Name: 特德-克魯茲最喜歡的總統可能會因稅務欺詐而面臨牢獄之災。 (Ted Cruz's Favorite President Could Face Jail Time For Tax Fraud)
Uploaded: 2021-02-23T18:37:07.000Z
Duration: 13 min 23 s

我是你的主播，史蒂芬-科爾伯特。

SO MUCH HAS CHANGED IN THAT NOTHING IS CHANGING.

這麼多的變化在，沒有什麼是改變的。

BECAUSE THE BIG STORY TODAY IS I'M STILL HERE

因為今天的大事件是我還在這裡。

YOU'RE STILL THERE, AND WE'VE BEEN THAT WAY FOR ALMOST A YEAR.

你還在那裡，我們已經在那裡呆了一年多了。

WE'RE APPROACHING THE PANDEMIC'S FIRST ANNIVERSARY.

我們即將迎來PANDEMIC的一週年紀念日。

TRADITIONALLY, THE GIFT IS PAPER, ON A ROLL, NEXT TO A

傳統上，禮物是紙，一卷一卷的，旁邊有一張紙。

BUT EVEN AS THE DEATH TOLL CROSSES HALF A MILLION, THERE IS

但是，即使死亡人數超過50萬，也還有

GOOD NEWS: PRESIDENT BIDEN EXPECTS TO SURPASS HIS GOAL

好消息：比登總統預計將超額完成他的目標。比登總統預計將超額完成他的目標。

OF 100 MILLION SHOTS IN 100 DAYS, AND LAST WEEK, THE DAILY

100天1億次射擊，而上週，《每日》雜誌就有了這樣的報道。

INOCULATION AVERAGE CLIMBED TO 1.7 MILLION SHOTS PER DAY.

平均接種量攀升至每天170萬次。

SO, THE MAIN QUESTION ON EVERYONE'S MIND IS: WHEN WILL

所以，每個人心中的主要問題是：什麼時候...

ONE PROFESSOR AT JOHNS HOPKINS SAYS, "WE'LL HAVE HERD IMMUNITY

約翰霍普金斯大學的一位教授說："我們將擁有牛群免疫力。

BUT IT DOES MEAN I ACTUALLY HAVE TO GET STARTED ON MY BEACH BOD'.

但這意味著我實際上必須開始在我的海灘身體"。

RIGHT NOW I'M ROCKIN' MORE OF A WASHED-UP-ON-THE-BEACH BOD'.

現在我更多的是在海灘上洗漱的身體。

MAYBE FISHED OUT OF THE RIVER, DRAGGED OUT OF THE LAKE.

也許是被從河裡撈出來，從湖裡拖出來。

OF COURSE, AS EXCITING AS THIS PREDICTION IS, KEEP IN MIND, IT

當然，由於這個預測是令人興奮的，請記住，它是

FIRST APPEARED IN "THE NEW ENGLAND JOURNAL OF TELLING YOU

首發於《新英格蘭新聞雜誌》。

THIS MONTH'S COVER STORY: "MOST PEOPLE YOUR AGE CAN'T PULL OFF A

本月封面故事："大多數和你同齡的人都不能脫掉衣服。

OR AS PRESIDENT BIDEN PUT IT SLIGHTLY DIFFERENTLY:

或如比登主席所言，略有不同。

AT LEAST AT THIS YEAR'S FAMILY MEALS, WE WON'T BE SAYING,

至少在今年的家宴上，我們不會說，

"UNCLE PHIL, YOU'RE ON MUTE!" WE'LL BE SAYING, "I WISH WE

"菲爾叔叔，你是靜音的！"我們會說，"我希望我們...

ANYWAY, IT'S THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS GIFT... FOR THE GRINCH

無論如何，這是完美的聖誕禮物... ...對於GRINCH

BECAUSE DR. FAUCI SAYS IT'S POSSIBLE WE'LL STILL BE WEARING

因為Dr. FAUCI說FAUCI醫生說，我們有可能會繼續戴著它

WE'LL BE BACK TO NORMAL BY APRIL-- CHRISTMAS A YEAR AND A

LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY -- IF THIS WERE CLIMBING MOUNT

讓我這樣說吧 -- 如果這是攀登的山峰。

EVEREST, WE'D EITHER BE ABOUT TO SUMMIT, SET UP BASE CAMP, OR

埃弗里斯特，我們要麼是要去度假，要麼是要去建立基地，要麼是要去建立營地。

BUT WHATEVER THAT -- YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

但不管怎樣，你知道我在說什麼嗎？

WELL, THEN -- WHERE ARE WE IN WE'RE, LIKE, IN PURGATORY HERE!

好吧，那麼... ...我們在哪裡... ...我們在這裡，就像，在PURGATORY！

WHENEVER NORMAL HAPPENS, THIS COUNTRY IS MORE THAN READY. IN

只要正常情況發生，這個國家就會做好準備。在

FACT, A NEW SURVEY FOUND THAT 38% OF AMERICANS WOULD GIVE UP

事實上，一項最新調查發現，38%的美國人願意放棄。

SEX FOR A YEAR TO GO ON A TRIP IMMEDIATELY.

WHICH MEANS AN ASTOUNDING 38% OF AMERICANS HAVE HAD SEX THIS

這意味著驚人的38％的美國人已經發生了性關係，這。

EVIDENTLY, SOME PEOPLE ARE TURNED ON BY A HOT BOWL OF

很明顯，有些人被一碗熱騰騰的...

THERE WAS A LITTLE NEWS TIDBIT YOU MIGHT'VE MISSED LAST WEEK

上週有一條你可能會錯過的小新聞

WHEN THE SENATE ACQUITTED THE FORMER PRESIDENT IN HIS SECOND

當參議院在前任主席的第二任期內收買他時

WE WERE ON BREAK WHEN IT HAPPENED, BUT I PROMISE WE'LL

我們在休息的時候，它發生了，但我保證我們將

HAVE FULL COVERAGE OF HIS THIRD IMPEACHMENT.

對他的第三次執政進行全面報道。

BUT OL' DOLT 45'S NOT OUT OF THE WOODS YET.

但是，OL'DOLT 45'S還沒有走出木頭。

BECAUSE TODAY, THE SUPREME COURT DENIED HIS FINAL BID TO BLOCK

因為今天，最高法院駁回了他的最後一次阻撓請求。

I'LL GIVE YOU THE 4-1-1 ON THE 1099'S IN OUR NEW, HOPEFULLY

我會給你4-1-1在我們新的，希望的1099 S

非常循環的部分。>> 把他鎖起來！

>> Stephen: THE NICE THING ABOUT BEING GONE, BECAUSE YOU

>> 斯蒂芬：離開的好處，因為你

DON'T MISS A STEP -- I STILL GOT IT, BABY!

不要錯過一個步驟 - 我仍然得到它，寶貝！

FOR YEARS, THE FORMER PRESIDENT -- I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE

多年來，前總統 -- 我以為會是... ...

ONE OF THOSE POPPER THINGS THAT REALLY ENDANGERS EVERYONE AROUND

其中的一個流行的東西，真正危及周圍的人

這就是為什麼排練是很容易的。

FOR YEARS, THE FORMER PRESIDENT HAS BEEN DESPERATE TO PREVENT

多年來，前總統一直急於防止......。

PROSECUTORS FROM GETTING THEIR HANDS ON ANY DOCUMENTS THAT

檢察官不得接觸到任何文件，這些文件包括

字幕列表影片播放

特德-克魯茲最喜歡的總統可能會因稅務欺詐而面臨牢獄之災。 (Ted Cruz's Favorite President Could Face Jail Time For Tax Fraud)

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