Top story.

頭條新聞：

Donald Dorito Crumb head with a dead ferret to pay fair.

唐納德-多裡託-麵包屑頭與死雪貂支付公平。

It probably died from eating all those Doritos leaving all those crumbs on your face from you eating all those Cheeto Doritos with that big golf asked, Why don't you go golf somewhere?

它可能死於吃了所有的多力果，把所有的碎屑都留在你的臉上，因為你吃了所有的奇多多力果，還有那個大高爾夫問，你為什麼不去打高爾夫？

Toe walk That golf ass off drum truck asked Trump that served rejected Ella Gonza to his Cheeto dust covered Pennsylvania vote challenge.

腳趾走那輛高爾夫屁股脫鼓車問特朗普，服務拒絕了埃拉-岡薩對他的切託塵埃覆蓋的賓夕法尼亞州的投票挑戰。

Then journalist, a journalist.

那麼記者，一個記者。

I think the media is not taking these court cases seriously enough.

我認為媒體對這些法庭案件不夠重視。

Trump signaled he was dead serious about this effort when he hired Rudy Giuliani, who is a really life Atticus Finch of Atticus.

特朗普在聘請魯迪-朱利安尼時，就表明他對這項工作是死心塌地的，朱利安尼是一個真正生活在阿提克斯的阿提克斯-芬奇。

And it dates by giving the woman a lice comb and telling her she'd better get toe work.

而且它的約會方式是給女人一把蝨子梳子，告訴她最好去做腳趾頭的工作。

Yeah.

是啊。

I mean, I think what's tricky about this is that on one hand, they're not seriously Gle challenges, but on the other there, As you know, Donald Trump takes them too seriously.

我的意思是，我認為這件事的棘手之處在於，一方面，他們不是認真的Gle挑戰，但另一方面，你知道，唐納德-特朗普太認真了。

If he takes anything else and seems to be genuine trying to overturn the election.

如果他拿了別的東西，而且看起來是真的想推翻選舉。

Okay.

好吧，我知道了

Whoa!

哇！

Oh, to push back these air seriously.

呵呵，要認真推倒這些空氣。

Gle challenges.

格勒挑戰。

You don't file lawsuits riddled with typos and Giuliani butter in the wrong states.

你不會在錯誤的州提起充滿錯別字和朱利安尼黃油的訴訟。

unless you have the eye of the tiger now living on dump fee Drum pin, It's funky Bunch put together a self congratulatory vaccine summit after seeing English people get the vaccine first and a New York Times reports saying he failed to buy enough vaccine from Pfizer for Americans to save face, he announced this just a few minutes I'll sign an executive order to ensure that the United States government priority is the getting out of the vaccine to American citizens before sending it to other nations.

除非你有老虎的眼睛，現在生活在傾銷費鼓針，這是時髦的邦奇把一個自我祝賀的疫苗峰會後，看到英國人先得到疫苗，紐約時報的報道說，他未能從輝瑞公司購買足夠的疫苗，為美國人挽回面子，他宣佈這只是幾分鐘我將簽署一項行政命令，以確保美國政府優先考慮的是出疫苗的美國公民，然後再發送給其他國家。

You know, as much as I hate the Cheeto, we should not rush him into these shallow executive orders Americans to just close their eyes and live in this horrifying moment.

你知道嗎，雖然我很討厭奇託，但我們不應該催促他去執行這些淺薄的行政命令，美國人只要閉上眼睛，活在這個可怕的時刻。

There were too many vaccine options and Trump suffers from the other just as serious pandemic plaguing this country.

疫苗的選擇太多，特朗普患有另一種同樣嚴重的流行病困擾著這個國家。

Choice paralysis.

選擇麻痺。

So, before you judge, check your privilege, Why do we even need the vaccine first So we can instagram it That's so shallow you can't just spring a vaccine on everyone.

所以，在你評判之前，請檢查你的特權，我們為什麼要先打疫苗，這樣我們就可以發圖文了，這太膚淺了，你不能隨便給大家打疫苗。

We need 3 to 6 months lead time to get our outside bodies back.

我們需要3到6個月的準備時間來恢復外在的身體。

Brian, stop!

布萊恩，停止！

You look so good.

你看起來真不錯

I'm disgusting and you know it.

我很噁心，你知道的。

Okay, well, I tried.

好吧，好吧，我試過了。

Now a lot of people are feeling hopeless and frustrated, especially when they see our leaders announced things that seem reasonable but haven't worked and will never work.

現在很多人都感到無奈和沮喪，尤其是看到我們的領導人宣佈的事情，看似合理，但沒有成功，也不會成功。

But that changed today when Kings Addy elect Joe Biden announced plans to appoint an official toe help the incoming Biden administrations relations with Republicans in Congress.

但今天這種情況發生了變化，國王阿迪當選人喬-拜登宣佈計劃任命一名官員，以幫助即將上任的拜登政府與國會中的共和黨人的關係。

The officials job will be toe listen to Americans who believe the country has been over taken by a satanic pedophile Kabbalah, and offer a tax credit that will knock their socks off now, then reaching out to the other side.

官員的工作將是趾聽美國人誰相信國家已經被一個撒旦戀童癖卡巴拉，並提供一個稅收抵免，將敲他們的襪子現在，然後伸出到另一邊。

Why didn't Obama even try to do this?

為什麼奧巴馬連這個都沒有嘗試過？

Well, you know, the thing is that this is how Joe Biden got elected.

問題是喬-拜登就是這樣當選的。

He got a few of a few people who had voted for Donald Trump last time to vote for him.

他讓上次投給唐納德-特朗普的幾個人中的幾個人投給了他。

It's not the only way, but there is some number of people who could switch sides, and for those and those people aren't necessarily the ones who believe there's a pedophile cult.

這不是唯一的辦法，但也有一些人可以換位思考，對於那些和那些人來說，不一定是相信有戀童癖邪教的人。

But they obviously were at least considering voting for Trump.

但他們顯然至少在考慮投票給特朗普。

Sorry, but I do have to disagree.

對不起，但我確實不同意。

The two dozen postcards I sent to Pennsylvania Arwa got Joe Biden elect dad.

我寄給賓夕法尼亞州阿瓦的二十幾張明信片，得到了喬-拜登選爸。

Now.

現在就去

Then you wrote a column about NewsMax, a cable network that has the production value of a Bulgarian porno and the politics of a Bulgarian porno.

然後，你寫了一篇關於NewsMax的專欄，這是一個有線電視網，它具有保加利亞色情片的生產價值和保加利亞色情片的政治。

Could I pull a Biden and actually reach conservatives with my show or what?

我可以拉著拜登，用我的節目真正接觸到保守派還是什麼？

I have to dumb down my show because it's will hunting level smart Boston.

我必須把我的節目弄得啞口無言，因為這是意志狩獵級的聰明波士頓。

Hello, Love it, Red Sox.

你好，愛它，紅襪隊。

I mean, NewsMax is really proven that if you tell people what they want to hear, the production values don't have to be great.

我的意思是，NewsMax真的證明了，如果你告訴人們他們想聽的東西，製作價值不一定要很高。

It could be on Channel 1115 because they're actually just kind of saying to their televisions.

可能是在1115頻道，因為他們其實只是一種對著電視機說。

Now, get me NewsMax.

現在，給我接新聞聯播。

Um, and people are watching.

嗯，還有人在看。

I totally think I can reach conservatives in a meaningful way.

我完全認為我可以以一種有意義的方式接觸保守派。

Like when we did that cooking segment about how to whip up a healthy dinner when all you have in your fridge is varmint or my thoughtful review of Hillbilly Elegy, a movie about how every state between the West Village and Bel Air has an OxyContin residue and whole milk based economy.

就像當我們做了那個關於如何在你的冰箱裡只有害蟲的情況下製作健康晚餐的烹飪片段，或者我對Hillbilly Elegy的深思熟慮的評論，這部電影講述了西村和Bel Air之間的每個州都有一個OxyContin殘留和全脂牛奶為基礎的經濟。

And now it's time for your signal boost.

現在是時候讓你的信號提升了。

Ever since Mayor Rudy Giuliani was diagnosed with Cove in 19, many in the media have gone out of their way to wish him a speedy recovery.

自從19年魯迪-朱利安尼市長被確診為庫夫病後，許多媒體都不約而同地祝願他早日康復。

We send our very best wishes, of course, to Mayor Giuliani.

當然，我們向朱利安尼市長致以最良好的祝願。

Wish Mr Giuliani a quick recovery.

祝朱利安尼先生早日康復。

We wish him, of course, all the best.

當然，我們希望他一切順利。

We are wishing him a speedy recovery.

我們祝願他早日康復。

Of course, we wish Mayor Giuliani a speedy recovery.

當然，我們祝願朱利安尼市長早日康復。

I wish.

我希望如此

Uh, Mr Giuliani, Well, we wish the man who has fought so hard for this president for so long to make a speedy, speedy recovery that bipartisan uniformed recitation of our wrote trope passed down through polite society is so inspiring.

呃，朱利安尼先生，好吧，我們希望為這位總統努力奮鬥了這麼久的人能夠儘快，儘快康復，兩黨統一背誦我們寫的套路，通過禮貌的社會傳遞下來，是如此的鼓舞人心。

See, it would be so easy for all of us.

你看，這對我們所有人來說都很容易。

Toe.

趾頭。

Withhold that gesture since Giuliani has been recklessly socializing with Koven infected colleagues without a mask, wantonly traveling to state houses throughout the country without a mask and even a homicidal lee telling others to remove their masks.

扣留這種姿態，因為朱利安尼一直肆無忌憚地與被科文感染的同事社交，不戴口罩肆意前往全國各地的州府，甚至有殺人犯利叫別人摘下口罩。

This Jacob?

這個雅各布？

Yes.

是的，我知道

I don't want you to do this if you feel uncomfortable, But would you be comfortable taking a mask off so people could hear you more quickly?

如果你覺得不舒服，我不希望你這麼做，但你能不能把口罩摘下來，讓人們更快地聽到你的聲音？

Can you hear me now?

你現在能聽到我說話嗎？

Can everyone hear it?

大家能聽到嗎？

Clearly, we can hear from way can hear you.

很明顯，我們可以從方式可以聽到你。

Okay.

好吧，我知道了

It's almost like he's a dangerous sociopath with no regard for human life, even if she's right next to him.

這幾乎就像他是一個危險的反社會分子，不顧人的生命，即使她就在他身邊。

But every moment we spend, sending well wishes to his victims is another.

但我們花的每一分每一秒，給他的受害者送去的祝福都是另一種。

We don't spend sending prayers to the man who could have killed them in their grand parents.

我們不花送祈禱的人誰可以殺了他們在他們的祖父母。

It makes you think.

它讓你思考。

While we were selfishly morning, his 36 victims did Anyone stopped to tell Ted Bundy, Hey, get well soon, man.

當我們在自私的早晨，他的36名受害者沒有人停下來告訴Ted Bundy，嘿，早日康復，夥計。

And when I was ticked talking myself singing a whole new world and crashed my car into a building, did anyone ask if the kink in my neck was okay?

而當我被勾心鬥角說得自己唱出了一個全新的世界，把車撞到了樓房裡，有沒有人問我脖子上的扭傷好嗎？

Or was everyone too busy making sure the preschoolers were all accounted for?

還是大家都忙著確保學齡前兒童都有交代？

Who am I to talk on 9 11?

我有什麼資格在9.11那天說話？