I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.

我是你的主播，史蒂芬-科爾伯特。

WELL, JUST WHEN WE ALL THOUGHT 2020 WAS THE WORST 12 MONTHS OF

當我們都認為2020年是最糟糕的12個月的時候。

OUR LIVES, 2021 SAID, "HOLD MY YEAR."

我們的生活，2021年說，"持有我的一年。"

YOU MIGHT RECALL THAT YESTERDAY, THE OUTGOING PRESIDENT INCITED

大家可能還記得，前幾天，即將離任的總統在他的上司下，召開了

AN INSURRECTION AND UNLEASHED AN ANGRY SEDITIOUS MOB THAT STORMED

一個保險，並釋放了一個憤怒的SEDITIOUS MOB的風暴

THE U.S. CAPITOL IN AN ATTEMPT TO STAGE A VIOLENT COUP.

在美國首都試圖上演一場暴力衝突。

TO OUR WORRIED FRIENDS AND ALLIES ACROSS THE GLOBE--

致全球各地憂心忡忡的朋友和盟友----。

REST ASSURED, AMERICA KNOWS WE HAVE A PROBLEM, AND ARE SEEKING

放心吧，美國知道我們有問題，正在尋求解決方法

TREATMENT.

治療：

SOON.

很快。

BUT AS WORRIED AS OUR FRIENDS AND ALLIES MIGHT BE, YOU KNOW

但我們的朋友和盟友可能會擔心，你知道嗎？

WHO SOUNDS MORE WORRIED?

誰聽起來更憂心忡忡？

THE PRESIDENT.

主席：

BECAUSE JUST A LITTLE WHILE AGO, MY TAPING TIME, HE RELEASED A

因為就在不久前，我的錄影時間，他發佈了一個。

VIDEO THAT, CURIOUSLY, CONTAINED NONE OF THE BRAVADO OF YESTERDAY

視頻，奇怪的是，包含了今天的任何BRAVADO的視頻

MORNING.

早晨。

NO CRIES OF "STOP THE STEAL," NO CALLS FOR ACTION, NO FOMENTING A

沒有 "停止偷竊 "的呼聲，沒有 "行動呼籲"，也沒有 "憤怒 "的情緒。

MINDLESS MOB AND DECLARATIONS THAT HE WILL NEVER SURRENDER.

無心的MOB和聲明，他永遠不會投降。

ALSO, NO APOLOGY OR ACCEPTANCE OF PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY.

另外，不道歉，也不接受個人責任。

IT DEFINITELY HAS THE FEEL OF SOMEONE THAT HAS BEEN TOLD BY

這無疑是一個人的感覺，被人說了。

THEIR LAWYER, THAT IN 13 DAYS-- OR LESS-- THEY CAN BE CHARGED

他們的律師，在13天或更少的時間裡，他們可以被起訴。

WITH INSURRECTION, SEDITION, AND INCITING VIOLENCE.

與保險、鎮壓和煽動暴力。

MAYBE HOMICIDE.

也許是殺人。

I DON'T KNOW.

我不知道。

I'M NOT A LAWYER.

我不是一個律師。

I'M A CLOWN.

我是一個小丑。

LIKE RUDY.

像RUDY。

SO, I'M NOT GOING TO SHOW YOU A WORD OF IT, BECAUSE HE DOESN'T

所以，我不會給你看一個字的，因為他不知道。

MEAN A WORD OF IT.

意思是一個字的它。

A MAN FACING A NOOSE WILL SAY ANYTHING TO SAVE HIS NECK.

一個人在面對鼻涕時，會不惜一切代價來挽救自己的脖子。

OR SAVE HIS SKIN.

或者拯救他的皮膚。

IT'S HARD TO TELL.

很難說。

THERE'S A LOT OF SKIN AROUND THAT NECK.

脖子上有很多皮膚。

ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW IS HE'S TERRIFIED, AND IF YOU'RE ONE OF

你只需要知道他被嚇壞了，如果你是其中之一，你就會被嚇壞。

THE PEOPLE WHO MARCHED UP TO CAPITOL HILL ON HIS ORDERS:

在他的命令下游行到國會山的人。

YOU GET OUT YOUR FLAG, PUT ON YOUR HAT, AND YOU GIVE IT A

你拿出你的旗幟，戴上你的帽子，然後你給它。

WATCH.

看：

YOU ALSO MIGHT WANT TO PUT ON A CUP, BECAUSE HE THREW YOU UNDER

你也可以戴上一個杯子，因為他把你扔下去了。

THE BUS THAT'S GOING TO TAKE ALL OF YOU TO JAIL.

那輛要把你們都送進監獄的車。

BECAUSE WHO IS GOING TO DEFEND YOU?

因為誰會為你辯護？

OR HIM?

還是他？

OR THOSE SENATORS AND CONGRESSMEN FOR WHAT YOU ALL

或那些參議員和國會議員，因為你們都是

DID?

DID？

FOR PETE'S SAKE, THE "WALL STREET JOURNAL" EDITORIAL BOARD

看在彼得的份上，《華爾街日報》編輯部。

JUST CALLED ON THE PRESIDENT TO RESIGN.

剛剛呼籲主席辭職。

OVER 100 LAWMAKERS ARE CALLING FOR THE PRESIDENT'S REMOVAL.

超過100名法律界人士呼籲罷免主席。

AND TODAY, NANCY PELOSI THREATENED TO PURSUE IMPEACHMENT

今天，NANCY PELOSI威脅說要追究違法行為。

IF THE PRESIDENT'S CABINET DOES NOT REMOVE HIM USING THE 25TH

如果主席內閣不利用第25次會議的機會將他免職。

AMENDMENT.

修正：

THAT IS SOME SERIOUS "ONE OF US HAS TO TAKE AWAY GRANDPA'S CAR

這是一些嚴重的 "我們中的一個必須帶走爺爺的車"。

KEYS" ENERGY.

關鍵 "能源。

AND MAY I REMIND YOU, THIS CAR HAS NUCLEAR MISSILES.

我想提醒你，這輛車有核彈。

FOR THOSE OF YOU READING THE CONSTITUTION WHO HAVEN'T GOTTEN

對於那些正在閱讀憲法但還沒有讀懂的人而言

TO THE 25TH AMENDMENT YET-- SPOILER ALERT-- IT ALLOWS THE

第25條修正案 -- 劇透提示 -- 它允許... ...

CABINET TO REMOVE THE PRESIDENT IF THEY DECLARE HE IS UNABLE TO

如果內閣宣佈主席不能勝任，將其免職。

DISCHARGE THE POWERS AND DUTIES OF HIS OFFICE.

解除其職務的權力和義務；

THAT CHECKS OUT.

這檢查出來。

ALTHOUGH, I'M PRETTY SURE HE'S DISCHARGED PLENTY OF DUTY IN HIS

雖然，我敢肯定，他在他的工作中已經卸下了很多責任。

OFFICE.

辦公室：

BUT AS A PRACTICAL MATTER, THE VICE PRESIDENT HAS TO ORGANIZE

但在實際工作中，副主席必須安排

THE CABINET FOR A VOTE.

內閣進行表決。

SO, TODAY, SPEAKER PELOSI AND SOON-TO-BE SENATE MAJORITY

所以，今天，演講者佩洛西和即將成為參議院多數黨的人

LEADER CHUCK SCHUMER CALLED THE VICE PRESIDENT TO TALK ABOUT

領導人朱克-舒默召集副總統談及

THIS URGENT SUBJECT-- BUT WERE LEFT ON A HOLDING LINE

這個緊急的主題 - 但被留在了一個保持行

FOR 20 MINUTES WITHOUT MR. PENCE PICKING UP.

20分鐘，沒有先生在場。彭斯撿到了。

I BELIEVE WE HAVE THE VICE PRESIDENT'S ANSWERING

我相信我們已經有了副總統的回答。

SERVICE.

服務。

>> YOU'VE REACHED THE OFFICE OF MIKE PENCE.

>> 這裡是邁克・彭斯辦公室。

IF YOU WANT YOUR SON TO STOP BEING GAY, PRESS ONE.

如果你想讓你的兒子不再是同志，請按1。

IF YOU WANT YOUR PRESIDENT REMOVED FROM OFFICE, PLEASE

如果您希望您的主席被免職，請

HOLD, YOUR CONSTITUTIONAL CRISIS IS IMPORTANT TO US.

等等，你的憲法危機對我們很重要。

MOTHER, PACK THE BAGS!

媽媽，打包行李！

( BEEP ) >> Stephen: IN THE PRESIDENT'S

( 嗶嗶聲 ) >> 史蒂芬: 在主席的辦公室裡

VIDEO, HE SAYS THERE WILL BE AN ORDERLY TRANSITION ON

視頻，他說將會有一個有序的過渡上

JANUARY 20."

JANUARY 20。"

BUT HE'S NOT SAYING ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT HE'S GOING TO DO

但他沒有說任何關於他要做什麼的事

BEFORE THEN.

在那之前。

I'M GUESSING SEND A PALLET OF METH AND MACHETES TO EVERY BASS

我想應該給每一個低音提琴手發一包麻藥和機械裝置吧

PRO SHOP IN THE COUNTRY WITH A NOTE SAYING "MAKE ME PROUD!"

在國家的專業商店裡，有一張寫著 "讓我自豪！"的紙條。

ASIDE FROM HIS FEAR OF REMOVAL OR PROSECUTION, MAYBE BABY JUST

除了他害怕被驅逐或被起訴之外，也許寶寶只是...

WANTS HIS TOY BACK.

他想要回他的玩具。

BECAUSE TWITTER LOCKED THE PRESIDENT'S ACCOUNT AFTER HIS

因為微博鎖定了總統的賬戶後，他的。

RIOT ON CAPITOL HILL.

美國國會山暴動。

GOOD TO KNOW TWITTER IS FINALLY TREATING A VIOLENCE-INCITING

很高興知道TWITTER終於處理了一個暴力事件。

FASCIST AS HARSHLY AS A TEENAGER WHO USED SEVEN SECONDS OF AN

FASCIST AS HARTERLY AS A TEENAGER WHO USED SEVEN SECONDS OF AN.

IMAGINE DRAGONS SONG.

IMAGINE DRAGONS SONG。

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID, BRAYDEN.

你知道你做了什麼，佈雷登。

AFTER THE PRESIDENT CONTINUED TO POST LIES ABOUT THE ELECTION,

在主席繼續對選舉撒謊之後，

TWITTER ANNOUNCED HIS ACCOUNT WOULD BE LOCKED FOR 12 HOURS.

TWITTER宣佈他的賬戶將被鎖定12小時。

WHICH MEANS, LAST NIGHT, THE PRESIDENT HAD THE MOST BORING

這意味著，昨晚，總統有最無聊的。

POOPS OF HIS LIFE.

他生命中的POOPS。

OVERALL, IT WAS A TOUGH DAY FOR THE PRESIDENT'S SOCIAL MEDIA

總的來說，這是總統的社交媒體艱難的一天。

PRESENCE.

存在。

HE ALSO GOT BLOCKED FROM POSTING TO FACEBOOK AND INSTAGRAM

他還被封鎖了 從發佈到Facebook和INSTAGRAM的

INDEFINITELY.

絕對是。

YOUTUBE PULLED HIS VIDEO ADDRESS TO THE RIOTERS, CITING ELECTION

YOUTUBE把他的視頻拉到了騷亂者那裡，引用了選舉。

MISINFORMATION, AND AMAZON BANNED HIM FROM ORDERING PIXIE

誤導，亞馬遜禁止他訂購PIXIE。

STICKS BECAUSE THEY GET HIM TOO WOUND UP BEFORE BEDTIME.

因為他們在睡覺前把他弄得渾身是傷。

WHILE WE ARE ALL HOPING SOMEDAY THE PRESIDENT GETS HIS

雖然我們都希望有一天主席能得到他的。

COMEUPPANCE.

COMEUPPANCE。

HE SEEMS DETERMINED TO KEEP HIS UPPANCE UN-COMED.

他似乎決定讓他的上半身不受傷害。

EARLIER TODAY WE LEARNED THE PRESIDENT HAS SUGGESTED TO AIDES

今天早些時候，我們獲悉總統已建議援助國。

HE WANTS TO PARDON HIMSELF IN THE FINAL DAYS OF HIS

他想在他最後的日子裡寬恕自己。

PRESIDENCY.

總統：

JUST WHAT THE FOUNDING FATHERS INTENDED.

正是創始人的意願。

REMINDS ME OF THAT GEORGE WASHINGTON QUOTE, "I CHOPPED

讓我想起了喬治-華盛頓的那句名言："I CHOPPED"。

DOWN THAT CHERRY TREE AND GOT AWAY WITH IT, ( BLEEP )!

把那棵櫻桃樹打倒，然後把它拿走了，（嗶嗶）!

KISS MY WOODEN BALLS!" BUT HE'S NOT BEING STINGY WITH

吻我的木球！"但是，他不是刺耳的與

THE GET-OUT-OF-JAIL-FREE CARDS.

擺脫監禁的卡片。

REPORTEDLY, THE PRESIDENT HAS CONSIDERED A RANGE OF PREEMPTIVE

據報告，主席考慮了一系列的先發制人措施。

PARDONS FOR DONALD JR., ERIC, IVANKA, JARED KUSHNER, AND RUDY

赦免唐納德-JR.、埃裡克、伊萬卡、賈裡德-庫什納和魯迪。

GIULIANI.

GIULIANI：

NOTHING FOR MELANIA, BUT, OBVIOUSLY, SHE'S ALREADY SERVING

沒有什麼對羅馬尼亞，但是，很明顯，她已經服務於。

HARD TIME, THOUGH I'M GUESSING IT WAS PRETTY SOFT.

艱難的時間，但我猜測它是非常柔軟的。

BUT WHILE THE WRITING SEEMS TO BE ON THE WALL FOR THIS

但是，當文字似乎是在牆上為這個

ADMINISTRATION, NOT EVERYONE IN CONGRESS CAN READ.

行政管理，不是每個人都在國會閱讀。

LIKE FLORIDA CONGRESSMAN AND MAN DESPERATELY HOPING FOR A

像佛羅里達州的議員和男子迫切希望得到一個。

"GUYS AND DOLLS" AUDITION, MATT GAETZ.

"小夥子和娃娃 "聽證會，MATT GAETZ。

LAST NIGHT ON THE FLOOR OF THE HOUSE, WHICH WAS STILL RIDDLED

昨晚在這棟房子的地板上，它仍然是亂七八糟的。

WITH THE BROKEN GLASS OF THE PRESIDENT'S THUGS, GAETZ FLOATED

蓋茨帶著主席的腳蹼的碎玻璃，漂浮在空中。

A STORY FROM THE "WASHINGTON TIMES" THAT A FACIAL RECOGNITION

華盛頓時報》的一則故事：一個面子上的認可。

COMPANY HAD SEEN THAT SOME OF THE MOB WAS REALLY ANTIFA!

連隊發現一些暴徒真的是反法分子！

THAT'S KIND OF INTERESTING.

這是一種有趣的。

WHAT'S MORE INTERESTING IS THE FACIAL RECOGNITION COMPANY SAID

更令人感興趣的是 臉部識別公司表示

"NO, WE DIDN'T."

"不，我們沒有。"

THOUGH THEY DID SAY THEY I.D.'D SOME

雖然他們說過他們會有一些。

NEO-NAZIS IN THE CROWD.

人群中的NEO -NAZIS。

BUT IF YOU'RE GOING TO SELL THE ( BLEEP )-COVERING FANTASY THAT

但是，如果你要銷售的（BLEEP）-覆蓋幻想，

THE RIOTERS WEREN'T REALLY THE PRESIDENT'S SUPPORTERS, YOU KNOW

騷亂者並不是總統的支持者，你知道嗎？

WHAT WOULD HELP?

有什麼幫助？

IF THE PRESIDENT'S SUPPORTERS WOULD STOP BRAGGING THAT THEY'RE

如果總統的支持者們不要再吹噓他們是在做什麼，那麼他們就不會再去做了。

THE RIOTERS.

"暴徒"。

CASE IN POINT, THAT GUY WHO BROKE INTO THE SPEAKER OF THE

舉個例子，那個闖入演說家的傢伙。

HOUSE'S OFFICE.

房子的辦公室。

HIS NAME IS RICHARD "BIGO" BARNETT, AND HE'S THE LEADER

他的名字叫理查德-"比戈"-巴內特，他是領袖。

OF A PRO-GUN RIGHTS GROUP IN GRAVETTE, ARKANSAS.

阿肯色州格雷維特的一個支持槍支權利的團體。

HOW DO I KNOW THIS?

我怎麼知道這個？

HE IDENTIFIED HIMSELF AS THE INTRUDER TO A "NEW YORK TIMES"

他指認自己是 "紐約時報 "的入侵者。

REPORTER.

記者：

OUR SOURCE WAS THE "NEW YORK TIMES"!

我們的消息來源是《紐約時報》！

THAT WAS PRETTY DUMB.

那是非常愚蠢的。

HASN'T HE EVER SEEN THE "TIMES'" MOTTO?

他沒有看過《時代週刊》嗎？MOTTO？

"ALL THE NEWS THAT'S ADMISSIBLE IN COURT."

"所有的新聞，在法庭上可以接受的。"

TIME AND TIME AGAIN, PEOPLE , THESE VIOLENT IDIOTS,

時間和時間再一次，人們，這些暴力的白痴。

LOOKED RIGHT INTO THE CAMERA, GAVE THEIR CONTACT INFORMATION

直視鏡頭，提供了他們的聯繫資訊。

AND SAID EXACTLY WHAT THEY WERE UP TO.

並說出了他們要做的事情。

>> MA'AM, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?

>> 女士，你發生了什麼事？

>> I GOT MACED.

>> 我被MAC了。

>> YOU GOT MACED.

>> 你被吸食了。

WHAT HAPPENED?

發生了什麼事？

YOU WERE TRYING TO GO INSIDE THE CAPITOL?

你想進入國會大廈？

>> YEAH, I MADE IT LIKE A FOOT INSIDE AND THEY PUSHED ME OUT

>> 是的，我把它當成一隻腳在裡面，然後他們把我推了出來。

AND THEY MACED ME.

他們把我打了一頓。

>> WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

>> 你叫什麼名字？

WHERE ARE YOU FROM?

你是哪裡人？

>> MY NAME IS ELIZABETH, I'M FROM KNOXVILLE, TENNESSEE.

>> 我的名字是艾莉莎，我來自田納西州的克諾維爾。

>> AND WHY DID YOU WANT TO GO IN?

>> 你為什麼想進去？

>> WE'RE STORMING THE CAPITOL!

>> 我們正在攻打首都！

IT'S A REVOLUTION.

這是一場革命。

>> STEPHEN: IT'S A REVOLUTION, AND YOU'RE COMPLAINING THAT THEY

>> 這是一場革命，而你卻在抱怨他們的行為

MACED YOU?

你被打了嗎？

IN A REAL REVOLUTION, WHEN YOU LOSE, THEY CHOP YOUR ( BLEEP )

在真正的革命中，當你輸了，他們就會砍掉你的（BLEEP）。

HEAD OFF!

頭關閉！

AND THEN YOUR PIANO SCARF DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO WRAP

然後你的鋼琴圍巾就沒有任何東西可以包起來了

AROUND!

繞著走！

WOULDN'T THAT BE SAD?

那豈不是很悲哀？

IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME, ASK FAILED REVOLUTIONARY... OH,

如果你不相信我，問失敗的革命者... ...哦。

WAIT, YOU CAN'T, BECAUSE THEY CHOPPED THEIR ( BLEEP ) HEAD

等等，你不能，因為他們砍了他們的頭。

OFF!

關！

AND THAT'S WHERE THEY KEEP THE EARS AND THE MOUTH.

這就是他們的耳朵和嘴巴的地方。

REALLY POOR PLANNING ON THE WHOLE HEAD THING!

整個頭部的事情真的很糟糕的規劃!

ONE OF THE PEOPLE POSTING FROM INSIDE THE INSURRECTION WAS

其中一個從保險內部發帖的人是... ...

ACTUALLY A NEWLY-ELECTED MEMBER OF THE WEST VIRGINIA HOUSE OF

實際上是西弗吉尼亞州眾議院新當選的議員。

DELEGATES.

DELEGATES.

DELEGATE DERRICK EVANS STREAMED THIS VIDEO ON SOCIAL MEDIA

DERRICK EVANS議員在社交媒體上播放了這段視頻。

YESTERDAY: >> WE'RE IN!

明天：>>我們進去了!

WE'RE IN!

我們進去了！

DERRICK EVANS IS IN THE CAPITOL!

DERRICK EVANS在首都！

>> STEPHEN: OKAY, IT'S NEVER A GOOD IDEA TO LIVE-STREAM YOUR

>> 好吧，這絕不是一個好主意，現場直播你的

OWN CRIMES.

自己的犯罪。

BUT IF YOU DO, YOU GOT TO REMEMBER NOT TO SHOUT YOUR OWN

但是，如果你這樣做，你一定要記住，不要喊你自己的。

NAME.

名稱：

BANK ROBBERS DON'T SAY: "OKAY, PUT THE MONEY IN THE BAG,

搶銀行的人不會說："好吧，把錢放進袋子裡。

REAL CALM AND NO ONE GETS HURT.

真正的平靜，沒有人受到傷害。

OOH, YEAH!

哦，是的！

ANOTHER SUCCESSFUL HEIST FOR DOUG SULLIVAN OF 310 RIDGEFIELD

RIDGEFIELD310號的DOUG SULLIVAN又一次成功搶劫了

ROAD IN MORRISVILLE, ILLINOIS, 11854."

路在莫里斯維爾，伊利諾伊州，11854。"

THOSE GUYS ARE MERELY THE TIP OF THE DOUCHEBERG, WHICH IS WHY THE

這些傢伙只是小菜一碟，這也就是為什麼

F.B.I. IS ASKING FOR THE PUBLIC'S HELP IDENTIFYING

F.B.I.請求公眾幫助識別。

TRUMPISTS WHO STORMED CAPITOL, AND HAS SET UP A WEBSITE FOR

衝擊國會的特朗普主義者，並建立了一個網站，為

TIPS.

TIPS：

FBI.GOV/USCAPITOL.

FBI.GOV/USCAPITOL。

AND I'M SURE THEY'RE BEING INUNDATED WITH USEFUL TIPS AS WE

我敢肯定，他們被淹沒與有用的提示，因為我們。

SPEAK.

說話。

(AS F.B.I. AGENT) "OKAY, GUYS, LISTEN UP.

好了，夥計們，聽好了。

WE'VE GOT A HOT TIP TO BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR KNOWN RIOTER SEYMOUR

我們有一個熱門的提示，要注意已知的暴徒賽摩爾。

BUTTS.

屁股。

I WANT TO SEYMOUR BUTTS AND HIS ACCOMPLICES, MUNCH MAQUOCHY,

我想去找巴茨和他的助手，MUNCH MAQUOCHY。

HARRY BALLS, AND BABA-BOOEY!

HARRY BALLLS, and BABA -BOOEY!

BABA-BOOEY!

BABA -BOOEY!

HOWARD STERN'S PENIS!" LET'S GO GET 'EM!

HOWARD STERN'S PENIS！"讓我們去得到他們！

BUT I'M A PATRIOT AND I'M WILLING TO DO MY PART.

但我是一個愛國者，我願意做我的一部分。

SO THIS MORNING, I SCANNED THE PHOTOS FROM THE CAPITOL, AND I

所以今天早上，我掃描了首都的照片，我...

THINK I RECOGNIZE SOME PEOPLE DESTROYING DEMOCRACY.

我想我認識到有些人在破壞民主制度。

LIKE THIS GUY.

喜歡這個傢伙。

THAT MIGHT BE SENATOR TED CRUZ?

那可能是TED CRUZ議員？

I WANT TO BE FAIR HERE.

我想在這裡公平。

IT COULD THE BLOATED CORPSE OF A DROWNED WOODCHUCK.

它可能是一具腐爛的木頭人的屍體。

AND I'M PRETTY SURE THIS GUY IS MISSOURI

我敢肯定，這傢伙是密蘇里人。

SENATOR JOSH HAWLEY.

我的意思是，我的意思是，我的意思是，我的意思是，我的意思是，我的意思是...

I RECOGNIZE HIM FROM HIS TWITTER HANDLE, PEE WEE HERMANN GOERING.

我從他的微博上認出了他，皮威-赫爾曼-戈林。

OVER IN THE HOUSE, I THINK THIS IS MINORITY LEADER KEVIN

在眾議院，我想這是少數派領袖KEVIN的作品。

MCCARTHY, WHO MIGHT BE THE MOST SELF-SERVING, AMORAL PERSON IN

麥卡錫，誰可能是最自我服務，道德的人在。

THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES, UNLESS HE'S HOME RIGHT NOW.

眾議院，除非他現在在家。

I'M PRETTY SURE THIS IS MEDAL OF FREEDOM RECIPIENT DEVIN NUNES.

我敢肯定，這是自由勳章得主德文-努內斯。

HARD TO RECOGNIZE HIM WITHOUT HIS LIPS ON THE PRESIDENT'S ASS.

很難認出他沒有他的嘴脣在總統的屁股上。

AND ALSO I THINK I SAW THE GUY WHO'S GETTING THE MEDAL OF

而且我想我看到了那個獲得獎章的人了。

FREEDOM NEXT WEEK, OHIO CONGRESSMAN JIM JORDAN.

自由下週，俄亥俄州議員吉姆・喬丹。

YEAH, THAT IS DEFINITELY HIM, BUT FOLLOWING JORDAN'S EXAMPLE

是的，那肯定是他，但跟著喬丹的例子。

ON SEXUAL ASSAULT OF COLLEGE WRESTLERS, I'M GOING TO PRETEND

對大學生摔跤手的性侵犯，我將堅持到底

I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING.

我沒有看到任何東西。

WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.

我們已經為你準備了一個很棒的節目，今晚。

MY GUEST IS MRS. MAISEL HERSELF, RACHEL BROSNAHAN.

我的客人是夫人。MAISEL HERSELF, RACHEL BROSNAHAN.

BUT WHEN WE RETURN, "MEANWHILE."

但是，當我們回來的時候，"meanwhile。"

STICK AROUND.

堅持下去。