I'm Pear.

我是梨子。

- And I'm Spider Orange, wee! (laughing)

- 而我是蜘蛛橙，小威!（笑）

- Dude, would you watch where you're swinging?

- 老兄，你能不能注意一下你揮舞的方向？

- Sorry, didn't mean to bug you. (laughing)

- 對不起，不是故意要打擾你。（笑）

- (groaning) Well, I'm glad to see you're excited

- 我很高興看到你很興奮。

for today's episode, Orange.

今天的節目，橙子。

- Yeah, you might say I'm really getting into

- 是啊，你可以說我真的進入了

the swing of things. (laughing)

事情的擺動。（笑）

Wee!

小威！

- (groaning) I take it this means you did

- （呻吟）我認為這意味著你做了。

the required reading for today's episode for once?

今天一集的必讀書目？

- Nah, it was too long.

- 不，它太長了。

- Dude, it's a comic book.

- 夥計，這是一本漫畫書。

- Oh, well in that case,

- 哦，好吧，在這種情況下。

it had too many pictures. (laughing)

它有太多的圖片。（笑）

- You didn't even open it, did you?

- 你甚至沒有打開它，是嗎？

- No need, Pear.

- 不用了 梨子

I pretty much remember it from the first time

第一次的時候我就記得很清楚了

I didn't read it as a kid. (laughing)

我小時候沒讀過。（笑）

- Oh yeah?

- 哦，是嗎？

So what's the title?

那麼題目是什麼？

- The uh, Annoying Spider-Man.

- 呃，討厭的蜘蛛俠。

- Close, but also way off.

- 接近了，但也差了很多。

It's the Amazing Spider-man.

是《超凡蜘蛛俠》。

- We'll see about that. (laughing)

- 我們會看到這一點。（笑）

- (groaning) Great.

- (呻吟)太好了

- Once upon a time,

- 很久以前

there was a high school kid named Peter Parker.

有一個高中生叫彼得・帕克。

Now, he wasn't exactly the coolest

現在，他並不是最酷的。

or the biggest kid at school,

或者是學校裡最大的孩子。

but he was super good at science.

但他在科學方面是超級優秀的。

How am I doing so far, Pear?

梨子，到目前為止，我做得怎麼樣？

- This is actually pretty spot on.

- 這其實是很到位的。

- Told ya I remembered it.

- 我說過我記得的

My mind is a steel scrap.

我的腦子裡是一片廢鋼。

- Uh, that's not how it--

- 呃，這不是它如何 -

- [Orange] One day, Peter Parker went to a science fair,

- 有一天，彼得・帕克去參加一個科學展。

but there was no concession stand or anything.

但沒有優惠攤位或任何東西。

So he got super hungry.

所以他就超級餓了。

(stomach growling)

（肚子咕咕叫）

Finally he bit into a radioactive spider.

最後他咬住了一隻放射性蜘蛛。

- [Pear] Come again?

- 又來了？

- [Orange] He bit a radioactive spider.

- 他咬了一隻放射性蜘蛛。

- [Pear] Okay, that's what I thought you said.

- 好吧，我以為你是這麼說的。

See, that's not exactly--

你看，這不完全是...

- [Orange] And because the spider was radioactive,

- 因為蜘蛛具有放射性。

Peter Parker accrued the powers of the spider.

彼得-帕克積累了蜘蛛的力量。

Eight limbs, eight eyeballs,

八個肢體，八個眼球。

the ability to scare people

嚇人能力

when the bathroom light comes on.

當浴室的燈亮起。

- [Pear] Yeah, I think we're gonna need

- 是的，我想我們需要...

to tap the brakes here.

在這裡踩剎車。

Dude, those aren't the super powers he got.

夥計，這些都不是他的超能力。

- [Orange] Well sure they are.

- 當然，他們是。

True or false, Peter Parker got spider superpowers?

是真是假，彼得-帕克有蜘蛛超能力？

- Sure. But not those powers.

- 當然，但不是那些權力。

He got all the cool ones.

他得到了所有很酷的。

I mean, it's not like he suddenly

我的意思是，它不喜歡他突然之間

started eating flies or something.

開始吃蒼蠅什麼的。

- That's where you're wrong, mon-Pear.

- 這就是你錯的地方，蒙梨。

He did start eating flies by the bowlful.

他確實開始一碗一碗地吃蒼蠅。

- [Pear] No he didn't.

- 不，他沒有

Why would he do that?

他為什麼要這麼做？

Flies are a disgusting thing to eat.

蒼蠅是一種令人厭惡的東西，吃。

- Pear, we're talking about a guy who bit a spider.

- 梨子，我們說的是一個咬蜘蛛的人。

You really think he's going to be grossed out

你真的認為他會被噁心到嗎？

by the thought of eating a fly?

由吃蒼蠅的想法？

- Good point.

- 有道理。

- Boo yeah.

- 布是。

Now if you don't mind, I will continue the list

現在如果你不介意的話，我將繼續這個名單

of spider powers that Peter Parker accrued.

彼得-帕克積累的蜘蛛力量的。

He grew up thorax.

他長大了胸腔。

He lost the ability to speak.

他失去了說話的能力。

And most importantly, he gained the ability

而最重要的是，他獲得了能力

to shoot spider webbing out of this butt.

從這個屁股裡射出蜘蛛網。

- [Pear] (groaning) Close enough, I guess.

- [梨](呻吟)差不多了，我想。

- [Orange] So he went out on the town,

- 於是他就去了城裡。

shooting butt webs all over the place.

射出的屁股網到處都是。

He wasn't great at first,

他一開始並不出色。

but he got into the swing of things soon enough. (giggling)

但他很快就進入了狀態。（咯咯地笑）

(Pear groaning)

(梨子的呻吟聲)

Oh, but here's the thing,

哦，但這裡的東西。

just as he gained the powers of a spider,

就像他獲得蜘蛛的力量一樣。

he also gained the downsides of being a spider.

他也獲得了作為蜘蛛的缺點。

- [Pear] Growing a thorax wasn't already a downside?

- 梨子]長出胸腔不是已經是缺點了嗎？

- [Orange] Of course not, Pear.

- 當然不是，梨子。

The thorax is a very important body part.

胸部是一個非常重要的身體部位。

Plus, the ladies love it.

而且，女士們都喜歡。

- [Pear] Good grave.

- [梨]好墳墓。

- [Orange] Sadly, Peter Parker got the bad spider stuff too.

- 不幸的是，彼得・帕克也得到了壞蜘蛛的東西。

Like the ability to be easily trapped under a water glass.

比如能夠輕易地被困於水杯之下。

- [Pear] (groaning) This used to be

- [梨]（呻吟）這曾經是

one of my favorite origin stories.

我最喜歡的起源故事之一。

- [Orange] Also, he lost the ability to speak.

- 還有，他失去了說話的能力。

His brain shrunk to the size of a sesame seed,

他的大腦縮成了芝麻大小。

and his lifespan reduced to approximately one to two years.

而他的壽命減少到大約一到兩年。

- Dude, this is the worst superhero of all time.

- 夥計，這是有史以來最差的超級英雄。

- What do you want from me?

- 你想從我這裡得到什麼？

The guy could have bit into a

這傢伙可能已經咬到一個

radioactive Nobel prize winner or something,

放射性諾貝爾獎得主什麼的。

but he opted for a dumb old spider.

但他選擇了一隻愚蠢的老蜘蛛。

Actions have consequences, Pear.

行動是有後果的，梨子。

With great power comes, um, something, something, something.

有了強大的力量就會有，嗯，什麼，什麼，什麼。

- (groaning) Listen, can we just get to the part

- （呻吟）聽著，我們可以只得到的部分。

where he fights bad guys, please?

他和壞人打架的地方，請問？

- Sure thing.

- 當然可以

There are no shortage of enemies,

其中不乏敵人。

and Peter Parker took 'em all on as Spider-Man.

彼得・帕克把他們都當成了蜘蛛俠。

There was Lizard.

有蜥蜴。

- [Pear] I think you mean The Lizard, right?

- 我想你說的是蜥蜴吧？

- [Orange] Nah, pretty sure it's just Lizard.

- 不，我很確定是蜥蜴

Other enemies included chickadees, bluebird, trout.

其他敵人包括雞鴨、藍鳥、鱒魚。

- [Pear] Hold up.

- [梨]等一下。

These aren't Spider-man villains.

這些不是蜘蛛俠的惡棍。

They're just--

他們只是...

- [Orange] Natural predators of the spider.

- [橙色]蜘蛛的天敵。

I know!

我知道！

Don't worry Pear, I got this.

梨子，別擔心，我知道了。

Blackbird, gecko, other spiders.

黑鳥、壁虎、其他蜘蛛。

- Stop!

- 停下來！

(record scratching)

(唱片刮刮樂)

Spider-Man did not swing around the city,

蜘蛛俠並沒有在城市裡盪來盪去。

shooting webbing from his butt,

從他的屁股裡射出網狀物。

battling the natural predators of the spider.

與蜘蛛的天敵搏鬥。

- Well sure he did, just not for very long.

- 嗯，他當然有，只是時間不長。

- Oh, and why's that?

- 哦，那是為什麼呢？

Are you gonna tell me he got defeated by trout?

你要告訴我他被鱒魚打敗了嗎？

- [Orange] No, although trout is

- [橙色]不，雖然鱒魚是

a fearsome in formidable foe,

勁敵

Spider-Man met his match when he got trapped

蜘蛛人被困時遇到了他的對手

underneath a water glass.

在水杯下面。

- [Pear] Oh my gosh.

- 哦，我的天哪。

A water glass?

一個水杯？

Come on.

來吧。

At least tell me his escape

至少告訴我他的逃跑計劃吧

from the water glass was exciting.

水杯裡的水很刺激。

- Not really. He never escaped.

- 並非如此。他從來沒有逃過。

He was under there awhile and, well,

他在下面呆了一會兒，然後，好了。

you know what I was saying earlier

你知道我剛才說的

about his severely reduced lifespan.

關於他嚴重減少的壽命。

- So that's it?

- 就這樣了？

That's the entire story of the amazing Spider-man.

這就是神奇蜘蛛俠的全部故事。

- Yep.

- 是的。

- What, may I ask was so so amazing

- 我可以問一下，什麼是如此如此驚人的

about a so-called superhero who fought a trout,

關於一個所謂的超級英雄與鱒魚戰鬥的故事。

got trapped under a glass and promptly died?

被困於玻璃之下，並立即死亡？

How on earth did he get the title of superhero anyway?

他到底是怎麼得到超級英雄這個稱號的？

- You're right, Pear, it defies logic.

- 你說的對，梨子，這不符合邏輯。

- I'll say.

- 我會說。

- It's incredible.

- 太不可思議了

- Exactly.

- 就是這樣

One might even say it's amazing. (laughing)

甚至可以說是驚人的。（笑）

- Oh my gosh.

- 哦，我的天哪。

- [Orange] The end. (laughing)

- [橙色]結束。（笑）

(upbeat music)

(歡快的音樂)