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  • - [Suzi] "Put that in your (beep) fart machines,

  • you (beep) fart makers!"

  • (imitates farting)

  • (orchestral music)

  • - Hello.

  • Today, we're talking about Ub Iwerks,

  • the creator of Mickey Mouse.

  • So our story starts in 1919, in Kansas City, USA.

  • Walt Disney was a draftsman, Ub Iwerks was an animator.

  • Ub goes, "Hey, Walt, what if we were to put

  • a live-action person into an animated frame?"

  • "Yes!

  • That's it!"

  • They create something called the "Alice Comedies."

  • But there's no money in it.

  • Walt, though, is ambitious.

  • He goes off the California and he goes to the head

  • of Universal Animation, Charles Mintz.

  • He was like, "This is amazing!

  • I can use this.

  • But the quality has to be as good."

  • Walt's like, "Ub, get out here, ASAP.

  • Yo, this is better than being in Kansas City,

  • 'Cause Kansas City is like,

  • you could, like, give me the deed to the city

  • and I still wouldn't even stay there."

  • He drives the seven days to California.

  • He takes these-

  • Oh, no.

  • Let me back up.

  • At this point, Ub came up with Oswald the Lucky Rabbit.

  • So Oswald does great for Universal,

  • and Walt goes to Charles Mintz, and he says, "Listen,

  • we are (beep) killing it.

  • Time for you to pay us some more money."

  • And Mintz, Mintz looks at him and he laughs,

  • (laughs)

  • "I'm gonna give you less money!"

  • Mintz goes, "I have signed all of your animators,

  • and I own Oswald.

  • He's mine."

  • Walt Disney vowed from that day,

  • "Not only

  • will I ever not own

  • any character I create,

  • I will never not own them."

  • (laughs)

  • He said to Ub, "Ub, you with me?"

  • And Ub, yet again, left with Walt Disney.

  • And Ub said to him, "What are we doing, Walt?"

  • And Walt's like, "We need a character, Ub.

  • What do you got?"

  • "What about a horse?"

  • "Nope."

  • "What about a dog?"

  • "Nope."

  • (sighs) "What about a cat?"

  • "No, man!

  • We got enough cats!

  • We got Felix the cat, there's a lot of cats out there!

  • What else you got?"

  • "What about a mouse?"

  • Walt's like, "Yeah, let's do that."

  • But what happened next was all Ub Iwerks, okay?

  • So Ub locked himself in the studio,

  • and he churns out 600 to 700 frames a day.

  • Unheard of.

  • He did two months of animation in two weeks

  • and he created a character,

  • Mickey Mouse.

  • He sat down and drew that cartoon plain crazy.

  • Walt loves it, but he goes, "You know what?

  • We need something bigger."

  • And Ub was like, "What if we could sync sound to it?

  • What if we did our next cartoon where

  • we could see the action happening

  • in the time with the music?"

  • And Walt was like, "Yeah.

  • Let's do sync sound."

  • So Steambew-

  • So Steamoa-

  • So "Steamboat Willie" comes out

  • and it blows audiences away.

  • They went, "I can see that mouse whistling!

  • I can hear the mouse whistling!"

  • "Oh, my God!

  • This mouse is whistling along with what his mouth is doing!

  • That's (beep) sync sound."

  • There were standing ovations.

  • Mickey Mouse became an icon overnight.

  • He was referenced in movies and songs,

  • and it creates

  • Disney.

  • Like, this embellishes their minds to everybody.

  • They know that this is, like,

  • the game has changed.

  • With the added pressures of Mickey doing really well,

  • Disney, he wanted to oversee every bit of production.

  • "Hey, you gotta meet this timing sheet

  • and we gotta be here by then, and productivity."

  • (speaks gibberish)

  • Now, at a party in Hollywood, a little kid came up

  • to Walt Disney, he's like, "Hey, Mr. Walt Disney!

  • I love Mickey Mouse!

  • Would you draw me a picture of him?"

  • Walt's like, "Sure, kid.

  • I'll draw you a picture of Mickey Mouse."

  • And he handed the paper to Ub Iwerks, and Ub goes,

  • "Whoa!

  • Are you (beep) kidding me?

  • This is-

  • What?

  • No.

  • I'm out of here."

  • Where was I?

  • Ub and...

  • - Oh, Walt Disney?

  • - [Derek Miller] And Ub starts Iwerks Animation.

  • Crazy stuff happened in his cartoons, you know,

  • girls' dresses would blow off,

  • and animals would lose limbs, it was anarchy.

  • But the Hays Commission comes in.

  • Those are the guys who were starting to put

  • limitations on what you could and couldn't show.

  • And they were like, "This is not gonna fly anymore."

  • So that was the end of Iwerks Animation.

  • A friend of Ub's is working at Disney Studios, still.

  • He's like, "Ub's out of work.

  • You could use him."

  • Walt agrees to have Ub for lunch.

  • He says, "Ub, I want you back.

  • Please come work for me."

  • And Ub looks at him and he says, "Walt,

  • I want to come back and work for you.

  • But I will never work for you in animation.

  • I want to work for you in photographic effects."

  • And Walt is like, "Yeah, you're the guy for that.

  • Come and do that for me!"

  • He was a rockstar for Walt.

  • He built stuff so they could do "Marry Poppins,"

  • the penguin dance, he wins a technical Oscar for that.

  • Ub Iwerks had his hand in every single ride at Disneyland,

  • creating the special effects.

  • And Ub died a Disney legend,

  • So this is a real Disney ending.

  • Or, as I like to think,

  • as I like to think, this is an Iwerks ending.

  • Because he was the man.

  • To Ub.

  • - [Derek Waters] Ub.

  • - What the (beep) kind of name's Ub?

  • - Hello.

  • My name is Mark Proksch,

  • and today we are gonna talk about the Bone Wars.

  • (wheezes)

  • A lot of people don't know this.

  • The first dinosaur wasn't discovered

  • until the mid-19th century.

  • This created kind of a new science.

  • Two of the first paleontologists

  • were Othneil Marsh and Edward Cope.

  • Cope discovers this great discovery in new Jersery.

  • New Jersery.

  • Not a place.

  • New Jersey.

  • The first dinosaur that's nearly complete.

  • And so, Marsh-

  • (laughs)

  • And so, Marsh gets there and they tour around.

  • It's like, "Hey, Cope.

  • You're a great guy, love you, thank you so much,

  • you're awesome."

  • And then he goes to the owners of this site and says,

  • "Listen buddies, here's my dollars.

  • Dollars good in the eye of the federal government.

  • If you find any more dinosaur bones,

  • don't send them to Cope, send them to me."

  • And they do that.

  • Cope finds out about this and becomes infuriated.

  • "You were my friend, I let you come see the site,

  • why would you do that to me?"

  • Marsh says, "Listen, if I can makes this work for me,

  • then bully to me.

  • That's what I'm all abo- (burps)

  • All about."

  • And so, Cope then breaks into Marsh's sites

  • and starts pillaging and stealing.

  • Marsh finds out about this.

  • (beep) livid.

  • "What the eff?

  • What do you think you're doing, mister man?

  • You're not-

  • Why would you-"

  • And Cope is like, "Listen, this is the game we're playing,

  • I was here, I found these bones.

  • Just 'cause you're not here yet

  • doesn't mean nothing to me."

  • (groans)

  • (laughs)

  • Well, Cope finds this dinosaur and he starts

  • publishing all this information,

  • and Marsh gets there and he's like,

  • "Wow, that's, I mean, that's neat.

  • Why did you put his head on his ass?

  • It's supposed to be on the other end, you dingus!"

  • Marsh takes the head, puts it on the tail,

  • and it fits perfectly.

  • And Marsh is like, "Einstein isn't invented yet,

  • but you're no Einstein."

  • So Marsh, or no, no, no.

  • Cope is like, "Screw you.

  • We are obviously not friends, let the Bone Wars begin."

  • (both singing dramatic fanfare)

  • A race breaks out to discover new dinosaur fossils

  • in Council-

  • in Como-

  • Count-

  • Como Bluff, Wyoming!

  • So you have these two pits.

  • It's like, "Hey, this discovery is pretty neat,"

  • and the other would be like, "Nuh-uh!

  • This, and this, and this, and this,

  • can go with this, and this, and this, and this!"

  • And the other would go, "You wish, tuna fish!

  • This and that was part of this and that!"

  • The other would be like, "Cool your jets!"

  • The two of them discovered over 140 species of dinosaurs!

  • But they were, like, fighting!

  • Throwing dirt in each other's pits,

  • sabotaging their own findings.

  • Marsh would be like, "Don't let Cope get ahold of these,

  • blow it up," just so Cope wouldn't find them.

  • Cope was like, "Don't let Marsh get ahold of these,

  • blow these up."

  • This is insane!

  • They even had a dirt ball fight.

  • These are two of the people that created paleontology!

  • They're acting like spoiled little babies!

  • Put diapers on 'em!

  • Give 'em a nook!

  • This went on, then, for 15 years.

  • And Marsh becomes the head of US paleontology

  • because he discovered the most bones, and is like,

  • "All of the fossils collected by Cope belong to the USGS."

  • That's all Cope had left and Marsh was trying to

  • take that (beep) away from him.

  • Cope was like, "Screw you, I'm going to fight you on this."

  • Cope, it turned out, had been collecting evidence

  • that Marsh was sabotaging all this science this entire time,

  • back to New Jersey, to Como Bluffs.

  • Cope gives the New York Herald

  • (wheezes)

  • all of these notes!

  • I get delightful when I'm drunk.

  • The New York Herald publicizes all this information

  • and it ruins Marsh.

  • (wheezes)

  • I got it, don't worry, guys.

  • (laughs)

  • This war, the Bone Wars, established paleontology.

  • But these two, they're children!

  • Cope was like, "You know what?

  • I hate Marsh so much that when I die,

  • I want my brain weighed and measured.

  • I bet my brain is bigger than Othneil Marsh's."

  • And so when he died, he had his brain cut out.

  • And then Marsh was like, "Nah, I don't want to do that."

  • (laughs)

  • Guys, let's eat!

  • Let's enjoy a mouthful!

  • - [Derek] A what?

  • - Honestly, I want you especially-

  • - [Derek] You want us to enjoy a what?

  • - I honestly, especially want camera A to enjoy a mouthful!

  • - Hello.

  • I'm Rachel Bloom and today we're gonna talk about

  • the capture of Adolph Eichmann.

  • So Israel's established in 1948

  • and Israel's like, "Okay, we need our own CIA,"

  • and so they form the Mossad.

  • And David Ban-Gurion, who's the Prime Minister, is like,

  • "I'm going to appoint you, Isser Harel,

  • to be head of Mossad."

  • And Isser Harel is like, "Awesome.

  • We're gonna hunt down Nazi war criminals,

  • 'cause there are a lot of Nazis still, like, chilling."

  • And the guy at the top of their list is Adolf Eichmann,

  • who literally planned the holocaust.

  • So Isser Harel is like, "Let's nail

  • this (beep) mother (beep) to the wall

  • like a (beep) moose who's been hunted."

  • Meanwhile, Adolf Eichmann is living in Argentina,

  • making, like, a new alias.

  • He's like, "What's an Argentinian-sounding name?

  • Oh, I know, Ricardo Klement.

  • Good job, Adolf, I mean Ricardo.

  • Wink."

  • However, his kids who were there with him, they're like,

  • "Well, I'm really attached to Eichmann.

  • It's in all my yearbooks, I'm just gonna keep it."

  • So the Eichmann kids are (beep) stupid.

  • (both laugh)

  • Okay, so in the 1950's, Eichmann's son, Klaus,

  • starts dating this very nice girl, Silvia.

  • She's like, "Daddy, I'm dating, like, the best guy.

  • His name is Klaus Eichmann."

  • And he's like, "That's weird."

  • My dog loves licking her (beep).

  • My dog licks her vagina more than any dog.

  • - [Derek] That's cool.

  • - [Rachel] Anyway, so Silvia's father, Lothar Hermann,

  • is like, "Huh, Eichmann, Eichmann,

  • where have I heard that name?"

  • And so Lothar tips off the Mossad.

  • And he's like, "My daughter's dating a guy

  • named Klaus Eichmann.

  • I feel like this might be Adolf Eichmann.

  • This might be the son of Adolf Eichmann."

  • And the Mossad is like, "We need to check this guy out."

  • And so they send operatives to Argentina,

  • all of whom are holocaust survivors,

  • and they're like, "You need to take pictures of Eichmann

  • to make sure this is Eichmann so that we're not just

  • capturing some poor Argentinian dude."

  • - [Derek] Smart.

  • - Okay, so...

  • No!

  • - [Derek] What are you looking for?

  • - My water went under the couch!

  • - I got you.

  • You got it? - Thanks, friend.

  • So they send a guy who just kind of walks up to him

  • while he's gardening, and they're like,

  • "Tell us how you garden," and he's like, "Well,"

  • and he starts to explain gardening to them.

  • And the whole time, they have a suitcase

  • that has a spy camera in it, so they're like,

  • (imitates camera clicking)

  • and he's like, "What's that sound?"

  • And they're like, "Nothing!"

  • So they send the pictures back to Israel

  • and the Mossad is like, "Dudes, this is Eichmann!

  • Let's get him there."

  • But Harel's like, "Whoa, Argentina's really bad

  • about extraditing Nazis, they, like,

  • don't give a shit for some reason.

  • I don't know why.

  • I don't know why!

  • But they're just bad about it,"

  • And he tells Zvi Aharoni,

  • "If we're gonna capture Adolf Eichmann,

  • we're gonna have to, like, full-on kidnap him,

  • like a kid on a milk carton.

  • We're gonna have to milk carton Adolf Eichmann."

  • So, the four operatives,

  • they go to Argentina.

  • It's weird to tell a story about Nazis and be so cozy.

  • Anyway, they park a deserted car to lure Eichmann,

  • and they're like, "Hey, guys, so to distract ourselves,

  • we need to come up with a group name.

  • How about The Kidnapping Friends?"

  • And one of them's like, "No, I don't...

  • Okay, if we're gonna come up with names,

  • now's not the time to do it, but if we're going to,

  • I think it should be called The Abduction Posse."

  • And another one's like, "No, no, no, no, listen.

  • How about, I don't know, The Snatch Squad?"

  • And they're like, "Snatch Squad!"

  • And just then, that's when Eichmann walks down the road.

  • And they're like, "Uh, our car is broken down.

  • Sike, it's not!"

  • And they tackle Eichmann, they just, like, full-on

  • bum-rush Eichmann, and they get him in the car.

  • And my dog continues to lick her own (beep).

  • - Oh, good dog.

  • - [Rachel] So, they bring him to a safe house,

  • and then they try to question him to make sure

  • it's Adolf Eichmann living in Germany.

  • Argentina.

  • And Eichmann's like, (speaks Spanish).

  • Like, he's pretending to be Argentinian.

  • They're just like, "Clearly not.

  • You are a pasty, white German dude."

  • And finally, he drops all the shit and he's like,

  • "All right, I'm Adolf Eichmann.

  • Can I get a glass of wine?"

  • And they're like, "Okay, there's a plane

  • leaving from Buenos Aires to Israel.

  • How do we sneak Eichmann onto this plane?"

  • So May 20th, 1960, they sedate Adolf Eichmann,

  • they dress him up as an El Al Flight attendant,

  • which is the Israel airline,

  • and they literally, like, drag him to the airport,

  • like, full-on "Weekend at Bernie's"-ing

  • the orchestrator of the worst thing that's ever

  • happened in their lives, and just being like,

  • "I'm tired, hello, I'm an El Al flight attendant."

  • And they're literally carrying him onto the plane.

  • I mean, like, the story's (beep) insane.

  • So they get him to Israel, and they put Eichmann on trial,

  • and he's convicted, and he's hung outside of Tel Aviv.

  • - [Derek] Wow.

  • - [Rachel] And the guys who captured him are like,

  • "Look, far be it for we to celebrate death,

  • but also, um, (beep) yeah."

  • - [Derek] (beep) the Nazis!

  • - [Rachel] (beep) the Nazis, man.

  • I'm alive, I'm 97% Ashkenazi.

  • (Derek laughs)

  • - Hello.

  • I'm Suzi Barrett, and today we're talking about

  • John Lennon and Yoko Ono.

  • The first Dreamers.

  • - Oh, no.

  • (glasses clinking) - Oh, yes.

  • Okay, our story begins in 1972,

  • in the magical land of New York City.

  • Greenwich Village, ha-sha-sha!

  • Everybody hates Vietnam, everybody's making a stink.

  • And who's at the center of that stink?

  • John Lennon and Yoko Ono.

  • They are young lovers creating fuckin' art.

  • So John and Yoko have been here on a tourist visa,

  • but suddenly, (imitates explosion)

  • "You've got denied!"

  • And they're like, "(stammers) What?"

  • And their lawyer is like, "You guys have to get hooked up

  • with Leon Wildes, he is the shit of immigration."

  • And Leon Wildes comes to meet them,

  • and he's like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, what do we got here,

  • what's your case?"

  • They're like, "We want to stay,

  • we want to keep making our solo projects

  • where we scream into a telephone and play a baby backwards."

  • He's like, "What?

  • What are you talking about?"

  • And he's like, "Oh, well, you know, I'm John Lennon

  • and this is Yoko Ono," and he's like,

  • "Yeah, what are you talking about?"

  • - [Derek] He's never heard of them.

  • - Never heard of them!

  • - He doesn't know any Beatles songs,

  • but somehow, he keeps referencing.

  • - [Suzi] And he's like, "Hey, look, kids.

  • I don't know who the Bootles are, but look,

  • I want to hold your hand through this case.

  • You know what I mean?

  • I'll work eight days a week to get you to the end of this!"

  • (Derek laughing)

  • "She loves you?

  • Yeah?

  • Yeah?

  • Yeah?"

  • - (laughs) Fuck.

  • - "So please, please me by letting me take your case.

  • I'll please you.

  • It's- (groans)"

  • (laughs)

  • (hums)

  • - You okay?

  • - Great, I just dumped liquid on my mic by accident.

  • - It's okay, it's okay.

  • - Thank you.

  • All right, so Leon Wildes uses a secret little trick,

  • the Freedom of Information Act.

  • Anyone can give a key word to the clerks of Washington

  • and they return any files, or papers,

  • or whatever that have that word in it.

  • So he's like, "a-tippy-tippy-tap, Lennon!

  • A-doop-a-doop-a-doop, Ono!"

  • And months, and months, and months later, he's like,

  • "Well, lookie what we have here!

  • This letter from Strom Thurmond, the fuckin' asshole

  • South Carolina Senator to Nixon's Attorney General,

  • John Mitchell, being like,

  • 'Get rid of this Lennon guy!

  • He's trying to convince young people

  • that it's not a good idea to send other young people

  • to die in Vietnam!

  • What is up with that?'"

  • And Leon's like, "Nixon thinks he'll get re-elected

  • if he deports Nixon!

  • No.

  • Nixon thinks he'll get re-elected if he deports Lennon!

  • Holy shit."

  • So October 8th, 1975.

  • John and Yoko are at the Second Circuit Court of Appeals,

  • getting kicked out of the country.

  • The gavel's just about to go down and

  • the doors of the courtroom open!

  • (imitates farting)

  • And Leon Wildes is like, "Fuckin' Strom Thurmond

  • and Richard Nixon had it out for them

  • simply because they wanted to give peace a chance!"

  • And they agreed.

  • "They were already here, they were enjoying their lives,

  • and we, the court, will not condone selective deportation."

  • "So put that in your (beep) fart machines,

  • you (beep) fart-makers!"

  • (imitates farting)

  • So they win!

  • They get to stay back in the USSA!

  • - [Derek] Hey!

  • - [Suzi] So this is an important story

  • because, oh, my God.

  • Derek.

  • - Suzi.

  • - Would you like to travel into the future?

  • - [Derek] Okay.

  • - Here, hold this.

  • This one-and-a-third lime, and...

  • (sings dramatic theme)

  • Suddenly, it's 37 years later, June 15th, 2012.

  • Barack Obama makes the most amazing speech

  • announcing DACA, the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals,

  • saying, "Uh, anyone who's here, who has been here,

  • I don't care how you got here, you get to stay here.

  • We want you here, we love you here, you're here.

  • The end, bye, Barack Obama."

  • Meaning, people who are here in America,

  • who didn't choose to be here,

  • if you're not causing problems and you're part of

  • our society already, you get to stay.

  • And these children are called the Dreamers.

  • And the fun little accidental tidbit is that

  • Obama is using John Lennon's case as a precedent.

  • - As a president.

  • - Oh, boy.

  • As a president, he's using it as a precedent.

  • - Yeah. - Yeah.

- [Suzi] "Put that in your (beep) fart machines,

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最好的託尼-黑爾 - 醉酒的歷史。 (The Best of Tony Hale - Drunk History)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 02 月 10 日
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