPITOL ON THE SENATE JUDICIARY COMMITTEE, SO SHE MAY HAVE BEEN

在參議院司法委員會的首都，所以她可能已經被。

MORE OFFENDED BY THE ASSAULT THAN OTHERS.

比其他人更受攻擊。

OOH, THAT'S A SPOT OF BAD LUCK.

哦，這是一個壞運氣的點。

THAT'S LIKE THE KOOL AID MAN ON TRIAL FOR DESTRUCTION OF

這就像那個因毀壞房屋而受審的 "酷愛 "男子一樣。

PROPERTY FACING JUDGE ROGER BRICK-WALL.

財產面對法官羅傑磚牆。

(AS KOOL AID MAN) "OH, NO."

（作為酷愛的人）"哦，不。"

NEXT UP IN THE CORRAL OF CONSEQUENCES, QANON SHAMAN AND

下一個是 "後果"，卡農巫師和 "卡農"。

MAN ON THE ENDANGERED DUMBASS LIST, JACOB CHANSLEY.

瀕臨滅絕的笨蛋名單上的人，賈科布-錢斯利。

CHANSLEY'S BEEN IN FEDERAL CUSTODY SINCE JANUARY, AND

陳士禮從1月起就被聯邦監禁了，而且

HERE'S WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE NOW.

這是他現在的樣子。

WOW, IS THERE SUCH A THING AS A GLOW-DOWN?

哇，有這麼個東西叫 "發光 "嗎？

IT'S LIKE FINDING OUT ATILLA THE HUN WAS ACTUALLY ATTILA

就像發現匈奴王阿提拉實際上是阿提拉一樣

HUNNINGBERG, SUBSTITUTE TEACHER.

HUNNINGBERG，代課老師。

CHANSLEY GAVE AN INTERVIEW FROM JAIL TO THE NEW NEWS PROGRAM "60

陳思禮在獄中接受了新聞節目《60》的採訪。

MINUTES+," ON AMERICA'S BELOVED STREAMING SERVICE: "PARAMOUNT+."

分鐘+，"在美國最受歡迎的 串流服務。"PARAMOUNT+。"

HEY, EVERYBODY, IT'S PLUSSY!

嘿，各位，這是PLUSSY！

PARAMOUNT PLUS MASCOT HEY, PLUSSY!

PARAMOUNT PLUS MASCOT 嘿，PLUSSY！

WHY DOESN'T HE TALK, OH, I FORGOT, FOR BUDGET TEAR REASONS

為什麼他不說話， 哦，我忘了，預算預算的原因。

THEY CUT OUT HIS L ARYNX.

他們切掉了他的蘭克斯。

GOOD-BYE, PLUSSY, GOOD-BYE.

再見，普洛西，再見。

THE SHAMAN HAD A UNIQUE TAKE ON HIS ACTIONS DURING THE CAPITOL

巫師對他在首都期間的行動有獨特的看法。

INSURRECTION.

保險：

>> MY ACTIONS ON JANUARY 6?

>> 我在1月6日的行動？

HOW WOULD I DESCRIBE THEM?

我該如何描述它們？

WELL, I SANG A SONG, AND THAT'S A PART OF SHAMANISM.

好吧，我唱了一首歌，那是薩滿教的一部分。

IT'S ABOUT CREATING POSITIVE VIBRATIONS IN A SACRED CHAMBER.

這是關於在神聖的房間裡創造積極的氛圍。

I ALSO STOPPED PEOPLE IN STEALING AND VANDALIZING THAT

我也阻止了人們在偷竊和破壞，

SECRET SPACE, THE SENATE, OKAY, I ACTUALLY STOPPED SOMEBODY FROM

祕密空間，參議院，好吧，我實際上阻止了一些人，從

STEALING MUFFINS OUT OF THE BREAK ROOM.

從休息室偷出鬆餅。

>> Stephen: OH, THANK GOD, HE SAVED CONGRESS' MUFFINS.

>> 哦，感謝上帝，他拯救了國會的鬆餅。

REMINDED ME OF THE DRAMATIC SECOND VERSE OF THE STAR

讓我想起了《星際》中戲劇性的第二段。

SPANGLED BANNER, GAVE PROOF THROUGH THE FIGHT THAT THE BRAN

斑馬線，通過戰鬥提供了證據，證明了布蘭妮是個很好的人。

WAS STILL THERE OH SAY DOES THAT CRUMB SPANGLED SNACK TRAY

還在那裡哦，說做， 崩潰的螺旋形小吃盤。

YET STAY WITH THE LITTLE

但仍與小

DEBBIE'S CAKES AND THE CHIPS FRITO LAY!

DEBBIE's蛋糕和薯條FRITO LAY!

THROW HIM IN JAIL!

把他送進監獄！

BUT, DESPITE DESTROYING HIS LIFE ON THE EX-PRESIDENT'S

但是，儘管他的生活被毀在了總統的身上

INVITATION, CHANSLEY HASN'T GIVEN UP ON THE MAN.

邀約，陳思禮還沒有放棄那個人。

>> HE CARES ABOUT THE AMERICAN PEOPLE, AND THAT'S ALSOWHY IT

>> 他關心美國人民，這就是為什麼它

WOUNDED ME SO DEEPLY AND WHY DISAPPOINTED ME SO GREATLY THAT

深深地傷害了我，為什麼讓我如此失望？

I AND OTHERS DID NOT GET A PARDON.

我和其他人沒有得到赦免。

>> Stephen: THAT'S TOUGH.

>> 史蒂芬：這是艱難的。

BUT IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER, THE ONLY REASON HE DIDN'T PARDON

但如果這能讓你感覺好些，他不寬恕的唯一理由是...

YOU IS THAT HE ACTUALLY DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YOU.

你是他實際上並不關心你。

LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE MADE THAT MISTAKE.

很多人都犯了這個錯誤。

BUT THEY GOT ALIMONY.

但他們得到了孤獨。

NOW IT'S TIME FOR "SPACE NEWS!

現在是 "太空新聞 "的時候了!

ROCKET EDITION."

ROCKET EDITION"。

GO SAY I HAD TO PLUSSY YESTERDAY, THERE WAS A NEW SPACE

去說，我不得不PLUSSY昨天，有一個新的空間。

ACHIEVEMENT FOR TESLA FOUNDER AND WORLD'S RICHEST STEAMED

TESLA創始人和世界上最富有的蒸汽機的成就。

DUMPLING, ELON MUSK.

DUMPLING, ELON MUSK.

MUSK'S COMPANY, SPACE-X, LAUNCHED A PROTOTYPE OF ITS

MUSK的公司，SPACE-X，推出了我的原型。

SIGNATURE ORBITAL VEHICLE, THE "STARSHIP" ROCKET.

標誌性軌道飛行器，"星艦 "火箭，

THIS IS THE PHILLIPS HEAD VERSION.

這是菲利普斯頭的版本。

SPACEX'S UNMANNED ROCKETS DISTINGUISH THEMSELVES BY

SPACEX的無人駕駛火箭通過以下方式來區分自己的位置。

DELIVERING THEIR PAYLOAD AND THEN LANDING ON THEIR FINS,

交付他們的薪水，然後落在他們的財務上。

BUCK ROGERS-STYLE, SO THEY CAN BE REUSED.

巴克-羅格斯風格，所以他們可以重複使用。

IT'S SUPER EXCITING.

這是超級興奮的。

"STARSHIP" IS THE LATEST AND LARGEST OF THESE TO BE

"星際飛船 "是最新和最大的這些是

ATTEMPTED.

試圖：

AND ALTHOUGH THE FIRST TWO "STARSHIP" PROTOTYPES WERE

儘管最初的兩個 "星艦 "原型是

DESTROYED ON LANDING, THIRD TIME'S THE CHARM.

降落時被摧毀，第三次是魅力。

WOW!

哇！

OKAY, LITTLE BOBBLE ON THE LANDING...

好吧，小波波在降落... ...

JUDGES ARE GOING TO TAKE OFF TWO-TENTHS OF A POINT.

評審們要扣掉兩分之一的分數。

BUT THEY DID IT!

但他們做到了！

WHAT AN INCREDIBLE ACHIEVEMENT, EVEN MANAGING TO LAND ON ONE

多麼了不起的成就，甚至設法降落在一個人身上

ENGINE.

發動機。

SO, CONGRATULATIONS TO MUSK AND EVERYONE AT SPACEX FOR A SAFE

所以，恭喜MUSK和SPACEX的每一個人都平安無事。

LANDING.

著陸：

I AM READY TO BUY MY TICK...

我準備好買我的票了... ...

OH!

哦！

SHALL PUT THAT AWAY FOR NOW.

我現在就把它扔掉。

OKAY, JUST A FEW WRINKLES LEFT TO IRON OUT.

好吧，只是一些皺紋 留給熨燙出來。

LAST WEEK, THE HOUSE APPROVED BIDEN'S $1.9 TRILLION COVID

上週，眾議院準許了BIDEN的19億美元貸款。

STIMULUS PACKAGE, BUT NOW IT'S BEING HELD UP IN THE SENATE BY

刺激計劃，但現在它在參議院受到了阻礙，由。

WISCONSIN SENATOR RON JOHNSON, SEEN HERE IN HIS PUPA STATE.

威斯康星州參議員羅恩・約翰遜，在他的帕帕州看到的。

YESTERDAY, JOHNSON ANNOUNCED THAT HE WILL DELAY A VOTE ON

今天，約翰遜宣佈，他將延後對以下問題的投票：

GETTING AMERICANS MUCH NEEDED COVID RELIEF BY FORCING SENATE

迫使參議院向美國人提供急需的救濟金。

CLERKS TO READ THE MORE THAN 600-PAGE BILL OUT LOUD.

書記員大聲朗讀超過600頁的法案。

THAT TAKES GUTS.

這需要勇氣。

IT REMINDS ME OF THE CLASSIC FILM, MR. SMITH FORCES SENATE

這讓我想起了那部經典電影《史密斯先生逼宮》。

CLERKS TO GO TO WASHINGTON.

書記員要去華盛頓。

IT'S AWFUL TO DENY PEOPLE RELIEF IN SUCH A PETTY WAY.

以這種小氣的方式剝奪人們的救濟，真是太可怕了。

PERHAPS HE'S NOT THAT MUCH OF A DOUCHEBAG.

也許他並不是那麼討厭的一個笨蛋。

PERHAPS IT'S JUST RON JOHNSON'S WAY OF TELLING US HE CAN'T READ.

也許這只是羅恩・約翰遜告訴我們他不識字的方式。

NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF, SENATOR.

沒什麼好羞愧的，參議員。

WE'RE SENDING LEVAR BURTON.

我們要送利瓦爾-伯頓去。

JOHNSON'S BIG ISSUE WITH THE STIMULUS BILL IS THE PRICE TAG,

約翰遜的刺激法案的最大問題是價格標籤。

WHICH HE EXPLAINED ON THE SENATE FLOOR IN THE DUMBEST WAY

他在參議院上用最愚蠢的方式解釋了這一切

POSSIBLE: >> THE THICKNESS OF A DOLLAR

可能的。>> 一塊錢的厚度。

BILL IS 4.3 THOUSANDTHS OF AN INCH THICK.

BILL是4.3千分之一英寸厚。

IF YOU STACKED A MILLION DOLLAR BILLS ON TOP OF EACH OTHER, THEY

如果你把一百萬美元的鈔票疊在一起，它們就會變成一個整體

WOULD BE-- THEY WOULD STACK UP TO BE 358 FEET HIGH.

會是... ... 他們會堆積起來是358英尺高。

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT $1.9 TRILLION, WHICH WOULD STACK UP

我們談論的是190億美元，這將會是一個巨大的數字。

TO 135,732 MILES HIGH.

到135,732英里高。

MADAM PRESIDENT, THE DISTANCE TO THE MOON IS 238,900 MILES.

主席女士，距離月球的距離是238,900英里。

>> Stephen: OKAY, I DIDN'T GET A LOT FROM THAT, OTHER THAN I

>> 斯蒂芬: 好吧，我沒有得到什麼，除了我的。

THINK THE STIMULUS WILL BE PAID OUT IN SINGLES.

我想獎金將以單筆支付。

SO DON'T FORGET TO WEAR A G-STRING AND SHAKE IT UP.

所以不要忘了穿上G-STRING，抖起來。

HOUSE DEMOCRATS HAVE BEEN ON A ROLL.

眾議院民主黨人一直在努力。

BEFORE THEY BUGGED OUT OF TOWN, THEY WERE EXTREMELY BUSY WITH

在他們出城之前，他們非常忙，有很多事情要做

THE LAW-MAKIN' LAST NIGHT.

"昨晚的法律製造"。

FIRST, THEY PASSED A LANDMARK BILL ON VOTING RIGHTS,

首先，他們通過了一項關於投票權的地標法案。

ELECTIONS, CAMPAIGN FINANCE AND ETHICS REFORM, TITLED H.R. 1.

選舉、競選資金和道德改革，標題為H.R.1。

H.R., OF COURSE, STANDS FOR "HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES," AND

H. R. ，當然，代表 "眾議院"。

1 STANDS FOR THE NUMBER OF BLACK PEOPLE THE G.O.P. WILL LET VOTE

1代表G.O.P.願意讓投票的黑人人數。

IF THIS BILL DOESN'T BECOME LAW.

如果這項法案不能成為法律，

THEY ALSO PASSED SOMETHING CALLED "THE GEORGE FLOYD JUSTICE

他們還通過了一個被稱為 "喬治-弗洛伊德司法 "的東西。

IN POLICING ACT," WHICH WOULD BAN CHOKEHOLDS AND "QUALIFIED

《警務法》，該法將禁止扼殺和 "合格的"。

IMMUNITY," AND ALSO CREATE A NATIONAL STANDARD FOR POLICING.

IMMUNITY"，同時制定國家政策標準。

GOOD.

好的。

POLICING SHOULD HAVE AT LEAST THE SAME LEVEL OF STANDARDS AS

警務工作應至少具有與《公約》相同的標準水準。

LUNCHMEAT.

LUNCHMEAT.

SURPRISINGLY, THIS DEMOCRATIC BILL EVEN GOT ONE REPUBLICAN

令人驚訝的是，這個民主黨的法案甚至得到了一個共和黨人。

VOTE.

投票：

YES, TAKE THAT, PEOPLE WHO SAY THE G.O.P. DOESN'T CARE ABOUT

是的，拿去吧，那些說政府不關心的人。

BLACK PEOPLE!

黑人！

BECAUSE WHEN IT CAME TO VALUING HUMAN LIFE, AT LEAST ONE MAN HAD

因為在評價人類生命的時候，至少有一個人有：

THE HEART TO-- I'M SORRY, WHAT'S THAT?

心 -- 對不起，那是什麼？

THE SOLE G.O.P. VOTE SAID HE "ACCIDENTALLY PRESSED THE WRONG

唯一的G.O.P.投票者說他 "不小心按錯了鍵"。

VOTING BUTTON."

投票按鈕。"

WRONG BUTTON?

錯誤的按鈕？

AND HE'S A CONGRESSMAN?

他是個議員？

HE'S NOT EVEN FIT TO GO ON "THE BACHELOR."

他甚至不適合去 "主教"。

"I CHOOSE AMBER... NO, WAIT!

"我選擇琥珀... ...不，等等！

JESSICA...

JESSICA...

OH, IS IT TOO LATE?

哦，是不是太晚了？

DAMN.

該死的。

CAN I HAVE THE ROSE BACK?" YOU GOT A PROBLEM, BRO

"我可以要回玫瑰嗎？"你有麻煩了，兄弟

BUT AT LEAST FOR ONE BRIEF, FLICKERING MOMENT, HE MADE US

但至少在一個短暫的，飛快的時刻，他讓我們

THINK HE HAD A CONSCIENCE.

我想他是有意識的。

AND TONIGHT, WE HONOR THAT MISTAKE:

而今晚，我們對這個錯誤表示敬意。

TONIGHT ON "A LATE SHOW'S GREAT MOMENTS IN OOPS-A-BRAVERY," WE

今晚的 "晚間秀的精彩瞬間 "中，我們...

TAKE A LOOK BACK AMERICAN HEROES WHO WERE WRONGLY ON THE RIGHT

回顧一下美國英雄們在正確的道路上所犯的錯誤。

SIDE OF HISTORY.

歷史的一面。

JUNE 6, 1944: CLIFFORD T. HINKLEY MISTAKENLY

1944年6月6日CLIFFORD T. HINKLEY MISTAKENLY.

BOARDS A D-DAY LANDING CRAFT, THINKING HE WAS EMBARKING ON A

乘坐D-Day登陸艇，以為自己是在登船。

BOOZE CRUISE.

BOOZE CRUISE。

JULY 4, 1776: JEBEDIAH PIERSON SIGNED THE

1776年7月4日JEBEDIAH PIERSON簽署了... ...

DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE, THINKING IT WAS A BIRTHDAY CARD.

獨立宣言，認為這是一個生日賀卡。

MARCH 7, 1965: PATRICK O'SHEA INADVERTENTLY

1965年3月7日PATRICK O'SHEA INADVERTENTLY.

JOINED THE MARCH ON SELMA, BELIEVING IT WAS A ST. PATRICKS

參加了在SELMA的遊行，相信這是一個聖帕特里克。聖帕特里克

DAY PARADE.

日遊行。

AND, MARCH 3, 2021: TEXAS REPRESENTATIVE LANCE

和，2021年3月3日，德州議員蘭斯：

GOODEN ACCIDENTALLY VOTED FOR SENSIBLE POLICE REFORM.

高登意外地投了感性警察改革的票。

BECAUSE NO MATTER WHAT HIS POLITICAL AFFILIATION, DEEP

因為不管他的政治聯盟是什麼，深層的。

DOWN, HE'S TOO DUMB TO KNOW HOW BUTTONS WORK.

他太笨了，不知道按鈕怎麼用。

HIS COURAGEOUS STUPIDITY WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN.

他的勇敢愚蠢永遠不會被忘記。

WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT, JANE FONDA IS HERE.

今晚我們將為您帶來一場精彩的演出，簡-方達在這裡。

BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, "MEANWHILE!"

但是，當我們回來的時候，"meanWHILE！"