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  • WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."

    歡迎來到 "深夜秀"。

  • I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.

    我是你的主播,史蒂芬-科爾伯特。

  • FOLKS, A LOT HAS CHANGED BECAUSE OF THE ATTACKS ON JANUARY 6:

    夥計們,由於1月6日的襲擊事件,很多事情都發生了變化。

  • 2021 HOW WE SEE EACH OTHER AS

    2021年我們如何看待彼此?

  • AMERICANS, MY UNDERWEAR, AND RISK ASSESSMENT.

    美國人,我的內衣,和風險評估。

  • TODAY WAS A PARTICULARLY TENSE DAY IN WASHINGTON, BECAUSE

    今天是華盛頓特別緊張的一天,因為

  • YESTERDAY, THE CAPITOL POLICE ANNOUNCED THAT THEY HAD OBTAINED

    今天,首都警察宣佈,他們已經獲得了... ...

  • INTELLIGENCE ABOUT A Q-ANON PLOT TO BREACH THE U.S. CAPITOL.

    關於Q-Anon計劃入侵美國首都的情報。

  • AGAIN?

    又來了?

  • COME ON, Q-BEES.

    來吧,Q -BEES。

  • REMEMBER WHAT EINSTEIN SAID, "THE DEFINITION OF INSANITY IS

    記得愛因斯坦說過:"精神錯亂的定義是... ...

  • DOING THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER BUT EXPECTING DIFFERENT

    一遍又一遍地做同樣的事情,但期望得到不同的結果。

  • RESULTS.

    結果:

  • ALSO, QANON.

    還有,卡農。

  • THOSE PEOPLE ARE (BLEEP) CRAZY."

    這些人都是(BLEEP)瘋子。"

  • BECAUSE THE INAUGURATION USED TO BE ON MARCH 4, ACCORDING TO

    因為就職典禮曾經是在3月4日,根據:

  • Q-SPIRACY THEORISTS, TODAY WAS THE DAY THE FORMER POTUS WOULD

    Q-精神理論家們,今天是前總統會的日子

  • BE RESTORED TO THE PRESIDENCY.

    恢復總統職位。

  • THAT DID NOT HAPPEN.

    這並沒有發生。

  • BUT HE WAS RESTORED AS CUSTOMER OF THE MONTH AT THE PALM BEACH

    但他被恢復為棕櫚灘的月度客戶。

  • K.F.C.-TACO BELL.

    K.F.C.-TACO BELL。

  • NOW, WHILE THEY TOOK THESE THREATS SERIOUSLY, FEDERAL

    現在,雖然他們認真對待這些威脅,但聯邦政府

  • OFFICIALS DID DESCRIBE THEM AS MORE "ASPIRATIONAL" THAN

    官員們將其描述為比 "有理想 "的人。

  • OPERATONAL.

    業務:

  • WHICH EXPLAINS WHY THE Q-ANON MESSAGE BOARDS WERE FILLED WITH

    這就解釋了為什麼Q-Anon留言板上充滿了

  • INSPIRATIONAL MESSAGES LIKE: "LIVE, LAUGH, LOOT NANCY

    鼓舞人心的留言,如:"活、笑、樂、南西"。"活、笑、樂、南西

  • PELOSI'S OFFICE," AND "HANG MIKE PENCE IN THERE, BABY."

    PELOSI的辦公室,"把MIKE PENCE掛在那裡,寶貝。"

  • WERE THESE PLANS EVER REAL?

    這些計劃是真的嗎?

  • WHO KNOWS.

    誰知道呢?

  • BUT OUT OF AN ABUNDANCE OF CAUTION, THE HOUSE CANCELED

    但出於謹慎起見,房子取消了。

  • TODAY'S LEGISLATIVE SESSION.

    今天的立法會議。

  • IT'S KIND OF LIKE A DOMESTIC TERRORISM SNOW DAY.

    這有點像一個國內恐怖活動的雪天。

  • THEY'RE BOTH DANGEROUS AND WHITE.

    他們都是危險的和白色的。

  • AND I UNDERSTAND WHY THEY WANT TO BE EXTRA CAUTIOUS.

    我明白他們為什麼要特別小心翼翼。

  • WE'RE LEARNING MORE ABOUT THE TROUBLING FAILURE TO PROTECT

    我們正在瞭解更多關於保護失敗的麻煩。

  • CONGRESS DURING THE JANUARY 6 RIOT.

    1月6日暴動期間的國會。

  • FOR INSTANCE, YESTERDAY, THE COMMANDER OF THE D.C. NATIONAL

    今天,華盛頓特區國民軍司令官暫時

  • GUARD TESTIFIED BEFORE THE SENATE ABOUT WHAT DELAYED HIS

    守衛在參議院作證,說明了什麼原因使他延後了他的

  • TROOPS FROM COMING TO THE RESCUE.

    軍隊從前來救援。

  • >> AT 1:49 P.M., I RECEIVED A FRANTIC CALL FROM THE CHIEF OF

    >> 下午1點49分,我接到了局長的電話,他說:"我是來找你的。

  • THE U.S. CAPITOL POLICE STEVEN SUND.

    美國首都警察STEVEN SUND。

  • IMMEDIATELY AFTER THAT 1:49 CALL, I ALERTED THE U.S. ARMY

    1點49分的電話後,我立即通知了美國陸軍。

  • SENIOR LEADERSHIP OF THE REQUEST.

    請求的高級上司。

  • THE APPROVAL FOR THE CHIEF'S REQUEST WOULD EVENTUALLY COME

    主席的要求最終會得到準許。

  • FROM THE ACTING SECRETARY OF DEFENSE AND BE RELAYED TO ME BY

    由代理國防部發出,並由代理國防部轉交給我。

  • ARMY SENIOR LEADERS AT 5:08 P.M.

    陸軍高級領導人在下午5:08分。

  • ABOUT THREE HOURS AND 19 MINUTES LATER.

    大約3小時19分鐘後。

  • >> Stephen: THE PENTAGON DIDN'T SEND HELP FOR THREE HOURS AND 19

    >> 史蒂芬:五角星在三小時19分鐘內沒有送來幫助。

  • MINUTES.

    MINUTES.

  • WHEN THE CALL FOR HELP CAME IN, HAD THE JOINT CHIEFS JUST

    當接到求助電話時,聯合酋長們是否已經完成了任務?

  • PRESSED PLAY ON "THE IRISHMAN?" "WHO'S CALLING?

    "愛爾蘭人 "的重播?"WHO'S CALLING?

  • CONGRESS?

    CONGRESS?

  • LET IT GO TO VOICEMAIL.

    讓它去語音郵件。

  • I WANT TO SEE YOUNG JOE PESCI!" AND I'M BEING TOLD WE HAVE A

    我想看看年輕的喬-佩西!"我被告知,我們有一個。

  • RECORDING OF THE PENTAGON'S VOICEMAIL.

    五角星的語音記錄:

  • >> THANK YOU FOR CALLING THE PENTAGON.

    >> 謝謝你打電話給五角星。

  • IF YOU LOST THE KEYS TO YOUR AIRCRAFT CARRIER, PRESS ONE.

    如果你丟失了飛機運輸機的鑰匙,請按一。

  • IF THIS IS AN EMERGENCY PRESS TWO, AND HELP WILL BE SENT IN

    如果這是一個緊急情況,按二,和幫助將被送入。

  • THREE HOURS.

    三小時。

  • PLEASE HOLD.

    請等待。

  • YOUR COUP IS IMPORTANT TO US.

    您的配偶對我們很重要。

  • >> Stephen: ONE THING HAS BEEN SWIFT, AND THAT'S JUSTICE FOR

    >> 史蒂芬: 有一件事是SWIFT的,那就是正義的。

  • THE RIOTERS.

    "暴徒"。

  • I'LL GIVE YOU THE LATEST IN TONIGHT'S "SEDITIONIST ROUND-UP

    我將為您提供今晚 "保守主義者綜述 "的最新內容。

  • ROUNDUP."

    ROUNDUP。"

  • >> I HAVE A BEEF WITH MOOO-ANON.

    >> 我對MOOO -ANON有意見。

  • >> Stephen: FIRST UP, REMEMBER THIS INSURRECTIONIST IDIOT, WHO

    >> Stephen:首先,請記住這個保險業的白痴,他

  • PUT HIS FEET UP IN NANCY PELOSI'S OFFICE?

    把他的腳伸進南希-佩洛西的辦公室?

  • HE'S A SELF-DESCRIBED WHITE NATIONALIST NAMED RICHARD "BIGO"

    他是一個自稱是白人民族主義者的人,叫理查德-"比戈"

  • BARNETT.

    BARNETT.

  • "BIG O" BECAUSE "TOTAL ZERO" WAS ALREADY TAKEN.

    "大O",因為 "完全零 "已經被拿走了。

  • AS YOU MIGHT EXPECT FROM A GUY WHO BRAGGED ON CAMERA ABOUT HIS

    一個在鏡頭前吹噓自己的人,你可能會想到。

  • CRIMES, HE'S BEEN TOSSED IN PRISON.

    犯罪,他被關進了監獄。

  • AND AT A COURT DATE TODAY, HE SHOWED TRUE CONTRITION ABOUT THE

    而在今天的法庭上,他表現出了真實的承諾,關於這一點。

  • SERIOUSNESS OF HIS CRIMES.

    他犯罪的嚴重性;

  • JUST KIDDING, HE CRIED LIKE A BIGO BABY, YELLING, "THEY'RE

    開個玩笑,他哭得像個小嬰兒,大喊:"他們是... ...

  • DRAGGING THIS OUT.

    拖著這個出來。

  • THEY'RE LETTING EVERYONE ELSE OUT," INSISTING THAT "IT'S NOT

    他們在放任別人,"堅持認為 "這不是。

  • FAIR" THAT HE IS STILL IN JAIL AND SAYING "THIS HAS BEEN A

    公平",他仍然在監獄裡,並說:"這是一

  • BUNCH OF CRAP."

    一堆垃圾。"

  • NOT TRUE.

    不是真的。

  • THE "BUNCH OF CRAP" WAS SMEARED ON THE WALLS OF CONGRESS, AND

    "一堆垃圾 "被塗抹在國會的牆壁上,並且。

  • THEY ARRESTED THAT GUY, TOO.

    他們也逮捕了那個傢伙。

  • TURNS OUT CHIEF DISTRICT JUDGE BERYL HOWELL USED TO WORK IN THE

    原來首席地方法官BERYL HOWELL曾在美國加州大學工作。

  • CAPITOL ON THE SENATE JUDICIARY COMMITTEE, SO SHE MAY HAVE BEEN

    在參議院司法委員會的首都,所以她可能已經被。

  • MORE OFFENDED BY THE ASSAULT THAN OTHERS.

    比其他人更受攻擊。

  • OOH, THAT'S A SPOT OF BAD LUCK.

    哦,這是一個壞運氣的點。

  • THAT'S LIKE THE KOOL AID MAN ON TRIAL FOR DESTRUCTION OF

    這就像那個因毀壞房屋而受審的 "酷愛 "男子一樣。

  • PROPERTY FACING JUDGE ROGER BRICK-WALL.

    財產面對法官羅傑磚牆。

  • (AS KOOL AID MAN) "OH, NO."

    (作為酷愛的人)"哦,不。"

  • NEXT UP IN THE CORRAL OF CONSEQUENCES, QANON SHAMAN AND

    下一個是 "後果",卡農巫師和 "卡農"。

  • MAN ON THE ENDANGERED DUMBASS LIST, JACOB CHANSLEY.

    瀕臨滅絕的笨蛋名單上的人,賈科布-錢斯利。

  • CHANSLEY'S BEEN IN FEDERAL CUSTODY SINCE JANUARY, AND

    陳士禮從1月起就被聯邦監禁了,而且

  • HERE'S WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE NOW.

    這是他現在的樣子。

  • WOW, IS THERE SUCH A THING AS A GLOW-DOWN?

    哇,有這麼個東西叫 "發光 "嗎?

  • IT'S LIKE FINDING OUT ATILLA THE HUN WAS ACTUALLY ATTILA

    就像發現匈奴王阿提拉實際上是阿提拉一樣

  • HUNNINGBERG, SUBSTITUTE TEACHER.

    HUNNINGBERG,代課老師。

  • CHANSLEY GAVE AN INTERVIEW FROM JAIL TO THE NEW NEWS PROGRAM "60

    陳思禮在獄中接受了新聞節目《60》的採訪。

  • MINUTES+," ON AMERICA'S BELOVED STREAMING SERVICE: "PARAMOUNT+."

    分鐘+,"在美國最受歡迎的 串流服務。"PARAMOUNT+。"

  • HEY, EVERYBODY, IT'S PLUSSY!

    嘿,各位,這是PLUSSY!

  • PARAMOUNT PLUS MASCOT HEY, PLUSSY!

    PARAMOUNT PLUS MASCOT 嘿,PLUSSY!

  • WHY DOESN'T HE TALK, OH, I FORGOT, FOR BUDGET TEAR REASONS

    為什麼他不說話, 哦,我忘了,預算預算的原因。

  • THEY CUT OUT HIS L ARYNX.

    他們切掉了他的蘭克斯。

  • GOOD-BYE, PLUSSY, GOOD-BYE.

    再見,普洛西,再見。

  • THE SHAMAN HAD A UNIQUE TAKE ON HIS ACTIONS DURING THE CAPITOL

    巫師對他在首都期間的行動有獨特的看法。

  • INSURRECTION.

    保險:

  • >> MY ACTIONS ON JANUARY 6?

    >> 我在1月6日的行動?

  • HOW WOULD I DESCRIBE THEM?

    我該如何描述它們?

  • WELL, I SANG A SONG, AND THAT'S A PART OF SHAMANISM.

    好吧,我唱了一首歌,那是薩滿教的一部分。

  • IT'S ABOUT CREATING POSITIVE VIBRATIONS IN A SACRED CHAMBER.

    這是關於在神聖的房間裡創造積極的氛圍。

  • I ALSO STOPPED PEOPLE IN STEALING AND VANDALIZING THAT

    我也阻止了人們在偷竊和破壞,

  • SECRET SPACE, THE SENATE, OKAY, I ACTUALLY STOPPED SOMEBODY FROM

    祕密空間,參議院,好吧,我實際上阻止了一些人,從

  • STEALING MUFFINS OUT OF THE BREAK ROOM.

    從休息室偷出鬆餅。

  • >> Stephen: OH, THANK GOD, HE SAVED CONGRESS' MUFFINS.

    >> 哦,感謝上帝,他拯救了國會的鬆餅。

  • REMINDED ME OF THE DRAMATIC SECOND VERSE OF THE STAR

    讓我想起了《星際》中戲劇性的第二段。

  • SPANGLED BANNER, GAVE PROOF THROUGH THE FIGHT THAT THE BRAN

    斑馬線,通過戰鬥提供了證據,證明了布蘭妮是個很好的人。

  • WAS STILL THERE OH SAY DOES THAT CRUMB SPANGLED SNACK TRAY

    還在那裡哦,說做, 崩潰的螺旋形小吃盤。

  • YET STAY WITH THE LITTLE

    但仍與小

  • DEBBIE'S CAKES AND THE CHIPS FRITO LAY!

    DEBBIE's蛋糕和薯條FRITO LAY!

  • THROW HIM IN JAIL!

    把他送進監獄!

  • BUT, DESPITE DESTROYING HIS LIFE ON THE EX-PRESIDENT'S

    但是,儘管他的生活被毀在了總統的身上

  • INVITATION, CHANSLEY HASN'T GIVEN UP ON THE MAN.

    邀約,陳思禮還沒有放棄那個人。

  • >> HE CARES ABOUT THE AMERICAN PEOPLE, AND THAT'S ALSOWHY IT

    >> 他關心美國人民,這就是為什麼它

  • WOUNDED ME SO DEEPLY AND WHY DISAPPOINTED ME SO GREATLY THAT

    深深地傷害了我,為什麼讓我如此失望?

  • I AND OTHERS DID NOT GET A PARDON.

    我和其他人沒有得到赦免。

  • >> Stephen: THAT'S TOUGH.

    >> 史蒂芬:這是艱難的。

  • BUT IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER, THE ONLY REASON HE DIDN'T PARDON

    但如果這能讓你感覺好些,他不寬恕的唯一理由是...

  • YOU IS THAT HE ACTUALLY DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YOU.

    你是他實際上並不關心你。

  • LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE MADE THAT MISTAKE.

    很多人都犯了這個錯誤。

  • BUT THEY GOT ALIMONY.

    但他們得到了孤獨。

  • NOW IT'S TIME FOR "SPACE NEWS!

    現在是 "太空新聞 "的時候了!

  • ROCKET EDITION."

    ROCKET EDITION"。

  • GO SAY I HAD TO PLUSSY YESTERDAY, THERE WAS A NEW SPACE

    去說,我不得不PLUSSY昨天,有一個新的空間。

  • ACHIEVEMENT FOR TESLA FOUNDER AND WORLD'S RICHEST STEAMED

    TESLA創始人和世界上最富有的蒸汽機的成就。

  • DUMPLING, ELON MUSK.

    DUMPLING, ELON MUSK.

  • MUSK'S COMPANY, SPACE-X, LAUNCHED A PROTOTYPE OF ITS

    MUSK的公司,SPACE-X,推出了我的原型。

  • SIGNATURE ORBITAL VEHICLE, THE "STARSHIP" ROCKET.

    標誌性軌道飛行器,"星艦 "火箭,

  • THIS IS THE PHILLIPS HEAD VERSION.

    這是菲利普斯頭的版本。

  • SPACEX'S UNMANNED ROCKETS DISTINGUISH THEMSELVES BY

    SPACEX的無人駕駛火箭通過以下方式來區分自己的位置。

  • DELIVERING THEIR PAYLOAD AND THEN LANDING ON THEIR FINS,

    交付他們的薪水,然後落在他們的財務上。

  • BUCK ROGERS-STYLE, SO THEY CAN BE REUSED.

    巴克-羅格斯風格,所以他們可以重複使用。

  • IT'S SUPER EXCITING.

    這是超級興奮的。

  • "STARSHIP" IS THE LATEST AND LARGEST OF THESE TO BE

    "星際飛船 "是最新和最大的這些是

  • ATTEMPTED.

    試圖:

  • AND ALTHOUGH THE FIRST TWO "STARSHIP" PROTOTYPES WERE

    儘管最初的兩個 "星艦 "原型是

  • DESTROYED ON LANDING, THIRD TIME'S THE CHARM.

    降落時被摧毀,第三次是魅力。

  • WOW!

    哇!

  • OKAY, LITTLE BOBBLE ON THE LANDING...

    好吧,小波波在降落... ...

  • JUDGES ARE GOING TO TAKE OFF TWO-TENTHS OF A POINT.

    評審們要扣掉兩分之一的分數。

  • BUT THEY DID IT!

    但他們做到了!

  • WHAT AN INCREDIBLE ACHIEVEMENT, EVEN MANAGING TO LAND ON ONE

    多麼了不起的成就,甚至設法降落在一個人身上

  • ENGINE.

    發動機。

  • SO, CONGRATULATIONS TO MUSK AND EVERYONE AT SPACEX FOR A SAFE

    所以,恭喜MUSK和SPACEX的每一個人都平安無事。

  • LANDING.

    著陸:

  • I AM READY TO BUY MY TICK...

    我準備好買我的票了... ...

  • OH!

    哦!

  • SHALL PUT THAT AWAY FOR NOW.

    我現在就把它扔掉。

  • OKAY, JUST A FEW WRINKLES LEFT TO IRON OUT.

    好吧,只是一些皺紋 留給熨燙出來。

  • LAST WEEK, THE HOUSE APPROVED BIDEN'S $1.9 TRILLION COVID

    上週,眾議院準許了BIDEN的19億美元貸款。

  • STIMULUS PACKAGE, BUT NOW IT'S BEING HELD UP IN THE SENATE BY

    刺激計劃,但現在它在參議院受到了阻礙,由。

  • WISCONSIN SENATOR RON JOHNSON, SEEN HERE IN HIS PUPA STATE.

    威斯康星州參議員羅恩・約翰遜,在他的帕帕州看到的。

  • YESTERDAY, JOHNSON ANNOUNCED THAT HE WILL DELAY A VOTE ON

    今天,約翰遜宣佈,他將延後對以下問題的投票:

  • GETTING AMERICANS MUCH NEEDED COVID RELIEF BY FORCING SENATE

    迫使參議院向美國人提供急需的救濟金。

  • CLERKS TO READ THE MORE THAN 600-PAGE BILL OUT LOUD.

    書記員大聲朗讀超過600頁的法案。

  • THAT TAKES GUTS.

    這需要勇氣。

  • IT REMINDS ME OF THE CLASSIC FILM, MR. SMITH FORCES SENATE

    這讓我想起了那部經典電影《史密斯先生逼宮》。

  • CLERKS TO GO TO WASHINGTON.

    書記員要去華盛頓。

  • IT'S AWFUL TO DENY PEOPLE RELIEF IN SUCH A PETTY WAY.

    以這種小氣的方式剝奪人們的救濟,真是太可怕了。

  • PERHAPS HE'S NOT THAT MUCH OF A DOUCHEBAG.

    也許他並不是那麼討厭的一個笨蛋。

  • PERHAPS IT'S JUST RON JOHNSON'S WAY OF TELLING US HE CAN'T READ.

    也許這只是羅恩・約翰遜告訴我們他不識字的方式。

  • NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF, SENATOR.

    沒什麼好羞愧的,參議員。

  • WE'RE SENDING LEVAR BURTON.

    我們要送利瓦爾-伯頓去。

  • JOHNSON'S BIG ISSUE WITH THE STIMULUS BILL IS THE PRICE TAG,

    約翰遜的刺激法案的最大問題是價格標籤。

  • WHICH HE EXPLAINED ON THE SENATE FLOOR IN THE DUMBEST WAY

    他在參議院上用最愚蠢的方式解釋了這一切

  • POSSIBLE: >> THE THICKNESS OF A DOLLAR

    可能的。>> 一塊錢的厚度。

  • BILL IS 4.3 THOUSANDTHS OF AN INCH THICK.

    BILL是4.3千分之一英寸厚。

  • IF YOU STACKED A MILLION DOLLAR BILLS ON TOP OF EACH OTHER, THEY

    如果你把一百萬美元的鈔票疊在一起,它們就會變成一個整體

  • WOULD BE-- THEY WOULD STACK UP TO BE 358 FEET HIGH.

    會是... ... 他們會堆積起來是358英尺高。

  • WE'RE TALKING ABOUT $1.9 TRILLION, WHICH WOULD STACK UP

    我們談論的是190億美元,這將會是一個巨大的數字。

  • TO 135,732 MILES HIGH.

    到135,732英里高。

  • MADAM PRESIDENT, THE DISTANCE TO THE MOON IS 238,900 MILES.

    主席女士,距離月球的距離是238,900英里。

  • >> Stephen: OKAY, I DIDN'T GET A LOT FROM THAT, OTHER THAN I

    >> 斯蒂芬: 好吧,我沒有得到什麼,除了我的。

  • THINK THE STIMULUS WILL BE PAID OUT IN SINGLES.

    我想獎金將以單筆支付。

  • SO DON'T FORGET TO WEAR A G-STRING AND SHAKE IT UP.

    所以不要忘了穿上G-STRING,抖起來。

  • HOUSE DEMOCRATS HAVE BEEN ON A ROLL.

    眾議院民主黨人一直在努力。

  • BEFORE THEY BUGGED OUT OF TOWN, THEY WERE EXTREMELY BUSY WITH

    在他們出城之前,他們非常忙,有很多事情要做

  • THE LAW-MAKIN' LAST NIGHT.

    "昨晚的法律製造"。

  • FIRST, THEY PASSED A LANDMARK BILL ON VOTING RIGHTS,

    首先,他們通過了一項關於投票權的地標法案。

  • ELECTIONS, CAMPAIGN FINANCE AND ETHICS REFORM, TITLED H.R. 1.

    選舉、競選資金和道德改革,標題為H.R.1。

  • H.R., OF COURSE, STANDS FOR "HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES," AND

    H. R. ,當然,代表 "眾議院"。

  • 1 STANDS FOR THE NUMBER OF BLACK PEOPLE THE G.O.P. WILL LET VOTE

    1代表G.O.P.願意讓投票的黑人人數。

  • IF THIS BILL DOESN'T BECOME LAW.

    如果這項法案不能成為法律,

  • THEY ALSO PASSED SOMETHING CALLED "THE GEORGE FLOYD JUSTICE

    他們還通過了一個被稱為 "喬治-弗洛伊德司法 "的東西。

  • IN POLICING ACT," WHICH WOULD BAN CHOKEHOLDS AND "QUALIFIED

    《警務法》,該法將禁止扼殺和 "合格的"。

  • IMMUNITY," AND ALSO CREATE A NATIONAL STANDARD FOR POLICING.

    IMMUNITY",同時制定國家政策標準。

  • GOOD.

    好的。

  • POLICING SHOULD HAVE AT LEAST THE SAME LEVEL OF STANDARDS AS

    警務工作應至少具有與《公約》相同的標準水準。

  • LUNCHMEAT.

    LUNCHMEAT.

  • SURPRISINGLY, THIS DEMOCRATIC BILL EVEN GOT ONE REPUBLICAN

    令人驚訝的是,這個民主黨的法案甚至得到了一個共和黨人。

  • VOTE.

    投票:

  • YES, TAKE THAT, PEOPLE WHO SAY THE G.O.P. DOESN'T CARE ABOUT

    是的,拿去吧,那些說政府不關心的人。

  • BLACK PEOPLE!

    黑人!

  • BECAUSE WHEN IT CAME TO VALUING HUMAN LIFE, AT LEAST ONE MAN HAD

    因為在評價人類生命的時候,至少有一個人有:

  • THE HEART TO-- I'M SORRY, WHAT'S THAT?

    心 -- 對不起,那是什麼?

  • THE SOLE G.O.P. VOTE SAID HE "ACCIDENTALLY PRESSED THE WRONG

    唯一的G.O.P.投票者說他 "不小心按錯了鍵"。

  • VOTING BUTTON."

    投票按鈕。"

  • WRONG BUTTON?

    錯誤的按鈕?

  • AND HE'S A CONGRESSMAN?

    他是個議員?

  • HE'S NOT EVEN FIT TO GO ON "THE BACHELOR."

    他甚至不適合去 "主教"。

  • "I CHOOSE AMBER... NO, WAIT!

    "我選擇琥珀... ...不,等等!

  • JESSICA...

    JESSICA...

  • OH, IS IT TOO LATE?

    哦,是不是太晚了?

  • DAMN.

    該死的。

  • CAN I HAVE THE ROSE BACK?" YOU GOT A PROBLEM, BRO

    "我可以要回玫瑰嗎?"你有麻煩了,兄弟

  • BUT AT LEAST FOR ONE BRIEF, FLICKERING MOMENT, HE MADE US

    但至少在一個短暫的,飛快的時刻,他讓我們

  • THINK HE HAD A CONSCIENCE.

    我想他是有意識的。

  • AND TONIGHT, WE HONOR THAT MISTAKE:

    而今晚,我們對這個錯誤表示敬意。

  • TONIGHT ON "A LATE SHOW'S GREAT MOMENTS IN OOPS-A-BRAVERY," WE

    今晚的 "晚間秀的精彩瞬間 "中,我們...

  • TAKE A LOOK BACK AMERICAN HEROES WHO WERE WRONGLY ON THE RIGHT

    回顧一下美國英雄們在正確的道路上所犯的錯誤。

  • SIDE OF HISTORY.

    歷史的一面。

  • JUNE 6, 1944: CLIFFORD T. HINKLEY MISTAKENLY

    1944年6月6日CLIFFORD T. HINKLEY MISTAKENLY.

  • BOARDS A D-DAY LANDING CRAFT, THINKING HE WAS EMBARKING ON A

    乘坐D-Day登陸艇,以為自己是在登船。

  • BOOZE CRUISE.

    BOOZE CRUISE。

  • JULY 4, 1776: JEBEDIAH PIERSON SIGNED THE

    1776年7月4日JEBEDIAH PIERSON簽署了... ...

  • DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE, THINKING IT WAS A BIRTHDAY CARD.

    獨立宣言,認為這是一個生日賀卡。

  • MARCH 7, 1965: PATRICK O'SHEA INADVERTENTLY

    1965年3月7日PATRICK O'SHEA INADVERTENTLY.

  • JOINED THE MARCH ON SELMA, BELIEVING IT WAS A ST. PATRICKS

    參加了在SELMA的遊行,相信這是一個聖帕特里克。聖帕特里克

  • DAY PARADE.

    日遊行。

  • AND, MARCH 3, 2021: TEXAS REPRESENTATIVE LANCE

    和,2021年3月3日,德州議員蘭斯:

  • GOODEN ACCIDENTALLY VOTED FOR SENSIBLE POLICE REFORM.

    高登意外地投了感性警察改革的票。

  • BECAUSE NO MATTER WHAT HIS POLITICAL AFFILIATION, DEEP

    因為不管他的政治聯盟是什麼,深層的。

  • DOWN, HE'S TOO DUMB TO KNOW HOW BUTTONS WORK.

    他太笨了,不知道按鈕怎麼用。

  • HIS COURAGEOUS STUPIDITY WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN.

    他的勇敢愚蠢永遠不會被忘記。

  • WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT, JANE FONDA IS HERE.

    今晚我們將為您帶來一場精彩的演出,簡-方達在這裡。

  • BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, "MEANWHILE!"

    但是,當我們回來的時候,"meanWHILE!"

WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."

歡迎來到 "深夜秀"。

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