WE'RE BACK WITH JOHN OLIVER STAR OF PARAMOUNT-PLUS' NEW "LAST

我們回來了，約翰-奧利弗與PARAMOUNT-PLUS的新 "LAST "的明星。

WEEK TONIGHT."

星期天晚上。"

WE HEARD THAT YOU HAD WANTED YOUR SHOW TO REALLY BE "THE

我們聽說你想讓你的節目真正成為 "最受歡迎的"。

MUPPET SHOW."

木偶戲。"

>> WE DID.

>> 我們做到了。

>> Stephen: MY PRODUCER GAVE YOU THE BUZZFEED, "WHICH MUPPET

>> 史蒂芬：我的製片人給你提供了 "哪個笨蛋 "的消息。

ARE YOU TEST?" BUT WE DID NOT GIVE YOU THE

你是測試？"但我們並沒有給你

ANSWER.

答案：

WE HAVE THE ANSWER HERE AS TO WHO YOU ENDED UP BEING.

我們有了答案，你最後變成了誰。

DO YOU WANT TO MAKE A GUESS AS TO WHICH MUPPET YOU ENDED UP

你想猜猜看你最後會變成哪隻木偶嗎？

BEING?

是嗎？

AND THESE TESTS ARE IRONCLAD, YOU UNDERSTAND.

這些測試都是鐵板，你懂的。

>> OH, WE KNOW THAT.

>> 哦，我們知道。

IT'S A BUZZFEED TEST, THOSE ARE ALWAYS PEER REVIEWED.

這是一個BUZZFEED測試，那些總是同行評審。

>> THIS IS THE BUZZFEED P.C.R.

>> 這是BUZZFEED的P. C. R.

MUPPET TEST, NOT THE INSTANT SPIT TEST.

牡丹測試，而不是即時的口水測試。

>> I THINK "BUZZFEED" WORKS WITH "THE LANCET."

>> 我認為 "BUZZFEED "與 "LANCET "一起工作。

I WOULD LIKE TO BE ROLF.

我想成為ROLF。

I WOULD LIKE TO BE GONZO.

我想成為GONZO。

I DO BELIEVE THERE'S A BEAKER INSIDE OF ME.

我相信我的內心深處有一個BEAKER。

I WAS SOMEWHERE ON THE SPECTRUM BETWEEN GONZO AND BEAKER.

我在岡薩雷斯和貝克爾之間的某處。

YOU ARE ( BLEEP ) KIDDING ME.

你是（嗶嗶）在開玩笑吧。

>> Stephen: YOU'RE MISS PIGGY.

>> 你是豬小姐。

>> MISS PIGGY!

>> 豬小姐！

>> Stephen: YOU'RE MISS PIGGY.

>> 你是豬小姐。

YOU ARE BOLD AND CONFIDENT.

你是大膽而自信的。

YOU HAVE EVERY REASON TO BE.

你有充分的理由去做。

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT IN LIFE, AND YOU GET OUT THERE AND MAKE

你知道你的生活想要什麼，然後你就會走出去，去做一件事。

IT HAPPEN FOR YOURSELF.

它發生在你自己身上。

YOU HAVE GREAT STYLE AND WIT.

你有很好的風格和智慧。

YOU CAN CHARM THE HECK JUST OUT OF JUST ABOUT ANYBODY, AND YOU

你可以吸引任何人的注意力，你也可以

ALWAYS STAND UP FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN."

始終堅持你所信仰的東西。"

THAT'S JOHN OLIVER.

那是約翰・奧利弗

IT'S LIKE STARING IN A MIRROR RIGHT NOW FOR YOU.

對你來說，這就像在鏡子裡看一樣。

>> I ABSOLUTE-- IT'S A MASSIVE COMPLIMENT.

>> 我絕對... 這是一個巨大的補充。

I DO NOT HAVE THE SEXUAL CONFIDENCE OF A MISS PIGGY.

我沒有一個豬小姐的性信任。

>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE THE SEXUAL CONFIDENCE TO PLAY THE

>> 史蒂芬：你是否有性的自信來玩這個遊戲？

VIOLA?

VIOLA？

BECAUSE I HAD HEARD FOR YEARS NOW, FOR YEARS NOW I HAVE BEEN

因為我聽了好幾年了，好幾年了，我一直都在聽。

WAITING FOR YOU TO BREAK OUT THE VIOLA, WHICH I KNOW YOU KNOW HOW

等著你拉出小提琴，我知道你知道怎麼拉。

TO PLAY.

玩。

YOU SPENT YEARS PLAYING THE VIOLA.

你花了很多年的時間拉小提琴。

THIS IS TRUE, CORRECT?

這是真的，正確的？

>> I DID, I PLAYED-- I PLAYED THE VIOLA ALL THE WAY THROUGH

>> 我做到了，我玩了--我一直在拉小提琴。

HIGH SCHOOL.

高中：

>> Stephen: IS THIS THE YEAR THAT "LAST WEEK TONIGHT" YOU

>> 斯蒂芬：今年是 "最後一個星期的夜晚"，你。

BREAK OUT THE VIOLA AND SERENADE ALL OF US?

拿出小提琴為我們大家獻上一曲？

WHAT'S THE BEST SONG YOU COULD-- FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T KNOW,

你能唱的最好的歌是什麼 -- 給那些不知道的人：

VIOLA IS LIKE A VIOLIN, BUT USELESS.

VIOLA就像一把小提琴，但毫無用處。

>> HEY, HEY, HEY!

>> 嘿，嘿，嘿！

>> Stephen: ABSOLUTE-- YOU CAN SHINGLE A ROOF WITH ONE BUT

>> 史蒂芬: 當然 -- 你可以用一個屋頂做屋頂，但是...

THAT'S ABOUT IT.

就是這樣。

>> COMPLETELY WRONG.

>> 完全錯誤。

THE TONE OF AN ORCHESTRA WOULD BE SHIFTED UNLESS YOU HAD A FEW

除非你有幾個人，否則管絃樂隊的音調會被改變。

PEOPLE THROWN IN THERE PLAYING A VIOLA, WHICH IS LIKE A VIOLIN

被扔在那裡的人在拉小提琴，就像拉小提琴一樣。

BUT A STRING LOWER.

但低了一串。

IF YOU CAN'T PLAY THE VIOLIN WITH ANY FLARE, THEN YOU CAN

如果你不會拉小提琴，那你就會拉小提琴

FILL THE SOUND OF AN ORCHESTRA BY DROWNING ON A VIOLA AND THAT

通過在小提琴上滴水來填充管絃樂隊的聲音，而這一點。

WAS MY JOB.

是我的工作。

>> Stephen: WHAT IS YOUR GO-TO, TUNE "TURKEY IN THE

>> 史蒂芬: 你的首選，"TURKEY IN THE "的調子是什麼？

STRAW?" >> THE BEST I GOT THE MORE I

STRAW？">>最好的我得到了更多的我。

REALIZED HOW I WAS.

認識到我是如何。

THE BETTER YOU ARE, YOU GET THE BETTER PIECES OF MUC.

你做得越好，你就能得到越好的MUC。

AND I REALIZED AS I PLAYED THAT I REALIZED HOW BAD I WAS.

我在玩的時候意識到自己有多差勁。

IN YOUR HEAD YOU KNOW HOW YOU WANT IT TO SOUND BUT YOUR

在你的腦海裡，你知道你想怎麼聽，但你的......。

FINGERS CAN'T DO IT, SO YOU END UP WANTING TO SMASH IT AGAINST

手指無法做到這一點，所以你最終想把它砸在身上。

THE WALL LIKE A SIGNIFICANTLY LESS COOL PETE TOWNSEND.

牆像一個明顯不那麼酷的佩特-湯森。

>> Stephen: I THINK IT WOULD BE COOL TO SEE YOU SMASH A

>> 史蒂芬: 我覺得看你打碎一個人是件很酷的事。

VIOLA.

VIOLA：

I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANY PROOF THAT-- I HEARD A LOT OF

我從來沒有看到任何證據 -- 我聽到了很多的。

BRAGGING.

BRAGGING。

I HEARD A LOT OF BIG TALK ABOUT YOU AND VIOL AS OVER THE YEARS.

這幾年我聽到很多關於你和暴力的大話。

>> THAT'S RIGHT.

>> 沒錯。

I DON'T KNOW WHY YO YO MAHAS NEVER ENDED A CONCERT BY

我不知道為什麼YO YO MAHAS從來沒有結束過演唱會，由

SMASHING IT ALL OVER THE STAGE.

在舞臺上粉碎它所有的。

>> Stephen: BECAUSE HE'S NOT A GIBSON OFF THE LINE.

>> 史蒂芬：因為他不是吉布森的外線。

>> I WAS ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED OF PLAYING THE VIOLA IN FRONT OF

>> 我完全害怕在別人面前拉小提琴。

PEOPLE.

人。

THAT'S THE THING.

這就是問題所在。

I WAS FINE WITH KIND OF PERFORMING, AND YET ANY CONCERT

我對KINDER的表演沒意見，但任何音樂會都是如此

AT SCHOOL I WAS PETRIFIED, BECAUSE DEEP DOWN, I THINK I

在學校裡，我被嚇壞了，因為在內心深處，我想我... ...

KNEW I WAS TERRIBLE.

知道我是可怕的。

>> Stephen: WHAT'S THE MOST TERRIFIED YOU HAVE BEEN AT ANY

>> 史蒂芬：你在任何時候最害怕的是什麼？

PERFORMANCE AT ALL?

表現在哪裡？

WHAT IS THE MOST SCARED YOU HAVE BEEN TO OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND

你最害怕的是什麼？

START A PERFORMANCE?

開始表演？

>> HONESTLY, IT PROBABLY WASN'T THAT.

>> 老實說，它可能不是這樣的。

ANY TIME I WAS OPENING MY MOUTH, I WAS OKAY.

任何時候，我是打開我的嘴，我是好的。

PLAYING MUSIC I WAS -- >> Stephen: HOW ABOUT SINGING?

玩音樂我是 -- >> 史蒂芬：唱歌怎麼樣？

>> OH, UM-- I MEAN, I NEVER KIND OF TRIED TO-- I ALWAYS KIND OF

>> 哦，嗯... ... 我的意思是，我從來沒有那種嘗試... ... 我總是那種

DID THE COMIC-- IN MUSICALS, I WAS ALWAYS KIND OF OSTRACIZED

做了漫畫 - 在音樂劇，我總是有點 OSTRACIZED。

AS, "YOU CAN DO THE FUNNY SONG," BECAUSE IT DOESN'T INVOLVE ANY

作為，"你可以做的有趣的歌曲，"因為它不涉及任何。

RANGE OR NATURAL VOCAL TONE AND YOU CAN ACT LIKE THE WHOLE THING

範圍或自然的聲調，你可以像整個東西一樣行動。

IS A JOKE EVEN THOUGH YOU COULDN'T ACTUALLY DO THE THING

是一個笑話，即使你不能真正做到這一點。

YOU ARE MAKING FUN OF.

你在取笑。

>> Stephen: SO THAT DIDN'T SCARE YOU EITHER?

>> 史蒂芬：所以，這沒有嚇到你呢？

>> NO.

>> NO.

>> Stephen: YOU DON'T GET NERVOUS BEFORE YOU GO ON STAGE?

>> 史蒂芬：你上臺前不緊張嗎？

>> NOT-- I THINK IT'S BEEN BATTED OUT OF ME.

>> 不... ... 我想它已經被我打出來了。

YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU DO STANDUP -- >> Stephen: I NEVER DID IT.

你知道，當你做站立 -- >> 史蒂芬：我從來沒有做過。

>> YEAH, BUT THE THING IS, LIKE, YOUR FAILURES ARE SO VISCERAL,

>> 是的，但問題是，你的失敗是如此明顯。

SO PERSONAL, THAT ONCE YOU'VE BOMBED A HUNDRED TIMES-- IT'S

如此個性化，一旦你被炸了上百次... ...

LOT OF PEOPLE'S TRUE NIGHTMARE.

很多人的真實噩夢。

THEY THINK I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING WORSE IN LIFE THAN

他們認為我想不出比這更糟糕的事情了。

BEING ON STAGE AND BOMBING.

在舞臺上和轟炸。

ONCE IT'S HAPPENED TO YOU 100 TIMES, AUDIENCES LOSE THEIR

一旦它發生在你身上100次，觀眾就會失去他們的。

CAPACITY TO HURT YOU.

傷害你的能力。

SO YOU JUST-- YOU JUST BECOME A SHELL OF A PERSON.

所以你只是... ... 你只是成為一個人的外殼。

YOU'RE LIKE-- THERE IS NOTHING-- THERE IS NOTHING EXTRA

你就像... ... 沒有什麼... ... 沒有什麼額外的東西。

INTERESTING ABOUT BOMBING IN BIRMINGHAM.

有意思的是關於在BIRMINGHAM的爆炸事件。

I JUST BOMBED IN LIVERPOOL.

我剛剛在利維波爾被炸死了

IT DOESN'T MATTER.

這並不重要。

>> Stephen: NOW, SO THE FOLLOW-UP QUESTION, OBVIOUSLY,

>> Stephen: 現在，後續的問題，很明顯。

IS, IF BOMBING LOSES ANY SPECIAL PAIN, DOES SCORING TO, LIKE,

是，如果BOMBING失去了任何特殊的痛苦，做評分到，喜歡。

KILLING IN THE ROOM LOSE ANY SPECIAL HIGH THEN?

在房間裡殺人，失去了任何特殊的高然後？

>> WELL THAT'S-- I MEAN...

>> 好吧，那是 -- 我的意思是 --

>> Stephen: WHAT I'M ASKING IS DO YOU CARE IF THE AUDIENCE IS

>> 斯蒂芬：我想問的是，你是否在乎觀眾是否會對你有興趣？

THERE AT ALL?

在那裡所有？

WHAT I'M GETTING IS THIS IS A PURELY MASTUREBATORY AFFAIR.

我所得到的是這是一個純粹的胸肌運動。

>> MY SHIFT TO AN AUDIENCELESS SHOW HAS BEEN EASIER THAN MOST.

>> 我的無聲節目轉變比大多數人更容易。

>> Stephen: IN MY MIND THESE JOKES ARE KILLING.

>> 史蒂芬：在我看來，這些笑話很有殺傷力。

I'M JUST DESTROYING EVERYTHING!

我只是在破壞一切！

>> IN MY MIND, MY JOKES ARE BOMBING.

>> 在我看來，我的笑話是爆炸性的。

I ASSUME SILENCE, SO I'M NOT SHOCKED WHEN IT COMES.

我假設沉默，所以當它來的時候，我不會感到震驚。

>> Stephen: THAT'S NICE.

>> 史蒂芬：這很好。

WELL, JOHN, IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE THAT'S ON YOUR MIND?

約翰，你還有什麼想說的嗎？

IS THERE ANYTHING-- IS THERE ANYTHING, PERHAPS, ABOUT YOUR

有沒有什麼... 有沒有什麼，可能，關於你的...

EIGHTH SEASON COMING UP YOU'D LIKE TO US KNOW ABOUT?

第八季即將到來，你想讓我們知道什麼？

EIGHT SEASONS OVER HOW MANY YEARS?

八季多少年？

>> EIGHT.

>> 八。

>> Stephen: OKAY.

>> 史蒂芬：好的。

THAT WORKS OUT.

那工程了。

>> EIGHT.

>> 八。

>> Stephen: BUT YOU KNOW THESE DAYS, WE'RE ON, LIKE, SEASON 27

>> 但你知道這幾天，我們正在進行第27季的拍攝。

OF "BACHELORETTE" AND IT'S BEEN ON FOUR YEARS.

"BACHELORETTE "的，它已經在四年。

IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING ANY MORE.

這並不意味著任何事情了。

>> WE REALLY STICK TO THE ONE SEASON, ONE YEAR PROCESS.

>> 我們真正堅持的是一年一季的流程。

>> Stephen: GOOD FOR YOU.

>> 史蒂芬：對你有好處。

>> IT'S SO MUCH EASIER THAT WAY FOR MOMENTS LIKE THIS.

>> 它是如此容易的方式為這樣的時刻。

>> Stephen: IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WOULD LIKE PEOPLE TO KNOW

>> 史蒂芬: 你有什麼想讓大家知道的事情嗎？

ABOUT YOUR UPCOMING SEASON?

關於你們即將到來的賽季？

>> JUST, IT'S ON AGAIN.

>> 只是，它又開始了。

IF YOU LIKED THE SHOW PREVIOUSLY, I HOPE YOU WILL

如果你以前喜歡這個節目，我希望你也會喜歡。

ENJOY IT.

享受它。

IF YOU REALLY HATED IT, HONESTLY, I WOULDN'T GIVE IT A

如果你真的很討厭它，老實說，我不會給它一個

SECOND CHANCE.

第二次機會：

( LAUGHTER ).

（笑）：

>> Stephen: NO RESAMPLING.

>> 斯蒂芬：沒有重新分配。

>> YOU'VE MADE YOUR DECISION.

>> 你已經做出了決定。

THAT'S FAIR.

這是很公平的。

COMEDY IS SUBJECTIVE.

喜劇是主觀的。

I DON'T THINK IT'S MATERIALLY CHANGED ENOUGH FOR YOU TO LIKE

我不認為它的重大變化足以讓你喜歡。

SOMETHING THAT YOU PREVIOUSLY DID SPIESED.

你以前做的一些事情被監視了。

SO I'D GIVE IT A MISS.

所以，我就給它一個小姐。

>> Stephen: I DISAGREE.

>> 斯蒂芬：我不同意。

I THINK NO MATTER WHAT, GIVEN ANOTHER CHANCE AND, YOU KNOW,

我想不管怎樣，再給一次機會，你知道的。

IT'S A GREAT WAY FOR PEOPLE TO SAMPLE PARAMOUNT-PLUS.

這是一個很好的方式，讓人們對PARAMOUNT-PLUS進行採樣。

IT WOULD BE A GREAT WAY FOR PEOPLE TO CLIMB THE MOUNTAIN.

這將是一個很好的方式為人們攀登山峰。

WELL, JOHN, A PLEASURE AS ALWAYS.

好了，約翰，一如既往的快樂。

I'M BEING TOLD WE HAVE TO GO.

我被告知，我們必須去。

MARK IS MAKING-- MARK IS ACTUALLY SHAKING HIS HEAD SAYING

馬克正在... 馬克實際上在搖頭晃腦地說

"DO WHATEVER YOU WANT."

"做任何你想做的事。"

I'M THE ONE PRETENDING IT'S TIME TO GO.

我是那個假裝該走的人。

ALWAYS A DELIGHT.

總是一個快樂。

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

謝謝你這麼多。

I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW FOR ANOTHER 24 MINUTES OR WHATEVER

明天見，再過24分鐘或其他時間。

THIS WAS.

這是。

WHATEVER.

什麼的。

YOU GOT NOTHING TO DO.

你無事可做。

COME ON.

來吧。

>> ALL I'LL SAY IS I JUST WANT TO APOLOGIZE TO YOUR EDITORS,

>> 我只想向你們的編輯道歉。

AND GODSPEED.

和GODSPEED。

>> Stephen: THANK YOU.

>> 史蒂芬：謝謝你。

SEASON EIGHT OF "LAST WEEK TONIGHT" STARTS THIS SUNDAY ON

第八季 "今晚最後一週 "本週日開播

HBO.

HBO。

JOHN OLIVER, EVERYBODY!

約翰-奧利弗，各位！

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY INGRID ANDRESS.

我們馬上回來，由英格麗德-安德烈斯表演。

GOOD-BYE, JOHN OLIVER.

再見，約翰・奧利弗。

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