Here's good news.

好消息是

It's time to start the monologue.

是時候開始獨白了。

Yes, way Right now we are in the final full week of the Trump presidency.

是的，現在我們正處於特朗普總統任期的最後一週。

Final week.

最後一週。

Yeah, but apparently after the awful display that we saw last week, 57% of Americans now want President Trump removed from office immediately.

是的，但顯然在上週我們看到的可怕表現之後，57%的美國人現在希望特朗普總統立即下臺。

The other 43% were busy dry cleaning their American flag kilt in Buffalo.

另外43%的人在水牛城忙著乾洗他們的美國國旗短裙。

Hatton couldn't be reached for comment.

無法聯繫到哈頓發表評論。

57% of Americans would like Trump out.

57%的美國人希望特朗普出局。

Did we need this poll?

我們需要這個調查嗎？

Anyone I honor, I thought This is what elections of all.

我尊敬的任何人，我以為這是什麼選舉的所有。

But basically this is the part of the movie where America has finally decided that they're over there.

但基本上這部分電影中，美國人終於決定，他們在那邊。

Toxic ex.

有毒的前。

They get a new haircut, you know, unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield starts playing, and they just stride purposefully down the road, just letting the world know that they're starting a fresh.

他們得到一個新的髮型，你知道，未寫的娜塔莎-貝丁菲爾德開始播放，他們只是大步流星地走在路上，只是讓世界知道，他們開始一個新的。

Today, Trump went down to Texas to visit the border wall.

今天，特朗普去德克薩斯州參觀邊境牆。

White House build Trump's visit as a chance to quote marked the completion of more than 400 miles of border wall.

白宮以構建特朗普訪問為契機，引用標誌著400多英里邊境牆的完成。

Well, that's a wrap on a flawless administration.

好吧，這就是一個完美無瑕的政府的包裝。

Trump went to visit the border wall.

特朗普去參觀邊境牆。

What a nice reminder of how much the President hates people storming barriers on entering places they aren't legally allowed.

多麼好的提醒，總統是多麼討厭人們在進入他們不被合法允許的地方時衝撞障礙。

Remember three years ago when we thought the most insane thing we'd have to worry about with Trump was that wall like, That's what we thought.

還記得三年前，當我們認為和特朗普在一起最瘋狂的事情就是那堵牆一樣，我們就是這麼想的。

I look upon that as great times now.

我現在把它看作是偉大的時代。

Oh, yeah.

哦，是的。

Meanwhile, the corporate backlash against Donald Trump continues.

與此同時，企業對唐納德-特朗普的反擊還在繼續。

Trump's banks have now cut him off, and they are refusing to do any future business with him.

特朗普的銀行現在已經切斷了他的業務，他們拒絕與他做任何未來的業務。

I guess you could say that these banks lost interest.

我想你可以說這些銀行失去了興趣。

Thank you.

謝謝你了

It wasn't even impromptu.

這甚至不是臨時起意的。

Wrote out myself.

自己寫出來的。

Oh, May One of the financial institutions is Deutsche Bank.

哦，May 其中一家金融機構是德意志銀行。

You know that you've screwed up when you force giant multinational banks to make morally correct decisions.

當你強迫巨型跨國銀行做出道德上正確的決定時，你就知道你已經搞砸了。

That's it.

就這樣吧

We're out of the carriage.

我們下了馬車。

Were back in the studio, were allowed back in.

我們回到了工作室，被允許回來。

That's right.

是的

So get get ready to be upgraded from an underwhelming show to a whelming shudder.

所以要做好準備，從一個不溫不火的節目升級到一個令人顫抖的節目。

Prepare to be weld big news.

準備成為焊接大新聞。

You know what I'm gonna say?

你知道我想說什麼嗎？

Donald Trump just became the first president in history to be impeached twice.

唐納德-特朗普剛剛成為歷史上第一位被彈劾兩次的總統。

Twice?

兩次？

Yeah, I gotta say, I hope trump supporters don't suddenly become angry and volatile about this.

是啊，我得說，我希望特朗普的支持者們不要因為這件事突然變得憤怒和不穩定。

That's it.

就這樣吧

To impeachments, to impeachments.

要彈劾，要彈劾。

And just like Trump Sons, the second one is the most embarrassing.

而就像特朗普之子一樣，第二個是最尷尬的。

His time around a Senate impeachment trial could be a bit rocky for the president.

他在參議院彈劾審判前後的時間對總統來說可能有點搖擺不定。

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell is apparently pleased about Trump's impeachment because he thinks it will make it easier to distance Trump from the Republican Party.

參議院多數黨領袖米奇-麥康奈爾顯然對特朗普被彈劾感到高興，因為他認為這將使特朗普更容易與共和黨保持距離。

It's official Mitch McConnell has turned his back on Trump, which means someone should probably help him.

這是官方的米奇-麥康奈爾已經背棄了特朗普，這意味著有人可能應該幫助他。

Because usually when Mitch McConnell flips onto his back, it's a yeah, it is hard for him to get back up on the right side again.

因為通常當米奇-麥康奈爾翻身的時候，是啊，他很難再從右邊站起來。

Big news.

大新聞。

Apparently, President Trump isn't taking his second impeachment well, according to reports, Trump is quote isolated and angry.

顯然，特朗普總統並沒有很好地接受第二次彈劾，據報道，特朗普被報價孤立和憤怒。

I don't like hearing this.

我不喜歡聽這個。

What happened to that joyful social butterfly we all know and love?

那個我們都熟悉和喜愛的快樂社交蝴蝶怎麼了？

Imagine, try imagine.

想象，嘗試想象。

Trump is sitting in the Oval Office just writing angry notes of paper, crumpling them up, just yelling tweets.

特朗普坐在橢圓形辦公室裡只是寫著憤怒的紙條，把紙條揉成一團，只是大喊大叫的推文。

That would have been a good tweets.

這本來是一條不錯的微博。

Trump is also reportedly so angry with his lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, that he's instructed his aides not to pay Giuliani's legal fees.

據報道，特朗普對其律師魯迪-朱利安尼也非常生氣，他已經訓示助手不要支付朱利安尼的法律費用。

Aled that good lawyering for nothing.

Aled，好律師白當了。

This is this is like the end of Jurassic Park when the Raptors and the T Rex just turn on each other at the end and get this.

這就像《侏羅紀公園》的結尾，猛龍和T雷克斯就在最後反目成仇，然後得到這個。

Trump has even demanded that he personally approved any out of pocket reimbursement for expenses Giuliani incurred while he traveled the country, challenging election results on You know Trump's upset when he's starting to make careful decisions with his money.

特朗普甚至要求他親自準許朱利安尼在旅行時發生的任何零用錢報帳費用，挑戰選舉結果在你知道特朗普不高興時，他開始用他的錢做出謹慎的決定。

Rudy is really getting screwed, Trump says.

特朗普說，魯迪真的被耍了。

He's only willing to pay for two seasons worth of total landscaping.

他只願意支付兩個賽季的總景觀費。

On with Giuliani on the outs, Trump is looking for a new lawyer to defend him at his impeachment trial.

在朱利安尼出局的情況下，特朗普正在尋找新的律師，為他在彈劾審判中辯護。

Trump's reportedly considering hiring John Eastman.

據報道，特朗普正在考慮聘請約翰-伊斯特曼。

If you don't know who John Eastman is, he's here speaking at Trump's rally right before the riot.

如果你不知道約翰-伊斯特曼是誰 If you don't know who John Eastman is, 他在暴動前的特朗普集會上發言 he's here speaking at Trump's rally right before the riot.

He basically looks like a TV lawyer who specializes exclusively in people who got injured during Jimmy Buffett concerts.

他看起來就像一個電視律師 專門處理在吉米-巴菲特演唱會上受傷的人的案件。

You know things are bad.

你知道事情很糟糕。

If you're in a photo with Rudy Giuliani on, Did you look like the crazy one?

如果你和魯迪-朱利安尼合影，你看起來像個瘋子嗎？

Now that guy might be Trump's new lawyer.

現在這傢伙可能是特朗普的新律師。

At least Eastman is gonna do all of the work pro bono.

至少Eastman會無償地完成所有的工作。

He doesn't know that yet, but he is.

他還不知道，但他已經知道了。

This morning.

今天早上。

New York City announced that its severing, all contracts with the Trump organization start spreading.

紐約市宣佈其斷絕，所有與特朗普組織的合同開始蔓延。

The new one of the contracts included operating the carousel at Central Park.

新的一份合同包括經營中央公園的旋轉木馬。

I feel like I should have asked this four years ago.

我覺得我應該在四年前就問這個問題。

What does the Trump organization do exactly?

特朗普組織到底是幹什麼的？

It's like shady real estate deals, unsavory international transactions, America Rounds.

就像黑幕房地產交易，不光彩的國際交易，美國輪。

What would another surprising what what business would you be surprised by if the Trump Organization organized that in New York?

如果特朗普組織在紐約組織的，你會對另一個令人驚訝的什麼業務感到驚訝？

Like maybe a group of people that just say, like, Hey, hey, I'm walking here just to perpetuate the stereotype of New York because they're all paid employees of the city, you know that.

就像也許一群人，只是說，像， 嘿，嘿，我走在這裡只是為了延續 紐約的刻板印象，因為他們都 支付的員工的城市，你知道的。

Just give it a flavor.

只要給它一個味道。

Hey, I'm walking here.

嘿，我走在這裡。

I think I could play a good canister in the movie.

我想我可以在電影中扮演一個好罐子。

I think that you should.

我覺得你應該。

You think I could do that?

你覺得我能做到嗎？

You should.

你應該。

Hey, Tommy, relax and forget about it.

嘿，湯米，放鬆，忘記它。

Yep, they call him.

是的，他們叫他。

They call him short arm Jimmy.

他們叫他短臂吉米。

That's what I'm saying.

這就是我要說的。

God, forget about.

天啊，忘了吧。

That's exactly what I'm saying.

這正是我要說的。

Here's some good news for those of us here in Los Angeles.

對於我們洛杉磯的人來說，這是一個好消息。

Starting tomorrow, Dodger Stadium will be converted into a cove in 19 vaccination site.

從明天開始，道奇體育場將在19個疫苗接種點改建為海灣。

Yeah, a lot of people will be going on if you need help using the needle.

是啊，如果你需要幫助用針，很多人都會上。

Most baseball players from the nineties should be able to assist you.

大多數九十年代的棒球運動員應該可以幫助你。

They won't be playing any baseball at the stadium, which really cuts down on the chances that you could die of boredom before getting your vaccine aunt.

他們不會在體育場打任何棒球，這真的減少了你在打疫苗阿姨之前可能會無聊死的機會。

To make things the safest possible, Clayton Kershaw will be administering the vaccines from 60 ft away.

為了使事情儘可能安全，克萊頓-克肖將從60英尺外管理疫苗。

You don't even get it.

你甚至不明白。

You don't even get out of the car.

你甚至不下車。

You drive your mask on, you drive up.

你戴上口罩，你開起來。

Then someone says, You advise.

然後有人說，你建議。

They said, Just wind the window and you drive around the parking lot and he just bang like that Bang in the arm and that's it done.

他們說，只要把車窗風一吹，你開車繞著停車場轉一圈，他就會像這樣砰砰砰地打在手臂上，就完事了。

Church in Brazil has opened a tourist attraction, which is being called the world's worst waxwork museum, because but the figures are so bad that visitors can't recognize the celebrities.

巴西的教堂開設了一個旅遊景點，被稱為世界上最差的蠟像館，因為但人物形象太差，遊客認不出名人。

Do you have an idea of how bad it is?

你知道它有多糟糕嗎？

This is supposed to be Marilyn Monroe.

這應該是瑪麗蓮-夢露。

The scented candle in my office looks more like Marilyn Monroe than that.

我辦公室裡的香薰蠟燭看起來更像瑪麗蓮-夢露，而不是。

I've studied the other exhibits, and I gotta be honest.

我研究了其他展品，我得說實話。

They wouldn't be so bad if they just labeled them properly.

如果他們只是正確地貼上標籤，他們就不會那麼糟糕。

So the museum, they say that this is Elvis, right?

所以，博物館，他們說這是貓王，對嗎？

Well, it's obviously sure.

嗯，這顯然是肯定的。

Mendez.

門德斯。

They say This is Princess Diana, but it's obviously television host Laura Ingraham on Finally Band.

他們說這是戴安娜王妃，但很明顯是電視節目主持人勞拉-英格拉漢姆在最後樂隊。

I want your guesses.

我想知道你的猜測。

Have you any idea who this is supposed to bay?

你知道這應該是誰的電話嗎？

Right?

對吧？

Dennis Rodman?

丹尼斯-羅德曼？

Dennis Rodman?

丹尼斯-羅德曼？

You think Dennis Rodman Anyone else?

你覺得丹尼斯-羅德曼還有誰？

Kareem Abdul, Kareem Abdul.

Kareem Abdul, Kareem Abdul.

What you think you think Kareem Abdul Jabbar E.

你覺得你覺得卡里姆-阿卜杜勒-賈巴爾-E。

You're all wrong.

你們都錯了

It's Nelson Mandela.

是納爾遜-曼德拉

Look at that.

你看那個。