Welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show."

歡迎，歡迎，歡迎來到 "今夜秀"。

[ Cheers and applause ] Welcome!

[歡呼聲和掌聲] 歡迎！

Thank you so much for being here.

非常感謝你能來這裡。

Thank you for watching. Let's get to the news and jokes.

謝謝你的觀看。讓我們進入新聞和笑話。

Well, guys, this is big.

好了，夥計們，這是大。

Last night, "Time" magazine announced

昨晚，《時代》雜誌宣佈

Joe Biden and Kamala Harris as 2020's Person of the Year.

喬-拜登和卡馬拉-哈里斯作為2020年的年度人物。

Yeah.

是啊。

After the announcement, Trump called Rudy Giuliani

宣佈後，特朗普稱魯迪-朱利安尼。

and was like, "Forget the election.

和是這樣的，"忘記選舉。

We're suing 'Time' magazine."

我們要起訴《時代》雜誌。"

Apparently, "Time" magazine was like,

顯然，《時代》雜誌就像。

"There's so many worthy people,

"有價值的人太多了。

but who would annoy Trump the most?"

但誰最會惹惱特朗普呢？"

I got to be honest,

我得說實話。

I thought it was going to be frontline healthcare workers,

我以為會是一線的醫護人員。

especially since doctor's offices

尤其是在醫生辦公室

is the only place you still find a copy of "Time" magazine.

是唯一還能找到《時代》雜誌的地方。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

That's right.

是的

They picked Biden and Harris over Trump.

他們選擇了拜登和哈里斯，而不是特朗普。

Even worse, the original cover

更糟糕的是，原來的封面

was the two of them going down a ramp.

是他們兩個人走下坡道。

That's -- Oh.

那是...

"I had very slippery shoes on.

"我穿的鞋子很滑。

And I couldn't do it. It was very slippery."

而我卻做不到。它是非常滑的。"

That's right. Trump and his staff were pretty annoyed

沒錯，特朗普和他的幕僚們都很惱火 That's right.特朗普和他的幕僚們非常惱火。

that he wasn't named "Time's" Person of the Year,

他沒有被評為 "時代 "的年度人物。

but they managed grabbed a couple of other magazine covers.

但他們成功地搶到了其他幾本雜誌的封面。

Let me show you what I mean.

讓我告訴你我的意思。

Trump was honored by a magazine

特朗普獲某雜誌表彰

which covers two of his favorite things, food and whine.

其中涵蓋了他最喜歡的兩件事，食物和抱怨。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Michael Flynn received the honor from "Better Homes & Pardons."

邁克爾-弗林獲得了 "Better Homes & Pardons "的榮譽。

Steve Mnuchin was honored by "Mnewsweek."

史蒂夫-姆努欽被 "Mnewsweek "授予榮譽。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Wilbur Ross was featured on the cover of...

威爾伯-羅斯曾登上過《...》的封面。

"One Hundred Seventeen."

"一百一十七"。

That's...

那是...

Mike Pence was given the honor from something called

邁克-彭斯被授予這一榮譽，來自於一個叫做

"This is a Magazine."

"這是一本雜誌。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

And, finally, Rudy Giuliani

最後，魯迪-朱利安尼。

was featured in "Field & Streaming."

在 "田野與流 "中得到了體現。

Yeah, there you go, everybody. Congrats.

是啊，你去那裡，大家。祝賀你

Congrats to you guys on those covers.

祝賀你們獲得這些封面。

And this is just wild.

而這只是野生。

It just came out that Trump's chief of staff

剛剛傳出，特朗普的幕僚長。

told the head of the FDA to approve

告訴美國食品和藥物管理局的負責人，準許

the Pfizer vaccine today or resign.

輝瑞疫苗今天或辭職。

Trump's like, "We need this vaccine today

特朗普就像 "我們今天需要這種疫苗

for a virus I've ignored since March.

對於一個病毒，我已經忽略了三月。

We need it today!"

我們今天需要它！"

[ Applause ]

[掌聲]

I think we let the FDA have their moment.

我想我們應該讓FDA有他們的時間。

I mean, 80% of their job is just putting out lettuce recalls.

我的意思是，他們80%的工作只是把生菜召回。

Give them a little something.

給他們一點東西。

I got to say, though, in Trump's defense,

不過，我得說，在特朗普的辯護中。

if the FDA is allowing Pizza Hut's triple-decker box,

如果FDA允許必勝客的三層箱。

then this should not be a problem.

那麼這應該不是問題。

Meanwhile, I saw that Walmart

同時，我看到沃爾瑪

is preparing to administer COVID vaccines at its stores.

正準備在其門店接種COVID疫苗。

[ Applause ] That's the good news.

[掌聲] 這是一個好消息。

The bad news is they're gonna be given to you

壞消息是，他們會給你。

by a Walmart greeter.

由沃爾瑪的迎賓員。

"Hold still.

"別動。

Oh, here comes the pointy airplane.

哦，尖尖的飛機來了。

Oh, I'm going down. I'm going down.

哦，我要下去了。我要下去了

Come down with me.

跟我下去吧

There's no way I'm getting up.

我不可能站起來。

You've got to come down here to get the shot."

你一定要來這裡拍。"

Reminds me of a few years ago when my uncle

讓我想起了幾年前，我的叔叔。

had a heart valve replaced at K-Mart.

在K -Mart更換了一個心臟瓣膜。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Actually, Walmart's a great place to give vaccines

其實，沃爾瑪是個打疫苗的好地方。

'cause no one's wearing sleeves anyway.

因為沒有人穿袖子，反正。

Here's some big entertainment news.

這裡有一些大的娛樂新聞。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Here's some big entertainment news.

這裡有一些大的娛樂新聞。

Disney just held their annual Investor Day

迪士尼剛剛舉行了一年一度的投資者日

where they announced a bunch of new projects.

在那裡他們宣佈了一堆新項目。

Check this out.

看看這個。

-Disney announces a slew of new original programming.

-迪斯尼宣佈了一系列新的原創節目。

Ten new "Star Wars" projects are on the way.

十個 "星戰 "新項目正在進行中。

New Marvel projects are on the way.

漫威新項目正在進行中。

Plus, spinoffs, reboots, sequels for some Disney favorites.

另外，一些迪士尼最愛的衍生品、重啟、續集。

Tom Hanks in a live-action "Pinocchio."

湯姆-漢克斯在真人版 "匹諾曹 "中。

And a Buzz Lightyear origin story.

還有一個巴斯光年的起源故事。

-Yeah, Disney is going to release 50 new titles

-是的，迪斯尼將推出50部新片子

from Marvel, "Star Wars," and Pixar.

來自漫威、《星球大戰》和皮克斯。

Families in quarantine heard it and were like,

隔離區的家屬聽到後，都像。

"Where the hell was this ten months ago?! Come on!"

"這十個月前到底是哪裡？來吧！"

When the news broke, Netflix was like,

當這個消息傳出時，網友們就像。

"Well, there goes our show about backgammon."

"好了，我們的西洋雙陸棋表演結束了。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Yep, Disney's releasing ten new "Star Wars" series.

沒錯 迪士尼要推出十部新的 "星球大戰 "系列電影

Everything from "Star Wars" is getting a spinoff.

"星球大戰 "的所有東西都會有衍生品。

There's even a show about the cantina

甚至還有一個關於小酒館的節目。

trying to set up outdoor dining.

試圖建立戶外餐飲。

That seems...

這似乎...

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

This is very exciting.

這是非常令人興奮的。

Disney also announced that Harrison Ford will star

迪士尼還宣佈哈里森-福特將出演

in a fifth and final "Indiana Jones" movie.

在第五部也是最後一部《印第安納瓊斯》電影中。

That's right. It's a two-hour adventure

沒錯，這是一個兩小時的冒險。這是一個兩小時的冒險

of him trying to remember where he left his hat.

他努力回憶他的帽子放在哪裡了。

He's like, "I switched it with the idol? Did I...

他說："我跟偶像換了？我是不是...

Where did I -- Oh, I'm wearing it."

我在哪裡... ... 哦，我穿著它。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

At his age, the only giant boulder attacking him

在他這個年紀，唯一的一塊巨石攻擊他。

is a kidney stone.

是腎結石。

[ Audience ohhs ] Well, hey --

[觀眾hhs] 嗯，嘿 -

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Well, guys, Taylor Swift just released another new album

好了，夥計們，泰勒-斯威夫特剛剛發佈了另一張新專輯。

called "Evermore," and her fans are going crazy.

叫 "Evermore"，她的粉絲們都快瘋了。

[ Applause ] That is two albums

那是兩張專輯

and a documentary in the past five months.

和一部紀錄片，在過去的五個月裡。

She is on fire right n-- -[ Notification chimes ]

她是火上澆油 -- - [通知鐘聲]

-I just got a notification.

-我剛剛收到通知

Taylor Swift just released a third album.

泰勒-斯威夫特剛剛發行了第三張專輯。

It's called "Sycamore." Wow. That's unbelievable.

它的名字叫 "梧桐"。哇，真是難以置信 Wow.這是令人難以置信的。

Anyway, she -- -[ Notification chimes ]

無論如何，她 -- -[通知鐘聲]

-Wow. She released a fourth album.

-哇。她發佈了第四張專輯。

It's called "Sophomore."

這就是所謂的 "大二"。

How does she have the time for this?

她怎麼有時間做這個？

Well, anyway, she -- -[ Notification chimes ]

好吧，無論如何，她 -- - [通知鐘聲]

-Her fifth album is called "Furthermore."

-她的第五張專輯叫 "此外"。

It just dropped. Well, she can't keep this up.

它只是下降。好吧，她不能再這樣下去了。

I mean, can she? I mean, she --

我的意思是，她能嗎？我的意思是，她 -

[ Clock ticking ]

[時鐘滴答聲]

[ Notification chimes ]

[通知鐘聲]

Her 17th album is called "Pottermore."

她的第17張專輯叫 "Pottermore"。

It's a whole album about Harry Potter.

這是一整張關於哈利波特的專輯。

[ Clock ticking ]

[時鐘滴答聲]

[ Notification chimes ]

[通知鐘聲]

This is her 36th album.

這是她的第36張專輯。

It's called "Julianne Moore."

這就是所謂的 "朱麗安-摩爾"。

[ Clock ticking ]

[時鐘滴答聲]

[ Notification chimes ]

[通知鐘聲]

Huh. Wait.

咦。等一下

Paramore just released an album called "Taylor Swift."

Paramore剛剛發行了一張名為 "Taylor Swift "的專輯。

Well, it came full circle. Well, let's move on.

好吧，它來了一圈。好吧，讓我們繼續前進。

Let's move on. Congratulations, Paramore.

讓我們繼續前進。恭喜你，帕拉莫爾

And finally, a new survey found that this year

最後，一項新的調查發現，今年的

one in five Americans

五分之一的美國人

have gotten hurt putting up their Christmas tree.

有受傷的把他們的聖誕樹。

How annoying is that for overrun hospitals?

對於超標醫院來說，這是多麼煩人的事情？

It's like, "Make room.

就像，"騰出空間。

This dummy fell on his Christmas tree."

這個假人掉在了他的聖誕樹上。"

One patient was like, "Is it bad?"

有一個病人說："不好嗎？"

And the doctor was like, "Well, I'm a proctologist,

醫生說："好吧，我是直腸科醫生。

so you tell me."

所以你告訴我。"

We have exactly six shows left before we go on Christmas break.

在聖誕假期之前，我們還剩下六場演出。

Is that it? Six shows left?

是這樣嗎？還剩六場？

Wow. It's happening so fast. Which means it's time

哇，這一切發生得太快了。這一切發生得太快了這意味著它的時間

for that beloved "Tonight Show" tradition.

為那深受喜愛的 "今夜秀 "傳統。

It's time for "12 Days of Christmas Sweaters."

現在是 "12天聖誕毛衣 "的時間。

Here we go!

我們走吧！

-♪ 12 days of Christmas sweaters ♪

-12天的聖誕毛衣

♪ Six days left ♪

六天了

-That is right!

-沒錯！

Every show between now and Christmas,

從現在到聖誕節的每一場演出。

we'll be giving one lucky audience member

我們將給一位幸運的觀眾

a bewitching Christmas sweater.

一個迷人的聖誕毛衣。

[ Laughs ]

[笑]

From the Countdown to Christmas cabinet, it's bewitching.

從聖誕倒計時的櫃子裡，就能看出它的妖豔。

Now, since there are six shows left,

現在，由於還有六場演出。

let's open door number 6.

讓我們打開6號。

[ Drumroll ]

[鼓聲]

Yes. Let's see it.

是的，讓我看看讓我看看

[ Cheers and applause ]

[歡呼聲和掌聲]

♪♪

♪♪

[ Laughs ] Wow.

[笑] 哇。

All right. Oh, my goodness.

好吧，我的天。哦，我的上帝。

I think I already have that one. That is gorgeous.

我想我已經有那個了這是華麗的。

Can we see? Is there a back to it?

我們能看到嗎？有後面的嗎？

-That's a cape. -Yeah, it's kind of caped.

-那是件斗篷-是的，這是一種披風。

-Capey.

-卡佩

-Yeah, it's very capey, that one.

-是的，很有特色，那個。

-Yeah. -I love it.

-是的 我喜歡

I think it's gorgeous.

我認為這是華麗的。

I actually -- I would totally, uh --

我其實 -- 我完全會，呃 --

I would totally give that away.

我完全可以把它送人。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Let's see who is going home with tonight's Christmas sweater.

讓我們來看看誰會帶著今晚的聖誕毛衣回家。

Everyone look at your seat number.

大家看一下自己的座位號。

If I call your number, come on down.

如果我打你的電話，下來吧。

Quest, can I get a drumroll, please?

任務，我可以得到一個鼓聲，好嗎？

[ Drumroll ]

[鼓聲]

Making sure you know it's random.

確保你知道這是隨機的。

136! Where you are at?

136!你在哪裡？

Oh, come on down!

哦，下來吧！

♪♪

♪♪

Ah. Oh, my goodness. Look at that. Ohh!

啊，我的天。哦，我的上帝。看那。哦！

Thank you so much for being here.

非常感謝你能來這裡。

What is your name and where are you from?

你叫什麼名字，來自哪裡？

-Zady, and I'm from here in New York.

-扎迪，我來自紐約這裡。

-Hey. Zady from New York. Come on.

-嘿，我是紐約的扎迪。來吧，來吧

Zady, thank you for being here, first of all. I appreciate it.

扎迪，首先感謝你能來這裡。我很感激

Do you have anything like this?

你有這樣的東西嗎？

-No, this is the first one of these that I get.

-不，這是我收到的第一張照片。

-Wow. -I'm excited.

-哇哦-我很興奮

-Yeah, I think it might be the only one.

-是的，我想它可能是唯一的一個。

Would you mind trying it on? -Yes.

你介意試穿一下嗎？-是的

-Zady is going to try it on, everybody.

-扎迪要穿上它，大家試一試。

Roots, can I get some trying-on music?

根，能給我一些試聽音樂嗎？

♪♪

♪♪

Zady, this is going to delight not only you but others,

扎迪，這不僅會讓你高興，也會讓別人高興。

if you Zoom to call anyone.

如果你變焦給任何人打電話。

It's very easy to put it on.

穿上它很容易。

Zady, it's almost perfect like that.

扎迪，這樣幾乎是完美的。

But don't rush. Zady, that's --

但彆著急Zady 那是...

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

It's -- Oh, oh, oh!

這是 - 哦，哦，哦！

Oh! Ohh! Wow! Oh, we did it! Yes!

哦，哦，哇！哦，我們做到了！是的！

That is what I'm talking about! Zady! Take a spin!

這就是我說的！扎迪！轉一圈吧！

Ohh! Is that not

哦，那不是

the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?

你見過的最美的東西？

Thank you so much to our lucky audience member.

非常感謝我們的幸運觀眾。

Stick around. We'll be right back

別走開我們馬上回來

with "Thank You Notes," everybody.

與 "感謝信"，大家。

♪♪

♪♪