字幕列表 影片播放 由 AI 自動生成 列印所有字幕 列印翻譯字幕 列印英文字幕 - [Jessica] "You know what? - [傑西卡]"你知道嗎? Christopher Columbus has never been here. 克里斯托弗-哥倫布從來沒有來過這裡。 I'm the first non-native to come across this land. 我是第一個來到這片土地的非本地人。 And not just that..." 不僅如此......" (hums) (哼) (dramatic orchestral music) (戲劇性的管絃樂) - Hello. - 你好啊 My name's Brendan Walsh. 我叫布倫丹-沃爾什。 And today we're going to be talking about the Santa Bandits. 今天我們要討論的是聖誕老人大盜。 Our story starts in 1927 我們的故事始於1927年 in the days leading up to Christmas. 在聖誕節前的日子裡。 Marshall Ratliff got out of jail and he's like, 馬歇爾-拉特利夫出獄了,他就像。 "I'm out of jail, time to rob another bank. "我出獄了,該去搶別的銀行了。 But I need help, so I'm gonna get this guy, Ed Helms." 但我需要幫助,所以我要找這個人,艾德・赫爾姆斯。" - [Derek] Oh, from "The Hangover." - 哦,"宿醉 "裡的。 - This guy, Henry Helms! - 這傢伙,亨利-赫爾姆斯! "I'm gonna get Henry Helms and Robert Hill." "我要去找亨利-赫爾姆斯和羅伯特-希爾" And they rope in Helms's brother-in-law, Lewis Davis, 他們還把赫爾姆斯的姐夫劉易斯-戴維斯拉來了。 and Ratliff says, "Help us rob this bank at Cisco. 拉特利夫說:"幫我們搶劫思科的這家銀行。 And Ratliff's afraid he's gonna get recognized. 而拉特利夫害怕自己會被人認出來。 He goes, "I want to disguise myself. 他說:"我想偽裝自己。 Hey, it's Christmas!" 嘿,今天是聖誕節!" So they steal this Buick and they arrive in Cisco 所以他們偷了這輛別克車,然後到了思科。 on the morning of December 23rd. 12月23日上午,。 Ratliff gets out of the car, he's dressed as Santa, 拉特利夫下了車,他打扮成了聖誕老人。 and gets mobbed by kids. 並被孩子們圍攻。 - You see Santa, kids are gonna come towards you. - 你看,聖誕老人,孩子們會向你走來。 - Kids want to see you! - 孩子們想看你! You're like the Justin Beaver of the times. 你就像這個時代的賈斯汀-比弗。 - Yeah. - 是啊。 - And he's a bank robber, but he's like, - 他是個銀行搶劫犯,但他就像。 "Okay, I gotta go. "好了,我得走了。 Santa's gotta make a deposit, kids." 聖誕老人要交押金,孩子們。" So after that, he goes into the bank. 所以之後,他就進了銀行。 He doesn't even say anything 他什麼都不說 and the tellers are like, "Santa's here!" 和出納員都喜歡, "聖誕老人在這裡!" And then Hill, Helms, Davis, all bust in 然後,希爾,赫爾姆斯,戴維斯,全部破門而入。 with their guns a-blazing. 帶著他們的槍支 They go, "Hey, all right, everybody shut up! 他們說,"嘿,好了,大家都閉嘴! We're robbing this place." 我們要打劫這個地方。" Santa-Ratliff gets $12,400 in cash Santa-Ratliff獲得12400美元的現金。 and $150,000 in bonds. 和15萬美元的債券。 Santa's like, "Yes!" 聖誕老人的樣子,"是的!" But this lady, Mrs. Blassengame, 但這位女士,布拉森格梅夫人。 goes into the bank and (beep) loses her shit. 進入銀行和(嗶)失去了她的狗屎。 She's like (screams), 她就像(尖叫聲)。 so she runs out screaming her head off. 所以她跑出去尖叫她的頭。 (imitates screaming) (模仿尖叫) - I love that Duncan Trussell is this woman. - 我喜歡鄧肯-特魯塞爾就是這個女人。 - Hey! - 嘿! Terence McKenna predicted Terence McKenna預測 this bank was gonna be robbed, man! 這家銀行會被搶劫,男人! (both laughing) (兩個笑) So then the whole town, they hear her running up and down, 所以後來整個鎮上的人,都聽到她跑上跑下的聲音。 just (imitates screaming), 只是(模仿尖叫)。 and at this time, the Texas Bank Association was like, 而此時,德州銀行協會就像。 "Well, we're offering $5,000 for anybody "好吧,我們提供5000元,誰都可以得到 who shoots a bank robber doing a bank robbery." 射殺正在搶劫銀行的劫匪的人。" And the whole town is like, "We could use $5,000! 整個鎮上的人都說:"我們可以用5000美元! That's a lot of money back now!" 這下子可賺回來不少錢了!" So everybody grabbed their guns 所以大家都拿起了槍 'cause an angry mom's about to- "因為一個憤怒的媽媽的關於 - Angry mom's about to form. 憤怒的媽媽要形成了。 So they go into the bank while the robbery's going. 所以他們在搶劫的時候進入銀行。 And then, just, everybody just starts shooting. 然後,只是,每個人都開始拍攝。 (imitating gunfire) (模仿槍聲) Customers are getting shot, a guy gets shot in the leg, 顧客被槍擊,一個人腿部中槍。 so the Santa Bandits, they're like, 所以聖誕老人大盜,他們就像。 "Why everybody shooting us?" "為什麼每個人都向我們開槍?" "Get into the alley! "進巷子裡去! 'Cause that's where the Buick is." '因為那是別克的地方。" But everybody keeps shooting! 但每個人都在不停地射擊! A Bandit gets shot, 一個強盜被槍殺了。 the bank president gets shot, 銀行行長被槍殺。 everybody's going nuts. 每個人都要瘋了。 All right, So the Santa Bandits, 好吧,所以聖誕老人大盜。 they grab these two young girls as human shields 他們把這兩個年輕女孩抓來當人肉盾牌。 to get into their Buick and get the (beep) out of there. 進到他們的別克車裡,然後把(嗶)的一聲離開那裡。 So Santa's driving the car, and he looks at the gas gauge 所以,聖誕老人開著車,看著油量表 and he goes, "What the- 他說,"什麼... We're (beep) almost out of gas!" 我們(嗶)快沒油了!" - [Derek] What a bunch of idiots. - 一群白痴! - And they're like, "We drove a hundred miles - 他們會說,"我們開了一百英里的車 from Wichita falls and we didn't get gas in 1927!" 從威奇塔瀑布來的,我們在1927年就沒有汽油了!" They see this Oldsmobile and they're like, 他們看到這輛奧茲莫比爾,他們就像。 "Give us your Oldsmobile," and he leaves. "把你的老爺車給我們。"他離開了。 Helms gets shot. 赫爾姆斯被槍殺。 They're like, "Come on, put all the money in here 他們會說,"來吧,把所有的錢放在這裡 and get Davis in there." 並讓戴維斯在那裡。" And they get in the Oldsmobile and then they realize, 而他們上了老爺車,才發現。 "(beep), the keys!" "(嗶),鑰匙!" So they're like, "Well, we can't (beep) 所以他們會說,"好吧,我們不能(嗶嗶聲)"。 do anything with this." 用這個做什麼。" So then they get back into the Buick 所以他們又回到了別克 and they leave Davis there, poor sap. 他們把戴維斯丟在那裡,可憐的傢伙。 He's (beep). 他是(嗶)。 And they're like, "Well, that sucks." 他們會說:"好吧,那很爛。" And then they're like, "Oh shit! 然後他們就會說,"哦,該死!"。 We left the money in that car, too, in the Oldsmobile!" 我們把錢也留在了那輛車上,放在了老爺車裡!" And they're like- (burps) 他們就像 - (打嗝) What's it mean when you're swallowing too much? 吞嚥過多是什麼意思? - Good question. (laughs) - 好問題。(笑) - [Brendan] So they're trying to cross the Brazos river, - 所以,他們試圖跨越布拉索斯河。 but they get ambushed and they shoot Ratliff six times. 但他們得到埋伏,他們拍攝拉特利夫六次。 So Helms and Hill just give themselves up 所以赫爾姆斯和希爾就自首了 and Ratliff survives. 而拉特利夫還活著。 So the townsfolk are out there, they're like, 所以鄉親們在外面,他們就像。 "We've had it with this guy," "我們已經受夠了這個傢伙"。 and they put a noose around his neck. 他們在他的脖子上套了個繩索。 They're like, "We're gonna publicly lynch you 他們就像,"我們要公開私刑你 'cause we've had it with your shit." "因為我們已經受夠了你的狗屎。" And he's just like, "Hey, I got an idea. 他就像,"嘿,我有一個想法。 Forgive me!" 原諒我吧!" And then they're like, "All right, nah, nah, nah." 然後他們就會說,"好吧,不,不,不,不。" And then they (beep) hang him! 然後他們就會(嗶嗶聲)把他吊死! And he's croaked. 而他卻呱呱墜地。 These guys (beep) up, 這些傢伙(嘟嘟)起來。 because back then, it was 因為那時候 so easy to get away with crimes. 很容易逃脫犯罪。 They were stupid! 他們真傻! (laughs) (笑) - Hi, I'm Jessica Meraz, - 嗨,我是傑西卡-梅拉茲。 and today, we're gonna be talking about Juan Ponce de Leon. 今天,我們要討論的是胡安-龐塞-德-萊昂。 Or as white people call him, Ponce de Leon, 或者像白人叫他龐塞-德-萊昂。 Juan Ponce de Leon is a Spanish explorer. 胡安-龐塞-德-萊昂是西班牙探險家。 King Ferdinand is like, "You know what, Ponce? 費迪南德國王就說:"你知道嗎,龐塞? I dig you. 我挖你。 You've done a really great job, 你做得很好 and in honor of your service to Spain, 並對你為西班牙所做的貢獻表示敬意。 I'm gonna send you over to Puerto Rico 我要把你送到波多黎各去 to be the governor." 來當省長。" So Ponce de Leon's like, "Okay, cool." 所以龐塞-德-萊昂的樣子,"好吧,很酷。" He goes to Puerto Rico and he sees the people, 他去了波多黎各,他看到了人們。 he's like, "Love you, you guys are cool," 他的樣子,"愛你,你們是很酷," sees the the land, is like, "Oh my God, it's bountiful 看到土地,就像 "哦,我的上帝,它是豐盛的。 and it's awesome!" 而且很厲害!" So... (laughs) 所以... (笑) - [Derek] It's kicking in. - 踢到了。 (laughs) (笑) - Okay. - 好吧,我知道了 So back in Spain, (sings dramatic music) 所以回到西班牙,(唱戲劇性的音樂)。 Diego Columbus is there. 迭戈-哥倫布在那裡。 He's Christopher Columbus's eldest son, 他是克里斯托弗-哥倫布的長子。 and he is like rich kid dickface. 他就像有錢的孩子dickface。 And he's like, "You know what, King Ferdinand? 他說:"你知道嗎,費迪南王? You owe me (beep). 你欠我的(嗶)。 You told my dad he's supposed to have control 你跟我爸說過,他應該有控制權的。 over all the West Indies and everything that he explored." 在整個西印度群島和他探索的一切。" And the King is like, "(beep) you, my man, Ponce, 國王就說:"(嗶)你,我的人,龐塞。 who is, like, a good dude is taking care of Puerto Rico. 誰是一樣,一個好紈絝子弟 正在照顧波多黎各。 I don't care who your dad is, 我不在乎你爸爸是誰。 but, like, shut the (beep) up." 但是,喜歡,關閉(嗶)了。" So he goes and he finds the King's cousin. 所以他去了,他找到了國王的表哥。 Her name was Maria Alvarez de Toledo. 她的名字叫瑪麗亞-阿爾瓦雷斯-德-托萊多。 - Can you give it to me again? - 你能再給我一次嗎? - Maria Alvarez de Toledo. - Maria Alvarez de Toledo. - [Derek] That's super fast. - 超快的速度。 - [Jessica] Maria Alvarez de Toledo. - [Jessica] Maria Alvarez de Toledo. - [Derek] Wait, one at a time. - 等等,一次一個。 - [Jessica] Maria. - [傑西卡]瑪麗亞。 - [Derek] Maria. - 瑪麗亞 - [Jessica] Alvarez. - [傑西卡]阿爾瓦雷斯。 - [Derek] Alvarez. - [德里克]阿爾瓦雷斯。 - [Jessica] De. - [Derek] De. - [傑西卡]德- [德里克]德。 - [Jessica] Toledo. - [Derek] Toledo. - [傑西卡]托萊多- [德里克]托萊多。 - [Jessica] <