Name: 拜登上任九天，是時候回顧一下了。 (Nine Days Into The Biden Presidency, It's Time For A Look Back)
Uploaded: 2021-01-30T21:05:52.000Z
Duration: 11 min 44 s

我是你的主播，史蒂芬-科爾伯特。

BECAUSE WE HAVE A VERY SPECIAL, VERY RARE FRIDAY "A LATE SHOW"

因為我們有一個非常特殊的，非常罕見的週五 "晚間秀"。

TONIGHT, BECAUSE TONIGHT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,THE BIG NEWS

今晚，因為今晚，女士們，先生們，重大新聞。

CONTINUES TO BE THAT JOE BIDEN IS THE PRESIDENT OF THESE UNITED

繼續認為喬伊-比登是這些聯合王國的主席。

AND, YES, THAT HAS BEEN TRUE FOR NINE DAYS AT THIS POINT, BUT I

而且，是的，這已經是真實的九天在這一點上，但我。

EVERY DAY, I THROW OPEN MY WINDOW AND SAY TO A PASSING

每天，我都會打開窗戶，對過往的人說

WHAT ADMINISTRATION IS IT?" AND THE KID SAYS "TODAY?

什麼管理是它？"和孩子說："今天？"。

THEN I FLIP HIM A FARTHING TO GO BUY ME A GOOSE, AND HE ASKS ME

然後我給他發了個屁，讓他去給我買只鵝，他問我

TO VENMO HIM INSTEAD, AND FROM THERE, IT'S MOSTLY JUST ME

而不是去找他，從那裡開始，就只剩下我一個人了。

打電話給我的孩子，問你怎麼做的。

NO MATTER HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT JOE BIDEN AND KAMALA HARRIS

不管你對喬-比登和卡瑪拉-哈里斯的看法是什麼

POLITICALLY, IT'S REFRESHING TO HAVE A NEW ADMINISTRATION TAKING

在政治上，有一個新的行政當局採取的措施是令人欣慰的。

IT'S LIKE YOUR FAVORITE RESTAURANT IS FINALLY SERVING

好像你最喜歡的餐廳終於開始提供服務了。

A NEW DISH, WHICH IS NICE, BECAUSE THE DAILY SPECIAL FOR

一個新的DISH，這是很好的，因為每天的特殊性的

THE LAST FOUR YEARS WAS FILET OF BROKEN GLASS WITH A SHALLOT AND

過去的四年是一排碎玻璃，還有一發炮彈和一發子彈

AND BECAUSE THIS IS SUCH AN HISTORIC CHANGING OF THE GUARDS,

因為這是一個歷史性的衛隊變化。

WE ARE DEDICATING TONIGHT'S ENTIRE SHOW TO JOSEPH R. BARDEN

我們將把今晚的整場演出獻給JOSEPH R. BARDEN。

AND KAMALA HARRIS, IN WHAT WE'RE CALLING "THE LATE SHOW'S CHECK

還有卡馬拉-哈里斯，我們稱之為 "晚間秀的檢查"。

YOUR MALARKEY AT THE DOOR, JOE TIME LIKE THE PRESENT, KAMALA-N

你的馬勒基在門口，喬時間像現在這樣，卡馬拉-N。

FEEL THE NOISE, SORRY, NEW COUNTRY, WHO DIS?

感受噪音，對不起，新國度，誰在？

PREZ-TRAVAGANZA!" JOE AND KAMALA-- OR AS NO ONE

PREZ -TRAVANZA！"喬和KAMALA -- 或者說是沒有人

CALLS THEM, JOE-MALA-- HAVE BEEN IN OFFICE FOR LESS THAN TWO

呼叫他們，喬 -馬拉 -- 已經在辦公室不到兩個。

WEEKS, AND THEIR ADMINISTRATION HAS ALREADY BEEN HISTORIC.

幾個星期，他們的管理已經是歷史性的了。

KAMALA IS THE FIRST FEMALE VICE PRESIDENT, THE FIRST BLACK VICE

卡馬拉是第一位女性副主席，第一位黑人副主席。

PRESIDENT, AND THE FIRST SOUTH ASIAN VICE PRESIDENT, WHEREAS

主席和第一任南亞副主席，鑑於

JOE IS ONLY THE SECOND CATHOLIC PRESIDENT IN THE HISTORY OF THE

喬伊是美國曆史上第二位教廷主席。

WHICH MEANS I CAN USE MY SECRET TELEPATHIC POWERS TO CONTACT

這意味著我可以使用我的祕密心靈感應能力來聯繫你。

SUNDAY SERVICE AT 10:30 AT OUR LADY OF GOOD HOPE.

週日10:30在我們的聖母瑪利亞教堂舉行禮拜。

BIDEN IS FAMOUS FOR WORKING WITH EVERYONE IN CONGRESS.

比登因與國會中的所有人合作而聞名。

IN THE PAST DECADES NO ONE HAS BEEN MORE EFFICIENT THAN BIDEN

在過去的幾十年裡，沒有人比比登更有效。

THAT'S RIGHT, JACK, I WORKED WITH DEMOCRATS, REPUBLICANS,

沒錯，傑克，我和民主黨、共和黨都合作過。

SOCIALISTS, LIBERTARIANS, KNOW-KNOGS, WHIGS I RAN ON A

社會主義者，自由主義者，知識分子，白鬼，我在一個人身上運行

AGAIN, HE IS CROWNED WITH MANY WINTERS, BUT JOE DIDN'T COME TO

再一次，他是冠以許多冬天，但喬沒有來過。

HE'S ALSO BROUGHT HIS TWO GERMAN SHEPHERDS-- MAJOR BIDEN, SEEN

HERE WONDERING IF YOU'RE GOING TO FINISH THAT NAPKIN, AND CHAMP

這裡想知道你是否會完成那張餐巾紙，和CHAMP。

BIDEN, SEEN HERE REGRETTING LISTING HIS BED ON AIRBNB.

比登，在這裡看到後悔上市 他的床在AIRBNB。

THIS WAS HIS THIRD RUN FOR PRESIDENT, THE FIRST BEING ALL

這是他第三次競選總統，第一次是在所有的。

BUT YOU KNOW THE OLD EXPRESSION: "IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED,

但你知道那句老話："如果一開始你沒有成功，那你就會失敗。

WAIT 20 YEARS, TRY AGAIN, FAIL AGAIN, END UP VICE PRESIDENT,

等20年，再試一次，再失敗一次，最後成為副總統。

DECIDE NOT TO RUN, LEAVE OFFICE, WAIT FOUR AGONIZING YEARS AS THE

決定不參選，離任，等待四個漫長的年頭。

COUNTRY DESCENDS INTO CHAOS, AND TRY, TRY AGAIN."

國家陷入混亂，並嘗試，再嘗試。"

AND JOE HAS ALSO HAD TO BATTLE A DESCRUS MISCONCEPTION ABOUT HIM.

而喬也不得不與對他的描述性誤解作鬥爭。

>> WHAT'S THE BIGGEST MISCONCEPTION ABOUT YOU, SIR?

>> 先生，對你最大的誤解是什麼？

>> I HAVE MORE HAIR THAN THEY THOUGHT I DO.

>> 我的頭髮比他們認為的還要多。

GOING INTO ARMS NEGOTIATIONS WITH TOE TO TOE WITH THIS HIM,

YOU BETTER CHECK YOURSELF BECAUSE JOE HAS A PERFECTLY

你最好檢查一下你自己，因為喬伊有一個完美的。

ONE OF THE PINNACLES OF JOE'S CAREER WAS WHEN HE WAS AWARDED

喬伊職業生涯的巔峰之一是他獲得了 "中國最佳男演員 "的稱號。

THE NATION'S HIGHEST HONOR, THE MEDAL OF FREEDOM.

HE WAS PRESENTED TO HIM BY HIS BEST FRIEND BECAUSE GUY YOU

他是由他最好的朋友介紹給他的，因為你這個傢伙

DON'T KNOW HE KNOWS BECAUSE HE DOESN'T LIKE TO TALK ABOUT HIM.

不知道他知道，因為他不喜歡談論他。

>> AND OF COURSE, WE CAN'T TALK ABOUT THE NEW ADMINISTRATION

>> 當然，我們不能談論新政府的問題

WITHOUT TALKING ABOUT VICE PRESIDENT KAMALA HARRIS.

WHEN SHE RAN FOR SAN FRANCISCO DISTRICT ATTORNEY IN 2003, SHE

她在2003年擔任舊金山地區檢察官時，她

RAN AGAINST TERENCE HALLINAN, HER FORMER BOSS.

和她的前老闆泰倫斯-哈林南對著幹。

AND HER MESSAGE WAS, "WE'RE PROGRESSIVE, LIKE TERENCE

她的留言是："我們是進步的，就像TERENCE一樣。

HALLINAN, BUT WE'RE COMPETENT, LIKE TERENCE HALLINAN IS NOT.

哈里南，但我們是有能力的，就像泰倫斯-哈里南不是。

AN EMPRISEF SLOGAN, ALTHOUGH IT UNDERCUT YOUR PROGRESSIVE

一個EMPRISEF SLOGAN，儘管它削弱了你的進步。

MESSAGE WHEN YOU HAVE TO BUY A A PRIUS TO FIT THE BUMPER STICKER.

當你需要買一個PRIUS來裝上保險槓時的資訊。

AFTER A GRUELING CAMPAIGN THEY MADE IT TO THE WHITE HOUSE.

在經歷了一場殘酷的競選後，他們進入了白宮。

BUT PERHAPS WHAT JOE BIDEN AND KAMALA HARRIS WILL BE MOST

但也許喬-比登和卡馬拉-哈里斯最喜歡的是什麼？

REMEMBERED FOR IS APPEARING ON MY SHOW, AN HONOR USUALLY

被記住的是出現在我的節目中，通常是一種榮譽

RESERVED FOR ACTORS PROMOTING THEIR LATEST NETFLIX SERIES OR

為宣傳自己最新的網絡電視連續劇或電影的演員保留。

BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM, JOE AND KAMALA HAVE BEEN ON THE SHOW 11

喬和卡瑪拉兩人已經上了11期節目。

AND TONIGHT, WE'RE GOING TO CELEBRATE SOME OF THEIR BEST

而今晚，我們要去慶祝一些他們最好的。

MOMENTS, INCLUDING SOME STUFF THAT HAS NEVER AIRED ON

瞬間，包括一些從未播出過的節目。

AND I WANT TO START WITH ONE OF MY FAVORITE APPEARANCES FROM

我想先從我最喜歡的一次亮相開始。

THEN-VICE PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN, JUST A FEW WEEKS AFTER THE 2016

時任副總統喬伊-比登，在2016年後的幾周內。

AMERICA WAS GOING THROUGH THIS DIFFICULT CHANGES AND AWKWARD

美國正經歷著這種艱難的變化和尷尬的。

SO JOE BIDEN AGREED TO JOIN ME WHEN I CALLED A NATIONAL FAMILY

所以喬-比登同意和我一起召開全國家庭會議

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拜登上任九天，是時候回顧一下了。 (Nine Days Into The Biden Presidency, It's Time For A Look Back)

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