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  • - I just have a bit about watching Basketball Wives

  • and loving it, and my black guy friend says,

  • "Doesn't that make, doesn't that show

  • "make black women look terrible?"

  • And I'm like,

  • "Nah, it makes those black women look terrible.

  • "I look fantastic up on the couch drinking my drink.

  • "I ain't throwing it at anybody."

  • My homie was like, "Okay, okay, all right.

  • "It makes black women look terrible, you cool with it.

  • "But doesn't it bother you these women are on TV

  • "because they use their bodies to get money from athletes?

  • "Doesn't that bother you?"

  • Why would that bother me?

  • Men get so mad at women for getting by on their looks

  • like it's not men letting women get by on their looks.

  • It's not me doing it.

  • I've never given a pretty bitch anything.

  • Not homework help, not a pencil case, not a cake recipe.

  • Evelyn's on TV 'cause you like titties.

  • It has nothing to do with me.

  • So many rappers, athletes, all this,

  • they get so mad at gold diggers.

  • They're so punitive on black women who want to come up,

  • but they use their money to get women.

  • It's such a bogus thing.

  • It's a patriarchy you set up that is making you unhappy.

  • And I think it's really shitty that we're projecting

  • all these things of the responsibility

  • of black presentation to people.

  • Women who are on TV, on a reality show,

  • have to be reflective of positive black women,

  • and what's to say that their version

  • of blackness isn't good?

  • And the idea that something shouldn't be on TV

  • 'cause it makes the rest of us look bad

  • is punishing us for white people's shitty understandings

  • or views of us.

  • So now we have to perform blackness in a way

  • that's responsible, so white people could respect us?

  • They're not gonna respect us anyway.

  • Put more kinds of black people on TV,

  • so that we don't sort of have any

  • monolithic poor or good stereotypes,

  • that you represent the variances.

  • (light music)

  • - Well, the politics of comedy as a black woman?

  • Ha!

  • Where can I start?

  • It's a hard, long sluck.

  • - You know, 'cause people always think I'm nice and shit

  • 'cause I wear bright colors and I have dimples,

  • but I'm a raging bitch on the inside, you have no idea,

  • 'cause I've been nice for 30 years and I'm tired.

  • I used to be a skinny white bitch from Maryland.

  • I just, I'm so tired.

  • For me, as a black woman,

  • I wanna hear the black female perspective too.

  • I think we have a lot of examples of black men,

  • from Dave Chappelle to Chris Rock, who have their opinions

  • and people sort of respect their opinion as,

  • "This is the black experience",

  • and there's really no black women

  • who are really able to have that kind of platform.

  • I mean, I think it's changing a little bit

  • and hopefully I'll be one of the people

  • that can help change that.

  • - Oh, they don't think women is funny.

  • And a lot of times,

  • women get caught up with sleeping with people.

  • Nobody wanted me, I wanted to fight all the time

  • and I demanded respect.

  • I think that's why I put Ms in the front of my name.

  • Ms Pat is my stage name.

  • They say we're not funny.

  • "All women talk about the same thing", that's not true.

  • You know how many white boys out here do cat jokes?

  • I hate cat jokes.

  • - As a woman in this business,

  • it's hard enough to get bookings

  • in the headlining spots anyway,

  • and as a black woman, that counts against you even more.

  • It's the same in Hollywood.

  • It's the same in every industry though, that's the thing.

  • It's not just comedy.

  • I used to be an engineer.

  • I worked as an engineer

  • and I came up against the same problems

  • being a female engineer in a male dominated industry,

  • and a black female engineer at that.

  • - When it comes to being a black woman in comedy,

  • I have to compete with black men to get their respect.

  • They push the limits, they talk a lot of shit,

  • they wanna see if you can handle it.

  • The worst thing you can do being a woman in comedy

  • is to have a mental breakdown or cry.

  • If you get upset or take anything personally,

  • they're like, "Oh you can't handle this,

  • "Why are you doing this?"

  • So it is a lot of verbal abuse, but you just have to know

  • how to dish it back, and most of the time, when it comes,

  • it can come from a jealous place

  • or it can come from a place of being like,

  • "I wanna see what you're made of, I wanna test you."

  • - All fucking day and night, you get text text text.

  • You know why, ladies?

  • A man wanna communicate with you,

  • but they don't wanna fucking talk to you.

  • (audience laughs)

  • If a man can get you out your house, across town

  • and in his bed and never hear your fucking voice,

  • that is a fucking Christmas present every day

  • for fucking men.

  • See?

  • Look at these motherfuckers.

  • - Men don't like when women talk,

  • so trying to navigate a world where men want you to shut up

  • and girls learn that girls should shut up,

  • so you've gotta find a way to make people

  • who don't like the tone of your voice

  • or your pitch to listen.

  • If you talk about girl shit, it's not funny.

  • Men talk about their dicks all the time,

  • but if you talk about your pussy or your period

  • or dating or feeling insecure about your body,

  • now it's a girly bit,

  • when insecurity is a universal experience.

  • - Yes, that's a lot of moving.

  • I'm on my period, so.

  • (audience laughs)

  • I can't be shaking it up and down.

  • I got a fat pad.

  • You know, they got fat pads now for fat bitches.

  • This is what happens, they want it to be a war

  • between skinny bitches and fat bitches over pads.

  • The fat pad is so different than the skinny pad

  • 'cause the skinny pad for the skinny bitches has integrity.

  • (audience laughs)

  • It's in a little purple box

  • and it's got Always written in calligraphy.

  • In the commercial, the bitch is like, "Always".

  • And you're like, "What, bitch?

  • "You got what?"

  • "Always.

  • "Shh, I'm bleeding."

  • (audience laughs)

  • And then the fat pad is called Forever, and...

  • (audience laughs)

  • It's in a big black box with chains.

  • (audience laughs)

  • And there's three dudes in the commercial beatboxing,

  • "P-p-pads!"

  • And the fat bitch comes out through the smoke,

  • "Hey, I'm on my period, ah!

  • "I'm bleeding to death!"

  • - And then you add blackness on top of it.

  • You have people, black people even have told me this,

  • "Don't talk about race too much.

  • "You don't wanna alienate the audience."

  • And it's like, well that's, I guess, 95% of my experience,

  • race, so you're asking me to not be an authentic human,

  • so as to please.

  • So you're basically asking me to do white dude comedy

  • and I'm not a white dude, so it's not gonna work.

  • It took a while, but I got to the point

  • where I'm gonna talk about race because I feel like it.

  • I was talking to this white guy,

  • and there's this thing that happens with white guys

  • where they don't know black women are people,

  • so they say the weirdest things to you.

  • Like this dude, he was like, "Hey, I'm hot, you're hot.

  • "Let's make beautiful interracial babies together."

  • I know.

  • I looked at him and I was like, "Nah."

  • Not 'cause I'm against interracial dating,

  • please, have a marble swirl cake party.

  • That's good for you.

  • But he said beautiful interracial babies, and I'm shallow,

  • and I'm petty, so why would I purposely get with you

  • to make a person hotter than me?

  • Why would I do that?

  • That's ridiculous.

  • 'Cause home's supposed to be a sanctuary,

  • so how is Mommy supposed to love herself

  • when there's some Lisa Bonet, Halle Berry looking ass kid

  • sitting on my couch, watching SpongeBob

  • with her pretty green eyes.

  • No!

  • Fuck out of here.

  • - I'm sure a lot of female comics have crazy stories

  • of comics hitting on them.

  • I remember one time I was on the road.

  • I bombed, I bombed really badly that night,

  • and the headliner, he called me.

  • He was just like, "How are you doing?"

  • And I was just like, "Ah, I'm feeling down."

  • And he was just like,

  • "Oh, why don't you come over to my room?"

  • Now in hindsight, I'm listening to that, I'm just like,

  • "Well this sounds like some bullshit or a setup",

  • but I had just bombed.

  • I bombed for 20 minutes straight, I'm feeling down.

  • This guy seemed nice enough and he's just like,

  • "Oh, come through."

  • I didn't wanna sit there by myself,

  • so I was like, "All right."

  • So I came in and dude answered the door naked.

  • I mean, so it's like, shit like that happens

  • and you're just like, "What the fuck is going on here?"

  • So at that point, I'm just like,

  • "Well I guess I'm gonna have to be sad by myself in my room

  • "'cause he's clearly letting me know

  • "that he's offered me dick.

  • "I don't think he just accidentally got out the shower

  • "and didn't have a chance to put clothes on."

  • - A lot of times, you hear black male comics

  • talk about black women, 'cause that's the first thing

  • that they can touch, and it's, sometimes it's disparaging.

  • It's always the, "And you know, my girlfriend, and she,"

  • and it's like, not every,

  • all you motherfuckers is dating the same hood ass bitch?

  • And then half the time, you see them and it's like,

  • you're not, you're giving this experience of a black woman

  • but you're not even with a black woman,

  • so that can be frustrating.

  • Comedy is important.

  • People take that shit seriously,

  • and if that's the way you're presenting black women,

  • that's why we're having a lot of problems we have,

  • and I could say that for black women as well,

  • how they represent black men.

  • It's not every time you talk about black people,

  • we broke, we poor, we ignorant,

  • we don't know what's going on.

  • You can go further than that for a joke.

  • - I tweeted a joke.

  • The Mayweather McGregor fight was happening,

  • and the joke was,

  • "Being a black woman is hating a shitty black dude

  • "but still having to root for him

  • "because the white dudes who hate him

  • "are a little too 'heritage, not hate'."

  • I had all of these people calling me a racist,

  • sending me pictures of Trump,

  • sending me pictures of Mayweather and Trump.

  • Pictures of Trump in your phone feel like terrorism.

  • All I wanted to do was talk about the complicated identity

  • of being a black woman loyal to black men who also harm you,

  • and when that loyalty sort of supersedes any frustrations

  • you might have with a black man,

  • because the affront from whiteness is great.

  • And that's all I wanted to explore,

  • the complications of black female identity.

  • - When it comes to the comedy world,

  • when they view a black woman,

  • it seems it's like two main options,

  • and those two options are wavy hipster black girl

  • who's funky and eclectic and probably dates a white guy

  • and be like, "My white boo is amazing."

  • That's acceptable because it's not threatening

  • and it's comforting because it's something

  • that they can relate to.

  • And the other side of it

  • is super heavy set sassy black woman who goes up on stage

  • and eats a chicken wing in front of everyone,

  • like, "She's amazing."

  • So I'm neither one of those.

  • Natalie Portman should not be the next female Thor.

  • She's 5'3, 118 pounds.

  • I poop Natalie Portman out on a green smoothie day.

  • (audience laughs)

  • You know how frustrating it is,

  • like I'm a strong black woman but I can't be a hero?

  • Like come on!

  • In a real world scenario, if any of you were trapped

  • by a villain and they were like,

  • "You got two people that can come save you,

  • "Natalie Peewee Portman..."

  • (audience laughs)

  • "Or Chloe Thunder Thighs Hilliard", you be like.

  • (audience cheers)

  • - Well, I can only speak for myself.

  • I think that I'm intelligent enough,

  • I do a Bachelor Arts degree in English

  • and people don't always know that

  • but I'm quick to let them know

  • in a different type of setting.

  • I think that I can stand toe to toe with any white woman

  • doing sexually explicit comedy.

  • You can take cuss words

  • and put them in a black woman's mouth

  • and they would somehow sound more vulgar

  • than they are when they come out of a white woman's mouth.

  • That's just because of the power of our blackness,

  • the power of our strength.

  • But you know that you can get catfished with a dick, ladies?

  • (audience laughs)

  • 'Cause how come every dick come up in your phone

  • is a beautiful, hard, veiny cock?

  • How come every, everybody that's texting,

  • everybody's texting dicks got a beautiful dick.

  • Their dick is just beautiful.

  • Everybody, really?

  • No.

  • (audience laughs)

  • No, it's not like that.

  • Then, you know, I'm not saying that I fuck

  • motherfuckers on Facebook,

  • but what had happened was, this one time...

  • (audience laughs)

  • Facebook first came out, I met this little shorty,

  • you know what I'm saying?

  • And we met at a mutual spot.

  • Motherfucker got naked and shit and we got in the bed

  • and I was looking at his dick

  • and I was looking at the phone, I was like, "Hey.

  • "Where's the dick in this phone?

  • "Where's the mole?

  • "There's a mole right there."

  • - When men get up on stage,

  • the assumption is that they're gonna be funny

  • until they prove that they're not.

  • When a woman gets up on stage,

  • there's an assumption that she's not gonna be funny

  • until she proves she is, and that's the main difference.

  • And the politics that I'm talking about here

  • is, so you got that, you got to prove that you're funny,

  • but you've also got to be reasonably attractive,

  • unfortunately.

  • A lot of women comics are,

  • they're worried about what they look like,

  • or whether men are gonna be attracted to them,

  • even when they're doing their comedy.

  • As me, as a woman who's gay, I don't give a fuck.

  • I get up on stage and I'm like, "I'm just gonna be funny.

  • "I don't care whether you want to fuck me or not,

  • "I don't give a shit."

  • If I need to make myself ugly for a joke, I will

  • 'cause I don't care.

  • - The thing I think about being a woman,

  • and a black woman, you're told,

  • "Here is a beauty standard you need to meet", right?

  • And then when you meet it, because society tells you to,

  • they're like, "Oh okay, so you wanna be white now?

  • "Oh, so you wanna be, you wanna be this, you wanna be that?

  • "I want a girl that looks naturally beautiful.

  • "I want a girl with stretch marks."

  • It's like,

  • "Okay, well this girl has stretch marks and she's"

  • "Oh no, she's ugly."

  • Like, so what do we do?

  • If you're ugly, you're losing.

  • If you are pretty, you're also trying too hard.

  • Y'all told us this straight hair is pretty,

  • but then if you have straight hair,

  • "Oh, you're trying to be a white girl."

  • "Oh, you got blue contacts?

  • "Who told you blue eyes were pretty?

  • "You're trying to be white."

  • - And as a woman, it's even worse for us.

  • At least ugly guys can still get on.

  • Ugly dudes can do comedy and it's like,

  • "It's so real, it's so gritty, it's so..."

  • How many ugly women or women who are not considered

  • conventionally attractive are blowing up right now?

  • Exactly.

  • Politics as a female comedian, ha ha.

  • This is what we're up against.

  • And a black woman at that?

  • Jesus.

  • - Oh yeah, February and March, man I'm super tired.

  • I'm super tired.

  • February and March are the best months

  • for a black lady comedian, 'cause that Black History Month

  • and then followed right up by Women's History Month.

  • This is when we stack our bread, right?

  • Before we go back to being invisible.

  • (audience laughs)

  • Not a joke, all right.

  • - Well, I mean, you look at a comedy calendar,

  • it's mostly filled with men.

  • You might, it's 52 weeks in a year

  • and you might have six women out of the whole year

  • that come through that comedy club.

  • As a woman, I have to ask myself, "Why?

  • "I know more than funny six fucking females."

  • So, to me, that's just unfair.

  • Why are you booking all of these guys and only six women?

  • I'm a black woman and I play mainstream clubs.

  • I literally only see me.

  • If Loni Love is not on the roll, or Mo'Nique or Sommore,

  • then that's it.

  • I'm like, right now I'm like their token black woman.

  • So it's not right that you give 40-some weeks to men

  • and only eight, maybe eight weeks to women.

  • - We're always a token.

  • It's always, whenever you look at a comedy show,

  • it's always maybe one woman, maybe two.

  • They have a female host,

  • then they'll have five comics on a show

  • and maybe one other woman will be on the show.

  • There'll be rarely, when you go to a comedy show anywhere,

  • unless it's a specialty show or produced by a woman

  • who's making a point, will there be four women

  • and one man on the lineup.

  • Unheard of.

  • They're not gonna book two black women on the same show.

  • They'll book a white woman and a black woman, but not two.

  • - And then once you start accomplishing things,

  • you've got the people who say,

  • "Oh, you're only here 'cause you're a woman",

  • "You're only here 'cause you're black",

  • "You're only here 'cause you're a black woman",

  • because I don't know, any time a black person has anything,

  • we clearly couldn't have earned it.

  • We couldn't have gotten no merit.

  • It had to be Affirmative Action.

  • But then the lie of white supremacy

  • doesn't follow the logical end, right?

  • If somebody is successful and black, they'll say,

  • "Why don't you be like him?

  • "You can do it.

  • "He did it, you can do it."

  • And then you try to do it and then when you get something,

  • they diminish your accomplishments by saying

  • it's an Affirmative Action or tokenism, and which is it?

  • So that's a major frustration I've had,

  • trying to remember that everything you have, you deserve.

  • - I think Kwanzaa was invented for black people

  • because there was no way black parents

  • wanted to let a white guy in a red suit

  • take the credit for all their hard work.

  • My mom's an African woman, there was no fucking chance.

  • She was not having a white guy taking the credit.

  • She had all our presents had her name on it.

  • "I bought it, I bought it, I bought it,

  • "I bought it, I bought it."

  • I've been out here hustling for years

  • and you see people and you just go, "How?"

  • It's hard not to look at people and go,

  • "How the, how did you?"

  • You just gotta keep looking forward

  • and just keep staying positive in this industry,

  • and make your own way,

  • and that's always the thing that I'm done.

  • I've gone, "You know what?

  • "I'm not waiting for you guys to give me anything.

  • "I'll make my own stuff."

  • I've had three stand up specials,

  • one on Showtime, one on CSUN, another one on Sirius,

  • I made them all myself.

  • I was like, "Okay, Netflix, Comedy Central, no?

  • "Nobody's gonna give me this fair shot?

  • "All right, whatever.

  • "I'm gonna invest in my own comedy."

  • So I got my money, I rented a theater,

  • I sold that theater out, I rented my film crew

  • and I shot my own damn specials, and then I sold them

  • to Showtime and CSUN at a vast profit.

  • So as a comedian,

  • a black comedian especially in this business

  • and a woman comedian, you have to make your own way.

  • - Especially when it comes to people of color

  • in white spaces, they're like,

  • "Just be happy you're here.

  • "Just sit in the corner, take this free drink

  • "and fucking chill."

  • And I'm like, "Nah, I'm not doing that

  • "'cause you're not respecting me.

  • "Now you're just using me as an opportunity

  • "to say, 'See, we have diversity!'."

  • And it's like, nah, I've been there.

  • I've been the diversity chair for a newspaper organization.

  • I know what the fuck is up.

  • I know the quota, okay?

  • I've been there, I've done that, I'm not playing that game.

  • And so I think people don't realize that when they meet me

  • that I had a whole life before this,

  • so I'm not going for the okie doke.

  • - Black comedy in America.

  • I mean, it is important, but it's only important

  • if it's being done correctly.

  • It's only important if you're telling the real deal.

  • And I'm not even saying I'm doing it right,

  • I'm just saying I'm trying to do it right.

  • But some of this material has to stop,

  • this whole, "My boyfriend's white",

  • "I'm dating this white girl",

  • "White people have some way made my life better",

  • with like, they're the Guardians of the Galaxy or shit.

  • "I didn't know this until I met her".

  • And I'm the opposite, I'm like,

  • I had dinner with a friend of mine in Connecticut

  • and I met her mother for the first time

  • and at the end of it, she says,

  • "Oh my God, you speak so well.

  • "You're so well behaved."

  • I was like, "Bitch, what?"

  • And I said to her, "What do you mean, well behaved?

  • "What you think, I'm a monkey out of the damn zoo?

  • "What was I supposed to be doing?"

  • This is how people are legit talking.

  • I think a lot of times, we get insecure about being black.

  • You already got the world treating you

  • like a second class citizen

  • and then you step into that role.

  • So a lot of times, people go,

  • "Well, who's this black bitch with all this confidence,

  • "and why does she think so highly of herself?

  • "Why is she not looking down?"

  • 'Cause I wasn't raised to look down.

  • - The first obligation is to be honest and true to yourself,

  • and then the next is to do no harm.

  • It's really important to me that I am not a black person

  • who performs for white people things that harm

  • other black people.

  • I watched a set a couple years ago.

  • It was a legend, legendary comedian mocking a black woman

  • in front of white people.

  • I don't think it was his intention to do that,

  • but it really hurt my feelings.

  • I wouldn't say that I felt sold out,

  • but I felt tossed aside in pursuit of white laughter,

  • and I never want to make someone with my comedy

  • feel how I felt.

  • So I don't know necessarily that there's a role

  • for the black comedian, I just hope that my role

  • is to not hurt the feelings of a little black girl

  • or little black boy in pursuit of white laughter.

  • That's very important to me.

  • (light music)

- I just have a bit about watching Basketball Wives

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(更多) S**tty統計。喜劇中的黑人女性 - 黑色幽默 ((More) S**tty Statistics: Black Women in Comedy - Dark Humor)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 02 月 22 日
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