Name: 最好的珍妮-斯萊特 - 醉酒的歷史。 (The Best of Jenny Slate - Drunk History)
Uploaded: 2021-01-29T18:11:42.000Z
Duration: 18 min 48 s

And then I've also had his balls removed.

Give me back my balls. You can't have them.

把我的球還給我你不能擁有它們。

I took them away. But I have a full vagina.

我把它們拿走了。但我有一個完整的陰道。

Hell, today we're going to talk about the invention

該死的，今天我們要談的是發明。

of Coca-Cola, America's favorite soft drink.

美國人最喜歡的軟飲料--可口可樂的。

So like in the 1800's, John Pemberton was trying

所以就像19世紀，John Pemberton試圖

and most of them were just like herbal hoozy-what's,

而他們中的大多數人就像草藥呼--什麼。

He was just trying to make anything that would sell.

He was like I want to make a fake medicine

that made women think that they'll never be nervous

讓女人以為自己永遠不會緊張了

and make men think that they can be smarter.

並讓男人認為自己可以更聰明。

So he decided to use a new ingredient, coca.

於是他決定使用一種新的原料--古柯。

Th South Americans would chew it and be like,

"We have so much energy and we aren't even hungry!

我們徒步走遍了整個安第斯山脈。"

但其實他們只是在吸食可卡因。

"Oh, I should put this into my new potion that I'm making."

"哦，我應該把這個放進我新做的藥水裡。"

And basically he copied someone else's recipe

I put coca in there, a little of this kola in."

我在裡面放了古柯，放了一點這個考拉。"

The kola nut released a little bit of caffeine.

"What I give you is a wine with cocaine and caffeine."

"我給你的是一種含有可卡因和咖啡因的酒。"

"No, nobody can have, sell alcohol because of temperance."

"不，任何人都不能因為節制而有，賣酒。"

and he decided to just put the coca and the cola together.

他決定只是把古柯和可樂放在一起。

But they were super bitter without the wine,

但是沒有酒的時候，他們超級苦。

然後他把它做成了像飲料一樣的東西。

You know, he thought, oh, well people will love this.

你知道，他想，哦，人們會喜歡這個。

It wasn't like he was like, I made a soda,

這不是像他一樣，我做了一個蘇打水。

who was like, "Okay, well I'll help you to sell

誰是這樣的，"好吧，我會幫你銷售

First of all, you should change the 'k' in the kola

首先，你應該把 "kola "中的 "k "改掉。

to a 'c', and, and, just call it what it is, Coca-Cola,

到一個'c'，而且，就叫它什麼，可口可樂。

and the two c's will look really nice next to each other.

而兩個C的旁邊會顯得非常漂亮。

So they would just advertise Coca-Cola as a medicine

所以他們就會宣傳可口可樂是一種藥品

They would say, "It's invigorating, and stimulating,

他們會說："這很有活力，很刺激。

using the exotic extract of the coca and kola nut

使用古柯和考拉果的異國情調的提取物。

to make you super alive and ready to face your day."

讓你超級有活力，準備好面對你的一天。"

They had like soda fountains and fun things.

他們有像蘇打噴泉和有趣的東西。

They thought that it made them, like, invigorated

他們認為，它使他們一樣，振奮人心

People are basically little cocaine soda.

"Me, me, me, me, me, me, me. I need more."

"我，我，我，我，我，我，我，我。我需要更多。"

I wish I was alive then to drink the coke, coke, Coca-Cola.

真希望那時我還活著，能喝到可樂，可樂，可口可樂。

God, I missed so much from not being in the olden times.

天啊，不在舊時代，我好懷念。

The next year he sold 200 gallons a month.

He's on his death bed dying of stomach cancer.

And he's like, "Out of all of the patent medicines

I've finally made a successful patent medicine."

But what he never knew was that he actually made

但他永遠不知道的是，他居然做出了。

the most successful drink that humans will ever drink, ever.

最成功的飲料，人類將永遠喝，永遠。

"God, he was so successful and he doesn't know.

"天啊，他這麼成功，卻不知道。

而他永遠不會知道，永遠不會！"

They still use coca leaves in modern-day Coca-Cola,

他們在現代的可口可樂中仍然使用古柯葉。

they still use the leaves and they took the cocaine out

他們仍然使用葉子 他們把可卡因拿出來了

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最好的珍妮-斯萊特 - 醉酒的歷史。 (The Best of Jenny Slate - Drunk History)

basically

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