Name: 特雷沃-華萊士與 "反向鯰魚 "勾搭在一起--性愛失敗 (Trevor Wallace Hooked Up with a "Reverse Catfish" - Sex Fails)
Uploaded: 2021-03-03T19:50:42.000Z
Duration: 5 min 56 s

I was like, Look, use me as a bop it, pull it, twist it, kick it.

我當時想，你看，把我當做一個彈弓，拉它，扭它，踢它。

Whatever you need to do to my body, I'm down to listen.

不管你要對我的身體做什麼，我都願意聽。

My name is Trevor Wallis And one time I had sex.

我叫Trevor Wallis 有一次我做了愛

This all happened about three years ago living in Santa Monica living it up, dude.

這一切都發生在三年前，住在聖莫尼卡的生活了，夥計。

Living in a three by 3 ft room, paying $3000 for rent.

住在一個三乘三尺的房間裡，交3000元的房租。

But I had one video do, like a million views.

但我有一個視頻做，像一百萬的瀏覽量。

So in my head, I was popping around the same time.

所以在我的腦海裡，我是在同一時間蹦出來的。

This girl who went to college with kind of hit me up out of the blue and was like, Hey, I'm in Los Angeles.

這個和我一起上大學的女孩突然打了我一下，說："嘿，我在洛杉磯。

So she hits me up and she goes, Hey, I'm in town and I don't pick up on social cues was like, Cool.

所以她打了我，她說："嘿，我在城裡，我不拿起 社交線索就像，酷。

Do you need, like, food recommendations or something?

你需要，比如，食物推薦什麼的嗎？

She's like, we should get a drink tonight.

她說，我們今晚應該去喝一杯。

And the second she said tequila, I was like, Oh, this is gonna be a freaking kind of nobody's ever had it tequila and just been satisfied with the hand job.

當她說龍舌蘭酒的時候，我就想，哦，這將是一種畸形的，沒有人喝過龍舌蘭酒，只是滿足於手藝。

So we're at this place we get Margarita were just chowing down chips and guac throwing back shots.

所以，我們在這個地方，我們得到瑪格麗特... ...我們只是大口大口地吃薯片和鱷梨... ...扔回鏡頭。

I think just in general I was stoked that she reached out to me.

我想只是在一般情況下，我很興奮，她向我伸出手。

This was the first time you met up outside of college and quite frankly, the first time we really talk, man.

這是你在大學之外的第一次見面，說實話，也是我們第一次真正意義上的交談，夥計。

At one point, I just remember that she was in the bathroom for like, 10 minutes, and when she left, I was like, I really like this girl.

有一次，我只記得她在衛生間裡呆了10分鐘，當她離開時，我就想，我真的很喜歡這個女孩。

She's pretty cute, like we got good chemistry.

她很可愛，就像我們有很好的化學反應。

So we go back to my house and it's one of those, like, immediately the door opens.

所以，我們回到我家，它是其中之一， 喜歡，立即開門。

You're just making out in the hallway, which is funny because my apartment isn't that big.

你只是在走廊上親熱，這很有趣，因為我的公寓沒有那麼大。

We could have just taken two more steps and then been in my bedroom, but we were feeling it for whatever reason.

我們本可以多走兩步，然後就在我的臥室裡，但不管什麼原因，我們都有感覺。

We didn't even make it past the closet, you know, that's how you know you're freaking when the coat closet is getting all the action.

我們甚至沒有讓它過去的衣櫃， 你知道，這就是你怎麼知道你是嚇壞 當大衣櫃是得到所有的行動。

It's like, How do you get off me with Get in the room.

就像，你怎麼能用 "進房間 "來擺脫我。

So we go into the bedroom and we started hooking up and I'll be honest, man.

所以，我們走進臥室，我們開始勾搭，我會說實話，男人。

她是個可愛的女孩，很有吸引力。

But she has a body that I didn't even expect.

但她的身材是我都沒有想到的。

現在我不知道該怎麼稱呼這個。

She just had, like, I'm more like casual clothes.

她只是有，喜歡，我更喜歡休閒裝。

So I don't really know what the curve situation was looking like.

所以我真的不知道曲線情況是什麼樣的。

But let's just say I got to unwrap these Christmas gifts twice, okay?

但我只能說我得拆兩次這些聖誕禮物，好嗎？

She's cute, and then she takes her clothes off and she's got a body like a body body.

她很可愛，然後她把衣服脫掉，她的身體就像一個身體的身體。

Thinking about a good body, nothing about a better body.

想的是好身體，無非是更好的身體。

I mean, you could fit more than an hour on that hourglass, which was great for me because I feel like I look like a malnourished scarecrow.

我是說，你可以在那個沙漏上裝一個多小時，這對我來說很好，因為我覺得我看起來像個營養不良的稻草人。

She's like doing the direction I was all in.

Whatever you need to do to my body, I'm down.

不管你要對我的身體做什麼，我都願意。

I want a woman who knows what she wants, and I'm down to listen.

我想要一個知道自己想要什麼的女人，而且我願意傾聽。

長話短說，我們就這樣勾搭上了。

Now I know at this point you're like, When's the SEC's gonna fail?

現在我知道在這一點上，你會想，證監會什麼時候會失敗？

And we use this title is click bait Boom at air horns.

而我們使用這個標題是點擊誘餌轟在空氣角。

It's morning and she's leaving, which look a lot of guys, but oh, man, we were gonna go get eggs.

現在是早上，她要走了，看起來有很多人，但是哦，夥計，我們要去買雞蛋。

Benedict know me excited because I get to lay there and all of my little sex juice bed and then later on, my roommate walks in just to fuck with me, as roommates do.

本尼迪克特知道我很興奮，因為我可以躺在那裡，我所有的小性汁床，然後後來，我的室友走了進來，只是為了和我做愛，就像室友一樣。

Roommates are never productive when you're hungover and he's looking at this thing next to me.

室友在你宿醉的時候，永遠不會有收穫，而他卻在看我旁邊的這個東西。

And then he grabs his foreign object and he holds it up like you just got a treasure map at the end of the movie.

然後他抓起他的異物，舉起它，就像你在電影結尾拿到一張藏寶圖一樣。

It looks at and he just goes, What is this?

And then he had this moment and I've never seen his face just go so red he goes, Oh, fuck.

然後，他有這個時刻，我從來沒有見過他的臉 只是去這麼紅，他去，哦，他媽的。

This is a used tampon and he takes it, throws it in the air like it's just supposed to disappear into the iCloud.

這是一個用過的衛生棉條，他拿著它，把它扔在空中，好像它就應該消失在iCloud裡。

Nope, that puppy's coming right back down.

I'm doing a little shimmy shake to get it off.

我在做一個小的搖搖晃晃把它弄掉。

Looking like Shakira at the halftime show, it kind of just rolls over and I scoot over.

看著像夏奇拉在中場秀，它有點像剛翻身，我就挪過來了。

So we both start freaking out a little bit and it wakes up.

所以我們都開始有點抓狂，它就醒了。

Roommate number three off the couch and he comes on in, and now he's yelling.

室友三號從沙發上下來，他進來了，現在他在大叫。

And in doing so, one of my roommates just stops and he goes, Look behind me on the wall and of course, don't have a headboard.

而在這樣做的時候，我的一個室友就停下來，他說，你看我身後的牆上，當然，沒有床頭板。

Sure enough, you notice is the most perfect, beautiful blood outline of a used tampon.

果然，你注意到是用過的衛生棉條最完美、最漂亮的血色輪廓。

It looked like LeBron had a handful of blood through it in the air before a playoff game.

在季後賽前，勒布朗好像在空中打了一把血透。

So my brain immediately goes into connect the dots activity.

所以我的大腦立刻進入了連線活動。

就在這時，所有的一切都被點擊了。

I looked at my roommates and I said, This is what went down.

我看著我的室友，我說，這就是事情的經過。

The only opportunity I think she would have had to sneak.

我想這是她唯一能偷偷摸摸的機會。

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特雷沃-華萊士與 "反向鯰魚 "勾搭在一起--性愛失敗 (Trevor Wallace Hooked Up with a "Reverse Catfish" - Sex Fails)

regret

immediately

productive

crush