I'm now a podcast czar with a podcast empire.

我現在是一個擁有播客帝國的播客沙皇。

(Conan laughs)

（柯南笑）

(Conan coughs)

（柯南咳嗽）

Anyway, I'm excited to announce the latest addition

無論如何，我很高興地宣佈最新的加入。

to Team Coco.

到可可團隊。

She is one of my all time favorite people.

她是我一直以來最喜歡的人之一。

The lovely, the talented, the sexy Nicole Byer.

可愛的，有才華的，性感的妮可拜爾。

Oh, yes. That is me, Nicole Byer.

哦，是的，是我，妮可-拜爾。這是我，妮可拜爾。

Hello, Conan.

你好，柯南

That is right.

是的

My podcast, "Why Won't You Date Me?"

我的播客，"你為什麼不和我約會？"

is now brought to you by Team Coco.

現在由可可團隊為大家帶來。

I'm very excited.

我很興奮

I love it so much.

我太喜歡它了。

And guess what? Okay, my show is about dating.

你猜怎麼著？好吧，我的節目是關於約會。

It's about romance. It's about sex.

這是關於浪漫的。這是關於性的。

I've been single for a very long time.

我已經單身很久了。

So I'm on a quest to answer this question

所以，我在尋找這個問題的答案。

that keeps me up at night.

讓我夜不能寐。

Oh, why won't you date me?

哦，你為什麼不和我約會？

And since you're obviously an expert in the ways of love,

既然你顯然是愛情的專家，

I was hoping to get some dating advice from you, Conan.

我希望能從你那裡得到一些約會建議，柯南。

What are your dating tips?

你有什麼約會技巧？

Well, first you do not want to be me (laughs).

好吧，首先你不要想成為我（笑）。

Try to avoid being born

儘量避免出生

in a very uptight and rigid Irish Catholic home in Boston.

在波士頓一個非常緊張和僵化的愛爾蘭天主教家庭中。

That's a mistake if you want to have a sexy dating life.

如果你想有一個性感的約會生活，那是一個錯誤。

Okay. That aside,

好吧。撇開這一點。

if like me, you're extremely pale,

如果像我一樣，你是非常蒼白的。

think about a tanning booth before you ask a lady out.

在你約女士出來之前，先考慮一下日光浴亭。

Be a much better dresser than I was in my twenties.

比我二十多歲的時候穿衣打扮要好很多。

I wore my high school clothing all through my twenties.

我二十多歲的時候一直穿著高中的衣服。

So step up your game a little bit.

所以，加強你的遊戲一點點。

And guys, it's all about confidence.

而夥計們，這就是信心。

It's all about confidence.

這就是信心的問題。

So fake it until you make it.

那就假戲真做，直到你成功。

So you've given me no dating tips for myself

所以你沒有給我任何約會的建議。

because I'm a black who dresses well

因為我是個會穿衣服的黑人

so I don't need the tanning salons

所以，我不需要晒黑沙龍

and I don't need to dress better

我不需要穿得更好

'cause I already dress good, Conan.

因為我已經穿得很好了，柯南。

I love it.

我喜歡它。

So basically what you're saying is all I did

所以基本上你說的是我所做的一切。

was talk about my own problems instead of helping you.

是談論我自己的問題，而不是幫助你。

Yes. That's another thing, guys.

是的，這是另一件事，夥計們。

Don't be selfish and self-absorbed like I was just there.

不要像我剛才那樣自私自利，自作多情。

I would say my dating tip for you, Nicole,

我想說我的約會提示你，妮可。

is sometimes you put very high expectations

是有時你把很高的期望

on what a man's genitalia should look like.

關於男人的生殖器應該是什麼樣子。

If you put that out there too much,

如果你把這句話說得太多。

you're going to frighten some very nice guys away

你會把一些很好的人嚇跑的。

who maybe don't have penises that should be

誰也許沒有陰莖，應該是。

in the Smithsonian museum.

在史密森尼博物館。

Listen, people eat organic for a reason.

聽著，人們吃有機食品是有原因的。

So I'm just making sure what I put in my mouth is delightful

所以我只是想確保我放進嘴裡的東西是令人愉快的。

and tasty for me.

和美味的我。

(Conan chuckles)

（柯南笑著說）

Then I have no dating tips for you (laughs).

那我就沒有約會技巧給你了（笑）。

There's no way I can help you.

我沒辦法幫你。

There's no way I can help you.

我沒辦法幫你。

And by the way, this is my favorite thing,

對了，這是我最喜歡的東西。

no one makes me more embarrassed than Nicole Byer

沒有人比Nicole Byer更讓我尷尬了

but I have a really good time while it's happening.

但我有一個非常好的時間，而它的發生。

So if you're looking

所以如果你正在尋找

for some more Nicole plus other Conan content,

為更多的妮可和其他柯南內容。

you can hear me as a guest on, "Why Won't You Date Me?"

你可以聽我做客 "你為什麼不和我約會？"

where we discussed all kinds of stuff,

在那裡我們討論了各種東西。

the use of the Theragun, which is supposed to be used

使用Theragun槍，該槍應該是用於：

on major muscle groups for runners after a long run.

對長跑後的跑者的主要肌肉群。

Nicole uses it for self-pleasuring

妮可用它來自慰

and many people in the neighborhood think

和許多人在附近認為

that she's having major construction done in the bedroom.

她在臥室裡做了重大的建設。

(both laugh)

（兩者笑）