- All right, kids.

- 好了，孩子們。

Regina is gonna be here any minute.

Regina隨時會來

Let's run through date night one more time.

讓我們再跑一次約會之夜。

You, go.

你，去。

- Fletcher Murphy, chief lieutenant overseeing good vibes.

- 弗萊徹-墨菲，中尉長，負責監督良好的氛圍。

From my control room,

從我的控制室。

I promise to keep the mood light and flirtatious.

我保證會保持輕鬆調侃的氣氛。

The lights will dim at 5:30 PM,

下午5點半燈光會變暗。

followed by music.

隨後是音樂。

Sunset at 6:01,

日落6點01分。

which means my trademark confetti closer

這意味著我的商標彩紙接近

will blast off at exactly 6:02 PM.

將在下午6點02分準時爆炸。

- Blark, father of Son, date night security.

- 布拉克，兒子的父親，約會夜保全。

From my rooftop post,

從我的天台崗位。

I'll neutralize any potential threat to the date.

我會消除對約會的任何潛在威脅。

- Oh my God, do you hear that?

- 哦，我的上帝，你聽到了嗎？

I think I hear some Jehovah's Witnesses down the block

我想我聽到一些耶和華見證會的人在街區裡

looking for a date to ruin.

尋找一個日期，以破壞。

- My watch has begun.

- 我的手錶已經開始了。

(grunting)

（叫聲）

(glass breaking)

（玻璃破碎）

(panting)

（氣喘吁吁）

- [Jehovah's Witness] Good morning, sir.

- [耶和華見證人]早上好，先生。

- [Blark] Jehovah's Witness!

- [Blark]耶和華見證人！

(punching)

（衝）

- [Jehovah's Witness] I'm Atheist you idiot!

- [耶和華見證人]我是無神論者，你這個白痴！

(police siren wailing)

（警笛呼嘯）

- [Police] No punching allowed!

- [警察]不準打人！

- [Blark] Oh (beep), the fuzz!

- [Blark]哦（嗶嗶聲），模糊！

(glass breaking)

（玻璃破碎）

Hot wire...

熱線...

(tires screeching)

（輪胎尖叫聲）

- [Police] We've got a runner.

- [警察]我們有一個亞軍。

We need back up. (car horn honking)

我們需要備份。（汽車喇叭按喇叭）

Look out! (car crashing)

小心！（汽車碰撞）

- [Blark] Damn, I'm trapped.

- [Blark]該死的，我被困。

- [Yoni] Hey Blark, need a lift?

- [約尼]嘿，布拉克，要不要搭車？

- [Blark] Yoni, you hoozy loving IDF godsend.

- 約尼，你這個愛胡思亂想的以色列國防軍的天賜良機。

(Yoni speaking foreign language)

（Yoni講外語）

Don't mind if I do.

不要介意我這樣做。

(electricity zapping)

(電扎)

(yelling)

（大喊）

(explosion rumbling)

（爆炸隆隆聲）

- Stace, hit me.

- 斯特絲，打我。

- Babs and snacks.

- Babs和零食。

5:35 PM, box juice.

下午5點35分，盒裝果汁。

5:45 PM, cans of slop.

下午5點45分，泔水罐。

- Whoo, put some pep in that step, Stace.

- 嗚，把一些鼓舞的步驟，斯特斯。

- Okay, my child burned my only shot at a writing comeback

- 好吧，我的孩子燒燬了我唯一的機會 在寫作復出

because he was in a fire cult you started.

因為他是在一個火崇拜你開始。

When am I getting paid?

我什麼時候能拿到錢？

- Chop chop, everyone.

- 大家快快，快快。

Not a moment to spare.

一刻也不閒著。

If all goes according to plan,

如果一切按計劃進行。

I will achieve my goal for the evening,

我將實現我今晚的目標。

a first kiss from my love.

我的夫妻的初吻。

It's a go time.

這是一個去的時間。

(upbeat music)

(歡快的音樂)

- Yes, I picked up your meds, Mom.

- 是的，我拿起你的藥，媽媽。

- [Mom] Well, come home afterwards.

- [媽媽]好吧，之後再回家。

- I can't right now.

- 我現在不能。

I have study group.

我有學習小組。

- [Mom] Is there anything you need to tell me?

- 你有什麼要告訴我的嗎？

- I did tell you.

- 我已經告訴你了

- [Mom] No, you didn't.

- [媽媽]不，你沒有。

- I did!

- 我有！

- [Mom] You need to relax.

- 你需要放鬆。

- I need to relax? - Yes.

- 我需要放鬆？- 是的，我需要放鬆

Don't tell me to relax!

別叫我放鬆！

I hate it when you say that.

我討厭你這樣說。

- [Mom] Geez, just come home.

- [媽媽]天啊，快回家吧。

- I'll see you later.

- 回頭見

- [Mom] Okay, love you.

- [媽媽]好的，愛你。

- I love you too. - Bye.

- 我也愛你- 拜拜

(sighing)

(嘆氣)

I'm gonna have a great night with my boyfriend.

我要和我男朋友度過一個美好的夜晚。

Going to eat some junk food.

去吃一些垃圾食品。

Gonna read some comics.

我要去看一些漫畫。

Gonna have the most fun ever,

會有史上最有趣的。

or I'll burn this mother(bleep)er down!

不然我就把這娘們兒燒了!

Oh, that's better.

哦，那是更好的。

(exciting music)

(激動人心的音樂)

- Check, baby, check, one, two.

- 檢查，寶貝，檢查，一，二。

- Okay, transportation Blark, come on.

- 好吧，布拉克的交通工具，來吧。

I'm sure Mozart lost a few requiems

我相信莫扎特一定會輸掉一些安魂曲

before he landed on D minor.

在他登陸D小調之前。

(crashing)

（崩潰）

- What's that, Son?

- 那是什麼，兒子？

By security, you meant securing this moment on film forever.

你說的安全，是指把這一刻永遠拍下來。

You got it, bud.

沒問題，夥計

(thrilling music)

(驚心動魄的音樂)

- Oh, if it isn't my lovely girlfriend.

- 哦，這不是我可愛的女朋友嗎？

(kissing)

（親吻）

Just a little European hello.

只是一個小小的歐洲問候。

Welcome to Chez Son.

歡迎來到Chez Son。

(sultry jazz music)

(悶騷的爵士樂)

- Wow, you didn't have to do this.

- 哇，你不必這樣做。

I would've settled for microwave taquitos on a paper towel.

我會在紙巾上用微波爐烤玉米餅來解決。

- Humble, alive, sexy.

- 謙虛、活潑、性感。

- Showtime.

- 表演時間。

(electricity crackling)

（電擊聲）

(light bulbs breaking)

（燈泡壞了）

- So, Reg, Gina, girl.

- 所以，雷格，吉娜，女孩。

Tell me about your day.

告訴我你的一天。

- I don't know, Son.

- 我不知道，兒子。

It's kind of a sensitive subject.

這是個敏感的話題。

- I'm sensitive,

- 我很敏感。

to dairy.

到乳製品。

- Well, I don't talk about it a lot,

- 好吧，我不經常談論它。

but my mom kind of has problems.

但我媽媽有點問題。

- Don't we all?

- 我們不都是嗎？

Ah, Garcon, and what delicious libations do you bring?

啊，嘉康，你帶來了什麼美味的酒水？

- May I present room temp juice

- 請允許我介紹一下常溫果汁

from a box in a cup,

從一個盒子裡的杯子。

on a table.

桌子上。

- My tastes buds dance with anticipation.

- 我的味蕾在期待中跳舞。

Compliments!

讚美！

- Son, can we just go to your room and watch horror movies?

- 兒子，我們可以去你的房間看恐怖片嗎？

- Nonsense, this is date night.

- 胡說，這是約會之夜。

Please, continue.

請繼續。

- Well, so, I picked up my mom's meds today.

- 好了，所以，我拿起我媽媽的藥今天。

- Son, I can't help but fall for a guy

- 兒子，我不能不愛上一個人啊

who really loves his dad.

誰真正愛他的爸爸。

Yep.

是的。

I'm on the wait list to get facial reconstructive surgery

我在等著做面部整形手術呢

to look just like him.

要像他一樣。

- I mean, I want to there for my mom,

- 我的意思是，我想有我的媽媽。

but it's exhausting.

但它是累人的。

Especially when Jamie--

特別是當傑米...

- Where the hell is Stacey?

- 斯泰西到底在哪裡？

(microwave humming)

（微波爐嗡嗡聲）

- Plus honors Spanish has been muy difficult.

- 再加上榮譽西班牙語已經很困難了。

To be honest,

說實話

I've really been looking forward to this date night,

我真的很期待這個約會之夜。

and I've really been looking forward to telling you

我真的很想告訴你。

I'm actually a murderous vampire chihuahua.

其實我是一隻殺人的吸血鬼吉娃娃。

- Oh, that's cool.

- 哦，這很酷。

Right on, chief.

好的，長官

That's awesome.

這是真棒。

There's my guy.

這就是我的人。

You smell that?

你聞到了嗎？

Grandma's home cooked ravioli.

外婆做的家常餛飩。

Garcon, enlighten us with

加康，給我們講講

your delicate preparation process for this dish.

你對這道菜的精緻準備過程。

- Well, hmm.

- 嗯，嗯。

I cracked the can,

我打開了罐子。

dumped the stuff,

甩掉的東西。

shove it in the microwave,

把它塞進微波爐。

and watch it spin.

並看著它旋轉。

At which point it dawns on me.

這時我才恍然大悟。

Are we all just flesh noodles stuffed with weak meat,

難道我們都是肉面塞滿弱肉強食。

born into the microwave of life.

出生在生命的微波中。

I mean some of us, sure, pulled out with purpose.

我的意思是，我們中的一些人，肯定是有目的的拉出來的。

Others, forgotten until her once warm, busy insides

還有一些人，被遺忘了，直到她曾經溫暖而忙碌的內心。

become stale, cold, and motionless.

變得陳舊、冰冷、不動聲色。

Then--

那麼...

- Grandma folded the last ravioli

- 奶奶把最後一個餛飩摺好了

with tender love and affection.

用溫柔的愛和感情。

And whispered in my ear.

並在我耳邊低語。

- Life has no inherent design.

- 生命沒有內在的設計。

It is blind, pitiless, and it is indifferent.

它是盲目的，無情的，它是冷漠的。

(microphone feedback squealing)

（麥克風反饋尖叫聲）

(smooth jazz music)

(爵士樂)

- Okay.

- 好吧，我知道了

- Why don't we watch the sunset from the veranda?

- 我們為什麼不在陽臺上看夕陽呢？

- That was close.

- 好險啊

T minus two minutes to Kisses City.

T減兩分鐘到吻城。

- Sometimes I come here to forget about my worries.

- 有時候我來這裡是為了忘記我的煩惱。

Let the view transport me to an Italian Villa.

讓美景把我帶到意大利別墅。

- Son, what are you even talking about?

- 兒子，你到底在說什麼？

What is all of this?

這些都是什麼？

Honestly, all I wanted to do tonight was

老實說，我今晚只想做的是...

just chill out in your room.

只是在你的房間裡冷靜下來。

- Me as well, my sweet,

- 我也是，親愛的。

but the sunset beckons.

但夕陽在招手。

Just a little more time until they're--

再給他們一點時間，直到他們 --

- Son, where are you right now?

- 兒子，你現在在哪裡？

You're not even here with me.

你甚至沒有和我在一起。

- I'm here.

- 我在這裡。

- But you're not!

- 但你不是！

You've been in a freaking la-la land.

你一直在一個嚇人的啦啦樂園。

I told you I was a blood sucking lap dog,

我說過我是一條吸血的狗。

and you didn't even blink.

而你連眼睛都沒眨一下。

- It'll all make sense soon enough, Regina.

- 很快就會明白的 里賈納

Just relax. (ominous music)

只是放鬆。（不祥的音樂）

- Relax?

- 放鬆？

Don't tell me to (bleep)ing relax!

不要告訴我放鬆！

I didn't want to talk about this stuff!

我本來不想說這些東西的!

I just wanted to eat taquitos and read comics and have fun!

我只想吃玉米餅，看漫畫，玩得開心!

Yes, Son, I have a lot going on,

是的，兒子，我有很多事情要做。

but that is not why I come here.

但這不是我來這裡的原因。

I come here to hang out with my best friend to escape,

我和我最好的朋友來這裡玩，是為了逃避。

not be dragged around by some (bleep) Italian tour guide!

不要被什麼意大利導遊拖著走!

- Oh.

- 哦。

(upbeat disco music)

(歡快的迪斯科音樂)

(laughing)

（笑）

- Houston, we have a go.

- 休斯頓，我們有一個去。

- Show me sexy and a little bit reckless.

- 讓我看看性感和一點點的莽撞。

- Son, I'm breaking up with you.

- 兒子，我要和你分手。

(music continuing)

（音樂繼續）

- Date night secured.

- 約會之夜安全。

That's-a my boy!

那是我的孩子！

- Sounded like a victory to me.

- 聽起來像是一場勝利。

- Fletch, you handsome Komodo dragon,

- 弗萊徹，你這個帥氣的科莫多龍。

you've done it again.

你已經做了一遍。

- [Fletch] Yeah, baby!

- [弗萊徹]耶，寶貝！

(laughing)

（笑）

(music continuing)

（音樂繼續）