Name: (部分)皮特-戴維森的最佳作品。 ((Some of) The Best of Pete Davidson)
Uploaded: 2021-01-27T18:14:11.000Z
Duration: 15 min 22 s

- If you don't know what Staten Island is,

- 如果你不知道什麼是斯塔滕島。

it's like New York's abortion that lived.

but like not in Staten Island, not at all.

但就像不在史坦頓島一樣，一點也不。

I just dropped out of college, anybody else?

and I think it's 'cause like the first morning,

我認為這是'事業 像第一個早晨，

We were like, "This isn't for any of us."

我們當時想，"這不適合我們任何人"

而且沒有人知道他們用的是什麼。

It was like this don't ask, don't tell policy

One time my roommate came out of the bathroom

I was like, "Fuck, we need toilet paper, holy shit."

我當時想，"他媽的，我們需要衛生紙，神聖的狗屎。"

'cause I went to an all boy Catholic school.

因為我上的是一所全男生的天主教學校。

Here's something that should never happen

It just shouldn't happen 'cause there's priests there.

只是不應該發生，因為那裡有牧師。

And priests are like sharks when you get a cut

牧師們就像鯊魚一樣，當你被割傷的時候

I got my priest to stop hitting on me, though.

不過我讓我的牧師不再打我了。

I'm a pot head, I'm pretty sure you could tell.

我是一個鍋蓋頭，我敢肯定，你可以告訴。

I smoke weed 'cause the commercials against it suck.

我抽大麻是因為反對它的廣告太爛了。

Like the cigarette commercials are good, they're good.

像香菸的廣告很好，他們很好。

"How am I gonna smoke weed with no fingers?"

There's certain things I can't do when I'm high.

有些事情我在高處的時候不能做。

I can't play Call of Duty 'cause I'm afraid of dying.

我不能玩 "使命召喚"，因為我怕死。

Soon as the game starts, I just hide behind a rock.

遊戲一開始，我就躲在石頭後面。

"I'm gonna listen to these fifth graders call me a homo

"我要聽這些五年級的學生叫我同性戀者

All my friends are black if you can't tell

我的朋友都是黑人，你看不出來嗎？

You ever have a black guy compliment your sneakers?

你有沒有被黑人誇獎過你的運動鞋？

You're like, "Oh wow, these must be cool."

你會說，"哦，哇，這些一定很酷。"

如果一個白人誇獎我的運動鞋。

I'm like, "I'm gonna throw these out, these must,

我想，"我要把這些扔掉，這些必須。

"what do I look like, I have a kid coming?"

"我看起來像什麼，我有一個孩子來了？"

I'm from Staten Island, I'm sorry everybody.

我來自斯坦頓島，對不起大家。

If you guys don't know what Staten Island is,

如果你們不知道斯塔滕島是什麼。

It's this awful place where dreams die and

這是個可怕的地方，在這裡，夢想死了，而且...

are women sex offenders, I think that's awesome.

是女性性犯罪者，我認為這是真棒。

其實這也是我還住在那裡的原因。

If I turn on Fox News and the guy's like,

如果我打開福克斯新聞，這傢伙的喜歡，

"Woman rapes three kids ages 13 to 17 in the woods,"

"女子在樹林裡強姦了三個13到17歲的孩子"

"You got that Boy Scout outfit from third grade?"

"你有三年級時的童子軍裝嗎？"

I'm gonna fucking die, I'm not gonna make it.

我他媽要死了，我活不下去了。

我的朋友們都說，"你想出去嗎？"

I'm like, "You gotta check the forecast first.

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(部分)皮特-戴維森的最佳作品。 ((Some of) The Best of Pete Davidson)

weird

realize

audience

straightforward