WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW."

歡迎回到 "深夜秀"。

LET'S SAY HELLO TO MR. JONA BATISTE.

讓我們歡迎先生。JONA BATISTE。

JON, ARE YOU AS EXCITED AS I AM OF TONIGHT'S MUSICAL GUEST?

喬恩，你是否和我一樣對今晚的音樂嘉賓感到興奮？

I'M A BIG FAN.

我是一個大風扇。

>> Jon: I LIKE THAT GUY.

>> 喬恩。我喜歡那個傢伙。

HE'S GOING.

他要去。

>> Stephen: HE'S A COMER.

>> 他是一個來者。

HE'S THE COMING MAN IS WHAT HE IS.

他是即將到來的人，就是他。

WHAT SONG ARE YOU DOING US TONIGHT FROM YOUR NEW ALBUM "WE

今晚你在新專輯《我們》中為我們唱了什麼歌？

ARE"?

ARE"？

>> Jon: I'M GOING TO DO "I NEED YOU."

>> 喬恩我要去做 "我需要你"。

I WANT TO DO THAT BECAUSE WE NEED THE JOY.

我想這樣做，因為我們需要快樂。

WE NEED EACH OTHER, BABY.

我們需要彼此，寶貝。

>> Stephen: AND IT'S PACKED WITH IT.

>> 史蒂芬：而且它的包裝裡有它。

IT'S PACKED WITH JOY LIKE PENUTS IN A SNICKER'S BAR.

它充滿了歡樂，就像餅乾棒裡的硬幣一樣。

GIVE US A LITTLE TEASE OF WHAT'S COMING.

給我們一個即將到來的小提示。

>> Jon: JUST A LITTLE BIT.

>> 喬恩。只是一點點。

♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: STICK AROUND FOR

>> 斯蒂芬：堅持下去。

THAT, EVERYBODY.

那，每個人。

JON BATISTE.

JON BATISTE.

>> Jon: GOT TO WAIT FOR THE RIFFUPON

>> 喬恩：必須等待RIFFUPON。

>> Stephen: YOU KNOW, EVERY NIGHT I SCOUR THE DIAMOND MARKET

>> 斯蒂芬：你知道嗎，每天晚上我都會在鑽石市場上搜尋。

FOR THE SHINIEST, MOST TOPICAL GEMS OF STORIES, THEN I LOVINGLY

對於最閃亮的，最有話題性的故事的寶石，然後我很喜歡。

ARRANGE AND SET THEM INTO A HAND-CAST, SOLID, 24-CARAT GOLD

將它們鑲嵌在手工鑄造的24克拉黃金中。

NECKLACE TO CREATE FOR YOU THE CARTIER MASTERPIECE THAT IS MY

為您打造我的卡地亞大師級項鍊。

MONOLOGUE.

獨白：

BUT SOMETIMES, JUST SOMETIMES I GET ARRESTED FOR ILLEGALLY

但有時，只是有時，我被非法逮捕。

TRADING BOOTLEG ENDANGERED MEAT AND GET SENT UP FOR A FIVE SPOT

貿易博狗娛樂網址是多少危害肉，並被送上五號臺。

WHERE ME AND SPIDER, WHO GOT PINCHED FOR HIS GOAT FIGHTING

我和蜘蛛在哪裡，誰得到了他的高超的戰鬥力的剪輯

RING, SCRAPE TOGETHER SOME BOTTLE CAPS, BUSTED PRETZELS,

戒指，刮開一些瓶蓋，破損的甜甜圈。

AND DISCARDED LIFE SAVERS CANDIES WE FOUND IN THE

和廢棄的救命糖果，我們發現在。

INFIRMARY AFTER A JUMP-OFF, STRING 'EM ONTO SOME GREASY HAIR

在跳傘後，把它們串在一些油膩的頭髮上。

WE STOLE FROM CRUSHER'S PONYTAIL WHILE HE WAS KNOCKED OUT ON HIS

我們偷了他的小馬尾，而他卻被打暈了。

MEDS, ALL TO CREATE FOR YOU THE PRISON CRAFTROOM CHOKER OF NEWS

醫學，都為你創造了監獄裡的手藝人扼殺新聞的機會。

THAT IS MY SEGMENT: "QUARANTINE-WHILE!"

這是我的部門。"QUARANTINE -WHILE！"

>> Stephen: QUARANTINE-WHILE, "CATS ARE JUST AS DISLOYAL AS

>> Stephen:QUARANTINE -WHILE, "CATS ARE JUST AS DISLOYAL AS...

YOU SUSPECTED, A NEW STUDY SUGGESTS."

你懷疑，一個新的研究建議。"

WHICH MEANS WE HAVE BREAKING NEWS:

這意味著我們有重大新聞。

♪ ♪ ♪ CATS ARE (BLEEP).

貓是（嗶嗶）。

IN 2015, RESEARCHERS "HAD DOGS SEE A SITUATION IN WHICH A THIRD

2015年，研究人員 "讓狗看到了一個場景，其中三分之一的狗都在這裡。

PARTY WOULD EITHER HELP THEIR OWNER OR TURN THEIR BACK ON

一方既不會幫助其主人，也不會背叛其主人。

THEM."

他們。"

WHEN THE THIRD PARTY SPURNED THE OWNER'S PLEA FOR HELP, THE DOGS

當第三方激發了主人的求助意願時，狗兒們也開始行動了。

SEEMINGLY TOOK IT PERSONALLY AND TENDED TO AVOID TAKING A TREAT

似乎把它個人和傾向於避免採取治療

FROM THEM."

從他們那裡。"

WHEREAS, IN THE EXACT SAME TEST, "CATS SHOWED NO PREFERENCE

鑑於在同樣的測試中，"貓咪沒有表現出任何偏好"。

FOR PEOPLE WHO TREAT THEIR OWNERS POSITIVELY OVER THOSE

為那些對待自己的主人比對待別人更積極的人。

WHO BEHAVE NEGATIVELY TOWARDS THEM."

對他們採取消極態度的人。"

CONFIRMED: YOUR CAT DOES NOT HAVE YOUR BACK.

確認：你的貓不在你身後。

"HEY, I NOTICE YOU'VE BEEN STABBED IN THE NECK, MASTER.

"嘿，我注意到你的脖子被打了，主人。

YOU MIND SHOWING YOUR ASSAILANT WHERE THE PANTRY IS BEFORE YOU

你介意在你之前告訴你的攻擊者飯菜在哪裡嗎？

PASS OUT?

傳出？

THAT TUNA ISN'T GONNA OPEN ITSELF."

"那個TUNA不會自己打開。"

ALSO, BAD NEWS FOR BOND VILLAINS.

還有，邦德罪犯的壞消息。

THAT CAT MAY TURN ON YOU.

那隻貓可能會背叛你

THAT'S WHY Q ALWAYS GIVES JAMES BOND A PEN THAT ALSO WORKS AS A

這就是為什麼Q總是給詹姆斯-邦德一支筆，也可以當筆用。

LASER POINTER.

脈衝光針：

AND THIS BRINGS ME TO MORE BREAKING NEWS:

這讓我想到了更多的新聞。

♪ ♪ ♪ BREAKING NEWS: "DOGS GIVE A

"BREAKING NEWS:"狗給一個

RAT'S ASS IF YOU LIVE OR DIE."

"老鼠的屁股，如果你活著或死了。"

WHO SPURNS MY NEMESIS?

誰刺激了我的慾望？

YOU DO!

你是！

YOU GOT A VENDETTA.

你有一個福利社。

YOU DO!

你是！

GOOD BOY!

好孩子！

QUARANTINE-WHILE, THE MEDICAL DIRECTOR OF ENGLAND'S NATIONAL

英國國家醫療總監Quarantine-WhILE

HEALTH SERVICE HAS WARNED AGAINST TAKING GWYNETH PALTROW'S

衛生服務部門警告說，不要服用GWYNETH PALTROW的

COVID ADVICE.

COVID建議：

NOW, WAIT JUST A VAGINA CANDLE MINUTE!

現在，等待只是一個陰道燭光分鐘！

IF WE CAN'T TRUST THE ACTOR LADY WHO SELLS YONI ROCKS AND

如果我們不能相信賣YONI搖滾樂的女演員和

VA-JAY-JAY STEAMERS FOR MEDICAL ADVICE, WHO CAN WE TRUST?!

VA-JAY-JAY蒸汽機的醫療建議，我們能相信誰？

REESE WITHERSPOON?

REESE WITHERSPOON？

SHE DOESN'T SELL ANYTHING TO JAM UP MY ORIFICES.

她不賣任何東西來堵住我的孔道。

I GUESS DRAPER JAMES SELLS SUNGLASSES, BUT WHY WOULD I JAM

我想舞者詹姆士賣的是太陽鏡，但我為什麼要跳呢？

THEM WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE?!

他們在陽光照不到的地方？

IT SEEMS PALTROW HAS BEEN CLAIMING YOU CAN RELIEVE COVID

似乎PALTROW一直在宣稱你可以減輕COVID的負擔。

EFFECTS WITH DUBIOUS TREATMENTS, LIKE A "KETO AND PLANT-BASED"

使用可疑的治療方法，如 "酮和植物為基礎的"

DIET, "LOTS OF COCONUT AMINOS" AND SUGAR-FREE KOMBUCHA AND

飲食，"大量的椰子氨基 "和無糖KOMBUCHA和。

KIMCHI," AND "INTUITIVE FASTING."

錦鯉 "和 "主動斷食"。

AND IF YOU'RE WONDERING WHAT "INTUITIVE FASTING" MEANS, THINK

如果你想知道 "主動斷食 "是什麼意思，請想一想。

OF IT AS "CONSCIOUSLY UNCOUPLING" FROM NUTRIENTS.

營養素中的 "有意識地解聚"。

QUARANTINE-WHILE, IN MEAT NEWS, AUTHORITIES SEIZED NEARLY 300

夸父--在肉類新聞中，權威機構查獲了近300個。

POUNDS OF CONTRABAND BOLOGNA AT THE SOUTHERN BORDER.

南方邊界的一磅康泰班博洛尼亞。

NO WORD ON THE IDENTITY OF THE BOLOGNA CARTEL'S LEADER.

博洛尼亞卡特爾的頭目身份不詳。

SO FAR, ALL THEY KNOW IS HE DOES HAVE A FIRST NAME, AND IT'S

到目前為止，他們只知道他有一個名字，而且是... ...

"O-S-C-A-R."

"O-S-C-A-R"

NOW, IT'S ILLEGAL TO BRING FOREIGN BOLOGNA INTO THE U.S.,

現在，將外國博洛尼亞帶入美國是非法的。

IN PART, DUE TO THE RISK OF TRANSMITTING FOREIGN DISEASES.

部分原因是由於傳染外國疾病的風險。

BECAUSE IF THERE'S ONE THING PEOPLE WHO EAT BOLOGNA ARE KNOWN

因為如果有一件事吃博洛尼亞的人都知道的話...

FOR, IT'S BEING HEALTH CONSCIOUS.

因為，它的健康意識。

NOW, LONGTIME VIEWERS OF THE "QUARANTINE-WHILE" SUPER-SEGMENT

現在，"夸父逐日 "超級篇的長期觀眾們

"MEANWHILE" MIGHT BE EXPERIENCING A STRONG SENSE OF

"此時此刻 "可能正經歷著強烈的感覺。

DEJA VU, BECAUSE IN NOVEMBER OF 2019, I NOTED A SIMILAR STORY:

DEJA VU，因為在2019年11月，我注意到了一個相似的故事。

MEANWHILE, IN MEAT NEWS, CUSTOMS AND BORDER PROTECTION SEIZED 154

同時，在肉類新聞、海關和邊境保護方面，共扣押了154件物品。

POUNDS OF "PROHIBITED BOLOGNA" THIS WEEK AT THE U.S.-MEXICO

本週在美國和墨西哥的 "違禁博洛尼亞 "的磅數。

BORDER CROSSING IN EL PASO, TEXAS.

在德克薩斯州埃爾帕索市越界。

BORDER PATROL AGENTS SEIZED THE MEAT, BUT THE CRIMINAL FLED THE

邊境巡警扣押了肉，但犯罪分子卻逃之夭夭。

SCENE.

場景：

SO AUTHORITIES ARE ASKING THE PUBLIC TO BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR

是以，當局要求公眾注意以下幾點

THIS VEHICLE.

這輛車。

( LAUGHTER ) WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY NEWEST

這讓我想到了我的最新的...

"QUARANTINE-WHILE" SUB-SUBSEGMENT: "TOLD YA SO."

"QUARANTINE -WHILE" SUB-SubSubEGMENT:"Told YA SO."

TONIGHT "ON TOLD YA SO": TOLD YA SO.

今晚 "在TOLD YA SO"。TOLD YA SO.

I WARNED AMERICA ABOUT THE GROWING BOLOGNA THREAT, AND YET,

我警告過美國，博洛尼亞的威脅越來越大，但是，

AMERICA DID NOTHING.

美國什麼也沒做。

AND NOW IT'S GROWN FROM 154 POUNDS OF PROHIBITED BOLOGNA TO

現在，它從154磅違禁博洛尼亞發展到了

NEARLY 300 POUNDS OF "CONTRABAND BOLOGNA."

近300磅的 "CONTRABAND BOLOGNA"。

AND YOU KNOW WHAT'S NEXT: 600 POUNDS OF "FORBIDDEN

你知道接下來會發生什麼嗎：600磅的 "禁忌"。

BOLOGNA."

博洛尼亞。"

AND YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHERE THEY'RE HIDING IT.

你也不想知道他們把它藏在哪裡。

LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY: YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO PUT A PAIR OF

讓我這麼說吧：你不會想把一雙鞋放在一個地方。

DRAPER JAMES SUNGLASSES THERE.

DRAPER JAMES SUNGLASSES有。

TAKE ACTION, AMERICA, BECAUSE WE CAN EITHER DO SOMETHING NOW OR

行動起來吧，美國，因為我們要麼現在就行動，要麼就...

SEE THIS ALL PLAY OUT LATER IN THE UPCOMING SERIES: "NARCOS:

在即將到來的系列中，我們將看到這一切。"NARCOS。

DELI COUNTER."

德利櫃檯。"

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH NEIL deGRASSE TYSON.

我們會和尼爾-德格拉斯-泰森一起回來。

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪