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  • ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!

    嘿,EVERYBODY!

  • WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW."

    歡迎回到 "深夜秀"。

  • YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS.

    你知道現在是什麼時間。

  • IT'S TIME TO SAY HELLO TO MR. JON BATISTE.

    是時候向JON BATISTE先生問好了。JON BATISTE。

  • JON, WHEN WE WERE IN THE COMMERCIAL BREAK HERE BEFORE WE

    瓊,當我們在商業休息這裡之前,我們。

  • CAME TO YOU, DID I SEE THIS CORRECTLY, DO YOU HAVE A

    來找你的,我沒看錯吧,你有嗎?

  • BASKETBALL RIGHT THERE BETWEEN YOUR FEET?

    籃球就在你腳下?

  • >> Jon: YEAH, YEAH.

    >> 喬恩。YEAH,YEAH。

  • >> Stephen: JUST OUT OF SHOT.

    >> 只是出手。

  • >> Jon: YUP, YUP.

    >> 喬恩。YUP,YUP。

  • >> Stephen: YOU JUST-- YOU JUST KEEPING SHARP?

    >> 你只是... 你只是保持鋒利?

  • WHAT'S THE-- THE BALL IS THERE WITH THE PIANO?

    什麼是... ... 球和鋼琴一起在那裡?

  • THAT SEEMS DANGEROUS.

    這看起來很危險。

  • >> Jon: YEAH, YOU KNOW, I STILL HAVE HOOP DREAMS.

    >> 喬恩。是的,你知道,我仍然有箍的夢想。

  • I THINK I CAN MAKE IT.

    我想我可以做到這一點。

  • I THINK I GOT IT.

    我想我得到了它。

  • I'M GOING TO GO AND I'M GOING TO HAVE A SECOND PART TO MY CAREER.

    我要走了,我要有一個第二部分 我的職業生涯。

  • I'M GOING TO BE IN THE N.B.A.

    我要去N. B. A.

  • >> Stephen: YOU-- >> Jon: I'M GOING FOR IT.

    >> 你-->> 喬恩。我要去做。

  • >> Stephen: YOU WILL BE TO BASKETBALL WHAT MICHAEL JORDAN

    >> 史蒂芬:你會成為籃球的什麼邁克爾-喬丹。

  • WAS TO BASEBALL.

    是對棒球。

  • I BELIEVE IN YOU.

    我相信你。

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> Jon: WELL, YOU KNOW, HE

    (笑) >> 喬恩:好了,你知道,他

  • WORKED REALLY HARD.

    工作非常辛苦。

  • >> Stephen: HE DID.

    >> 史蒂芬:他做到了。

  • >> Jon: HE WORKED REALLY HARD.

    >> 喬恩。他真的很努力。

  • >> Stephen: HE DID, HE DID.

    >> 史蒂芬:他做到了,他做到了。

  • JON, WHAT'S ON-- WHAT'S ON-- WHAT'S ON THE MIND OF YOUR

    喬恩,你的... 你的... 你的.... 你的...

  • FINGERS RIGHT NOW.

    手指現在。

  • >> Jon: LET'S SEE.

    >> 喬恩。讓我們看看。

  • ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: THANK YOU, JON.

    謝謝你,喬恩。

  • ( LAUGHS ).

    (笑):

  • >> Jon: HAVE A GOOD ONE.

    >> 喬恩。有一個好的。

  • >> Stephen: YOU, TOO.

    >> 你,也是。

  • FOLKS, YOU KNOW, EVERY NIGHT I COME OUT HERE, TOAST SOME

    夥計們,你們知道嗎,每天晚上我都會在這裡烤一些...

  • TOPICAL, ORGANIC ARBORIO RICE IN MY SATIRICAL SAUCEPAN, MELT IN

    主題,有機ARBORIO米飯在我的星空鍋裡,融化在裡面。

  • SOME FINE BORDIER BUTTER, PARMESAN CHEESE, AND FRESH,

    一些上好的波帝亞黃油,巴馬乾酪,和新鮮的。

  • HAND-PICKED PARSLEY OF INSIGHT, AND LOVINGLY WHIP IT UP INTO THE

    精挑細選的PARSLEY洞察力,並愛不釋手地把它抹進了《中國製造》。

  • VELVETY, JAMES BEARD AWARD-WORTHY RISOTTO THAT IS MY

    VELVETY, JAMES BEARD-WARDS-WORDY RISOTTO THAT IS MY...

  • MONOLOGUE.

    獨白:

  • BUT NOW AND THEN, I JUST SCRAPE THE LEFTOVER RICE OUT OF A

    但時不時地,我只是把剩飯從一個盒子裡切出來。

  • CARDBOARD CHINESE TAKE-OUT CONTAINER, STUFF IT IN A STALE

    紙牌中式外賣盒,裝在一個陳舊的盒子裡。

  • TORTILLA WITH SOME CLICKBAIT BEANS, AND ROLL IT UP INTO THE

    玉米餅與一些CLICKBAIT豆,並把它滾到的。

  • SEMI-RELEVANT HANGOVER BURRITO OF NEWS WE CALL:

    SEMI-RELEVANT HANGOVER BURRITO OF NEWS WE CALL。

  • >> "QUARANTINEWHILE!" >> Stephen: QUARANTINE-WHILE,

    >> "QUARANTINEWHILE!">> Stephen:QUARANTINE -WHILE,

  • DUE TO GREATLY REDUCED FLIGHTS AND SUSPENDING ALCOHOL SERVICE

    由於班機大幅減少和暫停酒類服務。

  • DURING COVID, "AMERICAN AIRLINES HAS SO MUCH EXTRA WINE THAT IT

    在科維德期間,"美國飛機上有這麼多額外的葡萄酒,以至於它

  • IS STARTING A DELIVERY SERVICE."

    是開始送貨服務。"

  • "SO MUCH EXTRA WINE," HUH?

    "這麼多額外的酒",是吧?

  • AND YET, FOR SOME REASON, I CAN'T GET A SEVENTH GLASS ON MY

    然而,出於某種原因,我不能得到一個第七個玻璃在我的。

  • REDEYE TO SAN DIEGO, EVEN THOUGH I STILL HAVE AT LEAST FIVE MORE

    REDEYE到聖地亞哥,儘管我還有五個以上的時間。

  • VERSES OF "AMERICAN PIE" LEFT TO SING.

    "美國派 "的詩句還沒唱完。

  • IF YOU'VE GOT A HANKERING FOR SOME PLANE WINE, YOU CAN GRAB A

    如果你對飛機酒有興趣,你可以去買一瓶。

  • MONTHLY SUBSCRIPTION PLAN THAT COSTS $99 PER MONTH.

    每月訂閱計劃,費用為每月99美元。

  • AND I'M SURE THAT IS SOME TOP-NOTCH VINO.

    我敢肯定,這是一些一流的VINO。

  • "MMM, MMMM, I'M GETTING NOTES OF ARMREST FOOT, NEGLECTED BABY

    "MMM,MMM,我得到的筆記 ARMREST腳,NEGLECTED寶貝,

  • WITH A SOUPCON OF POORLY PRESSURIZED CABIN."

    有了蘇普康的低壓艙。"

  • MY EARS ARE POPPING.

    我的耳朵都快爆了。

  • MY EARS ARE POPPING.■ç QUARANTINE-WHILE, A TORONTO

    我的耳朵都快爆了.■ç QUARANTINE-WHILE, A TORONTO.

  • WOMAN WON A $60 MILLION LOTTERY AFTER SHE GOT THE WINNING

    女子中了6000萬美元的彩票後,她中獎了。

  • NUMBERS FROM HER HUSBAND'S DREAM.

    她丈夫夢想中的數字。

  • THOSE WINNING NUMBERS?

    那些獲勝的數字?

  • 4, 11, 13, 52, AND "I'M IN A BUMPER CAR WITH MY GYM TEACHER,

    4,11,13,52,以及 "我和我的體育老師在一輛增壓車裡。

  • ONLY IT'S NOT MY GYM TEACHER.

    只是它不是我的體育老師。

  • BUT, LIKE, IT IS MY GYM TEACHER?

    但是,喜歡,這是我的體育老師?

  • AND THEN A RACCOON WAS CHASING ME, AND THEN I WOKE UP."

    然後一隻浣熊在追我,然後我就醒了。"

  • QUARANTINE-WHILE, "CHINESE SCIENTISTS MAY HAVE THE KEY TO

    夸父--雖然,"中國科學家可能有鑰匙,以獲得

  • DELAYING AGEING."

    延緩衰老。"

  • IS IT MINT CHIP ICE CREAM?

    是薄荷薯片冰淇淋嗎?

  • PLEASE SAY IT'S MINT CHIP ICE CREAM, BECAUSE I'VE PUT A LOT OF

    請說這是薄荷薯片冰淇淋,因為我投入了大量的時間和精力

  • RESEARCH INTO MINT CHIP ICE■ç CREAM, LATELY.

    研究MINT CHIP ICE■ç CREAM,最近。

  • APPARENTLY, THEY DID IT THROUGH GENE MANIPULATION.

    顯然,他們是通過基因控制來實現的。

  • THE SCIENTISTS "INACTIVATED THE KAT-7 GENE IN THE LIVERS OF

    科學家們 "激活了KAT-7基因的生命。

  • MICE," AND THAT "EXTENDED THEIR LIFESPAN FOR ABOUT 25%."

    "老鼠","延長了他們的壽命約25%。"

  • "THE MICE SHOW OVERALL IMPROVED APPEARANCE AND GRIP STRENGTH."

    "老鼠的外觀和抓地力都得到了全面提升"

  • GRIP STRENGTH?!

    GRIP STRENGTH?

  • THAT'S WHAT WE NEED: IMMORTAL MICE WHO CAN STRANGLE US!

    這就是我們需要的。能掐死我們的不死老鼠!

  • QUARANTINE-WHILE, COCAINE-STUFFED SHIPMENTS OF

    填充了可卡因的定量貨物

  • BANANAS ENDED UP AT CANADIAN GROCERY STORES DUE TO A DRUG

    加拿大雜貨店因藥品而出現了巴拿斯。

  • TRAFFICKING MIX-UP.

    販運混雜。

  • HA-HA!

    哈哈!

  • IT'S FUNNY, BECAUSE SOMEONE IS DEFINITELY GOING TO GET

    這很有趣,因為有人肯定會得到。

  • MURDERED.

    謀殺。

  • "YOU SEE, BOSS, KIND OF A FUNNY STORY.

    "你看,BOSS,挺好玩的故事。

  • WHAT HAPPENED WAS-- AND YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS-- YOUR COCAINE

    發生了什麼... ... 你會喜歡這個...

  • IS NOW IN THE FRUIT AISLE AT THE KROGER.

    現在是在水果貨架在KROGER。

  • AND I KNOW YOU'RE OUT, LIKE, 30 MIL, BUT YOU GOTTA ADMIT,

    我知道你出了30英里,但你得承認,這是你的錢。

  • IT'S PRETTY FUNNY-- CAN I MAKE YA A SMOOTHIE-- AAAND I'M

    這是非常有趣的... ... 我可以給你做一個冰沙... ...

  • BEING LOWERED INTO A SHARK TANK."

    "被降到鯊魚池裡"

  • OKAY.

    好的。

  • QUARANTINE-WHILE, TIKTOK'S LATEST VIRAL TREND IS APPARENTLY

    QUARANTINE-WHILE,TIKTOK最新的病毒趨勢顯然是。

  • WOMEN SECRETLY FILMING THEIR PARTNERS REACTING TO SOMETHING

    女性祕密拍攝伴侶對某事的反應。

  • CALLED "BUTT-CRACK" LEGGINGS.

    被稱為 "臀部裂縫 "的長襪。

  • >> ALL RIGHT, GUYS, I GOT THE FAMOUS AMAZON LEGGINGS THAT ARE

    >> 好了,夥計們,我得到了著名的亞馬遜緊身褲,是。

  • GOING AROUND ON TIKTOK, AND I'M GOING TO GET MY HUSBAND'S

    在TIKTOK上走來走去,我將得到我丈夫的。

  • REACTION.

    反應:

  • THEY ARE AS AMAZING AS EVERYBODY SAYS TO MAKE YOUR BUTT LOOK

    他們是一個神奇的,因為每個人都說,讓你的臀部看起來。

  • REALLY NICE.

    真的很好。

  • WHAT?

    什麼?

  • >> WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "WHAT?" ACTING LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW.

    >> 你是什麼意思,"什麼?"裝作你不知道的樣子。

  • >> OH, MY GOD.

    >> 哦,我的上帝。

  • >> LOOK AT THEM.

    >> 看看他們。

  • DANG!

    DANG!

  • WHEN DID YOU GET THOSE PANTS?

    你什麼時候得到這些褲子的?

  • WHAT IN THE HELL IS THAT?

    這到底是什麼?

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: CAN WE PLEASE JUST

    (笑) >> 斯蒂芬:我們可以請。

  • GO BACK TO TIKTOK SEA SHANTIES?

    回到TIKTOK SEA SHANTIES?

  • I MISS-- I MISS THE SEA SHANTIES.

    我懷念... 我懷念海螞蟻。

  • I HAVE THE ASS FOR THAT.

    我有那個屁股。

  • QUARANTINE-WHILE, "COKE WITH COFFEE IS FINALLY HERE,"

    QUARANTINE--雖然,"可樂加咖啡終於來了"

  • PERFECT FOR EVERYONE SAYING, "I WISH MY REFRESHING COLA MADE

    最適合那些說 "我希望我的冷凍可樂是自己做的 "的人。

  • ME MORE JITTERY.

    給我更多JITTERY。

  • YES, SURE, I'VE GOT THE HEART RATE OF A HUMMINGBIRD AND THE

    是的,當然,我已經得到了心率 嗡嗡鳥和。

  • BLOOD PRESSURE OF A PNEUMATIC JACK, BUT I DON'T QUITE FEEL

    血液壓力的神經外科插孔,但我不完全感覺到

  • LIKE I COULD FLIP A MINIVAN."

    就像我可以翻轉一輛麵包車。"

  • COKE WITH COFFEE HAS BEEN "AVAILABLE FOR YEARS

    可樂加咖啡已經 "存在了好幾年"。

  • INTERNATIONALLY," BUT NOT HERE BECAUSE THEY WERE "MAKING SURE

    在國際上,"但不是在這裡,因為他們是 "確保"。

  • THAT THEY HAVE THE RIGHT PACKAGING."

    他們有正確的包裝。"

  • YOU ARE WAY OVER-THINKING THIS, COKE DUDE.

    你是太過思考這個問題,可卡因的紈絝子弟。

  • WE ALLOW OUR CHILDREN TO WALK INTO A 7-ELEVEN, SALLY UP TO ONE

    我們允許我們的孩子走進7-ELEVEN,小到一歲。

  • OF THESE THINGS UNSUPERVISED, AND PULL THEMSELVES 44 OUNCES OF

    這些東西的無人監管,並拉自己44盎司的。

  • SOMETHING CALLED A "QUAKE ENERGY BERRY BLAST SLURPEE," AND YOU

    有些東西被稱為 "地震能量漿果爆漿",而你。

  • THINK YOU NEED "THE RIGHT PACKAGING" TO SELL

    您認為您需要 "正確的包裝 "來銷售嗎?

  • EXTRA-CAFFEINATED SODA IN AMERICA?

    美國的特級咖啡因汽水?

  • JUST FILL A GARBAGE BAG, AND WE WILL PAY ADMISSION TO PLUNGE OUR

    只要裝滿一個垃圾袋,我們就會支付費用,把我們的東西扔進垃圾桶。

  • STRAWS INTO IT LIKE CROWS PLUNGING THEIR BEAKS INTO A COW

    就像烏鴉把自己的乳房插進了牛群裡一樣。

  • CARCASS.

    CARCASS:

  • NOW GET TO WORK ON HUFFABLE NICOTINE POUND CAKE.

    現在就去做易碎的尼古丁磅蛋糕吧。

  • WE'VE GOT THINGS TO DO.

    我們有事情要做。

  • WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH COLIN FIRTH AND STANLEY TUCCI.

    我們馬上回來,科林・弗思和斯坦利・杜奇。

  • I DON'T KNOW WHY I SOUND MAD.

    我不知道為什麼我聽起來很瘋狂。

  • I'M VERY EXCITED THAT THEY'RE HERE.

    他們來了,我很興奮。

  • ♪ ♪ ♪

    ♪ ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!

嘿,EVERYBODY!

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B2 中高級 中文 TheLateShow 喬恩 可樂 老鼠 史蒂芬 老師

隔離,而...臀部裂縫緊身褲佔領了嘀嗒網 (Quarantinewhile... Butt-Crack Leggings Take Over TikTok)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 28 日
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