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  • Today we are going to talk about parenting

  • I get a lot of questions across my email accounts

  • from parents that are asking how can I parent my children in alignment with that spirituality

  • and in alignment with source energy

  • because of this I want to tell you all parents out there

  • let yourselves off the hook

  • because it is not possible for you to parent perfectly

  • and if somebody tells you that parenting is easy

  • they're lying to themselves

  • it was not intended to be this

  • easy process

  • it was intended to be fun

  • and

  • you will all get the children

  • that you need

  • we make a mistake as parents

  • many of them

  • we see them as innocent and unseasoned

  • we do not see them as the eternal creators that they are

  • just because you came into this life before they did

  • does not mean that they are any different than you are

  • you come here to help this third dimensional reality

  • add to your own expansion which is the same thing that they're doing

  • we identify

  • ourselves as their venue of abundance

  • as their venue through which everything flows to them

  • and we make them believe

  • if not, believing it ourselves

  • that their actions

  • and their behavior is responsible for our happiness

  • we also see them as ours instead of children of the universe

  • these four things which i just mentioned are the biggest mistakes we make as parents

  • We replace the role of the universe

  • the role which the universe was meant to fill

  • with ourselves

  • and

  • we treat ourselves in children's lives as if we are gods

  • we're not meant to be the gods of their lives

  • we are meant to be

  • their guides

  • Your children are powerful creators just like you who have come to and out of life over and over again

  • they came here to learn from life

  • the learning

  • from the parenthood in child role

  • is just meant to be

  • one component of

  • the whole shebang

  • it's not really your job to teach them, or to clothe them, or to house them, or to feed them

  • doing that kind of thing for your children

  • makes you feel good which is your indication that that is in alignment

  • but that is not your job in being here as their parents

  • your job is a two part process

  • part one is

  • to foster their independence at a very early age

  • part too is: to demonstrate what alignment looks like

  • there's this absolutely fabulous quote that goes like this:

  • "example is not

  • one way to teach

  • it is the only way to teach"

  • Only from our place of alignment are we capable of teaching things which are a benefit to our children instead of

  • a detriment to them

  • from our misalignment

  • we teach them

  • how to live their life

  • out of alignment

  • with their joy, their freedom, and their own true selves

  • the one who is in alignment

  • with their own guidance system

  • with their own joy, with their own freedom, and with their own true self

  • is the one who will teach the child

  • to do the same

  • and thus, the child will make decisions in their lives based on alignment

  • instead of based on

  • some other idea which we have been

  • positing in the place of our own alignment

  • this is the difference between the child who goes to get into the car at age sixteen with other children who were drunk at the time

  • and the one who trusts in their own internal guidance system doesn't get in the car and thus, doesn't end up dead

  • if you teach your child

  • to stay in alignment with their own guidance system

  • and you teach them to find freedom instead of rebellion

  • your child

  • will make decisions based on what's right for him or herself

  • which is the most important thing that you can do for your children

  • do not expect your children's behavior

  • to be the basis of your happiness or lack thereof

  • this sets them up

  • to believe in their adulthood

  • that happiness is dependent on other people

  • it also sets them up to believe that he or she was responsible for the happiness

  • of others

  • that right there is the

  • perfect ingredients

  • for a chronically unhappy adult

  • which let's face it

  • all we really want for our children is that they grow up to live happy lives

  • those people who base their parenting

  • off of a system of punishment and reward

  • are really the problem

  • which is creating the society we have today which is a punishment based system

  • we train our children

  • and future adults

  • out of alignment

  • and into resistance and rebellion

  • and you cannot

  • ever, punish something

  • into

  • wellness

  • you cannot punish anything into a place of alignment

  • you cannot punish something into goodness

  • those are vibrational contradictions

  • it is impossible

  • to punish something

  • into the behavior

  • which is going to benefit them the most in the end

  • all that that does is teach a person to lose connection

  • with their own internal guidance systems

  • so

  • how do we parent well?

  • I'm gonna give you a list of do's and don'ts

  • The single most important don't when it comes to parenthood is:

  • do not strip your child of their self-concept

  • so, how do we strip our child of their self-concept?

  • 1) we find fault and we criticize our children

  • 2) Do not do everything for them

  • let them make their own choices

  • We can't think for them and hope to raise adults which are functioning and creating a healthy society

  • don't foster dependence

  • this is only going to breed resentment

  • and unsuccessful adults

  • a lot of times we mistake

  • fostering dependence for love

  • when it's exactly the opposite we are cutting our children's legs out from under themselves

  • do not mistake consequences

  • with punishment

  • and replacing

  • consequences with lecturing and threats

  • to understand what I mean between the difference between

  • consequences

  • and punishment

  • I'll give you a scenario

  • let's say this three-year-old is running around with a truck

  • and now the three-year-old runs that truck into the family pet

  • like a cat or a dog

  • the parent who understands delivering consequences versus punishment

  • would say something like

  • (utilizing empathy)

  • "Oh how sad, looks like the truck is gone"

  • then they would go down and immediately pick the truck up and put it out of the child's reach

  • they would not follow that up with any kind of lecturing

  • they would allow the child to learn from the consequence of their action

  • the parent who is utilizing punishment instead of the consequence

  • would get super super angry at the child

  • they may or may not take away the truck

  • but what they're going to do is put the child in a timeout

  • They're going to make it all about the parent against the child, versus the child learning from the consequence of running that truck into the family pet

  • don't rescue them from their problems

  • doing that strips them of their freedom, strips them of their ability to learn from things

  • we have a unique opportunity when it comes to problems and that is to help children

  • to solve things themselves, that builds an incredible self-concept for your children

  • very loving parents

  • come in and sort of

  • solve everybody's problems for them

  • they solve the children's problems for the child

  • and the child grows up and ends up resenting the parent and being incapable of solving their own problems later in life

  • we can help children solve their problems

  • but we do not solve them for them

  • don't deliver consequences with anger

  • if you deliver consequences with anger all this does is turn the fight

  • into the parent against the child

  • instead of the child learning from the consequences of their actions

  • children come into this life and they learn first off

  • from the very beginning

  • cause-and-effect

  • it's a benefit for them to understand this in the third dimension

  • and it is not a benefit for them to be stripped of that opportunity of understanding

  • don't assume that your baby is too young to understand

  • they are learning from the very very beginning

  • and quite often we look at little babies who are about six months old and think:

  • "Oh! they're too young to understand this, it's not time to set limits for them

  • and that right there is a big mistake because you're laying the foundation

  • before they even hit toddlerhood

  • of what they can expect out of adults, what they can get away with, and how safe they are

  • I want to interject here and talk to you a bit about ferberizing

  • many of you who understand the parental system of ferberizing, will know that it's

  • this concept, basically, that babies from the very beginning

  • learn

  • that they can manipulate

  • we're not talking about six...or you know, 2 years old, 3 years old, 4 years old,

  • we're talking babies that come into this world and

  • from the very beginning learn that if they cry and you come, then they can manipulate you

  • The ferberizing concept as far as Source perspective is concerned is the

  • most damaging thing which has been created in terms of parenting

  • before the age of about

  • one

  • children

  • only cry because if one thing

  • they have a need

  • and if you do not meet that need whether it's to be coddled, whether it's to be fed,

  • whether it's to be changed,

  • you are literally undercutting

  • the trust system between you and your child

  • ferberizing your child is the worst thing you can do for a child's trust on this planet

  • As a parent, it will become easier and easier for you to see the difference

  • between a child crying out of need

  • which it can't meet itself

  • and a child which is crying out of manipulation

  • it's a totally different energy

  • and you need to trust yourself enough to know that difference

  • as a parent, you know the difference

  • we are incredibly underdeveloped when we come into this world

  • the nature of being a human being

  • makes it so that

  • infants can't even fit through the birth canal if they come out totally developed

  • like we do and like most animals do you

  • that's why, when we come out

  • we're, for lack of a better word, three months underdeveloped

  • so we literally are incapable of meeting our own needs

  • until were about three months old and even then, and as you know if you've raised a child

  • there's a whole lot more needs which they can't meet themselves

  • don't become a doormat or a dictator to your child

  • What you want to do is become a guide

  • the person who rescues their child from everything

  • and the person who orders them to conform

  • both strip the child

  • of their self-concept, and both make their children feel powerless

  • and as you know, I talk quite a bit about the fact

  • that powerlessness

  • is the number one problem to our society today

  • it is the reason

  • for all of our interpersonal,

  • personal

  • and world conflicts which we have going on today

  • and then we come to, what I think is the last point and one of the

  • best points

  • of don'ts when it comes to your children

  • Don't feed them

  • unuseful beliefs

  • one of the most amazing gifts of having a child is the fact that you have to

  • examine your own limiting

  • and beneficial beliefs

  • you can't teach a child to believe something that you don't believe

  • but, if you want your child to

  • believe

  • that they can do something

  • you cannot tell them that they can't

  • if you keep reinforcing: you can't do this, you can't do that,

  • you are setting up the belief system in them:

  • "I can't"

  • we're laying the foundations for the belief

  • of our children

  • into their adulthood

  • and so you should only be giving them beliefs which are useful

  • and, here's the cracks