The headlines.

頭條新聞。

We've got some way just a week away from Donald Trump's second impeachment trial.

距離唐納德-特朗普的第二次彈劾審判還有一週時間，我們已經有了一些辦法。

Hey, that not talking about Trump was fun while it lasted.

嘿，那不說特朗普的事，還真是有趣，而它持續的時間。

Wasn't it we're talking about?

不是我們說的那個嗎？

Because over the weekend, five of Trump's impeachment lawyers abruptly quit, Trump's suddenly found himself without any legal representation, which is still a huge improvement over being represented by Rudy Giuliani.

因為在週末，特朗普的五名彈劾律師突然退出，特朗普突然發現自己沒有任何法律代表，這比起由魯迪-朱利安尼代理還是有很大進步的。

Earlier today, in an unexpected move, House managers called on Donald Trump to testify under oath in his impeachment trial next week on I'm just hearing now we've got a quick update on this story.

今天早些時候，在一個意想不到的舉動中，眾議院管理人員呼籲唐納德-特朗普在下週的彈劾審判中宣誓作證，我只是聽說現在我們已經得到了這個故事的快速更新。

Yeah, he's not gonna do it.

是的，他不會這麼做的。

Meanwhile, President Biden is now looking into revoking Trump's access to intelligence briefings.

同時，拜登總統現在正在研究撤銷特朗普獲得情報簡報的權利。

Ah, courtesy, which is traditionally given to all ex presidents.

啊，禮遇，這是傳統上給所有前總統的。

Revoking Donald Trump's access to intelligence briefings is like revoking a dolphins access to an Xbox.

撤銷唐納德-特朗普對情報簡報的訪問權就像撤銷海豚對Xbox的訪問權一樣。

By the way, Trump famously skipped intelligence briefings when he was president of the United States.

順便說一句，特朗普在擔任美國總統時，就有著名的跳過情報簡報的經歷。

So this would be like if I got fired from this job and people were like, Sorry, James, you can no longer go into Stu's office.

這就好比我被炒了魷魚 人們說："對不起，詹姆斯，你不能再去斯圖的辦公室了。

I'll be like right Who's shoot President?

我就會說："對，誰在拍總統？

Biden has now signed a record 28 executive orders in his first two weeks in office, and he addressed that large volume of orders by saying this.

目前，拜登在上任的前兩週已經簽署了創紀錄的28項行政命令，他在談到這一大批命令時這樣說。

I want to make it clear there's a lot of talk with good reason about the number of executive orders that I have signed.

我想說明的是，關於我所簽署的行政命令的數量，有很多話是有充分理由的。

I'm not making new law.

我不是在制定新的法律。

I'm eliminating bad policy.

我在消除不良政策。

It's eliminating bad policies.

這是消除不良政策。

Yeah, eliminate bad policy.

是的，消除不良政策。

I love bad policy.

我喜歡壞政策。

I saw bad policy in Manchester.

我在曼徹斯特看到了不好的政策。

Oh, yeah, in 96 they were opening for Weezer.

哦，是的，在96年，他們是Weezer的開幕式。

Absolutely fantastic.

絕對精彩。

What a nine course I like.

我喜歡的九道菜啊。

Joe Biden is now like a cool step.

喬-拜登現在就像一個很酷的步驟。

Dad steps off a motorcycle wearing a leather jacket and aviator sunglasses.

爸爸從摩托車上走下來，穿著皮夾克，戴著飛行員太陽鏡。

He's like, Son, I'm not here to be a new dad.

他說，兒子，我不是來當新爸爸的。

I'm here to eliminate your mom's loneliness way were reading about this story today.

我是來消除你媽媽的孤獨感的，今天讀到這個故事。

I've got to ask, Is it just me, or does this come across like an unnecessarily sensual headline?

我想問一下，是我的錯覺，還是這標題太過感性？

Right.

好吧，我知道了

True headline.

真正的頭條。

Democrats wield their massive package as they plow through Senate Republicans.

民主黨人揮舞著他們龐大的方案，他們在參議院共和黨人中剽竊。

Stimulus everywhere.

到處都是刺激物。

Please.

求你了

E actually saw stimulus everywhere in Liverpool.

E其實在利物浦到處都能看到刺激。

Yeah, they opened for Weezer.

是的，他們為Weezer開場。

Fantastic night from here in Hollywood After finding out that they were preparing disciplinary action against him, Donald Trump abruptly resigned from the Screen Actors Guild today.

好萊塢這裡的奇妙夜晚 在發現他們正準備對他採取紀律行動後，唐納德-特朗普今天突然從電影演員協會辭職。

Yeah, now he's gonna he's gonna have to go back to community theater.

是啊，現在他要去... ...他要去必須回到社區劇院。

His he's doing a production of Godspell in Bakersfield.

他的... ...他在貝克斯菲爾德演 "神曲"。

That's true.

這倒是真的。

Anything he would love to see Trump in Godspell day by day by his resignation letter, Trump said, I write to you today regarding the so called disciplinary committee hearing aimed at revoking my union membership.

任何事情他都願意看到特朗普在神速一天天的辭職信，特朗普說，我今天給你寫信，關於所謂的紀律委員會聽證會，旨在撤銷我的工會會員資格。

Who cares?

誰在乎呢？

I'm gonna use that all the time from now on.

從現在起，我要一直用這個。

All right, you today regarding the ticket I got from running a red light at the corner of Wilshire and Fairfax.

好吧，你今天關於我在威爾希爾和費爾法克斯街角闖紅燈的罰單。

Who cares?

誰在乎呢？

Vaccine, developed by Oxford and AstraZeneca, is the first shot that's proven to reduce person to person transmission rather than just protect from infection.

由牛津大學和阿斯利康公司開發的疫苗，是第一支被證明可以減少人與人之間傳播的疫苗，而不僅僅是防止感染。

Sure great news.

當然是好消息。

Brilliant news.

輝煌的新聞。

Don't need the details.

不需要細節。

Just get it in my arm Now.

現在就把它放在我的手臂上

Honestly, at this point, I take a vaccine made by Arizona State University and Fuddruckers.

說實話，在這一點上，我吃的是亞利桑那州立大學和福德公司生產的疫苗。

E was would someone said it's take the Arizona in front rockers Vaccine if you got one.

E是會有人說，這是採取亞利桑那在前面的搖滾樂手疫苗，如果你有一個。

Yeah, sure dio some big news from the world of tech Earlier this afternoon, Jeff Bezos announced that effective this summer, he will be stepping down a CEO of Amazon.

是啊，肯定dio一些科技界的大新聞 今天下午早些時候，傑夫-貝佐斯宣佈，從今年夏天開始，他將卸任亞馬遜的CEO。

Yes.

是的，我知道

Yeah.

是啊。

I wonder what he's gonna do for money now basis will be staying on until the summer.

我不知道他現在要做什麼錢基礎上會留到夏天。

On his final day, he'll be boxed up, covered in packing peanuts and dropped on his family's doorstep.

在他最後一天，他會被裝箱，渾身都是包裝花生，然後丟在家人的門口。

Yeah, if Jeff Bezos called here and said I wanna work on the late late show would we give him a job?

是啊，如果傑夫-貝佐斯打電話到這裡，說我想在晚間節目中工作，我們會給他一份工作嗎？

100%?

100%?

Yeah.

是啊。

Yeah.

是啊。

Be great to have Jeff visas work here.

能讓傑夫簽證在這裡工作就好了。

There you go.

這就對了

Things are looking up already.

事情已經有了眉目。

What would he do?

他會怎麼做？

What would you put?

你會放什麼？

What would you dio, script coordinator?

你會怎麼做，劇本協調人？

Do you think we'll fight?

你覺得我們會打嗎？

Listen, Jeff, we'd find something for you.

聽著，傑夫，我們會給你找些東西的。

All right?

好嗎？

The door is not closed.

門沒有關閉。

I don't think any other late night show is being that open with Jeff tonight.

我想今晚沒有其他深夜節目能和Jeff如此坦誠相見。

No starters.

沒有開始。

Apia.

阿皮亞。

He's gonna work his way out.

他要去工作，他的出路。

Hundreds of first base.

數百名一線的。

So it's Give me a coffee.

所以，它的給我一杯咖啡。

Now.

現在就去

This is pretty cool.

這是非常酷的。

Nike has just announced a new kind of shoe.

耐克剛剛宣佈了一種新的鞋子。

It's a no lace slip on sneaker that does not require the use of hands to put them on and take them off.

這是一雙不需要用手穿脫的無鞋帶滑步運動鞋。

Have a look at this.

看一下這個。

So there they are.

所以，他們在那裡。

There.

好了

Look.

看吧

Look that easy on.

你看那麼容易上。

Easy on.

放鬆點

I want it easy.

我希望它很容易。

I want it now.

我現在就要。

Look at that.

你看那個。

Yeah, Good idea.

是啊，好主意。

Now do pants.

現在做褲子。

That's all I would ever want.

這就是我想要的一切。

If that's what Bezos should be working on right now.

如果這就是貝佐斯現在應該做的事情。

A pair of pants You don't have to church to put on and off you, just you.

一條褲子你不用教會穿脫，只要你自己。

So you lay them on the floor and you just sort of sit and they just Yeah.

所以你把它們放在地板上，你只是有點坐，他們只是 是啊。

How would you feel if I told you I have both nipples pissed?

如果我告訴你我兩個乳頭都尿了，你會怎麼想？

I actually be honest.

其實我是誠實的。

What would you think?

你會怎麼想？

I wouldn't be surprised.

我不會感到驚訝。

I'm not even studs.

我甚至不是種馬。

Hoops?

籃球？

Yeah.

是啊。

You know, to hoops on.

你知道，對箍上。

I just say it's just for May.

我只說是5月份的事。

You know, it's just like so much of my life is public.

你知道，這就像我的生活有很多是公開的。

So much of my life.

我生命中的很多東西。

So much of my life is out there and lived in public.

我的很多生活都是在外面公開生活的。

I just felt I needed to do something for May.

我只是覺得我需要為五月做點什麼。

I couldn't think of anyone on planet Earth.

我想不出地球上有什麼人。

Worse toe Have both nipples pierced than me.

比我更糟糕的是乳頭都穿孔了。

Scientists have developed a backpack with an electric generator that can harvest energy from your movements to power and charge your electronic devices.

科學家們開發了一種帶有電動發電機的揹包，可以從你的運動中收集能量，為你的電子設備供電和充電。

Here's what it looks like here.

這是這裡的樣子。

It makes you look like a ghostbuster that instead of busting ghosts bus any chance you ever have of having sex, Reggie, I imagine you've already got three of these.

這讓你看起來像個鬼佬，與其說是在抓鬼，不如說是在抓你做愛的機會，雷吉，我想你已經有三個了。

Yeah, I dio dio Well, I have to know Seriously, Would you buy that?

是啊，我得知道，說真的，你會買嗎？

Would you get one?

你會得到一個？

I mean, I have to see the final.

我的意思是，我必須看到決賽。

If that's the final design, I don't know, I'd wear it.

如果這是最終的設計，我不知道，我會穿上它。

I like being the weird guy walking around the lake with Sorry.

我喜歡做一個奇怪的傢伙，和對不起一起在湖邊散步。

Which lake is this?

這是哪個湖？

The lake of silver nous?

銀色的湖泊Nous?

Sure.

當然可以

Is there actually a lake in Silver Lake?

銀湖裡真的有湖嗎？

Yeah, I wouldn't know.

是啊，我不知道。

What's a reservoir?

什麼是水庫？

Never been east of air one.

從來沒有去過東邊的空氣一。

Oh, okay.

哦，好吧。

E love that movie.

我喜歡那部電影

Okay, Nice.

好吧，不錯。

True stories in my mind.

我心中的真實故事。

That's where l a stops.

我就到此為止了

It's not true.

這不是真的。

You've been further east than Air one.

你一直在比空中一號更遠的東方。

I know this for a fast.

我知道這個快。

I have been funders.

我一直是出資者。

Kerem.

Kerem.

Oh, it's a joke.

哦，這是一個笑話。

I have been further center.

我已經進一步中心。

Kim was a literalist.

金是個文字學家。

Further east.

再往東。

I've been further east, but I actually didn't know there was a lake in Silver Lake.

我去過更東邊的地方，但我居然不知道銀湖還有個湖。

That that I believe, is this the one they filled up with balls.

這個我相信，就是他們用球裝起來的那個。

Yes.

是的，我知道

Yeah, filled up with balls, which I thought it looked fun.

是啊，滿滿的都是球，我覺得看起來很有趣。

It did.

確實如此。

Look back.

回頭看。

There are no interest in going in the lake, but I would go in a lake full of balls.

沒有興趣去湖裡，但我願意去滿湖的球。

Yeah, Yeah, I worked Not knows, but no.

是啊，是啊，我的工作 不知道，但沒有。

Yeah, to be clear, I mean, like, inflatable balls, not testicles, a jump in a pool of testicles.

是啊，要清楚，我的意思是，像，充氣球，而不是睪丸，在睪丸池中的跳躍。

You know what I mean?

你知道我的意思嗎？

I want to do that.

我想這樣做。

I'll just go to Vegas with Pete on a Friday.

我會在週五和皮特一起去拉斯維加斯。

Yeah, a lawyer in Peru has gone viral after he was caught having sex on camera during a virtual court hearing over Zoom.

是啊，祕魯的一位律師在虛擬法庭聽證會上被拍到與Zoom發生性關係後，就被病毒式地傳播開來了。

Now we've had to blur it because, well, you know, they're having sex, But the lawyers there in the lower right?

現在我們不得不模糊它，因為，你知道，他們在做愛，但右下角的律師？

Why?

為什麼？

Because actually a virtual court hearing, I mean, Well, look, I think it's a given that we all enjoy having sex, but sometimes you've got to go, babe, I'm in court right now.

因為實際上是一個虛擬的法庭聽證會，我的意思是，嗯，你看，我認為這是一個給定的，我們都喜歡做愛， 但有時你必須去，寶貝，我在法庭上現在。

I can't e e Yeah.

我不能...

Yeah.

是啊。

I'm sorry.

我很抱歉

I was just gonna mute one minute.

我只是想靜音一分鐘。

I can't.

我做不到

I'm in court.

我在法庭上。

Yeah, I'm back.

是的，我回來了。

Guys.

各位

What?

什麼？

Stop.

停止。

Yeah.

是啊。

All right.

好吧，我知道了

Way.

辦法。

The judge said all rise.

法官說，全體起立。

And the lawyer was like, I'm way ahead of you, buddy.

而律師就像，我比你早一步，夥計。

Yeah, e don't get too graphic.

是啊，我們不要搞得太形象了。

But the woman he was with said that the lawyer really belongs in small claims Court Queen.

但和他在一起的那個女人說，律師真的屬於小額索賠法院女王。

Great.

厲害

It's my phone.

這是我的手機。

Zuhri, answer Redondo Beach.

祖赫裡，回答雷東多海灘的問題

Oh, redundant.

哦，多餘的。

Should turn that off.

應該把它關掉。

Um, let's see what this?

嗯，讓我們看看這是什麼？

Hello?

喂？

Hello.

你好啊

Hello.

你好啊

This called is strong Law enforcement unit off Federal Reserve System.

這就是所謂的聯邦儲備系統的強大執法部門。

It sounds suspicious activities from your king accounts due to which there is a legal case being filed under your name.

這聽起來是你的國王賬戶的可疑活動，因為你的名字下有一個法律案件被提起。

And there is an arrest warrant being issued for the same.

而且還為此發出了逮捕令。

What?

什麼？

They're from law enforcement ***.

他們是執法部門的***。

Federal Reserve System, please.

聯邦儲備系統，請。

Press one and hold the line.

按一，並保持線。

Guys, I've got to go.

夥計們，我得走了。

Thio, you know, heard what's happened, Lawrence.

Thio, 你知道, 聽說發生了什麼事, Lawrence.

It's fraudulent activity in my bank and I'm gonna get arrested.

這是我銀行的欺詐行為，我會被逮捕的。

I've got Thio.

我已經得到了Thio.

Oh, my gosh, e have todo Uh huh.

哦，我的天哪，我有做 嗯哼。