I was a control room intern,

我是控制室的實習生。

and one of the jobs in addition to getting coffee

和工作之一，除了得到咖啡

and people always go, oh, you got coffee for Conan?

人們總是說，哦，你給柯南準備了咖啡？

Oh, I wish.

哦，我希望。

I got coffee for Jordan Schlansky.

我給喬丹-施蘭斯基買了咖啡

Yes, Jordan Schlansky.

是的，約旦Schlansky。

I always keep a photo of him nearby.

我總是把他的照片放在身邊。

Jordan Schlansky has become a oddly revered,

喬丹-施蘭斯基已經成為一個奇特的崇敬。

a revered and reviled figure

譭譽參半

because we started putting Jordan-

因為我們開始把喬丹

This is long after you were on the show as an intern,

這是在你作為實習生上節目後很久的事情。

but we started putting him on the air

但我們開始把他在空氣中

because we found him so odd and strange

因為我們覺得他很奇怪，很古怪

and kind of elitist and robotic.

和那種精英主義和機器人。

And we started putting him on the show.

然後我們開始讓他上節目。

Everywhere I go now, everywhere I go,

現在我走到哪裡，哪裡就有我的身影。

people say, where's Jordan, is Jordan real?

人們說，喬丹在哪裡，喬丹是真的嗎？

So you can tell everybody, Mike,

所以你可以告訴大家，邁克。

you worked directly underneath Jordan as an intern.

你曾直接在喬丹手下當實習生。

He was my main, he was my boss.

他是我的主，他是我的老闆。

Tell us, tell people what he's really like.

告訴我們，告訴大家他到底是什麼樣的人。

What I like best about Jordan,

我最喜歡喬丹的地方。

what I like least about Jordan is it always seemed like

我最不喜歡喬丹的是，它總是看起來像

he didn't like me.

他不喜歡我。

(Mike laughing)

（邁克笑）

He does give that impression.

他確實給人這種印象。

But in the end, on my last day,

但最後，在我的最後一天。

he goes if you ever need a recommendation, here's my number.

如果你需要推薦，這是我的號碼。

I go, oh, I guess he did like me.

我去，哦，我想他是喜歡我的。

I don't know, I can't read this guy.

我不知道，我看不懂這傢伙。

Yeah, I think he wanted to trap you

是啊，我想他是想陷害你吧

in some weird situation.

在一些奇怪的情況下。

I'm being honest with you.

我對你是誠實的。

When he says give me your number, here's my number,

當他說給我你的號碼，這是我的號碼。

call me, to an intern,

給我打電話，到實習生。

you know, you just have to be careful.

你知道，你只是必須要小心。

That's all you have to do.

這就是你要做的一切。

So what I like best about Jordan Schlansky,

所以我最喜歡喬丹-施蘭斯基的地方。

and I asked if I could say this on air,

我問我能不能在直播中說這個。

because I thought this was sensitive material,

因為我認為這是敏感材料。

is that, he'd come back from these very social weekends

是，他從這些非常社會化的週末回來後

and everyone would go, Jordan,

和大家會去，喬丹。

what'd you do over the weekend?

你週末做了什麼？

And he would go, well, me and my friends,

他會去，嗯，我和我的朋友。

we went into the mountains and we all got completely naked,

我們走進山裡，我們都得到了完全赤裸。

and then we sort of jogged around for a little while.

然後我們就慢跑了一會兒。

And everyone would be like, what?

每個人都會說，什麼？

And then he'd be like, well,

然後他就會說，好吧。

we got completely naked and jogged.

我們得到了完全赤裸和慢跑。

What?

什麼？

Literally, like the what and him explaining it again

從字面上看，就像那個什麼，他又解釋了一遍。

kept happening over and over again for about 40 minutes.

一直重複發生，大約40分鐘。

Yeah, what people think-

是啊，人們怎麼想的...

so many people have seen the videos I've done with him

我和他做的視頻有很多人看過了

and they think that it's an act and that he's a character.

他們認為這是一種行為，他是一個角色。

It's not, he really is that guy.

這不，他真的是那個人。

And I can totally see him saying yes, the body is beautiful.

我完全可以看到他說是的，身體是美麗的。

It is natural.

這是自然的。

And he talks like Spock.

而且他說話的語氣很像斯波克

The body is beautiful, it is natural.

身體是美麗的，它是自然的。

There's nothing sexual at all about these encounters.

這些接觸根本就沒有什麼性愛。

We just like our bodies to be free.

我們只是喜歡我們的身體是自由的。

We like our bodies to be in nature.

我們喜歡自己的身體在大自然中。

And so we like to move through space and time

所以我們喜歡在空間和時間中移動。

using our bodies, and we don't want to be

使用我們的身體，我們不希望被。

encumbered by clothing.

衣服的累贅。

(Mike laughing)

（邁克笑）

What a weird guy.

真是個奇怪的傢伙。

You're not even exaggerating.

你根本沒有誇大其詞。

I mean, that's what's amazing about it.

我的意思是，這就是它的神奇之處。

The reason why I think I thought he didn't like me,

我覺得我以為他不喜歡我的原因。

this is my proof is that one day

這就是我的證據，總有一天

someone brought in and handed out

傳來傳去

Conan O'Brien insignia golf balls.

柯南-奧布萊恩徽章高爾夫球。

And it said Late Night with Conan O'Brien.

上面寫著 "深夜與柯南-奧布萊恩"。

Why, I don't play golf.

為什麼，我不打高爾夫。

I don't know why some idiot made those.

我不知道為什麼有些白痴做了這些。

It was not me, but I guess someone made those, yeah.

這不是我，但我猜有人做了這些，是的。

So they handed them back my hand I'm out.

所以他們把我的手還給了我，我不幹了。

They hand them out, I go, Jordan,

他們遞出去，我去，喬丹。

I go, do you think I could have

我去，你認為我可以有

a sleeve of Conan O'Brien golf balls?

一套柯南-奧布萊恩的高爾夫球？

And he looks at me and he goes, no.

他看著我，他說，不。

What?

什麼？

And so, Conan, what I for you today is a gift

所以，柯南，我今天給你的是一份禮物。

and they can give it to you over there.

他們可以把它給你在那邊。

This just was handed to me just before you started,

這只是在你開始之前交給我的。

before you came online.

在你上線之前。

[Mike] I don't hold a grudge.

[邁克]我不記仇。

Look at that.

你看那個。

(Conan Laughing)

（柯南笑）

That is a Mike Birbiglia golf ball.

那是邁克-伯比利亞的高爾夫球。

Now let me understand,

現在讓我明白。

you asked what 15, 20 years ago,

你問的是什麼15，20年前。

if you could have a Conan O'Brien golf ball,

如果你能有一個柯南・奧布萊恩的高爾夫球。

and you were told by Jordan Schlansky no.

喬丹-施蘭斯基告訴你，沒有。

Yeah.

是啊。

No.

不知道

Yeah.

是啊。

And then you do this?

然後你就這樣做？

That's when I knew as an unpaid intern,

這時我才知道作為一個無薪實習生。

that's when I knew as an unpaid intern intern,

這時我才知道作為一個無薪實習生的實習生。

what my place was.

我的地方是什麼。

Yeah, he was letting you know.

是啊，他是讓你知道。

That's so kind of you.

你真好

Can I ask you a question?

我可以問你一個問題嗎？

Yeah, please.

是的，請。

Did you just, did you just write your name on pen

你只是，你只是寫你的名字在筆上。

on this golf ball?

在這個高爾夫球上？

Because it looks suspiciously like that.

因為它看起來很可疑的樣子。

That's a limited edition set and it's priceless,

那是一套限量版，而且是無價之寶。

as far as I understand it.

據我所知。

So maybe donate that one to charity.

所以，也許可以把那個捐給慈善機構。