Fri-yay That's what Tariq says.

塔裡克就是這麼說的。

It's Friday, that's usually when I take care of some business,

今天是星期五，通常是我處理一些事務的時候。

I get some things done, you know,

我做了一些事情，你知道的。

but the day just got completely away from me.

但這一天就這樣徹底離我而去了。

I spend all day playing online poker.

我整天都在玩在線撲克。

And I completely forgot to write out my weekly thank-you notes.

而我完全忘記了寫出每週的感謝信。

So now I know it's during the show,

所以現在我知道是在演出期間。

but if you don't mind, I thought I'd take this time

但如果你不介意的話，我想我應該利用這個時間。

to write out my thank-you notes right now,

寫出我的感謝信，現在。

is that okay with you? Appreciate it.

你沒問題吧？欣賞它。

Can I get some thank-you note writing music please.

能不能給我一些感謝信寫的音樂。

Thank you, Trump's defense lawyer,

謝謝你，特朗普的辯護律師。

for somehow managing to be the most embarrassing legal story

因為這是最尷尬的法律故事。

in the same week that had Zoom cat lawyer.

在同一周，有Zoom貓律師。

How did he pull that one off?

他是怎麼做到的？

Thank you, $8,000 Louis Vuitton sweater,

謝謝你，8000美元的路易威登毛衣。

for looking like someone covered themselves with glue

因為看起來像有人用膠水塗抹自己

and then moshed at a Yo Gabba Gabba! concert.

然後在Yo Gabba Gabba！演唱會上混戰。

Thank you, breakfast in bed,

謝謝你，床上的早餐。

for giving me 20 minutes of a nice breakfast

給我20分鐘的美好早餐

in exchange for eight hours of sleeping in muffin crumbs.

以換取在鬆餅屑中睡上八個小時。

[ Light cheers and applause ]

[輕歡呼聲和掌聲]

Muffin crumbs.

鬆餅屑。

I feel like muffin tops has gotten a little out of hand.

我覺得鬆餅頂已經有點失控了。

-Yeah, something else is like a loaf loaf topped.

-是的，其他的東西就像一個麵包圈的頂部。

-Yeah, not even muffin anymore at this point.

-是啊，這時候連鬆餅都沒有了。

And it's just it just totally ruins the bottom now.

而且它只是它只是完全毀了底部現在。

-Yeah, it really does. -Disappointing.

-是的，確實如此。-令人失望

It's just just take the bottom out of the equation.

就是把底層的東西拿出來而已。

-Why don't they just sell muffin tops?

-為什麼他們不直接賣鬆餅面？

-Tops only, yeah. Call 'em scones.

-只有頂部，是的。叫他們烤餅。

-Ahh.

-啊

[ Light laughter ]

[輕笑]

-But then you know you got a scone.

-但是你知道你有一個烤餅。

Scones aren't moist like muffins.

司康餅不像鬆餅那樣溼潤。

That's the one time I heard the word moist

那是我第一次聽到溼潤這個詞的時候

and didn't cringe.

並沒有畏懼。

I agree with you. Yeah. Scones are dry.

我同意你的觀點是啊，司康餅是乾的。司康餅是乾的。

It's almost like you're mixing it in your mouth.

幾乎就像你在嘴裡混合。

-Yeah, right? -To make something else.

-是的，對嗎？-去做別的東西.

-Yeah. I don't I don't do all the work.

-是的，我不... ...我不做所有的工作。

-Yeah. You've got to do all the mixing.

-是啊，你得做所有的混音。你必須做所有的混合。

And if you put that added muffin tin, you make a muffin.

而如果你把那個加了鬆餅的鐵皮，你就成了鬆餅。

-You're on to something, Jimmy. -I know, man.

-你說的有道理，吉米。-我知道，夥計

I gotta to call, I gotta call the Bisquick people.

我得打電話，我得打電話給Bisquick的人。

Yeah, we don't. Sorry. Yeah. We don't.

是的，我們沒有。抱歉 - 是啊 - Sorry.是的，我們沒有。我們不知道。

No, we don't run the family business.

不，我們不經營家族企業。

And you got you call. This is Fred Bisquick.

你得到了你的電話。我是Fred Bisquick.

I'm into like video, video director and stuff like that.

我喜歡視頻，視頻導演之類的東西。

But my brother.

但是，我的哥哥。

Mark. Mark's more at what? -[ Imitates voice on line ]

馬克：馬克的更多在什麼？

-Uh-huh. -[ Imitates voice on line ]

-嗯哼-[模仿線上的聲音]

-Scones? -[ Imitates voice on line ]

-斯康尼？-[模仿線上的聲音]

-Sure, sure, sure. Again, this is Fred Bisquick.

-當然，當然，當然再一次，我是Fred Bisquick.

I don't run that part of the family business.

我不經營那部分的家族生意。

I'm more like, you know, wedding video editing,

我更喜歡，你知道，婚禮視頻編輯。

stuff like that. So but if you need

這樣的東西。所以，但如果你需要

any of that stuff like you, give me a call, okay?

任何像你這樣的東西， 給我打電話，好嗎？

Call me back. -[ Imitates voice on line ]

給我回電話。-[模仿線上的聲音]

Are you married? -[ Imitates voice on line ]

你結婚了嗎？-[模仿線上的聲音]

-Alright. Yeah. Well, anyway, actually my brothers here

-好吧好吧 - 是啊好吧，無論如何，其實我的兄弟們在這裡

Do you want to talk to him? -[ Imitates voice on line ]

你想和他談談嗎？-[模仿線上的聲音]

-Okay, hold on.

-好吧，等一下

Hello.

你好啊

No, no, I'm sorry, I'm just eating a scone. [ Coughs ]

不，不，對不起，我只是在吃烤餅。[咳嗽]

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Thank you, bouquets, for apparently being French

謝謝你，花束，因為你顯然是法國人。

for a $200 pile of dead plants. Aw, hey, come on.

一堆200美元的死植物。哦，嘿，來吧。

[ Applause ]

[掌聲]

Thank you, sidewalk puddles, or, as New Yorkers call them,

謝謝你，人行道上的水坑，或者，紐約人對它們的稱呼。

the winter long jump.

冬天的跳遠。

[ Applause ]

[掌聲]

Thank you, curbside pickup, being the closest

謝謝你，路邊取貨，是最近的。

I'll ever get to feeling like a NASCAR driver

我將永遠得到的感覺像一個納斯卡車手。

with my own pit crew. It's like.

與我自己的維修人員。這就像。

Thank you, long johns,

謝謝你，長嫖客。

for not going by your full name, lengthy Jonathans.

因為沒有用你的全名，冗長的Jonathans。

[ Laughter, applause ]

[笑聲，掌聲]

[ Cymbal crashes ]

[鈸的崩潰]

Gosh.

天哪

Thank you, ski lifts, for being the most exciting way

謝謝你，滑雪纜車，感謝你成為最令人興奮的方式。

to feel like dry cleaning.

來感覺像乾洗。

There you have it, everybody. Those are my thank you notes.

各位，這就是我的感謝信。這些是我的感謝信。