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自動翻譯
  • - I love the drama of the office.

    - 我喜歡辦公室的戲劇性。

  • Don't touch Donna's label-maker.

    不要碰唐娜的制標機

  • (audience laughs)

    (觀眾笑)

  • Okay.

    好吧,我知道了

  • Don't, don't even, don't.

    不要,甚至不要,不要。

  • (audience laughs)

    (觀眾笑)

  • Don't even look at it.

    看都不要看。

  • (audience laughs)

    (觀眾笑)

  • Why?

    為什麼?

  • Because she bought it with her own money.

    因為她是用自己的錢買的。

  • Enough said, sister.

    夠了,姐姐。

  • Why don't you tell Donna to keep her mitts off my

    你為什麼不告訴唐娜讓她的手套離開我的...

  • freakin' tape dispenser.

    畸形的錄音帶分配器。

  • She knows it's mine

    她知道那是我的

  • 'cause it's clearly labeled with my name,

    因為它清楚地標明瞭我的名字。

  • oh.

  • (audience laughing)

    (觀眾笑)

  • There's lots of pressure in our society to succeed.

    我們的社會有很多成功的壓力。

  • I'm always getting asked, you know, as a comedian,

    我總是被問到,你知道,作為一個喜劇演員。

  • you know, when are you going on TV,

    你知道,你什麼時候去上電視。

  • you know, go on, I wanna, I wanna.

    你知道,繼續,我想,我想。

  • I don't know when I'm gonna be on TV.

    我不知道我什麼時候會上電視。

  • Oh cool, what are you gonna be on TV.

    哦,酷,你要上什麼電視。

  • I'm right here, you know,

    我就在這裡,你知道的。

  • if you put your hands like this,

    如果你把你的手這樣。

  • it's kinda like I'm on TV right?

    這有點像我在電視上吧?

  • Is that pretty good, that's good,

    是不是很不錯,很不錯。

  • Oh come on, when were do.

    哦,來吧,當我們做。

  • Dad! (snorting grunts)

    爸爸!(吸氣哼哼)

  • (nasal grunting)

    (鼻音)

  • My Dad's just really a series of sound effects.

    我的爸爸只是真的是一系列的聲音效果。

  • (nasal grunting, snorting)

    (鼻息聲、鼻息聲)

  • (congested breathing)

    (擁擠的呼吸)

  • Everything okay over there Dad?

    爸爸,你那邊沒事吧?

  • Oh yeah. (gobbling noise)

    哦,是的。(吞嚥噪音)

  • (audience laughing)

    (觀眾笑)

  • My Dad, he's very, he's a Doctor, so he's very successful,

    我的爸爸,他很,他是個醫生,所以他很成功。

  • but he's obsessed with food.

    但他對食物很著迷

  • My Mom has him on a heart healthy diet.

    我媽媽讓他吃的是心臟健康的食物。

  • So he's always telling me about his secret stashes

    所以他總是告訴我他的祕密藏品

  • with all the seriousness of a POW.

    以一個戰俘的嚴肅態度。

  • (audience laughing)

    (觀眾笑)

  • Hey kid, (nasal snorting) I got some powdered donuts, yeah.

    嘿,孩子,(鼻息)我有一些粉狀的甜甜圈,是的。

  • They're in the freezer underneath all the vegetable crap.

    他們在冰箱裡,在所有的蔬菜垃圾下面。

  • Joe, what are you whispering about, you've got powdered

    阿祖,你在說什麼悄悄話,你有粉了

  • sugar all over your face.

    臉上都是糖。

  • Oh (beep).

    哦(嗶)。

  • (audience laughing)

    (觀眾笑)

  • Run kid, run.

    快跑,孩子,快跑。

  • My sister is a Doctor, she's super successful.

    我妹妹是個醫生,她很成功。

  • She's always telling me about different, she's a

    她總是告訴我關於不同的,她是一個。

  • Pathologist, though I like to introduce her as,

    病理學家,雖然我喜歡介紹她為。

  • this is my sister Sarah, she cuts up the dead into chunks.

    這是我妹妹莎拉,她把死人切成塊。

  • (audience laughing)

    (觀眾笑)

  • She's my older sister, she always telling me about different

    她是我的姐姐,她總是告訴我不同的事情

  • diseases she thinks I might have.

    她認為我可能有的疾病。

  • Okay, you know you have that one dark curly hair that

    好吧,你知道你有一個黑捲髮,。

  • comes out of your neck. You've seen it right?

    從你的脖子裡出來。你見過它吧?

  • I am just trying to help you.

    我只是想幫你。

  • Okay, that one dark curly creepy disgusting, okay.

    好吧,那個黑乎乎的捲毛讓人噁心,好吧。

  • And your breasts are like really small, dude it's called

    而你的乳房就像真的小,紈絝子弟,這就是所謂的。

  • ptosis, it's a syndrome, you gotta get your hormones

    上瞼下垂,這是一個綜合症, 你必須讓你的荷爾蒙。

  • checked or your gonna wake up and be covered in fur

    檢查,否則你會醒來,並覆蓋在毛皮。

  • like a werewolf.

    像狼人一樣。

  • (audience laughing)

    (觀眾笑)

  • Shut up Sarah.

    閉嘴,莎拉

  • Oh you shut up, (whispers) werewolf.

    哦,你閉嘴,(小聲)狼人。

  • (audience laughing)

    (觀眾笑)

  • Sometimes in comedy, I'm usually by myself so,

    有時候在喜劇裡,我通常是自己一個人,所以。

  • I miss the comradery, I use to work as a secretary.

    我很懷念這種同志關係,我以前是做祕書的。

  • I miss office life.

    我懷念辦公室的生活。

  • Where you wanna go for lunch? What you wanna get for lunch?

    你想去哪裡吃午飯?你想吃什麼?

  • Where you wanna go for lunch?

    你想去哪裡吃午飯?

  • (audience laughing)

    (觀眾笑)

  • I get like a sandwich or something.

    我得到了像一個三明治什麼的。

  • Ah, ah ah.

    啊,啊啊。

  • Or like a salad. Oh.

    或者像沙拉。哦。

  • (audience laughing)

    (觀眾笑)

  • You know just some place where I can get a Diet Coke.

    你知道有什麼地方可以買到健怡可樂嗎?

  • (shuddering sigh)

    (顫抖的嘆息)

  • We could go to Quiznos.

    我們可以去Quiznos。

  • (audience laughing)

    (觀眾笑)

  • Yes we could, Diet Pepsi, but yes we could.

    是的,我們可以,健怡百事可樂,但 是我們可以。

  • (audience clapping)

    (觀眾鼓掌)

  • I love the drama of the office.

    我喜歡辦公室的戲劇性。

  • Don't touch Donna's label-maker.

    不要碰唐娜的制標機

  • (audience laughs)

    (觀眾笑)

  • Okay.

    好吧,我知道了

  • Don't, don't even, don't.

    不要,甚至不要,不要。

  • (audience laughs)

    (觀眾笑)

  • Don't even look at it.

    看都不要看。

  • (audience laughs)

    (觀眾笑)

  • Why?

    為什麼?

  • Because she bought it with her own money.

    因為她是用自己的錢買的。

  • (audience laughing)

    (觀眾笑)

  • Enough said, sister.

    夠了,姐姐。

  • Why don't you tell Donna to keep her mitts off my

    你為什麼不告訴唐娜讓她的手套離開我的...

  • freakin' tape dispenser.

    畸形的錄音帶分配器。

  • She knows it's mine

    她知道那是我的

  • 'cause it's clearly labeled with my name,

    因為它清楚地標明瞭我的名字。

  • oh.

  • (audience laughing)

    (觀眾笑)

  • Who stole my key lime pie Yoplait?

    誰偷了我的檸檬派Yoplait?

  • Did you eat my southwestern style Lean Cuisine?

    你吃過我的西南風味瘦肉精嗎?

  • (audience laughing)

    (觀眾笑)

  • Did you eat my half chocolate rabbit, I've been

    你吃了我的半塊巧克力兔子嗎?

  • gnawing on it for five years.

    啃了五年。

  • It's basically only half a head with an ear

    基本上只有半個腦袋,還有一個耳朵而已

  • and a baby blue ribbon wrapped around it.

    並在上面纏了一條嬰兒藍色的絲帶。

  • (audience laughing)

    (觀眾笑)

  • (whispers) Yes

    (耳語)是的

  • (audience laughing)

    (觀眾笑)

  • It took you to long, I had to scrabble it up in my chops.

    你花了很長時間,我不得不在我的下巴上拼湊起來。

  • The odds of falling in love with the perfect person

    與完美的人相愛的機率

  • at the perfect time, are about the odds of I don't know.

    在完美的時間,是關於我不知道的機率。

  • Being discovered in Hollywood, wait a minute.

    在好萊塢被發現,等一下。

  • I asked a similarly desperate question

    我也問了一個類似的問題

  • for many years, which was.

    多年來,這是。

  • How do you make it in show business?

    如何在演藝圈混得風生水起?

  • Do you move to San Diego and disguise yourself as a bush.

    你要不要搬到聖地亞哥,把自己偽裝成灌木叢。

  • And what do famous people always say, they always say.

    而名人總是說什麼,他們總是說。

  • Well do you enjoy doing it?

    那你喜歡這樣做嗎?

  • Great, great.

    很好,很好。

  • Just keep doing and pretty soon you think wow,

    只要一直做,很快你就會覺得哇。

  • this is what I do.

    這就是我的工作。

  • (audience laughing)

    (觀眾笑)

  • Just, best of luck.

    只是,最好的運氣。

  • Which turns out is profoundly true.

    事實證明,這是深刻的道理。

  • Is that what a relationship is?

    這就是關係嗎?

  • Is it just showing up, I can do that.

    是不是出現了,我可以做到。

  • I didn't realize it would be ambiguity, doubt

    沒想到會有歧義、疑惑之處

  • or confusion or at least the amount that there is

    或混亂,或至少是有多少人在那裡。

  • in a job.

    在工作中。

  • Because people always say, once you've been doing something

    因為人們總是說,一旦你做了某件事情之後

  • a long time, oh I bet you always wanted to be,

    很長一段時間,哦,我敢打賭,你一直想成為。

  • you know, a comedian.

    你知道,一個喜劇演員。

  • I did not want to do this show tonight.

    我今晚不想做這個節目。

  • (audience laughing)

    (觀眾笑)

  • My Mom is very religious

    我媽媽很虔誠

  • and she said, whatever you think about all the time,

    她說,不管你一直在想什麼。

  • that's what you worship.

    這就是你崇拜的東西。

  • Oh. (audience laughing)

    哦。(觀眾笑)

  • If that's the case I want everyone to pop open their

    如果是這樣的話,我希望每個人都能打開他們的。

  • Diet Coke cans and turn to page 37 of the People magazines.

    健怡可樂罐,翻到《人物》雜誌第37頁。

  • (audience laughing)

    (觀眾笑)

  • In this holy scripture we read the parable of

    在這本聖經中,我們讀到了一個比喻。

  • Miss Valerie Bertinelli.

    Valerie Bertinelli小姐

  • Once on television, then lost to pop culture,

    曾經在電視上出現過,然後就被流行文化所遺忘。

  • now welcome back into the zeitgeist again.

    現在歡迎再次回到時代潮流中來。

  • And the worst dressed shall be the best dressed

    最差的衣服將是最好的衣服

  • and the best dressed shall be the worst dressed.

    而最好的衣服將是最差的衣服。

  • (audience laughing)

    (觀眾笑)

  • You got to believe in something though 'cause,

    你得相信一些東西,雖然 "事業"。

  • there is so much pressure these days.

    現在的壓力太大了。

  • You know, people are always asking things like,

    你知道,人們總是問這樣的事情。

  • what are you working on these days, what's going on for you,

    你最近在做什麼工作,你有什麼打算。

  • what's your current project,

    你目前的項目是什麼?

  • what's on your plate these days,

    這些天你的盤子裡有什麼。

  • what's coming up for you, what's on the next page?

    你要做什麼,下一頁是什麼?

  • What are ya working on?

    你在做什麼?

  • (audience laughing)

    (觀眾笑)

  • Oh, oh I'm done.

    哦,哦,我完成了。

  • (audience laughing)

    (觀眾笑)

  • I'm finished early.

    我早早就結束了。

  • I'm actually living in a gravy boat.

    我其實是生活在一條肉汁船裡。

  • (audience laughing)

    (觀眾笑)

  • Filled with tasty gravy.

    飽含著美味的肉汁。

  • (audience laughing)

    (觀眾笑)

  • Trying to bring the tension of reality shows

    試圖將真人秀的張力

  • into my every day reality.

    變成我每天的現實。

  • I just finished a full season of Project Runway

    我剛剛看完一整季的《天橋計劃》。

  • with my two dogs.

    與我的兩隻狗。

  • (audience laughing)

    (觀眾笑)

  • Blossom, (choking) you're funny and you're cute but,

    花兒,(哽咽)你很有趣,你很可愛,但是。

  • you pee on everything.

    你尿在所有的東西。

  • But, (choking) you're blind, and then you put your butt

    但是,(哽咽)你瞎了眼,然後你把你的屁股

  • in our face and you fart.

    在我們的臉上,你放屁。

  • (audience laughing)

    (觀眾笑)

  • Maria! (gasping) you say you're trying

    瑪麗亞!(喘氣)你說你是在嘗試

  • but you're clearly, not.

    但你顯然,不是。

  • (audience laughing)

    (觀眾笑)

  • Blossom you're in. Maria, you're out,

    小花,你加入瑪麗亞,你出局

  • congratulations, Auf Wiedersehen, (smooch, smooch).

    祝賀你,Auf Wiedersehen,(親親,親親)。

  • (audience laughing)

    (觀眾笑)

  • (upbeat music)

    (歡快的音樂)

- I love the drama of the office.

- 我喜歡辦公室的戲劇性。

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(部分)瑪麗亞-班福德的最佳作品 ((Some of) The Best of Maria Bamford)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 02 月 06 日
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