and the lack of a studio audience,

以及缺乏演播室觀眾的情況。

we haven't been able to have stand-up comics perform

我們一直沒能請到脫口秀演員來表演

on our show during the pandemic.

在我們的節目中，在流行病期間。

So I thought, what if I sent a cameraman

所以我想，如果我派一個攝影師

to their homes to safely shoot them from a distance?

到他們的家中，從遠處安全地射殺他們？

Here with a message to some of you out there,

在這裡給你們中的一些人留言。

is a very funny gentlemen, Calvin Evans.

是一個非常有趣的紳士，卡爾文-埃文斯。

Calvin.

卡爾文

I'm from Chicago, but I been quarantined in LA.

我來自芝加哥，但我被隔離在洛杉磯。

And I see a lot of plastic surgeons.

而且我見過很多整形外科醫生。

I'm gonna say this, not a fan of it.

我想說的是，不喜歡它。

Now don't get me wrong. If you had like an accident

別誤會我的意思如果你發生了意外

and they just putting some back the way it was,

他們只是把一些回到它的方式。

I completely understand.

我完全理解。

But if you're doing it for vanity reasons, not a fan of it.

但如果你是為了虛榮心，不喜歡這樣做。

And the reason is

原因是

I feel like we need ugly people.

我覺得我們需要醜陋的人。

Now, I'm not saying that in a messed up way.

現在，我不是亂說的。

I feel like ugly people,

我覺得自己是醜陋的人。

advance society by leaps and bounds.

推動社會飛速發展。

Think about all the greatest people in history.

想想歷史上所有最偉大的人。

They all been ugly.

他們都是醜陋的。

Beautiful people? They don't do anything.

美麗的人？他們什麼也不做。

They just reap the benefits of being beautiful.

他們只是收穫了美麗的好處。

And we accept them at face value. Literally.

而我們接受他們的表面價值。從字面上看。

Like for instance, Angelina Jolie. Gorgeous woman.

比如說，安吉麗娜-朱莉。華麗的女人。

She's so gorgeous her entire career,

她的整個職業生涯都是那麼華麗。

nobody ever said to her, "Hey, your lip's chapped."

從來沒有人對她說，"嘿，你的嘴脣的皸裂。"

They was like, you know what? Don't even worry about it.

他們很喜歡，你知道嗎？甚至不用擔心。

Just, just keep being beautiful.

只是，只是保持美麗。

But ugly people gotta do amazing things

但醜陋的人一定會做出驚人的事情

to reap those same benefits.

以獲得同樣的好處。

Like for instance, Steve jobs.

比如說，史蒂夫-喬布斯。

Weird, ugly looking dude, wear glasses.

奇怪，長得很醜的傢伙，戴眼鏡。

He's sitting around thinking his-self, "What if?"

他坐在那裡想他自己，"如果"？

'Cause that's what you gotta do when you're ugly.

因為你醜的時候就得這麼做。

You gotta think about stuff that don't exist

你得想想那些不存在的東西。

so people can like you.

所以人們可以喜歡你。

He was like, "What if,

他當時想，"如果。

what if I had all my music in my pocket?"

如果我的音樂都在我的口袋裡呢？"

We got iPods, iPads,

我們有iPod，iPad。

changed how we even understand cell phones.

改變了我們對手機的理解，甚至。

He would've never thought of that

他怎麼也不會想到的

if he was having sex with somebody.

如果他和別人發生了性關係。

Jeff Bezos. Bald head, weird looking dude.

傑夫-貝佐斯。光頭，長得很奇怪的傢伙。

He sit around his house thinking about,

他坐在自己的房子周圍思考。

"What if I could just stay my ugly ass at home and shop?

"如果我可以把我的醜陋的屁股留在家裡購物呢？

We got Amazon. Changed the way we shop.

我們得到了亞馬遜。改變了我們購物的方式。

Do you understand what I'm saying?

你明白我在說什麼嗎？

Do y'all think of Harriet Tubman was beautiful

你們覺得哈里特-塔布曼漂亮嗎？

she would've saved as many slaves as she did?

她會像她一樣救了那麼多奴隸嗎？

Now don't do that. Don't do that.

現在不要這樣做。不要這樣做。

If Harriet Tubman was beautiful, she'd be a footnote

如果哈麗特-塔布曼很美，她就會成為一個腳註。

in the history books about some slave

史書上的奴隸

that had a bunch of mixed kids.

那有一群混血兒。

But she wasn't.

但她沒有。

She was ugly and she was enslaved and she was looking around

她是醜陋的，她是被奴役的，她在四處張望

and she was like, "Yo, what if I left?"

她很喜歡，"喲，如果我離開？"

And she did.

而她也做到了。

She left, she came back. She left, she came back.

她走了，她回來了。她走了，她回來了。

She saved hundreds, thousands of slaves.

她拯救了成百上千的奴隸。

That was so unprecedented at the time,

這在當時是如此的空前絕後。

we forgot how she looked and almost put her on a $20 bill.

我們忘記了她的樣子，差點把她放在20美元的鈔票上。

And then they print the 20 out, they was like,

然後他們打印出20個，他們就像。

"Yo, who the hell is this?

"喲，這到底是誰啊？

Is this the only picture we got?

這是我們唯一的照片嗎？

What do you mean it's Photoshopped?"

你說這是Photoshop化的？"

Look, if you sitting at home and you're watching this

你看，如果你坐在家裡，你看這個。

and you ugly, stop worrying about your looks.

和你醜陋的，停止擔心你的容貌。

Get up and go change the world.

起來，去改變世界。

I been Calvin Evans. It's my time.

我是卡爾文-埃文斯現在是我的時間。