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  • ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,

    嘿,EVERYBODY。

  • WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW."

    歡迎回到 "深夜秀"。

  • LET'S SAY HELLO TO MR. JONA BATISTE.

    讓我們歡迎先生。JONA BATISTE。

  • JON, ARE YOU AS EXCITED AS I AM OF TONIGHT'S MUSICAL GUEST?

    喬恩,你是否和我一樣對今晚的音樂嘉賓感到興奮?

  • I'M A BIG FAN.

    我是一個大風扇。

  • >> Jon: I LIKE THAT GUY.

    >> 喬恩。我喜歡那個傢伙。

  • HE'S GOING.

    他要去。

  • >> Stephen: HE'S A COMER.

    >> 他是一個來者。

  • HE'S THE COMING MAN IS WHAT HE IS.

    他是即將到來的人,就是他。

  • WHAT SONG ARE YOU DOING US TONIGHT FROM YOUR NEW ALBUM "WE

    今晚你在新專輯《我們》中為我們唱了什麼歌?

  • ARE"?

    ARE"?

  • >> Jon: I'M GOING TO DO "I NEED YOU."

    >> 喬恩我要去做 "我需要你"。

  • I WANT TO DO THAT BECAUSE WE NEED THE JOY.

    我想這樣做,因為我們需要快樂。

  • WE NEED EACH OTHER, BABY.

    我們需要彼此,寶貝。

  • >> Stephen: AND IT'S PACKED WITH IT.

    >> 史蒂芬:而且它的包裝裡有它。

  • IT'S PACKED WITH JOY LIKE PENUTS IN A SNICKER'S BAR.

    它充滿了歡樂,就像餅乾棒裡的硬幣一樣。

  • GIVE US A LITTLE TEASE OF WHAT'S COMING.

    給我們一個即將到來的小提示。

  • >> Jon: JUST A LITTLE BIT.

    >> 喬恩。只是一點點。

  • ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: STICK AROUND FOR

    >> 斯蒂芬:堅持下去。

  • THAT, EVERYBODY.

    那,每個人。

  • JON BATISTE.

    JON BATISTE.

  • >> Jon: GOT TO WAIT FOR THE RIFFUPON

    >> 喬恩:必須等待RIFFUPON。

  • >> Stephen: YOU KNOW, EVERY NIGHT I SCOUR THE DIAMOND MARKET

    >> 斯蒂芬:你知道嗎,每天晚上我都會在鑽石市場上搜尋。

  • FOR THE SHINIEST, MOST TOPICAL GEMS OF STORIES, THEN I LOVINGLY

    對於最閃亮的,最有話題性的故事的寶石,然後我很喜歡。

  • ARRANGE AND SET THEM INTO A HAND-CAST, SOLID, 24-CARAT GOLD

    將它們鑲嵌在手工鑄造的24克拉黃金中。

  • NECKLACE TO CREATE FOR YOU THE CARTIER MASTERPIECE THAT IS MY

    為您打造我的卡地亞大師級項鍊。

  • MONOLOGUE.

    獨白:

  • BUT SOMETIMES, JUST SOMETIMES I GET ARRESTED FOR ILLEGALLY

    但有時,只是有時,我被非法逮捕。

  • TRADING BOOTLEG ENDANGERED MEAT AND GET SENT UP FOR A FIVE SPOT

    貿易博狗娛樂網址是多少危害肉,並被送上五號臺。

  • WHERE ME AND SPIDER, WHO GOT PINCHED FOR HIS GOAT FIGHTING

    我和蜘蛛在哪裡,誰得到了他的高超的戰鬥力的剪輯

  • RING, SCRAPE TOGETHER SOME BOTTLE CAPS, BUSTED PRETZELS,

    戒指,刮開一些瓶蓋,破損的甜甜圈。

  • AND DISCARDED LIFE SAVERS CANDIES WE FOUND IN THE

    和廢棄的救命糖果,我們發現在。

  • INFIRMARY AFTER A JUMP-OFF, STRING 'EM ONTO SOME GREASY HAIR

    在跳傘後,把它們串在一些油膩的頭髮上。

  • WE STOLE FROM CRUSHER'S PONYTAIL WHILE HE WAS KNOCKED OUT ON HIS

    我們偷了他的小馬尾,而他卻被打暈了。

  • MEDS, ALL TO CREATE FOR YOU THE PRISON CRAFTROOM CHOKER OF NEWS

    醫學,都為你創造了監獄裡的手藝人扼殺新聞的機會。

  • THAT IS MY SEGMENT: "QUARANTINE-WHILE!"

    這是我的部門。"QUARANTINE -WHILE!"

  • >> Stephen: QUARANTINE-WHILE, "CATS ARE JUST AS DISLOYAL AS

    >> Stephen:QUARANTINE -WHILE, "CATS ARE JUST AS DISLOYAL AS...

  • YOU SUSPECTED, A NEW STUDY SUGGESTS."

    你懷疑,一個新的研究建議。"

  • WHICH MEANS WE HAVE BREAKING NEWS:

    這意味著我們有重大新聞。

  • ♪ ♪ ♪ CATS ARE (BLEEP).

    貓是(嗶嗶)。

  • IN 2015, RESEARCHERS "HAD DOGS SEE A SITUATION IN WHICH A THIRD

    2015年,研究人員 "讓狗看到了一個場景,其中三分之一的狗都在這裡。

  • PARTY WOULD EITHER HELP THEIR OWNER OR TURN THEIR BACK ON

    一方既不會幫助其主人,也不會背叛其主人。

  • THEM."

    他們。"

  • WHEN THE THIRD PARTY SPURNED THE OWNER'S PLEA FOR HELP, THE DOGS

    當第三方激發了主人的求助意願時,狗兒們也開始行動了。

  • SEEMINGLY TOOK IT PERSONALLY AND TENDED TO AVOID TAKING A TREAT

    似乎把它個人和傾向於避免採取治療

  • FROM THEM."

    從他們那裡。"

  • WHEREAS, IN THE EXACT SAME TEST, "CATS SHOWED NO PREFERENCE

    鑑於在同樣的測試中,"貓咪沒有表現出任何偏好"。

  • FOR PEOPLE WHO TREAT THEIR OWNERS POSITIVELY OVER THOSE

    為那些對待自己的主人比對待別人更積極的人。

  • WHO BEHAVE NEGATIVELY TOWARDS THEM."

    對他們採取消極態度的人。"

  • CONFIRMED: YOUR CAT DOES NOT HAVE YOUR BACK.

    確認:你的貓不在你身後。

  • "HEY, I NOTICE YOU'VE BEEN STABBED IN THE NECK, MASTER.

    "嘿,我注意到你的脖子被打了,主人。

  • YOU MIND SHOWING YOUR ASSAILANT WHERE THE PANTRY IS BEFORE YOU

    你介意在你之前告訴你的攻擊者飯菜在哪裡嗎?

  • PASS OUT?

    傳出?

  • THAT TUNA ISN'T GONNA OPEN ITSELF."

    "那個TUNA不會自己打開。"

  • ALSO, BAD NEWS FOR BOND VILLAINS.

    還有,邦德罪犯的壞消息。

  • THAT CAT MAY TURN ON YOU.

    那隻貓可能會背叛你

  • THAT'S WHY Q ALWAYS GIVES JAMES BOND A PEN THAT ALSO WORKS AS A

    這就是為什麼Q總是給詹姆斯-邦德一支筆,也可以當筆用。

  • LASER POINTER.

    脈衝光針:

  • AND THIS BRINGS ME TO MORE BREAKING NEWS:

    這讓我想到了更多的新聞。

  • ♪ ♪ ♪ BREAKING NEWS: "DOGS GIVE A

    "BREAKING NEWS:"狗給一個

  • RAT'S ASS IF YOU LIVE OR DIE."

    "老鼠的屁股,如果你活著或死了。"

  • WHO SPURNS MY NEMESIS?

    誰刺激了我的慾望?

  • YOU DO!

    你是!

  • YOU GOT A VENDETTA.

    你有一個福利社。

  • YOU DO!

    你是!

  • GOOD BOY!

    好孩子!

  • QUARANTINE-WHILE, THE MEDICAL DIRECTOR OF ENGLAND'S NATIONAL

    英國國家醫療總監Quarantine-WhILE

  • HEALTH SERVICE HAS WARNED AGAINST TAKING GWYNETH PALTROW'S

    衛生服務部門警告說,不要服用GWYNETH PALTROW的

  • COVID ADVICE.

    COVID建議:

  • NOW, WAIT JUST A VAGINA CANDLE MINUTE!

    現在,等待只是一個陰道燭光分鐘!

  • IF WE CAN'T TRUST THE ACTOR LADY WHO SELLS YONI ROCKS AND

    如果我們不能相信賣YONI搖滾樂的女演員和

  • VA-JAY-JAY STEAMERS FOR MEDICAL ADVICE, WHO CAN WE TRUST?!

    VA-JAY-JAY蒸汽機的醫療建議,我們能相信誰?

  • REESE WITHERSPOON?

    REESE WITHERSPOON?

  • SHE DOESN'T SELL ANYTHING TO JAM UP MY ORIFICES.

    她不賣任何東西來堵住我的孔道。

  • I GUESS DRAPER JAMES SELLS SUNGLASSES, BUT WHY WOULD I JAM

    我想舞者詹姆士賣的是太陽鏡,但我為什麼要跳呢?

  • THEM WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE?!

    他們在陽光照不到的地方?

  • IT SEEMS PALTROW HAS BEEN CLAIMING YOU CAN RELIEVE COVID

    似乎PALTROW一直在宣稱你可以減輕COVID的負擔。

  • EFFECTS WITH DUBIOUS TREATMENTS, LIKE A "KETO AND PLANT-BASED"

    使用可疑的治療方法,如 "酮和植物為基礎的"

  • DIET, "LOTS OF COCONUT AMINOS" AND SUGAR-FREE KOMBUCHA AND

    飲食,"大量的椰子氨基 "和無糖KOMBUCHA和。

  • KIMCHI," AND "INTUITIVE FASTING."

    錦鯉 "和 "主動斷食"。

  • AND IF YOU'RE WONDERING WHAT "INTUITIVE FASTING" MEANS, THINK

    如果你想知道 "主動斷食 "是什麼意思,請想一想。

  • OF IT AS "CONSCIOUSLY UNCOUPLING" FROM NUTRIENTS.

    營養素中的 "有意識地解聚"。

  • QUARANTINE-WHILE, IN MEAT NEWS, AUTHORITIES SEIZED NEARLY 300

    夸父--在肉類新聞中,權威機構查獲了近300個。

  • POUNDS OF CONTRABAND BOLOGNA AT THE SOUTHERN BORDER.

    南方邊界的一磅康泰班博洛尼亞。

  • NO WORD ON THE IDENTITY OF THE BOLOGNA CARTEL'S LEADER.

    博洛尼亞卡特爾的頭目身份不詳。

  • SO FAR, ALL THEY KNOW IS HE DOES HAVE A FIRST NAME, AND IT'S

    到目前為止,他們只知道他有一個名字,而且是... ...

  • "O-S-C-A-R."

    "O-S-C-A-R"

  • NOW, IT'S ILLEGAL TO BRING FOREIGN BOLOGNA INTO THE U.S.,

    現在,將外國博洛尼亞帶入美國是非法的。

  • IN PART, DUE TO THE RISK OF TRANSMITTING FOREIGN DISEASES.

    部分原因是由於傳染外國疾病的風險。

  • BECAUSE IF THERE'S ONE THING PEOPLE WHO EAT BOLOGNA ARE KNOWN

    因為如果有一件事吃博洛尼亞的人都知道的話...

  • FOR, IT'S BEING HEALTH CONSCIOUS.

    因為,它的健康意識。

  • NOW, LONGTIME VIEWERS OF THE "QUARANTINE-WHILE" SUPER-SEGMENT

    現在,"夸父逐日 "超級篇的長期觀眾們

  • "MEANWHILE" MIGHT BE EXPERIENCING A STRONG SENSE OF

    "此時此刻 "可能正經歷著強烈的感覺。

  • DEJA VU, BECAUSE IN NOVEMBER OF 2019, I NOTED A SIMILAR STORY:

    DEJA VU,因為在2019年11月,我注意到了一個相似的故事。

  • MEANWHILE, IN MEAT NEWS, CUSTOMS AND BORDER PROTECTION SEIZED 154

    同時,在肉類新聞、海關和邊境保護方面,共扣押了154件物品。

  • POUNDS OF "PROHIBITED BOLOGNA" THIS WEEK AT THE U.S.-MEXICO

    本週在美國和墨西哥的 "違禁博洛尼亞 "的磅數。

  • BORDER CROSSING IN EL PASO, TEXAS.

    在德克薩斯州埃爾帕索市越界。

  • BORDER PATROL AGENTS SEIZED THE MEAT, BUT THE CRIMINAL FLED THE

    邊境巡警扣押了肉,但犯罪分子卻逃之夭夭。

  • SCENE.

    場景:

  • SO AUTHORITIES ARE ASKING THE PUBLIC TO BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR

    是以,當局要求公眾注意以下幾點

  • THIS VEHICLE.

    這輛車。

  • ( LAUGHTER ) WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY NEWEST

    這讓我想到了我的最新的...

  • "QUARANTINE-WHILE" SUB-SUBSEGMENT: "TOLD YA SO."

    "QUARANTINE -WHILE" SUB-SubSubEGMENT:"Told YA SO."

  • TONIGHT "ON TOLD YA SO": TOLD YA SO.

    今晚 "在TOLD YA SO"。TOLD YA SO.

  • I WARNED AMERICA ABOUT THE GROWING BOLOGNA THREAT, AND YET,

    我警告過美國,博洛尼亞的威脅越來越大,但是,

  • AMERICA DID NOTHING.

    美國什麼也沒做。

  • AND NOW IT'S GROWN FROM 154 POUNDS OF PROHIBITED BOLOGNA TO

    現在,它從154磅違禁博洛尼亞發展到了

  • NEARLY 300 POUNDS OF "CONTRABAND BOLOGNA."

    近300磅的 "CONTRABAND BOLOGNA"。

  • AND YOU KNOW WHAT'S NEXT: 600 POUNDS OF "FORBIDDEN

    你知道接下來會發生什麼嗎:600磅的 "禁忌"。

  • BOLOGNA."

    博洛尼亞。"

  • AND YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHERE THEY'RE HIDING IT.

    你也不想知道他們把它藏在哪裡。

  • LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY: YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO PUT A PAIR OF

    讓我這麼說吧:你不會想把一雙鞋放在一個地方。

  • DRAPER JAMES SUNGLASSES THERE.

    DRAPER JAMES SUNGLASSES有。

  • TAKE ACTION, AMERICA, BECAUSE WE CAN EITHER DO SOMETHING NOW OR

    行動起來吧,美國,因為我們要麼現在就行動,要麼就...

  • SEE THIS ALL PLAY OUT LATER IN THE UPCOMING SERIES: "NARCOS:

    在即將到來的系列中,我們將看到這一切。"NARCOS。

  • DELI COUNTER."

    德利櫃檯。"

  • WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH NEIL deGRASSE TYSON.

    我們會和尼爾-德格拉斯-泰森一起回來。

  • ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

    ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,

嘿,EVERYBODY。

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B2 中高級 中文 TheLateShow 喬恩 主人 新聞 邦德 美國

隔離的同時...貓咪不支持你,狗狗也不關心你的生死。 (Quarantinewhile... Cats Don't Have Your Back, And Dogs Don't Care If You Live Or Die)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 03 月 03 日
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