- I think of all those days that I used to stand out

- 我想起了那些曾經出類拔萃的日子。

in the line, hoping to get on at open mic night.

在行，希望得到上 在開放的麥克風之夜。

- I can't believe I've known you all these years

- 真不敢相信我認識你這麼多年了

I've never asked you.

我從來沒有問過你。

What was your first audition like for Mitzi Shore?

你第一次試鏡《Mitzi Shore》是怎樣的？

- It was at the Westwood Comedy Store, and I was late.

- 那是在西林喜劇店，我遲到了。

- You were late for your audition?

- 你試鏡遲到了？

- I was late,

- 我遲到了。

but I parked in the alley and I jumped over the wall,

但我把車停在巷子裡，我跳過牆。

and I was wearing a suit.

而我當時穿的是西裝。

I don't even know why I was wearing a suit.

我都不知道自己為什麼要穿西裝。

Because I just saw guys on TV, they wore suits.

因為我剛才在電視上看到的人，他們穿的是西裝。

I figured for my audition, a jacket and a tie,

我想，我的試鏡，夾克和領帶。

and I ripped my pants from the knee all the way down.

我把我的褲子從膝蓋處一直扯下來。

- Of course you did.

- 當然，你有。

Of course you did!

你當然有！

- And I just said, "I'm going on anyway."

- 我就說，"反正我也要上了。"

And I just got very lucky, 'cause the crowd liked me

我只是很幸運，因為觀眾喜歡我。

and it was the right time spot, and I killed.

而這是正確的時間點，我殺了。

- While you were killing onstage,

- 當你在舞臺上殺人的時候

were you thinking like "I'm getting faster,"

你是不是在想 "我越來越快了"

or "Don't fuck this up"?

還是 "別搞砸了"？

- I just couldn't believe I was killing.

- 我只是不敢相信我在殺人。

I was finally out there.

我終於出來了。

I'd come all the way from Detroit, drove out there,

我大老遠從底特律趕來，開車去了那裡。

I was 18 years old,

我當時18歲。

and Mitzi calls me over.

Mitzi叫我過去

She goes,

她去。

(in Mitzi voice) "You were really funny.

(Mitzi的聲音) "你真的很有趣。

You can come back, you can be a regular,

你可以回來，你可以成為常客。

but I don't like the ripped hole in the suit thing.

但我不喜歡西裝上的破洞。

I don't like that.

我不喜歡這樣

(Bill laughs)

（比爾笑）

Lose that."

丟了。"

- She thought that was a bit!

- 她覺得這有點!

- Yeah, she thought it was like my hook.

- 是的，她認為這就像我的鉤子。

The kid with the ripped suit,

那個穿破衣服的孩子。

with the-

與-

- Do you realize how lucky you are that she didn't like it?

- 你知道你有多幸運，她不喜歡嗎？

'Cause she would be

"因為她會是

(in Mitzi voice) "Every night you go onstage,

(Mitzi的聲音) "每天晚上你都要上臺。

you'll wear that."

你會穿的。"

- I'd have been stuck with that.

- 我就會一直堅持這樣做。

- (in Mitzi voice) "I'll call you Mikey Ripped Pants."

- (Mitzi的聲音) "我會叫你Mikey Ripped Pants."

- Yeah, that's what she would've.

- 是啊，她也會這麼做的。

(Bill laughs)

（比爾笑）

- I auditioned for Mitzi on a Monday night.

- 我在週一晚上為Mitzi試鏡。

- And she stood right there, and she was judge and jury,

- 她就站在那裡，她是法官和陪審團。

and she didn't give a fuck

而她並沒有給一個他媽的

if you were the funniest guy in Houston.

如果你是休斯頓最有趣的人，

That didn't matter to her.

這對她來說並不重要。

She didn't read your resume.

她沒看你的履歷

- Anybody from Bill Burr to Richard Pryor,

- 從比爾-伯爾到理查德-普萊爾，任何人都可以。

to you, to me, and to Jim Carrey,

敬你，敬我，敬吉姆-凱瑞。

had one path into entertaining.

有一條路進入娛樂化。

One woman, Mitzi Shore, to make those decisions.

一個女人，Mitzi Shore，來做這些決定。

- I don't give advice, Arsenio.

- 我不給建議，阿森尼奧。

- [Arsenio Hall] Oh, don't tell me that!

- [阿森尼奧-霍爾]哦，別跟我說這個！

I saw you tell a girl to put on a green wig

我看到你叫一個女孩戴上綠色的假髮。

and she'd be funnier.

她會更有趣。

- Oh, that was different.

- 哦，那是不同的。

(Mitzi laughs)

（Mitzi笑）

- The wonderful advice of Mitzi Shore.

- Mitzi Shore的精彩建議。

- Mitzi told me I was too pretty to be funny

- Mitzi告訴我，我太漂亮了，不好笑

and there is no way in hell that...

而且不可能在地獄裡... ...

I could be a stand-up comedian.

我可以成為一個脫口秀演員。

My grandma taught me a lot though.

不過我的奶奶教了我很多東西。

She taught me how to value myself as a woman.

她教會了我如何重視自己作為一個女人的價值。

I'll never forget, it was my 18th birthday.

我永遠不會忘記，那是我18歲的生日。

She should have told me this on my 16th birthday though,

不過她應該在我16歲生日的時候告訴我的。

'cause at that point I had started

"因為在那一刻，我已經開始

renting out the property already.

已經把房子租出去了。

(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）

- Well, she had her little weird ways,

- 嗯，她有她的小怪癖。

like putting me with Joey Camen in a group,

就像把我和喬伊-卡門放在一組。

Salt and Pepper.

鹽和胡椒粉。

(in Mitzi voice) "You're gonna be salt,

(Mitzi的聲音) "你會成為鹽的"。

and he's gonna be pepper.

而他會是辣椒。

It's gonna be so funny!"

會很有趣的！"

And just like, he was getting all the laughs.

就像，他得到了所有的笑聲。

And she would be in the back of the room,

而她會在後面的房間裡。

laughing and giving us spots.

笑著給我們點。

We'd get three spot tonight.

我們今晚會得到三個名額。

And then I told her, I said, that that's the first time

然後我告訴她，我說，這是第一次。

I got thrown out of a Comedy Store.

我被趕出了喜劇店。

I'm not going to do this no more.

我不會再這樣做了。

I didn't come out here to be "Pepper."

我不是來這裡當 "辣椒 "的。

I'm not gonna do it.

我不會去做。

I can't do it.

我做不到

- I remember Jack Graham,

- 我記得傑克-格雷厄姆

she told him you need to wear an all-yellow suit

她告訴他，你要穿一身黃色的衣服。

and you need to dye your hair yellow

你要把頭髮染成黃色

and change your name to Jackie Banana.

然後把你的名字改成Jackie Banana

(laughs)

（笑）

- Did he do it?

- 是他做的嗎？

- Yeah.

- 是啊。

(laughs)

（笑）

(upbeat music)

(歡快的音樂)

(in Mitzi voice) Jackie Banana!

傑基香蕉！

(upbeat music)

(歡快的音樂)