You are Would you wanna, uh all of America is listening, And by that I literally mean we're very successful podcast.

你想不想讓全美國的人都在聽，我的意思是，我們是非常成功的播客。

So, in my mind, everyone in America is listening.

所以，在我看來，美國的每個人都在聽。

Why don't you tell us what you have to say?

你為什麼不告訴我們你有什麼要說的？

I'm pregnant.

我懷孕了

Yea yeah.

是啊是啊。

Yea, thank you very much.

是的，非常感謝你。

That is so excited that it's so exciting.

這真是讓人興奮得不得了。

I know.

我知道，我知道

Thank you.

謝謝你了

I have known I've known for a while, but of course on I was proud of myself because you can't tell people I on Do you know what I love?

我已經知道我已經知道了一段時間，但當然上我為自己感到驕傲，因為你不能告訴別人我上你知道我喜歡什麼嗎？

I'm making this about me instantly.

我馬上就會把它變成關於我的。

You were You know what you were.

你是... 你知道你是什麼人

You were I think, the first person besides me intact to know Because I came to your house to help you with something And you offered me wine and I said, no, I'm not drinking and your like.

我想你是除了我之外第一個知道的人 因為我去你家幫你做事 你給我酒喝，我說，不，我不喝，而你喜歡。

Are you pregnant?

你懷孕了嗎？

You just immediately asked me and I think we had found out the day before that we were you know, it was you know, it was weird.

你只是立即問我，我想我們已經發現了 前一天，我們是... ...你知道，這是... ...你知道，這很奇怪。

It was 90 clock in the morning.

當時是早上的90鍾。

I was drinking out of a bottle of wine.

我是用一瓶酒喝完的。

I wasn't even pouring into a glass and was, like, sorta have some.

我還沒倒進杯子裡，就像，有點像，有點像。

And she said, Well, I don't think you pregnant.

她說，嗯，我不認為你懷孕了。

What's the due date?

什麼是到期日？

When does the birth certificate man come around?

出生證明的人什麼時候來？

That's right.

是的

It's what, six months after you give birth that that you have to get the same guy who was four months late for your dad birth certificate.

這是什麼，六個月後，你生了，你必須得到同樣的傢伙誰是四個月晚了你爸爸的出生證明。

You know what I'm gonna do?

你知道我要做什麼嗎？

I'm gonna track that guy down, and I'm gonna fly him to the United States so that he can handle your birth certificate.

我要去追蹤那個人，我要讓他飛到美國去 這樣他就可以處理你的出生證明瞭。

Well, I don't I don't think he came because of my dad.

嗯，我不... ...我不認為他是因為我爸爸才來的。

He came to the village, and he's like, Okay, what?

他來到村裡，他說，好吧，什麼？

Babies were born, and then people were like my baby was born.

嬰兒出生了，然後人們就像我的孩子出生了。

And my baby, you're like, Okay, all of you have a February finished.

而我的寶貝，你就像，好吧，你們都有一個2月完成。

Oh, my God.

哦，我的上帝。

That's how they did it.

他們就是這樣做的。

Do you think he did other things too?

你覺得他還做了其他事情嗎？

I get the sense that he he didn't.

我感覺他他沒有。

He sounds like a guy who came to the village to deliver mail, give you your birth certificate.

他聽起來像一個來村裡送信的人，給你出生證。

He probably had a soft serve machine.

他可能有一個軟服務機。

You know, if anyone wanted ice cream.

你知道，如果有人想吃冰激凌，

Hey, Sounds like a guy who did a bunch of things.

嘿，聽起來像一個人誰做了一堆事情。

Um, well, we are also we're having twins.

嗯，好吧，我們也... ...我們有雙胞胎。

Oh, I know.

哦，我知道了。

I know.

我知道，我知道

As a tear rolled down, That's for birth certificates.

隨著一滴淚水滾落，那是為了出生證明。

Oh, man.

哦，夥計。

Good one, Gourlay.

說得好，古雷

You just hit it.

你只是打它。

That was the natural.

那是自然的。

You hit it out of the park.

你把它打出了公園。

It hit the lights and the lights exploded in going on Tylenol PM Everyday were so funny.

它打燈和燈光爆炸在去泰諾PM每天都是如此有趣。

When you're jacked on Tylenol P O S o Sona you're having you're having twins.

當你服用泰諾P O S o Sona時，你就會有... ...你就會有雙胞胎。

Can I ask more questions?

我可以多問幾個問題嗎？

We know the sex.

我們知道性別。

Yes, they're both They're both boys.

是的，他們都是，他們都是男孩。

Oh, yeah, it's a lot.

哦，是的，這是一個很大的。

It's a lot all at once.

一下子就多了起來。

Eso we'll never you'll.

所以我們永遠不會你。

Well, you'll never will Never talk to you again in a couple of months.

好吧，你將永遠不會再跟你說話 在幾個月內。

No, I don't think so.

不，我不這麼認為。

I I don't think you will.

我想你不會的

Well, I'm due due mid July, but they'll probably come early because twins come early.

嗯，我的預產期是7月中旬，但他們可能會提前到來，因為雙胞胎會提前到來。

And, yeah, you know, we spend a lot of our time just kind of sitting here in silence, just being like, What did?

而且，是的，你知道，我們花了很多時間 只是一種坐在這裡沉默， 只是像，什麼了？

What did we dio intact?

我們完整地做了什麼？

Keeps asking if he has time to do his karate, which he does.

一直問他有沒有時間練空手道，他確實有。

Eso uh, yes.

嗯，是的。

Well, guess What?

好吧，你猜怎麼著？

Let me explain something to Sona.

讓我給索娜解釋一下。

There's a call.

有一個電話。

The hierarchy of needs.

需求層次；

Priority number one, Priorities.

第一優先，優先。

And so what's gonna happen is tax karate.

所以會發生的是空手道稅收。

And I promise you this is going to go away.

我向你保證，這一切都會過去的。

I hope he has a sense that's going like, change Diaper.

我希望他有一種感覺，要像，換尿布。

And he teaches him wax the fence, but his baby stuff.

他還教他打蠟，但他的寶貝東西。

Yeah.

是啊。

Yeah, it's funny if his if his karate style is all based, like the way Mr Miyagi is was on Wax on, wax off.

是啊，如果他的空手道風格是基於... ...就像宮城先生的方式是在蠟上，蠟上，蠟下。

It's all based on changing to diapers at once with each hand.

這都是基於一次換成紙尿褲的基礎上，兩隻手都要。

And that becomes, like, the most impossible.

而這就成了，最不可能的事情。

Fantastic defense attack in karate.

空手道中神奇的防禦攻擊。

Oh, my God, This is insane.

哦，我的上帝，這是瘋了。

I'm so happy for you and end for tack.

我真為你高興，也為你的結局感到高興。

Yeah, I know.

是的，我知道。

It's very exciting.

這是非常令人興奮的。

Yeah, we wanted it for a while, so this is exciting.

是啊，我們想要它有一段時間，所以這是令人興奮的。

It's a lot.

這是一個很大的。

Are you, Uh wow.

你是，呃，哇。

And of course I knew about this.

我當然也知道這件事。

And then you you you showed me a video of your mom and your dad being told and you did a really cute thing.

然後你... ...你給我看了一段你媽媽和你爸爸被告知的視頻，你做了一件很可愛的事情。

You had your nieces tell her?

你讓你的侄女告訴她的？

Uh huh.

嗯哼。

Yeah, and they're really young.

是啊，他們真的很年輕。

I couldn't believe that they kept the secret.

我不相信他們會保守這個祕密。

Yeah, there's seven and five and, uh, they were bursting to tell them, Um and, you know, my mom has to grant two granddaughters.

是啊，有七歲和五歲，呃，他們爆料說，嗯，還有，你知道，我媽要批兩個孫女。

So she's so badly wanted a boy.

所以她很想要一個男孩。

And then we told them we were having twins, and then we were like, OK, guess the gender.

然後我們告訴他們，我們有雙胞胎， 然後我們就像，OK，猜測性別。

And my mom was just like boy, she didn't see.

而我媽就像孩子一樣，她沒看到。

Oh, and she also I'm gonna back soon up.

哦，她也我很快就會回來了。

I've seen the video.

我看過視頻了。

Your mother does it with no joy.

你媽媽做得不亦樂乎。

She's like, really happy that you're having the baby.

她很喜歡，真的很高興你有了孩子。

She's really happy, you say, And then you say it's twins and she's like, Oh, my God, And she's crying and she sits down and she can't stand up.

她真的很高興，你說，然後你說這是雙胞胎，她就像，哦，我的上帝，她哭了，她坐下來，她不能站起來。

And then you just say, Guess the gender And she just leans forward and she goes, Boy, like that's I'm not asking.

然後你就說，猜猜性別，她就往前一靠，然後就說，男孩，就像我沒問一樣。

I'm telling you, it is Boy e.

我告訴你，這是男孩e。

Don't care what the other one is as long as one is a boy.

只要一個是男孩，不在乎另一個是什麼。

Who cares?

誰在乎呢？

Oh, man.

哦，夥計。

Yeah, And then, you know my grandpas 98 he was in the video and he's just eating and he has no idea what's going on.

是啊，然後，你知道我的爺爺98 他在視頻中，他只是吃 他不知道發生了什麼事。

Just knows everyone's, like, chaotic.

就知道大家的，亂七八糟的。

Uh, that is incredible.

呃，這是不可思議的。

That's wonderful.

那真是太好了

eyes.

眼睛。

Isn't that fantastic?

是不是很奇妙？

It's very exciting.

這是非常令人興奮的。

You know, I remember just to give everyone a sense of your mom.

你知道，我記得只是為了讓大家感受到你媽媽的存在。

Remember the first thing your mom said to me when I met her, which is now, 11 years ago, when you your mom, came to the set of what was in the Tonight show and we hadn't even started the Tonight show yet.

記得我見到你媽媽的第一句話，也就是現在，11年前，當你你你媽媽，來到《今夜秀》的現場時，我們還沒有開始《今夜秀》的拍攝。

And you brought your mother up to say hello to me.

你還帶著你媽媽來跟我打招呼。

You were in.

你是在。

You were a new employee.

你是一個新員工。

And what did she say?

她說了什麼？

She said you rock the use A that she said you rocked the US.

她說你搖滾的使用A她說你搖滾的美國。

I said, Oh, hi.

我說，哦，你好。

How are you?

你好嗎？

Mrs.

太太

May obsessed and she went Continue.

梅迷戀和她去繼續。

Rocked the use A Well, no, I don't e never have, and I never will.

不，我沒有，我從來沒有，也不會有。

But that's a very sweet thing for her upset.

但這對她來說是一件很甜蜜的事，她不高興。

She doesn't like it when I call you a dick on TV.

她不喜歡我在電視上叫你 "老二"。

That's something she brings up all the time.

這是她經常提起的事情。

Don't.

別這樣

She doesn't like that.

她不喜歡這樣。

You disrespect me.

你不尊重我

Yes, she hates it.

是的，她討厭它。

She like that you're regularly doing a segment called Big Dick history.

她喜歡你定期做一個叫 "大雞巴歷史 "的欄目。

She does not listen to the podcast.

她不聽播客。

Good.

很好啊

Oh, my God.

哦，我的上帝。

I think she'd be horrified.

我想她會被嚇壞的。

Well, This is exciting.

嗯，這是令人興奮的。

This is really exciting.

這真的很令人興奮。

So I'm just so I check with you beforehand.

所以我只是為了讓我事先跟你確認一下。

Because But I Because I e no, I come across this an insensitive brute.

因為但我因為我e不，我遇到了這個不敏感的畜生。

But I do.

但我有

I want to make sure that I'm not revealing or making you say anything about your life that you don't want to.

我想確保我沒有透露或讓你說出任何你不想說的生活。

But this is you were cool with talking about this.

但這是你很酷的談論這個問題。

It's really exciting.

這真的很令人興奮。

Yeah.

是啊。

I mean, we're you know, we're Tack doesn't like when we like, post things on instagram.

我是說，我們... ...你知道，我們Tack不喜歡我們在Instagram上發東西的時候。

So we're not gonna have, like, ah, photo shoot and post anything.

所以，我們不會有一樣，啊，照片拍攝和發佈任何東西。

So this is pretty much my only way of, like, telling people I forgot to tell.

所以這幾乎是我唯一的辦法，比如，告訴別人我忘了告訴。

So that's that's it's like killing two birds with one stone, I guess.

所以，這就是... ...這就像一石二鳥，我想。

Oh, good.

哦，好。

Well, so we found a use for this podcast.

好吧，所以我們發現了一個使用這個播客。

A baby announcement.

一個寶寶的公告。

That's terrific.

這是了不起的。

So it's very convenient for me.

所以這對我來說是非常方便的。

Thank you.

謝謝你了

Anything else?

還有別的嗎？

You know, if you want to tell tap, what time is karate class starts?

你知道，如果你想告訴自來水，空手道課什麼時候開始？

Yeah.

是啊。

You could make that announcement to Well, I just wanted to get I'm so glad.

你可以宣佈，嗯，我只是想得到我很高興。

I'm so glad that's out there.

我很高興這一點在那裡。

What do they say in in, uh, in Armenia?

在亞美尼亞，他們怎麼說？

I mean, I know that like, uh, the Jewish people would say like, Oh, mazel tov for is there any way of saying What do you say?

我的意思是，我知道，像，呃， 猶太人會說，哦，mazel tov的是有什麼辦法 說你說什麼？

Uh, Louise, it means, uh, like, light to your eye.

呃，露易絲，它的意思是，呃，像，你的眼睛的光。

Light to your eye.

光到你的眼睛。

What?

什麼？

Good, Louise, Like your watch your eye light in your eye.

很好，露易絲，就像你看你眼裡的光一樣。

What's going on over there?

那邊發生了什麼事？

Yeah.

是啊。

I mean, birth certificates air coming months late, and then the way you and then the way you I mean, you know, in this country, applying light to someone's eye is a neurological exam.

我是說，出生證明晚了好幾個月，然後你的方式，然後你的方式... ...我是說，你知道，在這個國家，用光照別人的眼睛是一種神經學檢查。

It's a way of telling if you've been injured.

這是一種判斷你是否受傷的方法。

So if you want to congratulate someone, you could theoretically just shine a flashlight in their face.

所以如果你想祝賀某人，理論上你可以用手電筒照著他的臉。

E don't know.

我不知道

Arch got Louise.

阿奇抓了露易絲

Just lose.

只是輸了。

It's good.

很好啊

That's good.

那就好

That's good, Louise.

很好，路易絲

It's got Louise.

它有路易絲。

That's good.

那就好

That's good.

那就好

You don't like.

你不喜歡。

That was bad.

這是很糟糕的。

I speak fluent Armenian.

我講一口流利的亞美尼亞語。

Were you talking about my friend Kevin work?

你是在說我朋友凱文的工作嗎？

God, you just said Yeah.

天啊，你剛剛說的是啊。

You guys repeated the same thing over and over.

你們不斷地重複著同樣的事情。

Yeah.

是啊。

Chair R P icmec gin.

主席R-皮克金。

I went to high school with her share share.

我和她分擔了高中。

That's what I say up constantly.

這是我不斷說起來的。

You know, it's funny, since since knowing Sona and famously knowing Sona.

你知道嗎，這很有趣，自從認識索娜和著名的認識索娜之後。

Everywhere I go, Armenian people like Ghana on.

無論我走到哪裡，亞美尼亞人都喜歡加納上。

And then I go, I go.

然後我走了，我走了。

But revenue per second they go love them.

但每秒的收入他們去愛他們。

And now I can say, What is it?

現在我可以說，這是什麼？

Light in your eye Light in your eye.

你眼中的光 你眼中的光

Louise got Louise.

路易絲得到了路易絲。

Then I could say share.

那我可以說分享。

Uh, you don't have to say share.

呃，你不必說分享。

Why?

為什麼？

She's Armenian.

她是亞美尼亞人

You're just gonna yell out Armenian people?

你就這麼喊亞美尼亞人？

I'm not going to mention the Kardashians.

我不打算提卡戴珊姐妹。

Oh, it's probably for the best.

哦，這可能是最好的。

I think so.

我想是的

Shares the better way to go.

股更好的方式。

All right.

好吧，我知道了

Well, congratulations.

那麼，恭喜你。

Very happy.

非常高興。

Really happy.

真的很開心。

Really.

真的嗎？

If that's not a segment, I don't know what is.

如果這不是段子，我不知道什麼是。