100%.

100%.

And here's how The shaft of your Penis, which is full of blood and guts, is connected to the rest of your body with skin and guts.

你的陰莖的軸，充滿了血液和內臟，與你身體的其他部分用皮膚和內臟連接。

If that connection is loosened or severed, your Penis will drop off.

如果這種連接鬆動或切斷，你的陰莖就會掉下來。

How can that connection?

怎麼會有這種聯繫呢？

Loosen if you spend the next 80 plus years gently tugging on your Penis, pulling it from your body, this will cause the skin to become more elastic.

松如果你用80多年的時間輕輕拉動你的陰莖，把它從你的身體里拉出來，這樣會使皮膚變得更有彈性。

If, at the same time you exposed the area where your shaft connects to your body, too harsh winds and cold, the skin connecting your shaft will begin to dry and flake.

如果，你同時暴露在陽具與身體連接的地方，過於刺骨的風和寒冷，連接陽具的皮膚就會開始乾燥、脫屑。

If you do not moisturize that area, the flakes will start to peel off.

如果你不對該部位進行保溼，皮屑就會開始脫落。

And if at that same time, you contract whooping cough and do not have access to modern medicine, the continual contractions from your abdomen will shake all the flaking skin off your shaft and cause your Penis to naturally pop off.

而如果在同一時間，你感染了百日咳，又得不到現代醫學的治療，腹部的持續收縮會把你陰莖上的脫皮全部抖落，使你的陰莖自然彈落。

Let's say you never touch your Penis.

比方說，你從來不碰你的陰莖。

I hear you.

我聽到了

It's perfectly connected to the rest of your body.

它與你身體的其他部位完美地連接在一起。

Guess what?

你猜怎麼著？

Your Penis can still fall off.

你的陰莖還能掉下來。

Here's how.

下面是怎麼做的。

If you happen to score tickets to the zoo and are given the privilege of entering the gorilla cage.

如果你碰巧買到了動物園的門票，並獲得了進入大猩猩籠子的特權。

Perhaps you've befriended the zookeeper or have won a contest.

也許你已經和動物園管理員交好了，或者贏得了比賽。

I don't know how you got there.

我不知道你是怎麼到那裡的。

If on that day you wear loose fitting sweatpants that have gotten thin from years of where And the gorilla is a female who is in heat and sees the outline of your Penis from your very thin sweats, she could wrap her fingers and opposable thumb around the shaft of your Penis.

如果那天你穿的是寬鬆的運動褲，由於多年的哪裡而變得很薄，而大猩猩是一個發情的雌性，從你很薄的運動褲中看到了你陰莖的輪廓，她可以用手指和可對立的拇指包住你陰莖的軸。

At which point a simple tug from the lady gorilla can pull your Penis clean off.

這時，只要大猩猩小姐輕輕一拉，就能把你的陰莖拉得乾乾淨淨。

You're not a gorilla person, okay?

你不是一個大猩猩的人，好嗎？

Yes, Yes, yes.

是的，是的，是的。

Okay.

好吧，我知道了

Let's say we take the gorilla out of the equation and instead put you in the cage with the boat construct.

比如說，我們把大猩猩從方程中拿出來，而把你和船的構造放在籠子裡。

It wraps itself around the shaft of your Penis, cuts off the oxygen and blood flow.

它包裹著你的陰莖，切斷氧氣和血液流動。

Now you have to turn to get your Penis.

現在你要轉身去找你的老二。

You have to have a doctor.

你必須有一個醫生。

Cut it off.

把它切掉。

Let's say you're never at the zoo, but instead are running through brush and run past an incredibly strong blade of grass.

比方說，你從來沒有去過動物園，而是在灌木叢中奔跑，跑過一片無比堅固的草叢。

It will slice your Penis right off.

它會把你的陰莖切掉。

Okay, I hear you.

好吧，我聽你的。

How about this now there's no field.

怎麼樣，現在有沒有場。

You're in a concrete yard.

你在一個水泥院子裡。

You join a game of jump rope.

你加入一個跳繩遊戲。

You jump in just in time for the rope to wrap around your Penis.

你跳進去的時候，正好繩子纏住了你的陰莖。

The little girls playing freak out.

玩的小姑娘們都嚇壞了。

They dropped the rope, but at the same time, too ornery hawks scoop down.

他們丟掉了繩子，但同時，太過矯情的鷹也舀了下來。

Grab either end of the rope and pull.

抓住繩子的兩端，拉。

Guess what?

你猜怎麼著？

Those hawks yank your Penis off.

那些老鷹把你的老二拽下來了

How about there is no yard, no grass.

怎麼樣有沒有院子，有沒有草。

You're in a barren wasteland of sand and dust.

你身處在一片沙塵瀰漫的荒原上。

You decided to lie down, face towards the ground.

你決定躺下，臉朝向地面。

Unbeknownst to you, right under you is a tiny sinkhole, small, single diameter.

你不知道，就在你的腳下，有一個小小的天坑，很小，直徑單一。

I don't know.

我不知道。

3.66 inches for flaccid Penis and 4.59 inches if sleep makes you hard.

陰莖鬆弛時為3.66英寸，如果睡覺讓你硬起來，則為4.59英寸。

Hey, it happens to some people, and that's fine.

嘿，它發生在一些人身上，這很好。

Let's say you fall asleep and lay there for 36 hours.

比如說你睡著了，躺在那裡36小時。

That sinkhole will suck your Penis off those air.

那個天坑會把你的老二從那些空氣中吸走。

Just five scenarios that are very likely.

只是五種情況，可能性很大。

So in conclusion, yes, your Penis can fall off.

所以綜上所述，是的，你的陰莖是可以脫落的。

Naturally.

自然而然。

It's just a matter of when and how.

只是時間和方式的問題。

I'm expert Natasha, and your worst fear has been confirmed.

我是專家娜塔莎，你最擔心的事情已經被證實了。

You're welcome.

不客氣

Okay?

好嗎？

Okay.

好吧，我知道了

Can you get pregnant from sitting on your boyfriend's lap 100%.

100%坐在男友腿上能懷孕嗎。

And here's how you're sitting on your boyfriend's lap, face to face.

而你就是這樣坐在男友的腿上，面對面的。

He's wearing jeans button fly.

他穿著牛仔褲釦子飛。

The manufacturer of the genes made an error, but too much space in between the buttons.

基因的製造商犯了一個錯誤，但按鈕之間的空間太大。

This leaves a gap wide enough for the tip of the Penis to poke at its little head.

這樣一來，就會留出一條足夠大的縫隙，讓陰莖的頂端戳到它的小腦袋。

Unbeknownst to you, your boyfriend is not wearing underwear.

你不知道，你的男朋友沒有穿內褲。

Hockey practice.

冰球練習。

He got to sweating.

他開始出汗了。

The window in the living room is slightly ajar because it's springtime and a dandelion petals flies in.

客廳的窗戶微微打開，因為正值春天，一片蒲公英的花瓣飛了進來。

Your boyfriend is allergic.

你男朋友是過敏體質。

He sneezes 0.8% of men orgasm when they sneeze.

他打噴嚏時，0.8%的男人高潮。

He's one of those men as he sneezes, his body contracts and pushes your crotch so it is directly above the hole where his Penis pokes out of his button fly.

他是那種男人，當他打噴嚏時，他的身體會收縮，並推動你的胯部，使它直接位於他的陰莖從他的鈕釦飛出的洞口之上。

Now, if you're a woman who has ever sat on a surface other than 100% cotton, the crotch of your pants is filled with microscopic holes.

現在，如果你是一個曾經坐在100%純棉以外的表面上的女人，你的褲襠裡充滿了微孔。

If one of those pant holes lines up with the exposed tip of your boyfriend's Penis, no penetration necessary.

如果其中一個褲孔與你男友的陰莖裸露的頂端對上了，就不需要插入了。

You're pregnant.

你懷孕了

Let's say you're on your boyfriend's lap, but upside down your crotches all the way up by his face because you're showing him what you learned in yoga class.

比方說，你趴在男友的腿上，但是倒立著，你的胯部一直在他的臉上，因為你在向他展示你在瑜伽課上學到的東西。

Unbeknownst to you, he has Pyrenees disease, a disease that causes a man's Penis to curve over 60 degrees.

你不知道，他得了比利牛斯病，這種病會導致男人的陰莖彎曲超過60度。

Such a drastic curve causes the sperm to shoot out of his button fly and all the way over your body until gravity forces the sperm back down to Earth, where it lands right in your vagina.

這樣一個急劇的曲線導致精子從他的鈕釦飛射而出，一直飛過你的身體，直到重力將精子逼回地球，落在你的陰道里。

You're pregnant.

你懷孕了

Let's say you're nowhere near your boyfriend's lap.

比方說，你現在離你男朋友的大腿遠著呢。

You're sitting across the room talking about something unsexy well, like magnets or roofers in your area.

你坐在房間的另一邊談論一些不性感的東西好了，比如磁鐵或你們地區的屋頂工人。

But you live in a region of the country plagued by cold fronts and a low pressure system.

但你住在一個被冷鋒和低壓系統困擾的地區。

Outside your window, a southerly wind of 15 MPH changes to a south westerly winds of 50 MPH at 5000 ft altitude.

在你的窗外，15英里/小時的南風會在5000英尺的高度變成50英里/小時的南西風。

Now you've got a tornado right outside your window.

現在你的窗外就有一場龍捲風。

Both of you get sucked into the wind vortex in the eye of the tornado.

你們兩個都會被吸進龍捲風眼裡的風渦。

All of your clothes, a rip off and the wind sends your body onto his lap.

你所有的衣服，一扯，風把你的身體送到他的腿上。

The pull of the vortex creates a suction around your boyfriend's Penis and sucks him right off to completion.

漩渦的拉力會在你男友的陰莖周圍產生一個吸力，並將他吸得一乾二淨。

The semen is pulled out of his body and onto your lap.

精液從他的身體裡被拉出來，放到你的腿上。

Are you ready to be a mother?

你準備好做母親了嗎？

Let's say there is no boyfriend.

比方說沒有男朋友。

You're in the ocean, swimming alone, but you get picked up by a riptide.

你一個人在海里游泳，卻被海浪捲走了。

It drops you off on a deserted island.

它把你丟在一個荒島上。

You spent years surviving on Berries and wild game.

你多年來靠著漿果和野味生存。

But one night, ah, pair of pants washes up on shore.

但是有一天晚上，啊，一條褲子被衝上了岸。

You haven't seen another humans closing years.

你還沒有看到另一個人類關閉多年。

You don't know what to Dio, so you sit on them, you naked their pants.

你不知道什麼迪奧，所以你坐在他們身上，你脫光他們的褲子。

Those pants were last worn by a man who threw them in the ocean after he dry humped to completion.

那條褲子最後是一個人穿的，他在幹駝完成後把它扔進了海里。

The saltwater has preserved the semen, and now you're pregnant with some other woman's boyfriend's baby.

鹽水已經保存了精液，現在你又懷上了別的女人男朋友的孩子。

It's a modern family.

這是一個現代家庭。

In conclusion, you will get pregnant by sitting on your boyfriend's lap.

總之，坐在男友腿上就會懷孕。

It's just a matter of when and how.

只是時間和方式的問題。

I'm Dr Natasha Vein blot, and your worst fear has been confirmed.

我是娜塔莎醫生 靜脈斑點，你最擔心的事情已經被證實了。

You're welcome.

不客氣

Can you get herpes for Mattel?

美泰會得皰疹嗎？

100%?

100%?

And here's how her pieces of virus that causes sores on your genitals and mouth doctors say herpes can only be transmitted through skin to skin contact.

而這裡是她的病毒的碎片，導致你的生殖器和嘴的瘡醫生說，皰疹只能通過皮膚與皮膚接觸傳播。

So technically, a towel can't transmit herpes unless it's got some skin on it.

所以從技術上講，毛巾是不會傳播皰疹的，除非毛巾上有一些皮膚。

Did you know that humans should a full layer of skin every two weeks?

你知道人類每隔兩週就應該全層皮膚嗎？

Every 14 days, a human slips out of its skin coat.

每隔14天，人就會從皮衣中溜走。

And what do humans dry their wet, flaky skin on towels?

而人類用毛巾擦乾溼漉漉的片狀皮膚是什麼？

But how many of these herpes rich towels could there be in the world right now?

但現在世界上能有多少這樣的富貴皰疹毛巾呢？

Let's crunch the numbers.

讓我們來計算一下數字。

There's 7.6 billion people in the world.

世界上有76億人。

50 to 80% of the world's population has herpes.

世界上有50-80%的人患有皰疹。

Each of those infected people has about three towels, one for face, one for body and one for.

這些感染者每人大約有三條毛巾，一條用於臉部，一條用於身體，一條用於。

But so that means there could be up to 18 billion towels in the world, all waiting to give you herpes.

但如此一來，意味著世界上可能有多達180億條毛巾，都在等著讓你患上皰疹。

Let's say you're visiting a friend and she's in the bathroom.

比方說，你去拜訪一個朋友，她在浴室裡。

She's washing her face, drives her mouth sort with a towel.

她在洗臉，用毛巾驅趕她的嘴巴分類。

She doesn't even know she has herpes.

她甚至不知道自己有皰疹。

90% of people don't know you go in there right after her.

90%的人都不知道你是在她之後進去的。

You've been holding it in and really have to go number two.

你一直憋著，真的要去二號。

Not a problem, except there's no more toilet paper she used the last bit.

沒問題，只是沒有了她用上一點的衛生紙。

You reach for the only thing left a freshly used towels.

你伸手去拿唯一剩下的東西，一條剛用過的毛巾。

White front.

白色的正面。

What back?

什麼回來？

Wipe out Game over.

抹掉遊戲結束。

You got herpes on Uranus.

你在天王星上得了皰疹。

Let's say you never use someone else's tell you always bring your own to the pool, the gym, the bris.

比方說，你從來不用別人的告訴你總是帶著自己的去游泳池、健身房、布里斯。

You're at the gym curling your big, strong, sexy biceps.

你在健身房捲曲你那又大又強壯又性感的肱二頭肌。

You turned to the mirror to get a good look at your delicious self.

你對著鏡子，想好好看看自己的美味。

At which moment?

在哪個時刻？

Some other guy at the gym.

健身房裡的另一個人

A real freak who gets off on going down on people with herpes, not sex shaming.

一個真正的怪胎，他以對患有皰疹的人下手為樂，而不是性羞辱。

Just stating that that could be a fact accidentally switches his herpes covered towel with yours.

只是說明這可能是一個事實，不小心把他蓋著皰疹的毛巾和你的毛巾換了。

You realize your mistake on Lee.

你意識到你對李的錯誤。

After you've wiped your face, you dropped the towel brush to the bathroom.

擦完臉後，你把毛巾刷丟到了衛生間。

Vigorously wash your face and dry it with a brand new towel.

大力洗臉，用嶄新的毛巾擦乾。

Oh, it's the same towel.

哦，是同一條毛巾。

You've got herpes twice.

你已經得了兩次皰疹。

Let's say you never reuse a towel.

比方說，你從不重複使用一條毛巾。

Always open a fresh one wrapped in plastic, completely free of herpes.

一定要打開一個新鮮的用塑料包裝的，完全沒有皰疹。

But as you unwrap one of those towels, you hear some noise coming from the vent in your bathroom wall.

但當你拆開其中一條毛巾時，你聽到浴室牆上的通風口傳來一些聲音。

It's your neighbors.

這是你的鄰居。

They're fighting again.

他們又打起來了。

This time because one of them didn't tell the other they had herpes.

這次是因為其中一個人沒有告訴對方自己得了皰疹。

The yelling is vicious name calling.

喊的是惡毒的稱呼。

They bring up that stuff about how one of them had no friends at science camp.

他們提起他們中的一個人在科學營沒有朋友的事情。

Very painful memory shaped the course of their lives.

非常痛苦的記憶塑造了他們的人生軌跡。

The spit from their lip flies through the air vent into yours and onto your fresh towel, just as you raise it to your lips.

他們嘴脣上的口水通過通風口飛到你的嘴裡，飛到你的新毛巾上，就在你把毛巾舉到脣邊的時候。

Guess who just got herpes from a towel again, It's you.

猜猜誰又從毛巾上得了皰疹，是你。

Let's say there is no towel because you're covered in latex.

比如說沒有毛巾，因為你身上有乳膠。

It's a boy in the bubble situation.

這是一個男孩在保麗龍的情況下。

You did it.

你做到了

There's no way you could get herpes.

你不可能得皰疹的。

You're thinking about this as you're walking through a beautiful garden right at the beginning of spring, the flowers are in bloom.

當你走在美麗的花園裡，正值春暖花開的時候，你會想到這些。

If Onley, you could feel the sunshine and your face just for a second.

如果安利，你能感受到陽光和你的臉，只是一秒鐘的事。

You crawl out of the bubble, your ears filled with the music of the birds, your hair stroked by the summer breeze caught up in the moment, you bend down to pluck a tulip and trip on the couple having sex behind the bush on a towel.

你從泡泡裡爬出來，耳邊充斥著鳥兒的音樂，你的頭髮被夏風撫摸著趕上了這一刻，你彎腰摘下一朵鬱金香，絆倒了灌木叢後的一對夫妻在毛巾上做愛。

They both have herpes, gave you to each other years ago.

他們兩個都有皰疹，幾年前就把你送給了對方。

It's a lousy, fair situation, and now they're towel is 50% cotton, 50% simplex to you.

這是一個糟糕的，公平的情況，現在他們的毛巾是50％的棉花，50％的簡單克斯給你。

Fall face first onto their cotton Petri dish.

臉先倒在他們的棉花培養皿上。

You wrestle the towel trying to get back into your bubble, but you're only making it worse.

你掙扎著毛巾想回到你的泡泡裡，但你只會讓情況變得更糟。

You crawl back in your bubble, ashamed.

你羞愧地爬回自己的泡泡裡。

No one's gonna want to touch you now that you've got the Guinness Book of World Records for most herpes.

沒有人會想碰你，現在你已經得到了金氏世界紀錄的最多皰疹。

Let's say you've abandoned society to live deep in the jungles of the Madagascar, but you're being chased by a lion.

比方說，你拋棄了社會，生活在馬拉加西的叢林深處，但你被一隻獅子追趕。

You run for cover borough in a brush under a mound of leaves.

你在樹葉堆下的灌木叢中奔跑躲避。

You find a Super Bowl.

你找一個超級碗。

37 Carolina Panthers towel.

37卡羅萊納黑豹隊的毛巾。

How did that towel make it to Madagascar?

那條毛巾是怎麼到馬拉加西的？

Well, every year before the Super Bowl, both teams make winning memorabilia T shirts, hats, towels.

好吧，每年在超級碗之前，兩支球隊都會製作獲勝紀念品T恤、帽子、毛巾。

The losing team sends the inventory to Africa.

輸掉的隊伍將庫存送到非洲。

Someone use that towel to dab the sweat off their herpes lip moments before they were mauled by a lion.

有人在被獅子打傷前一刻，用那條毛巾擦掉嘴脣皰疹上的汗水。

And now you just got herpes from a towel again.

現在你又從毛巾上得了皰疹。

You gotta stop getting herpes.

你必須停止得到皰疹。

It's like your favorite thing to do is get herpes.

好像你最喜歡做的事情就是得了皰疹。

So, yes, you can get herpes from a towel or anything you ever touch in your life.

所以，是的，你可以從毛巾或任何你曾經接觸過的東西中獲得皰疹。

It's just a matter of when and how I'm Dr Natasha.

只是我是娜塔莎醫生的時間和方式的問題。

I live in this void and your worst fear has been confirmed does we'd make you smarter.

我生活在這個虛無縹緲的地方，你最擔心的事情已經被證實了，我們會讓你變得更聰明。

Ah, 100%.

啊，100%。

And here's how.

而這裡的方法。

The brain is a muscle.

大腦是一種肌肉。

It needs to be exercised, but it also needs time to chill the fuck out.

需要鍛鍊，但也需要時間去冷靜一下。

Ask any beefcake.

問任何一個牛肉餅。

You don't do another leg day after leg day, you move on to next.

你不做另一個腿一天又一天的腿，你繼續下一個。

Squats.

蹲。

Weed is your brain's rest day.

大麻是你大腦的休息日。

When smoking it, you send THC, tender love and Kush to your frontal cortex, giving your mind time to focus on things like the phrase quote.

當吸食它時，你會將THC、溫柔的愛和Kush送到你的額葉皮層，讓你的頭腦有時間專注於短語報價等事情。

Build a better mousetrap.

建立一個更好的捕鼠器。

You think that's odd?

你覺得這很奇怪嗎？

Why are we trying to trap the mouse when what we should be doing is trying to get the mouse out?

我們應該做的是把老鼠救出來，為什麼要去困住老鼠呢？

You build a prototype, a small, effective, nontoxic cannonball that can launch a mouse right out of your window.

你造出一個原型，一個小巧、有效、無毒的炮彈，可以把滑鼠直接從窗口發射出去。

Everyone loves it.

每個人都喜歡它。

People are shocked.

大家都很震驚。

No one has ever thought of this before.

以前從來沒有人想過這個問題。

You sell a million copies.

你賣了一百萬份。

People license the idea.

人們許可的想法。

Spend it off into a popular board game.

花掉成大眾棋牌遊戲。

You're a billionaire.

你是一個億萬富翁。

You retire at 32 Bill Gates calls you, says he wants to speak to quote the smartest man in America.