So I earned an extra 800 Rand a month.

因此我一個月多賺了800蘭特（南非幣）

That was for taking care of a five year old son and waitressing.

要照顧五歲小孩和做女服務生

I had a 24/7 job. In the mornings I would wake up and dress her son.

我必須一週七天都全天工作，早上我醒來並幫她兒子著裝

I'd take him to school, and I waitressed.

我帶他去上學。且我做女服務生--

Until about 2 o'clock in the afternoon, I'd go fetch her son at school, do his homework with him until it was "bath time."

直到下午兩點，我去學校接她兒子，和他一起做作業直到洗澡時間

You know, bathe him, give him dinner, to him to sleep and then that was the only time I had for me, then.

你知道，幫他洗澡，弄晚餐給他吃，直到他去睡覺，而那是我僅有的自己的時間

On Saturday's and Sunday's I would have to keep him busy with what was necessary.

在星期六和週日我都因 - 該做的事而持續忙碌

So, at 18 years old, I was basically a mother.

所以，在18歲，我基本上就是個母親

You know, that whole application,

你知道的，那整個應用程序

what women experienced with their children of literally having to have 24/7 - a day,

婦女陪伴他們的幼兒之經驗簡直是 - 一週7天，每天24小時

I've had that experience. So it was quite extensive.

我有過那經驗，這是蠻嚴重的

And during that time, I was introduced to drugs, and alcohol and partying, and it was just wild.

而那段期間，我被引去使用毒品，和酒精及派對，而那真瘋狂

Sometimes we'd go out, say up to about five in the morning, get home, get dressed, go to work, and my whole day would again.

有時候我們出去，到早上約五點，回家，著裝，去工作，而我這日子會再次開始

It was the first time I was introduced to drugs, ecstacy, which I used about twice,

那是我第一次被引去使用毒品，搖頭丸，我用了兩次

while I was with Lynette and the people I was "friends" with.

當我和與Lynette及其他人是「朋友」時

So then, one day (now this was in 2004), Eagle and his fiance came into the coffee shop.

而後，某日（在2004年），Eagle（Bernard）和他未婚妻來到咖啡館

And they started eating there.

並開始在那用餐

(More background: In my school years, I was a Christian. Extensive Christian, you know. But not the whole belief in it.

更多背景：在校期間我是基督徒，廣泛之基督教，你知道的，但沒有全信於其

You know, reading your Bible and going to church and Sunday School and all those things, I did.

你知道，讀聖經和去彌撒還有去主日學，和其它那些事，我都做了

But in terms of heart-felt belief in God and all those things, I wasn't really ever there.

但...發自內心的信仰上帝和那些東西，我從沒如此

I just did it. But in terms of everything else, for instance...

我只是做，但就其它事來說，例如......

You know the Ouija Board and Astrology and spirits and all those things intriqtued me,

你知道那靈應版（Ouija Board）和占星術及靈修和所有那些事情讓我感到好奇

but because of my Christian background, I was always afraid of it.

但因為我的基督徒背景，我總是很懼怕那些

Curiosity for for me was always there almost those things, but I never dared going "into it."

關於那些事物我的好奇心一直都在，但我從沒膽敢去參與

because it's "wrong" And it's bad And you're not supposed to do that, because that little voice in your head going:

因為那是錯得，而那是不好的且你不該去做那，因為那聲音在你的腦袋中：

(although I don't fully believe in a "God", or God being here,") that voice goes,

（雖然這裡我沒有完全相信神或是神祇）那聲音說：

"you know, that's Lucifer, Satan, Hell! I'm going to hell. Going to Hell, not Heaven,"

你知道，那路西法，撒旦，地獄！我會下地獄，不是天堂

That little background noise was always so there.)

那細小的背景噪音總是在那裡

And Eagle started talking to me. The first thing he said (I've got a little tattoo on my... astrology sign) and he started talking to me about that.

而Eagle（Bernard）開始與我對話。首先他說 -- 我有一個小紋身是占星符號，而他開始談論那

"What's that mark on your flesh, there?" I remember those words.

那個在你身上的標誌是什麼？我記得那些字句

I said, "No, it's my mother's sign, because she passed away a few years ago. Two years ago, three years ago."

我說：不是，那是我母親的記號，因為她幾年前過世了，2..3...年前

And so he started talking to me about astrology. And so the conversation started going, (because they came quite often),

而所以他開始對我聊起了占星術。而所以這溝通持續下去（因為他們常來）

and I always ran to go and serve them because their tips were very good.

而我總是跑去服務他們因為他們小費給很多

So that was the main reason why I enjoyed waitressing for them.

所以那是我享受服務他們之主要理由

And one day, it was a Sunday, I was managing the coffee shop on my own,

而某日，那是星期天，我自己經營咖啡館

I was manager sometimes, and I went to go clear their plates off after they've eaten.

有時候我是經理，而我去清理盤子在他們用餐後

And Eagle says to me, "Your mother is proud of you."

而Eagle對我說：你的母親以你為榮

When he spoke those words, I almost wanted to cry.

當他說那些話時，我幾乎要哭出來

The tears were here, this emotion just welled up inside me, I had to fight to just keep back the tears.

眼淚就在這裡，情緒從我內湧出，我必須奮力忍住淚水

Because this was my mother's death, I was so not over it yet.

因為對於我母親的離世，我還沒釋懷

And everything culminated from Erica being there, and the whole change,

而每件事告終自從Erica在那裡，和整個改變

and me being stuck here in this coffee shop with Lynette and she's got her drug problems

還有我被困在咖啡館這裡...和 Lynette...她有毒癮問題

and her relationship problems with her husband, the fears-- God knows what.

還有她與他丈夫之間的人際關係問題，這恐懼--天知道是什麼

It was not an easy time. And because of the situation I was in, you know, the drugs, the partying and all those things,

那不是輕鬆的時期，而因為那我在其中的狀況，你知道，毒品，派對和所有其它東西

it's like, how could she be proud of me? You know, I'm a mess. I was literally a mess.

就像是，她怎麼可能以我為榮？你知道，我是一團亂，真的一團亂

After he said that to me, I asked him, "How do you know that?"

在他對我說那話後，我問他：你怎麼知道的？

And he said, "She told me that." How is that possible? That's impossible.

而他說：「她告訴我的。」...這怎麼可能？這不可能

I said to him, "Eagle, that's impossible. She's dead." at the same time, I was quite intrigued.

我對他說：「Eagle，那是不可能的，她去世了」但同時我有點好奇

-----

所以，你知道，我們交談了幾句，我沒全記得，我只記得他說：「你母親以你為榮」...而我差點流淚

I held my tears back and I cleared their plates as quickly as possible.

我忍住淚水並盡可能的快速清理掉他們的盤子

I was still holding the plates as they were still talking to me, and I couldn't hear what they were saying,

我仍然拿著盤子而他們仍在對我說話，而我無法聽到他們說了什麼

cause all I was concentrating on was getting out of the vicinity I was in.

因為我專注於逃離我所在之處

I wanted to run back into the coffee shop, into the kitchens.

我想要跑回去咖啡館並進去廚房

So I did. And I cried. And I couldn't stop crying. Just uncontrollable crying. I couldn't stop.

所以我做了，然後我哭了，且無法停止哭泣，無可抑制的痛哭，我無法停止

And every time I calmed down, they'd just come again.

而每次我冷靜下來，它們又再次來臨

And they just come again. Come again. Haven't cried like that ever before in my life.

而它們就是重複來，再次的來，我人生中之前從沒這樣哭過

When I eventually calmed down, a little bit when tears didn't come down,

當我最終稍微冷靜了，稍微是指......眼淚停了

--- When I eventually calmed down, a little bit when tears didn't come down,

---但，我當時（啜泣）

---

我出去並坐在外面，你知道，去稍微冷靜，而他們又來了

I walked out and sat outside, you know, to calm down a bit, and here they come again!

在轉角，他們買了點東西

Around the corner. They had done some shopping.

而就在我再次看到他時，我崩潰大哭而且無法停止

And just when I saw him again, I broke down crying and I couldn't stop.

所以他來並且坐下，然後他看著我的眼睛並說：好，冷靜吧

So he came and sat down. and he looked me in the eyes and said, "Okay. Calm down."

而當他說那些話時，我內在的一切變得平靜，寂靜，就像我沒哭過

And when he spoke those words, every thing in me went quiet. Silent. As though as I hadn't cried.

我依然感覺到眼淚，但一切變的平靜。

I could still feel the tears, but everything went quiet.

而他對我說 - 去拜訪他和他的未婚妻 ， 而.......我說好

And he said to me would I come visit him and his fiance. I said, "Okay."

所以Lynette和我一起去（我拜託她跟我去，也許我沒有勇敢到足以獨自前去 - 主要的原因）

So Lynette and myself went (I asked her to come with me - maybe I wasn't brave enough to go alone).

所以我去且我們做了一些塔羅占卜，這蠻令人驚訝的，因為他能告訴 - 除我之外無人知曉的事

So I went and we did some tarot cards. This was quite amazing. Because he could tell me things nobody knew. Only me.

從塔羅牌中被他解讀出來，當我坐在那

He was reading from the tarot cards while I was sitting.

我的背，幾年前我弄傷我的背，當我約十三歲時

I strained my back a couple of years ago, when I was about thirteen years old.

而他可以告訴我關於那 - 我背部受傷的原因，特別是我下背部

And he could tell me about that - the reason for why I hurt my back, specifically.my lower back

而我很著迷，出於好奇，特別是關於塔羅牌和他所說的

And I was fascinated. Intrigued. Especially about the tarot cards and what he was saying.

而我蠻享受那的，所以那次拜訪之後，那是在一個星期三... ...

And I quite enjoyed it. So after that visit, it was on a Wednesday... < clip ends >