And welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show."

歡迎，歡迎，歡迎，歡迎來到 "今夜秀"。

[ Cheers and applause ] That's right!

[歡呼聲和掌聲] 這是正確的！

Well, guys, today in Washington,

好了，夥計們，今天在華盛頓。

President Biden met virtually

拜登總統幾乎會見了

with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau

與加拿大總理特魯多

for the first time since taking office.

上任以來首次。

Yeah, Biden did the best he could

是啊，拜登已經盡力了

to fix our relationship with Canada.

以修復我們與加拿大的關係。

He was like, "Hey, about the last four years...

他說，"嘿，關於過去四年... ...

[Canadian accent] ...sorry."

[加拿大口音] ...對不起。"

In response, Trudeau was like,

對此，特魯多就像。

"On behalf of Canada, thank you for your friendship,

"我代表加拿大感謝你的友誼。

for your support, and for taking Ted Cruz."

感謝你的支持，並拿下泰德-克魯茲。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Yep, Trudeau and Biden had a typical video chat

是的，特魯多和拜登進行了典型的視頻哈拉

between a 49-year-old and a 78-year-old.

一個49歲的老人和一個78歲的老人之間。

Trudeau spent the first 20 minutes

特魯多在前20分鐘

trying to tell Biden he was on mute.

試圖告訴拜登他開了靜音。

It's like -- "No. Stop yelling.

這就像... "不，不要再叫了

God. Give me a pen. 'You're on mute.'"

天啊，給我一支筆給我一支筆。'你是啞巴'。"

But it was a productive meeting,

但這是一次富有成效的會議。

other than when Biden started talking about his second cousin

除了當拜登開始談論他的二表哥時之外

who once went over Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel.

誰曾經在尼亞加拉大瀑布上用木桶。

"He survived, but he still hears rushing water every time he...

"他活了下來，但他仍然每次聽到湍急的水聲... ...

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

...touches wood."

......觸及木頭。"

"He's now down to only three nipples."

"他現在只剩下三個乳頭了。"

Well, guys, this is exciting.

好了，夥計們，這是令人興奮的。

The Golden Globes are this Sunday, and --

金球獎在本週日舉行，而且... ...

[ Cheers and applause ]

[歡呼聲和掌聲]

It was just announced

剛剛宣佈

that some front-line and essential workers

部分一線工人和骨幹工人

have been invited to attend this year's event.

已受邀參加今年的活動。

That should be a fun red carpet for the front-line workers.

這對一線工人來說，應該是一個有趣的紅地毯。

"Who am I wearing?

"我穿的是誰？

Dickies scrubs and the same PPE since June.

Dickies的洗滌服和同樣的PPE從六月開始。

That's who I'm wearing."

這就是我的穿著。"

They should be a really good crowd.

他們應該是一個非常好的人群。

I mean, literally the only people on Earth

我的意思是，從字面上看，地球上唯一的人。

who didn't spend the last year binge-watching every movie

誰不花去年狂看每部電影。

and show that came out.

並顯示，出來的。

Some more TV news.

還有一些電視新聞。

Last night was a new episode of "The Bachelor,"

昨晚是新一集的 "單身漢"，。

and for one of the dates, Matt and Rachael went skydiving.

其中一次約會，馬特和拉夏爾去跳傘。

This is real. Let's see how that went.

這是真實的。讓我們來看看是如何進行的。

♪♪

♪♪

-Yeah, yeah!

-是的，是的！

-Ohh!

-哦！

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-Wow. -Yeah.

-哇哦-是啊

-Wow.

-哇。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Somehow we can land a rover on Mars,

我們可以在火星上登陸一個探測器

but we can't land a "Bachelor" contestant on Earth.

但我們不能在地球上找到一個 "單身漢 "選手。

Gosh. Alex, can we just see just the end of that when she --

天哪，亞歷克斯，我們能不能看到她...亞歷克斯，我們可以看到只是結束時，她 -

[ Laughter ] -Ohh!

[笑]哦！

-[ Laughter ] -Oh, my gosh.

-哦，我的天哪。

When she asked the instructor, "What gives, man?"

當她問教官："什麼給你，男人？"

He was like, "Wait. I thought you were the instructor."

他說："等等，我以為你是教官。"

I think Rachael was still a little out of it.

我覺得瑞秋還是有點不適應。

When Matt handed her a rose, she said,

當馬特遞給她一朵玫瑰時，她說。

"Yes, I will answer this phone.

"是，我會接這個電話。

Yello? What's your problem?"

葉洛？你有什麼問題？"

On the bright side, Matt could finally use

從好的方面看，馬特終於可以利用

that lame pickup line,

那蹩腳的接機線。

"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

"你從天上掉下來的時候疼嗎？

And smacked into the Earth?"

還砸到地球上了？"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Yep, it was --

是的，這是 -

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

[ Rim shot ]

[Rim shot]

It was hometowns week on "The Bachelor" last night,

昨晚的 "單身漢 "是家鄉周。

and things got pretty intense.

事情變得相當激烈。

The emotions on that show can be a little hard

節目中的情緒可能會有點難受。

to handle sometimes, so I thought we could help.

有時要處理，所以我想我們可以幫忙。

Here's a clip from the episode re-voiced

這裡有一段劇情的片段，是重新配音的

with the least emotional person we know -- Siri.

與我們所知道的最沒有感情的人--Siri。

This is "Let's Get Siri-ous."

這是 "讓我們得到Siri-ous。"

-Let's Get Siri-ous.

-讓我們的Siri-ous。

-Siri: After talking to my mom and Bri...

-西里在跟我媽媽和布麗...

♪♪

♪♪

Ohh.

哦。

So, like, I feel...

所以，喜歡，我覺得...

like...

喜歡...

I'm falling in love with you.

我愛上了你。

Thank you for sharing that with me tonight.

謝謝你今晚與我分享。

[ Applause ]

[掌聲]

-Some tech news.

-一些科技新聞。

We're getting some details about what Apple

我們正在瞭解一些細節，關於蘋果

might have planned for the next iPhone,

可能已經為下一部iPhone計劃。

including portrait mode for video, an ultra-wide camera,

包括視頻的人像模式、超廣角攝像頭。

and an attachable battery pack so you can charge on the go.

和一個可連接的電池組，所以你可以在旅途中充電。

Right now, Ted Cruz's wife is like,

現在，泰德-克魯茲的妻子就像。

"Is there a feature that tells you

"有沒有一個功能可以告訴你

which one of your group-chat friends ratted you out?"

你的哪位群聊好友出賣了你？"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Well, this is interesting.

嗯，這很有趣。

The new iPhone is also rumored

新iPhone也被傳出

to have a more grippy, textured back.

要有一個更有抓地力、更有質感的背部。

Aww. The iPhone is aging just like the rest of us.

啊iPhone和我們一樣，也在衰老。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

"Grippy, textured back."

"抓地力強，有質感的背部。"

Get this. Since the pandemic has made it difficult

得到這個。由於疫情讓人難以

for musicians to perform,

供音樂家們表演。

a German rock band has started holding concerts in their van

德國搖滾樂隊開始在他們的麵包車裡舉行音樂會。

for just one fan at a time.

為的只是一個粉絲的時間。

Yeah, it's a German band named "Das Awkward."

是啊，這是一個德國樂隊叫 "Das Awkward"。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

That seems less like a concert

這似乎不太像一場音樂會

and more like a hostage situation, doesn't it?

而且更像是人質的情況，不是嗎？

When they take requests, the most popular one is,

當他們接受請求時，最受歡迎的是。

"Let Me Out."

"讓我出去"

Well, this is big.

嗯，這是大。

I saw that New Jersey just legalized marijuana.

我看到新澤西州的大麻剛剛合法化。

[ Cheers and applause ]

[歡呼聲和掌聲]

And here now on the line to discuss the historic moment

現在在這裡上線討論歷史性的時刻。

is famous New Jersey resident Bruce Springsteen.

是新澤西州著名的居民布魯斯-斯普林斯汀。

Bruce! Are you there?

布魯斯，你在嗎？你在嗎？

-Yeah, hey, Jimmy. Going down to the --

-是的，嘿，吉米。是的，嘿，吉米。

[ Incoherent mumbling ]

[語無倫次的喃喃自語]

-Thanks for being here.

-謝謝你來這裡

What do you think about weed being legal in Jersey?

你覺得大麻在澤西合法嗎？

-Yeah, you know... [ Incoherent mumbling ]

-是的，你知道...[語無倫次的喃喃自語]

-[ Laughter ] -That's great.

-很好。

I saw that you have a podcast with President Obama.

我看到你和奧巴馬總統有一個播客。

How's that going?

進展如何？

-Yeah, it's going real good. [ Incoherent mumbling ]

-是啊，這是怎麼回事真正的好。[語無倫次的喃喃自語]

You should, uh, buy a Jeep!

你應該，呃，買一輛吉普車！

-Really? You have special guests, you say?

-真的嗎？你說你有特別的客人？

Like who? Who's --

像誰？誰的...

-[ Incoherent mumbling ]

-[語無倫次的喃喃自語]

-Wow. It's Bob Dylan. Bob, how's it going?

-哇。是鮑勃-迪倫鮑勃，你好嗎？

-[ Bob Dylan mumbling incoherently ]

[鮑勃-迪倫語無倫次地喃喃自語]

[ Bruce Springsteen mumbling incoherently ]

[布魯斯-斯普林斯汀喃喃自語語無倫次]

-[ Bob Dylan mumbling incoherently ]

[鮑勃-迪倫語無倫次地喃喃自語]

[ Both mumbling incoherently ]

[兩者喃喃自語語無倫次]

-[ Chuckles ] Well, do you guys

-好吧，你們有沒有

have any final thoughts about weed being legal?

有任何最後的想法 關於雜草是合法的？

[ Both laughing ]

[兩個笑]

-Laughing Bob Dylan and Bruce Springsteen, everybody.

鮑勃-迪倫和布魯斯-斯普林斯汀，大家一起笑吧。

Thanks. Amazing that we got them on the line.

謝謝，我們能讓他們上線就很了不起了。我們能讓他們上線就很了不起了。

Some local news.

一些在地新聞。

I read that yesterday a thief here in New York City

我昨天讀到紐約市的一個小偷的消息

stole almost $60,000 worth of cigars.

偷了價值近6萬元的雪茄。

Right now the suspect is said to be armed, dangerous,

現在據說嫌疑人持有武器，很危險。

and brutal to ride an elevator with.

和殘忍的坐電梯。

$60,000 worth of cigars.

價值6萬美元的雪茄。

Don't worry. Police have already narrowed down the suspects

別擔心，警方已經縮小了嫌疑人的範圍 Don't worry.警方已經縮小了嫌疑人的範圍

to every dad in Staten Island.

給史坦頓島的每一個父親。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

And finally, in Pakistan, police officers

最後，在巴基斯坦，警察

are using an interesting new method

正在使用一種有趣的新方法

to try and catch criminals. Watch this.

試圖抓住罪犯。看這個。

-[ Laughter ] -Wait.

-等等

-Those guys make mall cops on Segways

-這些傢伙在賽格威上做了商場警察

look like SEAL Team Six.

看起來像海豹六隊。

It was as if the police chief was like,

彷彿警察局長就像。

"Nope. Not lame enough.

"不，不。不夠蹩腳。

Everyone grab the hips of the guy in front of them."

每個人都抓住前面那個人的臀部。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

♪♪

♪♪

[ Imitating conga music ]

[模仿康加音樂]

♪♪

♪♪

So, hey, if you want to avoid police in Pakistan,

所以，嘿，如果你想在巴基斯坦避開警察。

just run up a hill.

只是跑上山。