(部分)山根香-桑德斯的最佳作品 ((Some of) The Best of Yamaneika Saunders)

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- I hate, I hate turbulence.

- 我討厭，我討厭動盪。
It's always checking my exits.

它總是檢查我的出口。
They tell you got to check your exit.

他們告訴你必須檢查你的出口。
"Check your exit, where's your exit?"

"檢查你的出口，你的出口在哪裡？"
And you think you know where your exit is,

你認為你知道你的出口在哪裡。
and then they go, "Well, just in case you think you know,

然後他們走了，"好吧，萬一你認為你知道。
"the closest one may be behind you."

"最近的一個可能就在你後面。"
And it's like, "Well bitch, I'm in comfort plus,

它就像，"好吧，婊子，我在舒適加。
"so if I gotta go back to coach, I'm just gonna die."

"所以，如果我得回去當教練，我只是會死。"
(energetic music)

(活力音樂)
I went through a rite of passage recently,

我最近經歷了一個儀式。
I was maid of honor.

我是伴娘。
(audience cheers)

（觀眾歡呼聲）
I don't know why you clap for that, it's no honor.

我不知道你為什麼要為之鼓掌，這不是什麼榮譽。
No honor. Every day I went to the mailbox,

沒有榮譽感。每天我都去郵箱。
looking for my honor certificate, never came.

尋找我的榮譽證書，從來沒有來過。
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
My friend got married, my last best friend got married.

我的朋友結婚了，我上一個最好的朋友也結婚了。
I was so upset, 'cause she's unattractive.

我很不高興，因為她沒有吸引力。
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
It ain't nothing like seeing

沒有什麼比看到
an ugly bitch walk into happiness,

一個醜陋的婊子走進幸福。
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
knowing that you had to kick your cats out the room

知道你不得不把你的貓踢出房間。
the night before to masturbate.

前一天晚上自慰。
That really puts things in perspective.

這真是把事情看得很透徹。
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
I was her maid of honor, right?

我是她的伴娘，對吧？
Honor!

榮譽！
All it was with me being there for her emotionally

所有的一切都與我在她的情感上的存在。
for six months, telling her that she was beautiful.

半年了，告訴她，她很美。
I was like, "I can't.

我當時想，"我不能。
"I got two cats and sleep apnea, I need a hug.

"我有兩隻貓和睡眠呼吸暫停，我需要一個擁抱。
"I can't be here for you."

"我不能在這裡陪你。"
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
I spent close to $3,000 on this wedding, 3,000.

我在這場婚禮上花了近3000元，3000元。
Throwing parties, buying dresses,

辦派對，買衣服。
and my pussy was dry the whole time, I was so upset.

而我的小穴一直都是乾的，我很不爽。
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
I said, "Somebody better eat me out after all this money.

我說："賺了這麼多錢，最好有人把我吃了。
"I don't care if it's your grandfather,

"我不管是不是你爺爺。
"get him ready, okay?

"讓他準備好，好嗎？
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
"Put a bib on him, get him ready."

"給他戴上圍兜，讓他準備好。"
I had to go to this dress fitting.

我不得不去參加這個試衣會。
It was my first time going to a dress fitting.

這是我第一次去試衣服。
I prepared myself, I went and watched "Say Yes to The Dress"

我做好了準備，我去看了 "說好的衣服"
to see how it was gonna go down.

看看它是如何去了。
It's not reality, it's not reality.

這不是現實，這不是現實。
"Say Yes to The Dress" is 30 minutes, commercial break,

"《說好的衣服》30分鐘，廣告休息。
you won, and you done.

你贏了，你做了。
In real life, five hours with this bitch, working my nerves.

在現實生活中，和這個婊子在一起5個小時，讓我很緊張。
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
And a gay guy kept walking in,

而一個同性戀者一直走了進來。
trying to upsell with his gayness.

試圖用他的同志性來推銷。
"Yes, queen, yes!"

"是的，女王，是的！"
And I'm like, "Listen, slow down.

我想，"聽著，慢點。
"I suck dick too, and I don't do all of that.

"我也吸雞巴，而且我不做這些事。
"Calm down.

"冷靜下來。
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
"She's buying a dress."

"她要買一件衣服。"
Those brides are competitive, they're very competitive.

那些新娘很有競爭力，她們很有競爭力。
There's 10 brides in there, they all want the same dress.

有10個新娘在那裡，他們都想要同樣的衣服。
Regardless of body type, they all want the same dress.

不管是什麼體型的人，都想穿同樣的衣服。
My friend's like, "I went that dress too."

我朋友說，"我也穿了那件衣服"
They had a little strapless dress floating around.

他們有一個小露肩的衣服漂浮。
Her mother's like, "Yes, you're gonna be beautiful,

她媽媽說："是的，你會很漂亮的。
"you get that dress!"

"你得到那件衣服！"
I said, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

我說："哇，哇，哇，哇，哇，哇。
"Whoa.

"哇哦
"You don't need that dress."

"你不需要那件衣服。"
Everybody's like, "Be quiet, shh.

每個人都喜歡，"安靜，噓。
"It's her day.

"今天是她的日子。
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
"She's gonna be beautiful, it's her day."

"她會很漂亮，這是她的日子。"
I said, "Wait a minute.

我說："等一下。
"I'm the maid of honor, I gotta have honor here.

"我是伴娘，在這裡我得有尊嚴。
"Okay?

"好嗎？
"Bitch, you built like a truck.

"賤人，你的身材像卡車。
"You don't need to be in that dress.

"你不需要穿那件衣服。
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
"Come on, we all thick bitches here, come on, come on!

"來吧，我們這裡都是厚道的婊子，來吧，來吧!
"You're not even built like a Ford,

"你的身材都不像福特。
"you're build like a milk truck

"你的身材像一輛牛奶車
"that travels across the country

"走遍全國
"with a refrigerator, all over the place.

"帶著冰箱，到處都是。
"I mean, am I being real, or what? Okay?

"我的意思是，我是真實的，還是什麼？好嗎？
"You need straps.

"你需要帶子。
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
"Matter of fact, you need to go back in the back

"事實上，你需要回到後面去
"and see if they got two midgets

"看看他們是否有兩個侏儒
"to hold your shit up all day.

"整天拿著你的東西，
"That's how much support you need."

"這就是你需要的支持。"
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
We had to pick out our dresses.

我們必須挑選我們的衣服。
She goes, "You pick out whatever style you want.

她說："你想選什麼款式就選什麼款式。
"Whatever style you want, just have my favorite color.

"你要什麼風格，只要有我喜歡的顏色就可以了。
"Whatever style."

"什麼風格都可以。"
I said, "All right.

我說："好吧。
"What's your favorite color?"

"你最喜歡的顏色是什麼？"
"Pumpkin spice."

"南瓜香料"
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
"That's not even a, that's a drink at Starbucks.

"那都不是，那是星巴克的飲料。
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
"Wait a minute, whoa whoa whoa whoa.

"等一下，哇哇哇。
"You got seven big bitches in your wedding,

"你的婚禮上有七個大婊子。
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
"and you choose pumpkin spice?

"你選擇南瓜香料？
"We look like angry jack-o'-lanterns

"我們看起來就像憤怒的千斤頂一樣
"walking down the aisle."

"走在過道上"
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
Boo!

噓！
Boo!

噓！
I get to the wedding.

我去參加婚禮。
Standing next to her, watching my best friend get married.

站在她身邊，看著我最好的朋友結婚。
Not paying attention at all.

完全沒有注意。
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
I'm thinking about the food later, I don't care.

我在想以後的食物，我不在乎。
"Go do your thing, girl.

"去做你的事吧，姑娘。
"I ain't getting dick out of this, do your thing."

"我是不會得到雞巴了，做你的事。"
What happens is, she starts to cry,

發生的事情是，她開始哭泣。
and she starts to have a meltdown,

她開始有一個崩潰。
she's so in love with him.

她是如此的愛他。
(imitates sobbing)

（模仿抽泣）
"I love you so much, I just.

"我很愛你，我只是。
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
"You

"你啊
"make the sun rise."

"讓太陽昇起"
I'm like, "He makes the sun rise?

我想，他讓太陽昇起？
"What about God?"

"那上帝呢？"
God like, "Bitch, I make the sun rise!"

上帝就像 "婊子，我讓太陽昇起！"
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
She's crying and crying, and I hear behind me,

她哭哭啼啼的，我聽到身後。
"Psst, psst, psst!"

"PSST，PSST，PSST！"
I turn around like, "Oh my god,

我轉過身來，"哦，我的上帝。
"somebody's trying to stop this ugly ass wedding, what?"

"有人試圖阻止這場醜陋的婚禮，什麼？"
And it's her mother behind me going, "Psst, psst, psst!

而她的母親在我身後說："PSST，PSST，PSST！"。
"Get her tissues!

"給她拿紙巾！
"Get her tissues!"

"給她拿紙巾！"
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
Bitch, this ain't "The Help 2,"

賤人，這不是 "救命稻草2"。
I ain't getting her shit.

我不明白她的意思
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
I said, "I don't have any, I don't have any tissues."

我說："我沒有，我沒有紙巾。"
"You're the maid of honor!

"你是侍女!
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
"You're supposed to have tissues."

"你應該有紙巾。"
I was like, "I was at rehearsal with her for six hours,

我當時想，"我和她一起排練了六個小時。
"she didn't do any of this shit!

"她沒有做任何這種狗屎！
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
"I don't have tissues!

"我沒有紙巾!
"Doing it in dress rehearsal, bitch!

"在彩排的時候做，婊子!
"I didn't know!

"我不知道啊!
"Cry!"

"哭！"
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
Obviously, I'm from New York, or I live in New York.

很明顯，我是紐約人，或者說我住在紐約。
I'm from Maryland, but I live in New York, and I flew here.

我來自馬里蘭，但我住在紐約，我飛來這裡。
I hate flying.

我討厭飛行
Flying is like, it's one of the worst things.

飛行是最糟糕的事情之一。
We obviously do it a lot as comics,

作為漫畫家，我們顯然經常這樣做。
and so I get high a lot,

所以我經常嗑藥。
or you know, I eat.

或者你知道，我吃。
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
We had a really bad flight recently.

我們最近的班機真的很糟糕。
You know when the flights bad

你知道什麼時候班機不好
when the flight attendant sits the fuck down.

當空姐坐下來的時候，他媽的下來。
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
When Brenda sits down, you better start praying.

當布倫達坐下來時，你最好開始祈禱。
This shit, like, "Bitch, why are you buckling up?

這破事，就像 "賤人，你為什麼要繫上安全帶？"。
"Are we okay?

"我們還好嗎？
"Do I need a parachute?"

"我需要降落傘嗎？"
Because nobody really knows,

因為沒有人真正知道。
I realized this last flight,

我意識到這最後一次飛行。
I don't know what to do in the event of an emergency.

我不知道在緊急情況下該怎麼做。
We all think we do, 'cause we watched the bitch

我們都認為我們做的，因為我們看到了這個母狗
do the little Broadway musical at the beginning, right?

做小百老匯音樂劇在開始，對不對？
Where she's dancing and shit.

她在哪裡跳舞和狗屎。
And it's like, "Bitch, if this is information

它的樣子，"婊子，如果這是資訊。
"I'm supposed to know, please stop fucking dancing

"我應該知道的，請你不要再跳了
"and just tell me what the fuck to do."

"告訴我他媽的該怎麼做"
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
Okay, so they also had a flight recently.

好吧，所以他們最近也有一個班機。
The plane was going down, and these, the masks came down.

飛機正在下降，這些，面具下來了。
And you realize how many people are fucking dumb, right?

你知道有多少人是他媽的啞巴吧？
Because the masks came down,

因為面具下來了。
and somebody took a picture

有人拍了一張照片
of everybody with the mask, right?

每個人都帶著面具，對嗎？
Because you know, when you're about to die,

因為你知道，當你快要死的時候。
you want to put it on Instagram.

你想把它放在Instagram上。
So the masks come down, and nobody was wearing the shit

所以，面具下來，沒有人穿的狗屎
where they were supposed to wear it.

他們應該穿的地方。
You gotta put it on your fucking breathing place!

你得把它放在你他媽的呼吸的地方！
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
Right? You gotta put it here.

對吧？你得把它放在這裡。
There's motherfuckers wearing it like goggles.

有的混蛋把它當護目鏡戴。
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
Somebody was wearing it like a birthday hat.

有人把它當成生日帽來戴。
Like, "Well I'm the fuck out of here, happy birthday!"

就像，"好吧，我他媽的離開這裡，生日快樂！"
I was like, "What the fuck are they doing?"

我當時想，"他們到底在做什麼？"
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
I hate turbulence, I hate turbulence.

我討厭動盪，我討厭動盪。
It's always checking my exit.

它總是檢查我的出口。
They tell you you gotta check your exit.

他們告訴你，你必須檢查你的出口。
"Check your exit, where's your exit?"

"檢查你的出口，你的出口在哪裡？"
And you think you know where your exit is,

你認為你知道你的出口在哪裡。
and then they go, "Well just in case you think you know,

然後他們走了，"好吧，以防萬一你認為你知道。
"the closest one may be behind you."

"最近的一個可能就在你後面。"
And it's like, "Well bitch, I'm in comfort plus,

它就像，"好吧，婊子，我在舒適加。
"so if I gotta go back to coach, I'm just gonna die."

"所以，如果我得回去當教練，我只是會死。"
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
I'm not going to coach.

我不會去當教練。
I'm determined that if a plane goes down,

我下定決心，如果飛機墜毀。
first class is just gonna detach

頭等艙只是要脫離
from the rest of the poor motherfuckers

從其餘的可憐的 motherfuckers
and just keep flying to Miami.

然後繼續飛往邁阿密
They don't give a fuck about coach, okay?

他們才不管教練的事，好嗎？
Memaw only flies every 10 years, that bitch has got to go.

梅莫每10年才飛一次，那婊子必須走。
You understand?

你明白嗎？
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
Plane etiquette is also at an all time low.

飛機禮儀也處於歷史谷底。
I was sitting next to this white bitch and her baby, and,

我坐在這個白種人婊子和她的孩子旁邊，然後。
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
and I guess they had money,

我猜他們有錢。
'cause the bitch and the baby had their own seat.

因為那個婊子和孩子有自己的座位。
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
She's fooling around in the bag and shit,

她在包裡胡鬧，還有什麼狗屁。
and (chuckles) she's got hold of the baby,

而且她還抓到了孩子。
trying to fool around in the bag,

試圖在包裡胡鬧。
and then she just gets up and pivots

然後，她只是站起來，並樞軸
and hands me the fucking baby,

並把他媽的嬰兒遞給我。
because of course, I'm a big titty black woman,

因為當然，我是個大奶子黑女人。
so I gotta be the plane nanny.

所以我得當飛機保姆
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
So she pivot, I'm like,

所以，她支點，我喜歡。
"Bitch, don't give me your baby, I'm on coke!"

"賤人，別把你的寶貝給我，我在吸食可卡因！"
Like, "I don't have time (audience laughs)

就像 "我沒時間（觀眾笑）
"for your fucking baby, bitch!

"為了你的寶貝，婊子！
"This is not 'The Help,' I will eat this nigga."

"這不是'幫助'，我會吃這個黑鬼。"
Even the baby was like, "Don't give me to that bitch!"

連孩子都說："別把我給那個婊子！"
It was like,

這就像。
"This is not the one, bitch, uh-uh."

"這不是一個，婊子，呃呃。"
Plane etiquette is fucked up.

飛機上的禮節很糟糕
Sometimes, you get in a fucked up situation on a plane,

有時候，你會在飛機上遇到一個糟糕的情況。
you don't know what to do, you don't want to say anything,

你不知道該怎麼做，你不想說什麼。
and then you get trapped up.

然後你就被困住了。
There was recently this white lady on a plane

最近有一個白人女士在飛機上
and she took a picture

她拍了一張照片
of this white nigga had his feet over her head.

這個白人黑鬼的腳在她頭上。
Do you remember that? You see that picture?

你還記得嗎？你看到那張照片了嗎？
With the, you saw it?

與，你看到了嗎？
See, me and the black lady connected,

你看，我和那個黑人女士聯繫上了。
'cause we already know where we're going.

因為我們已經知道我們要去哪裡。
The white people catching up, you understand?

白人追趕，你明白嗎？
They're like, "What was the problem?"

他們就像，"什麼是問題？"
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
So, he got his bare motherfucking feet over her damn head,

所以，他得到了他的光他媽的腳在她該死的頭上。
and she's just being passive aggressive.

而她只是被動的攻擊性。
And she's like, "Gonna be a long flight!"

她說，"這將是一個漫長的飛行！"
I was like, "Bitch, are you out of your fucking mind?"

我當時想，"婊子，你是不是瘋了？"
You already know what we would've did.

你已經知道我們會做什麼了。
Get in your fucking purse, bitch,

進你他媽的錢包，婊子。
get a lighter, and burn this nigga's toes!

拿個打火機，燒了這個黑鬼的腳趾！
What the fuck do you mean, (audience laughs)

你他媽什麼意思？
"Gonna be a long flight," bitch?

"會是一次長途飛行，"婊子？
Short flight for this nigga's feet, that, what?

這個黑鬼的腳飛得很短，那個，什麼？
Oh, I hate people!

哦，我討厭人！
Before I got with my guy, I was on a date

在我和我的男人在一起之前，我有個約會
with this guy that I met on Nude Africa. (clears throat)

與這個傢伙，我遇到了裸體非洲。（清喉）
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
That's a legit site, and I know

這是一個合法的網站，我知道
there's a couple of white guys in here that can verify that,

這裡有幾個白人可以證實這一點。
so don't let them fool you.

所以不要讓他們欺騙你。
Nude Africa. Huh, sir?

非洲裸體。咦，先生？
You been on it, huh?

你一直在做，嗯？
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
You looked up into the sky, nigga,

你看著天空，黑鬼。
I know you thinking about Tasha.

我知道你在想塔莎。
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
I was on Nude Africa.

我上過《裸體非洲》。
Nude Africa, you gotta show your titties and shit.

非洲的裸體，你得展示你的奶子和狗屎。
That's what you got to do to get out there,

這就是你要做的出去。
you got to put your titties out there,

你得把你的奶子在那裡。
so I put my titties out there.

所以我把我的titties在那裡。
But I got big ass titties, you know what I'm saying?

但我有大屁股的奶子，你知道我在說什麼嗎？
I got like, you know, some girls, their titties,

我得到了像，你知道，一些女孩，他們的titties。
your titties look like they up, they care about themselves,

你的奶子看起來像他們了，他們關心自己。
you know what I'm saying?

你知道我在說什麼嗎？
They pay taxes, they contribute.

他們納稅，他們貢獻。
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
You probably take your bra off and it sound

你可能把你的胸罩脫掉，它的聲音
like "The Little Mermaid" or some shit, right?

像 "小美人魚 "或一些狗屎，對不對？
(vocalizing) Just happy.

(發聲)只是高興。
I take my (laughs) titties out the bra,

我把我的（笑）奶子從胸罩裡拿出來。
and they hang like Ricola horns.

它們就像Ricola的角一樣掛著。
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
And there's no "Little Mermaid,"

而且也沒有 "小美人魚"。
it's just old Negro spirituals, a lot of hymning, and,

這只是老黑人的精神，很多讚美詩，和，
(vocalizing)

(發聲)
♪ We made it ♪

我們做到了
♪ Thank God we made it ♪

感謝上帝，我們做到了
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
Sometimes when I'm doing housework,

有時候，當我做家務的時候。
I just throw my titties over my back and just get going.

我只是把我的奶子扔在我的背上，然後就開始了。
Do you ever do that?

你做過嗎？
No, of course not.

不，當然不是。
It gets real confusing when I take my bra off,

當我把胸罩脫掉的時候，就會變得很混亂。
because I have two cats, and they're like,

因為我有兩隻貓，他們就像，
"What is this, a scratch toy?"

"這是什麼，撓癢癢玩具？"
They always.

他們總是。
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
So sometimes, I have to take my nipples

所以有時候，我不得不把我的乳頭，
and put it in catnip just to make them happy.

並把它放在貓薄荷中，只是為了讓他們開心。
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
So I was with this guy from Nude Africa.

所以我和這個非洲裸體的傢伙在一起。
He came over to my house.

他到我家來了。
Now, Nude Africa, you don't really get

現在，裸體非洲，你真的不明白。
to know the people, right?

來了解人們，對嗎？
You just be like, "You want to fuck?",

你只是想，"你想他媽的？"。
and they'd be like, "Yeah," you know?

他們會很喜歡，"是啊，"你知道嗎？
So he came over, and he was gorgeous.

所以他過來了，他很帥。
I shouldn't, ladies, be careful

我不應該，女士們，小心點
when you're doing this online shit.

當你做這個在線狗屎，
If you get a guy that's gorgeous, just get rid of him,

如果你找到一個華麗的傢伙，就把他趕走。
'cause he's a serial killer,

因為他是個連環殺手
or something wrong with him.

或者他有什麼問題。
Just regular motherfuckers and mediocre niggas

只是普通的混蛋和平庸的黑鬼。
is all you need to accept,

是你需要接受的全部。
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
'cause the gorgeous guy, he should be out fucking,

因為那個帥哥，他應該在外面做愛。
he don't need to be on no goddamn app.

他不需要在任何該死的應用程序。
You understand what I'm saying?

你明白我的意思嗎？
So he comes in my house, gorgeous guy.

所以他來到我家，帥哥。
We get on the couch, we start making out.

我們躺在沙發上，開始親熱。
Now, you know this shit is hot right now,

現在，你知道這個狗屎是熱的現在。
so my titties are sweating.

所以我的奶子都出汗了。
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
I'm a big girl, so I put talcum powder

我是個大姑娘，所以我放了爽身粉。
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
under my titties to catch the moisture.

在我的奶子下面接住水分。
So we fooling around on the couch, he lifts up my titties,

於是我們在沙發上鬼混，他把我的奶子抬起來。
all these powder crumbs came falling out on the couch.

所有這些粉屑都掉在沙發上。
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
And I was embarrassed, 'cause he don't know me,

我很尷尬，因為他不認識我。
he don't know what the fuck it is!

他不知道這他媽的是什麼！
And I was like, "Ah, he gonna think

我當時想，"啊，他要去想。
"this is a powdered doughnut,"

"這是一個粉團，"
you know, cause I'm a fat bitch.

你知道，因為我是一個胖婊子。
So I had to tell him it was cocaine,

所以我不得不告訴他這是可卡因。
and I bagged it up and sold it to him for $5, you know.

我把它裝起來，賣給他5美元，你知道的。
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
(giggles)

（傻笑）
But he didn't even care.

但他根本不在乎。
He was so busy playing with my titties.

他忙著玩我的奶子。
He had my titties up and shit.

他把我的奶子弄得跟屎一樣。
I had never seen my titties face to face before.

我從來沒有面對面看過我的奶子。
I was just like...

我只是想...
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
And then he let my titties drop.

然後他讓我的奶子掉下來。
You ever had your titties drop?

你的奶子掉過嗎？
You ever had a guy put your titties up and let them drop?

你有沒有讓一個男人把你的奶子豎起來，讓它們掉下來？
My titties went up, and they just,

我的奶子上去了，他們就。
and then they were swinging, because you know,

然後，他們是擺動，因為你知道，
they big, heavy ass titties.

他們的大，重的屁股的titties。
They just flipping back and forth.

他們只是翻來覆去。
And as they were swinging back and forth,

而在他們來回擺動的時候。
this motherfucker balls up his fist

這個混蛋球了他的拳頭
and start boxing my titties.

並開始拳擊我的奶子。
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
(laughs) I was like, "What the fuck are you,"

（笑）我當時想，"你他媽的是什麼，"
have you ever boxed a bitch's titties, sir?

你有過拳擊一個婊子的奶子，先生？
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
Don't box bitches' titties, okay?

不要用盒子裝母狗的奶子，好嗎？
Unless you want a bitch playing hacky sack with your balls,

除非你想讓一個婊子用你的蛋蛋來玩黑傑克。
don't box.

不要盒。
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
And then he started doing

然後他開始做
that little Etch A Sketch shit that men do.

那小Etch A Sketch狗屎，男人做的。
I hate that, with the nipples.

我討厭這樣，與乳頭。
That shit, that Etch A Sketch,

這狗屎，那Etch A Sketch。
like you about to get it like a Hot97

就像你要得到它像一個Hot97的
or some shit on the titties.

或一些狗屎的奶子。
I hate that, why are you doing that?

我討厭這樣，你為什麼要這樣做？
What is it?

什麼事？
They are so sick, I can't stand men.

他們太變態了，我受不了男人。
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
And I was like, "You gotta get away from my titties,

我當時想，"你得離開我的奶子。
"that's crazy."

"那是瘋狂的。"
But then he went down here, right?

但後來他到了這裡，對嗎？
Oh. I was like,

哦，我當時想，我很喜歡。
"Well at least he going down to the pleasure box, you know?"

"好吧，至少他要下到歡樂包廂，你知道嗎？"
But then he took these two fingers like this,

但他就這樣拿著這兩根手指。
this is the worst, right?

這是最糟糕的，對不對？
We all, all ladies know.

我們所有的人，所有的女士都知道。
And this is the thing, every man does this

是這樣的，每個人都會這樣做。
like they about to do some shit, like, "Ahh!

就像他們要做一些狗屎，像，"啊！"。
"Ahh!"

"啊！"
And every woman's like, "Oh my God,

每個女人的喜歡，"哦，我的上帝。
"I'm about to get a pap, I'm about to die.

"我就要做子宮頸癌了，我快要死了。
"This guy has no clue."

"這傢伙根本不知道。"
Cause he jackknifed, it was like,

因為他的jackknifed，它就像，
it's one thing to present these two fingers,

贈送這兩根手指是一回事。
it's another thing to go. (grunting)

這是另一件事去。（叫聲）
(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）
(pained breathing)

（痛苦的呼吸）
He was like, "You like that?"

他說，"你喜歡這樣嗎？"
I was like, "No, I,

我當時想，"不，我。
(wheezes) "I don't!"

（喘氣）"我不！"