either do meth or they work plumbing.

要麼做安非他命，要麼做管道。

You know what I mean?

你知道我的意思嗎？

But they do something.

但他們做了一些事情。

(laughter)

（笑聲）

I never seen so many able-bodied white dudes

我從來沒有見過這麼多健壯的白人帥哥。

just sleeping on the street, you know?

只是睡在大街上，你知道嗎？

And I really hated when they would ask me for money.

而且我真的很討厭他們向我要錢的時候。

You know what I mean?

你知道我的意思嗎？

Like, I'm a black lesbian.

就像，我是一個黑人女同性戀者。

I'm never gonna give you shit.

我永遠不會給你狗屎。

(laughter)

（笑聲）

- My girlfriend, my first girlfriend, huge deal,

- 我的女朋友，我的初戀女友，大事。

'cause I didn't even know how gay I was

因為我甚至不知道我是多麼的同志。

'til I met this girl, you know?

直到我遇到這個女孩，你知道嗎？

I don't know, 'cause women, we teeter, we do.

我不知道，因為女人，我們會搖擺不定，我們會。

We play games.

我們玩遊戲。

You kiss a girl in the club to make

你在俱樂部親吻一個女孩，讓

your boyfriend's dick hard, you do silly shit.

你男朋友的雞巴硬， 你做愚蠢的狗屎。

You're not always just laying over there.

你不總是隻是躺在那裡。

You know what I mean?

你知道我的意思嗎？

So I didn't know, I was like maybe I'm just

所以，我不知道，我想，也許我只是

grab titties in the club gay,

在俱樂部裡抓奶子的同志。

and not go down on a chick gay.

而不是對小雞同志下手。

Very different gays.

非常不同的同志。

(laughter)

（笑聲）

Very different gays on the spectrum.

非常不同的光譜上的同志。

But I met this girl, I was like no man,

但我遇到這個女孩，我就像沒有男人一樣。

I'm going down on this chick.

我要對這個小妞下手。

I'm ready.

我已經準備好了

Huge deal, man, I was scared.

巨大的交易，男人，我很害怕。

I had to get myself charged up to do it.

我必須給自己充電才行。

John Madden in the huddle like I'm gonna eat this pussy.

約翰-麥登在圍觀的時候，就像我要吃這個娘們一樣。

Go, go, go.

走，走，走。

(laughter)

（笑聲）

Got this.

得到了這個。

I was looking in the mirror like you are a champion.

我看著鏡子裡的你，就像你是個冠軍。

Don't worry.

別擔心

And then I got her home and she laid down on the bed,

然後我把她弄回家，她就躺在床上。

and I realized I had never seen a vagina from this pers--

我意識到，我從來沒有見過 陰道從這個角度 -

Like I've seen mine from this perspective.

就像我從這個角度看我的。

(laughter)

（笑聲）

I ain't ever seen it like that.

我從來沒有見過這樣的。

I was not ready at all.

我根本就沒有準備好。

I was like oh, what the hell is that?

我當時想，哦，那是什麼鬼東西？

(laughter)

（笑聲）

Started poking at it, like uh-uh.

開始戳破它，像呃呃。

Close your legs, let's go to church.

合上你的腿，我們去教堂吧。

We need to pray.

我們需要祈禱。

(laughter)

（笑聲）

You know, go ahead, pray this gay away, girl.

你知道的，去吧，祈禱這個同志離開，女孩。

We all living foul.

我們都活得很糟糕。

(laughter)

（笑聲）

But that's a journey, you go through the ups and downs

但這是一個旅程，你會經歷起伏的過程

until you find where you're supposed to land.

直到你找到你應該降落的地方。

You know what I mean?

你知道我的意思嗎？

And I love my wife, I do.

我也愛我的妻子，我真的愛。

You know, she's here, and I love her.

你知道，她在這裡，我愛她。

She's supportive, but it's hard.

她很支持，但很難。

She doesn't say a lot of things I care about.

她沒有說很多我關心的事情。

(laughter)

（笑聲）

I didn't know that was gonna be a problem

我不知道那會是個問題。

when I married--

當我結婚的時候...

She talks a lot, but I don't give a shit about most of it.

她說了很多，但我對大部分都不屑一顧。

(laughter)

（笑聲）

Most of it's just like, I don't--

大部分都是，我不... ...

Why, you know?

為什麼，你知道嗎？

And I gotta feign interest, she knows when I'm fei--

我得假裝感興趣，她知道我什麼時候... ...

It's just terrible, man, and I wish it was different.

太可怕了，夥計，我希望它是不同的。

I wish she was saying things that were more valuable to me.

我希望她說的話對我更有價值。

I really do, I wish she had more valuable things--

我真的希望她有更多有價值的東西 --

And it's like I know as feminists, as women like,

就像我知道作為女權主義者，作為女人喜歡。

you know, everything we say is val--

你知道，我們說的一切都很有價值...

It's like yeah, her thoughts are valuable,

就好像是啊，她的想法很有價值。

but the shit that's actually coming out her mouth, garbage.

但她嘴裡說的都是廢話，垃圾。

(laughter)

（笑聲）

Pure garbage.

純粹的垃圾。

(applause)

(掌聲)

This is not good stuff.

這可不是什麼好東西。

This is pointless, man.

這是沒有意義的，男人。

It's never in the clutch stuff.

從來沒有在離合器的東西。

It's never things that are gonna save my life

從來沒有什麼東西能救我的命。

in the moment.

在當下。

It's never like we're driving over a bridge

我們從來不會像在橋上開車一樣。

and she's like hey, hon, crack those windows

和她一樣，嘿，親愛的， 打破這些窗戶，

just in case we go off this bridge,

以防萬一，我們去了這座橋。

land in this water, you'll be able to open the door,

落在這水裡，你就可以開門了。

do the pressure, swim right out, save your life.

做壓力，游出去，救你的命。

Never information like that.

從來沒有這樣的資訊。

(laughter)

（笑聲）

Never solid.

從不穩固。

It's always just like I'm in the kitchen pouring a soda.

總是像我在廚房裡倒蘇打水一樣。

She strolls by, that's a wine glass.

她漫步走過，那是一個酒杯。

Soda doesn't go in there.

蘇打水不進那裡。

Like, shut the fuck up.

就像，閉上你的嘴。

(laughter)

（笑聲）

Maybe I want to drink my soda like a king today

也許我今天要像國王一樣喝汽水吧

out of a goblet.

從一個高腳杯中。

I got my own plans, mind your business.

我有自己的計劃，管好你的事。

What's up bro?

什麼是兄弟？

How are you, dawg?

你好嗎，老兄？

My girl gets on my fucking nerves, you know?

我的女孩讓我他媽的緊張，你知道嗎？

I love her, but she's fucking annoying, dude.

我愛她，但她是他媽的煩人，夥計。

That's just like, eventually everybody gets irritated.

這就像，最終每個人都會被激怒。

You can't do anything about it.

你不能做任何事情。

I started to learn too much about her, I don't like it.

我開始對她瞭解太多，我不喜歡。

She's easily sensationalized.

她很容易被煽情。

She just jumps on bandwagons.

她只是跳上帶子。

I fucking hate that, like she'll read an article

我他媽的討厭這樣，就像她會讀一篇文章一樣

and then she'll be like I'm a vegan Muslim now.

然後她就會像我一樣，我是一個素食穆斯林了。

Like, that's not how it works.

就像，這不是它如何工作。

(laughter)

（笑聲）

She's a fake vegan too, and that pisses me off.

她也是個假素食者，這讓我很生氣。

She's not a real vegan.

她不是一個真正的素食主義者。

It's not genuine, it's not in her heart.

這不是真心話，不是她的心裡話。

It's not about the animals.

這不是關於動物的。

She just wants to lose weight.

她只是想減肥。

That's not a real reason, that's trash, you know?

這不是一個真正的理由，那是垃圾，你知道嗎？

It's like the get slim tees weren't working,

好像是瘦身T恤沒有用。

so now she's a fucking vegan.

所以現在她是一個他媽的素食主義者。

Shut up. (laughter)

閉嘴吧（笑聲）

I watched her eat a vegan burger from White Castle,

我看著她吃白色城堡的素食漢堡。

and now I hate her fucking guts.

現在我恨她他媽的膽量。

(laughter)

（笑聲）

She got a vegan burger from White Castle.

她從白色城堡買了一個素食漢堡。

You don't understand, her vegan diet

你不明白，她的素食主義

has inconvenienced me several times.

已經給我帶來了好幾次不便。

I can't go here, this can't touch this,

我不能去這裡，這個不能碰這個。

and then she ate a vegan burger from fucking White Castle.

然後她吃了一個素食漢堡 從他媽的白色城堡。

If you don't know what a White Castle is,

如果你不知道白色城堡是什麼。

just imagine a crack house with a window on the side,

想象一下，一個裂縫的房子，邊上有一扇窗戶。

with a crack head in that bitch just chucking out sliders.

有一個裂縫的頭 在那個婊子只是攆出滑塊。

That's a fucking White Castle,

這是一個他媽的白色城堡。

and she ordered a vegan burger from this place

她在這個地方點了一個素食漢堡包

as if they didn't dip it in pork belly fat

彷彿他們沒有用豬肚油浸泡過一樣。

before they gave it to her.

在他們給她之前。

Then she ate it in my face and wants my respect.

然後她當著我的面吃了，要我尊重她。

Like nigger, what?

像黑鬼，什麼？

(laughter)

（笑聲）

It's dope to be back in L.A., man.

能回到洛杉磯真是太好了，夥計

I've been on the road, so this is nice.

我一直在路上，所以這個很好。

It's nice to just take all this L.A. shit in,

這是很好的，只是把所有這些洛杉磯狗屎。

all these white faces in.

所有這些白臉在。

'Cause I moved here from Boston, you know?

因為我是從波士頓搬來的，你知道嗎？

So when I got to L.A. it was a super culture shock.

所以當我到了洛杉磯，那是一個超級文化衝擊。

I had never seen so many homeless white men in my life.

我這輩子從沒見過這麼多無家可歸的白叟。

It was weird to me.

我覺得很奇怪。

I am from a city where the white dudes either do meth

我來自一個城市，那裡的白人帥哥不是吸食安非他命，就是吸食毒品。

or they work plumbing.

或者他們從事水暖工作。

You know what I mean?

你知道我的意思嗎？

But they do something.

但他們做了一些事情。

(laughter)

（笑聲）

I never seen so many able-bodied white dudes

我從來沒有見過這麼多健壯的白人帥哥。

just sleeping on the street, you know?

只是睡在大街上，你知道嗎？

And I really hated when they would ask me for money.

而且我真的很討厭他們向我要錢的時候。

You know what I mean?

你知道我的意思嗎？

Like I'm a black lesbian, I'm never gonna give you shit.

就像我是一個黑人女同性戀者， 我永遠不會給你狗屎。

(laughter)

（笑聲）

Go cut your hair and work at a Subway.

去剪你的頭髮，在地鐵工作。

What the hell is your problem?

你到底有什麼問題？

But that's what the road does, it just opens you up, man,

但這就是道路的作用，它只是打開你，男人。

exposes you to all different types of people.

讓你接觸到所有不同類型的人。

I was like L.A. is bad with the homeless white dudes,

我當時覺得洛杉磯的無家可歸的白人帥哥很糟糕。

and then I went to Portland and I was like holy shit.

然後我去了波特蘭，我很喜歡的神聖的狗屎。

(laughter)

（笑聲）

This is crazy.

這真是瘋了。

And then I went to Bonnaroo

然後我去了Bonnaroo

and I was really mind blown, man.

我真的是心花怒放，男人。

I went to Tennessee, did Bonnaroo.

我去了田納西州，做了Bonnaroo。

I'd never been to a music festival like that,

我從來沒有參加過這樣的音樂節。

so open and free, just girls walking around

如此開放和自由，只是女孩走動

with their titties out everywhere,

與他們的奶子出無處不在。

eating medium rare burgers all willy nilly.

吃著中熟的漢堡，都是胡亂吃的。

(laughter)

（笑聲）

Living.

生活。

I had a medium rare burger myself.

我自己吃了一箇中熟漢堡。

The whole time I felt like I was disrespecting my mother.

整個過程中，我都覺得自己對母親不尊重。

(laughter)

（笑聲）

I was like man, you were raised so much better than this.

我當時想，夥計，你被養得比這好得多。

What are you doing?

你在做什麼？

But it was good, I liked the texture, the flavor.

但它很好，我喜歡它的口感，味道。

And that's how I ended up trying mushrooms,

這就是我最後嘗試蘑菇的原因。

'cause I was like fuck it.

"因為我很喜歡他媽的它。

(laughter)

（笑聲）

Maybe everything is a lie, you know what I mean?

也許一切都是謊言，你明白我的意思嗎？

'Cause I'm a dear kid, man.

因為我是一個親愛的孩子，男人。

I'm scared of drugs, I grew up scared of drugs.

我害怕毒品，我從小就害怕毒品。

I didn't start smoking weed 'til I was 25.

我直到25歲才開始抽大麻。

Petrified of drugs, never tried mushrooms.

害怕毒品，從未嘗試過蘑菇。

Had arguments with my friends over not trying mushrooms.

曾因不嘗試蘑菇而與朋友爭論。

I remember one time my homeboy was like Sam,

我記得有一次我的老鄉就像山姆一樣。

how have you never tried mushrooms?

你怎麼從來沒有嘗試過蘑菇？

It's one of the best drugs on Earth.

這是地球上最好的藥物之一。

What is your problem, how have you never experienced this?

你的問題是什麼，你怎麼從來沒有經歷過？

And I was like dude, all I could think about

我當時就像紈絝子弟，所有我能想到的是，

is going out my door and seeing a crack head

是走出我的門，看到一個裂縫的頭，

and a fucking fiend fighting over a baby stroller.

和一個該死的惡魔爭奪嬰兒車。

Like, I don't live in a mushroom friendly environment.

就像，我沒有生活在一個蘑菇友好的環境中。

(laughter)

（笑聲）

But it's not like that, you know what I'm saying?

但不是這樣的，你知道我在說什麼嗎？

I did mushrooms, I did mushrooms in Bonnaroo, man,

我做了蘑菇，我做了蘑菇 在Bonnaroo，男人。

and I took it in a chocolate bar, you know what I'm saying?

我把它在巧克力棒， 你知道我在說什麼？

They gave me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms,

他們給了我一塊滿是蘑菇的巧克力棒。

'cause white people know how to do drugs.

因為白人知道如何吸毒。

I ate the shit. (laughter)

我吃了狗屎。（笑聲）

And I would bounce to this EDM band,

而我也會跟著這個EDM樂隊蹦蹦跳跳。

and they're partying, humping off the Molly.

他們在聚會，駝峰關閉莫利。

I'm trying to figure out what's going on here.

我想弄清楚這是怎麼回事。

And this black dude comes walking through,

然後這個黑人哥們走了過來。

and he's jacked to shit, jacked.

他的jacked到狗屎，jacked。

Super diesel, no shirt on, looking tough as fuck.

超級柴油機，沒穿上衣，看起來很強悍的樣子。

But he's got on these giant fairy wings.

但他戴著巨大的仙女翅膀

But he's still tough, he's still bullying through the crowd

但他還是很強硬，他還是在人群中欺負人。

with these fairy wings like baby,

有了這些仙女的翅膀，就像寶貝一樣。

you better not crumple up my fairy wings.

你最好別把我的仙女翅膀弄皺了。

(laughter)

（笑聲）

I'ma fuck you up.

我去你媽的。

And he walks to this clearing and I'm like holy shit.

他走到這塊空地上，我就想我的媽呀。

And then this dude, just as big white dude,

然後這哥們，就跟大白哥們一樣。

just as big, in a Teletubby costume walks up to him.

一樣大，穿著天線寶寶的服裝走到他面前。

(laughter)

（笑聲）

Just as jacked, and I'm like

就像jacked，和我一樣。

what kinda Pokemon showdown is this

這到底是什麼寵物小精靈的對決

about to be?

即將是？

And then they hugged each other.

然後他們互相擁抱。

And as I was watching it, I was like I don't know

當我看著它的時候，我就像我不知道。

if this is how Martin Luther King dreamed it.

如果這就是馬丁-路德-金的夢想。

(laughter)

（笑聲）

But this is it, this is equality.

但就是這樣，這就是平等。

White dudes, what the hell are they complaining about?

白人帥哥，他們到底在抱怨什麼？

Let me tune in, and I'm like fuck them, man.

讓我調入，我喜歡他媽的他們，男人。

They didn't lose shit, and they would always

他們沒有失去狗屎，他們總是會。

get to this point in their rhetoric

言之鑿鑿

where they talk about they're losing the country.

在那裡他們談論他們正在失去國家。

I'd be so upset, we're losing, we're losing.

我會很難過，我們輸了，我們輸了。

What the hell did they lose?

他們到底輸了什麼？

We're losing, what the hell did they lose?

我們輸了，他們到底輸了什麼？

And then I watched three seasons of Mad Men on Netflix.

然後我在Netflix上看了三季《瘋狂的男人》。

Holy shit. (laughter)

神聖的狗屎。（笑聲）

They lost everything.

他們失去了一切。

They lost everything.

他們失去了一切。

'Cause at some point that was really their life.

因為在某些時候，這才是他們真正的生活。

That's what no one understands.

這就是大家都不明白的地方。

Like we can't think about it 'cause we never lived it.

就像我們不能去想它，因為我們從未經歷過。

That was their life every day.

這就是他們每天的生活。

They could wake up in the morning,

他們可以在早上醒來。

bourbon on their breath,

他們口中的波旁威士忌。

another woman's smell all over their body,

另一個女人的味道在他們的身上。

walk downstairs, kiss their wife in the mouth.

走下樓，親吻妻子的嘴。

She says nothing, just serves them pancakes

她什麼也沒說，只是給他們上了煎餅

with a perfect butter square in the middle

寸草不生