Like Santa, he makes no sense.

就像聖誕老人一樣，他的存在沒有道理可言。

We tell children that, once a year, a fat old man breaks into our home, eats our snacks and leaves us gifts.

我們告訴孩子，每年一次，一個胖老頭會闖進我們家，吃我們的零食並給我們留下禮物。

And that we should be excited about that.

而我們應該為此感到興奮。

We should be so excited, we can't sleep.

我們應該要很興奮，以致無法入睡。

We should be so excited, we should plan our behavior for an entire year around this burglar who travels with forest rats.

我們應該要很興奮，我們要為了這個和森林老鼠一起旅行的竊盜規劃一整年的行為。

I can't imagine trying to sell this concept to an adult.

我無法想像嘗試向成年人推銷這個概念。

- I don't even have a chimney. - You don't need one. He'll, like, find a way to get in there.

- 我連個煙囪都沒有。 - 你不需要，他會找到進入屋內的方法。

- I don't know. My alarm system is pretty advanced. - You don't want to set it, though, because he's gonna bring you a gift.

- 我不知道，我的警報系統很先進。 - 你不需要設置警報系統，因為他會給你帶來一份禮物。

- Like, what kind of gift?

- 比如，什麼樣的禮物？

- You write a letter, you send it to the North Pole. - He lives in the North Pole! Why, it's so cold?

- 你寫一封信，你把它送到北極去。 - 他住在北極！為什麼要住在這麼冷的地方？

- And if you're nice, then he gives it to you. - Oh, are the men told to be nice? What constitutes as nice?

- 如果你是個好人，他就會給你。- 好不好人是要被定義的？怎樣才算好呢？

- Well, listening to authority figures.

- 乖乖聽長輩的話。

- Like, blindly? Without question?

- 盲目聽從？毫無疑問？

- Well, yeah. - That sounds fascist.

- 嗯，是的。- 這聽起來是法西斯主義。

- No, it's not fascist. - And I think it also sounds like a stalking situation.

- 不，這不是法西斯主義。- 而且我覺得這聽起來也像跟蹤的情況。

I mean, why would I let some guy watch me all year round and bring me a gift?

我的意思是，我為什麼要讓一些傢伙終年看我並給我帶來一份禮物？

I have a job, I could just buy myself one.

我有一份工作，我可以自己買一個。

Why would I let some strange man break into my house and leave me a mini fridge for my beauty products, when I can just get it delivered?

我為什麼要讓一個陌生的男人撬門而入並給我留一個迷你冰箱來裝我的美容產品，明明我可以直接網購等到貨？

- You also leave out cookies and stuff for him to eat.

- 你還漏掉了要給他餅乾和東西吃的部分。

But I think the most harming belief that we perpetuate in childhood is, drum roll kids, romantic relationships.

但我認為在童年延續最有害的信念是（擊鼓吧孩子們），浪漫的關係！

We spoon-feed fantasies about what they're supposed to look like, feel like, what they mean, how they're supposed to complete us in every single way.

我們總幻想浪漫應該是什麼樣子，感覺如何，何謂浪漫，浪漫又是如何能完整我們的人生。

Movies, books, music. They all advocate this highly romanticized idea of love without any mention of compromise, communication, rupture and repair, feeling bored sometimes, how it's natural to be attracted to other people.

電影，書籍，音樂。他們都主張這種高度浪漫化的愛情觀，完全不提及任何妥協、 溝通、分裂和修復、 厭倦期，或是如何自然而然被別人吸引。

The ebb and flow of a relationship as you're both growing.

雙方都在成長造成關係的起伏。

Not to mention nontraditional relationship dynamics like polyamory and queer relationships.

更何況是非傳統的關係像是多角戀和同志關係。

And lately, I have started to wonder, does this same shattering of illusions applied to friendships?

而最近，我開始懷疑這種幻想破滅能否應用於友情？

We're told friends are forever, friends are chosen family, friends stick by you through thick and thin.

我們知道朋友是一輩子的，朋友都是被選中的家人，患難見真情。

Even one of our misunderstood sayings, "Blood is thicker than water," actually means, "Blood of the covenant" is thicker than "the water of the womb," insinuating that some friendships are stronger than familial ones.

哪怕是我們誤解的一句老話：「血濃於水」，其實就是指「盟約之血」濃於「子宮之水」暗指有些友情是比親情更強烈的。

And I used to think that something was wrong with me when it came to friends.

我曾經認為，關於朋友這部分，有一些是我想錯了。

You know, I grew up as a military brat and move every few years.

我從小就是軍人的小孩，每隔幾年就會搬家。

So I got really good at making friends quickly.

所以我變得很會交朋友。

But I've been in LA for, like, a decade now, and keeping friends is just a whole other sports ball game.

但我已經在洛杉磯待了十年之久了，留下朋友對我來說像是一種新球賽的感覺。

You know, I've had best friends that last maybe two to three years and then you either drift apart, or you have a falling out.

你知道，我曾經有些最好的朋友交情兩三年，但最後要不是漸行漸遠，就是會鬧翻。

Or because it's LA, they threatened to sue you, and you have to lawyer up and prove they have no legal basis to claim ownership over an intellectual property of yours, or a photo of you or some other idiocy because people here are full of delusions of grandeur with no work ethic to match it.

或者因為是在洛杉磯，他們威脅要起訴你。 而你要請律師並證明其沒有法律依據，對你的知識產權提出所有權要求，或一張有你的照片或其他一些白痴原因，因為這裡的人都是一些自以為是卻沒有職業道德的傢伙。

Like, dude, we all read "The Little Red Hen."

我們都讀過 "小紅母雞"。

If you don't do any of the baking or contribute any ingredients, you don't get to eat the cake.

如果你不去烘烤、或是提供任何材料，你是無法吃到蛋糕的。

I made the cake. I 'm gonna eat the cake that I made.

蛋糕是我做的，我就一定要吃到蛋糕。

I'd give you a piece if you bothered helping me with the cake in any way, shape or form instead of turning me away when I asked you for baking soda.

如果你願意以任何形式幫忙我，不要我問你給我小蘇打粉時拒絕我的話，我是會分你一塊蛋糕的。

This basic principle was taught to us when we were five, and it's one of the only childhood lessons that isn't an illusion to be broken.

這個基本原則是我們五歲的時候教給我們的，這也是童年唯一的一個不會破滅的教訓。

Like really, Suzy, you don't believe in the simple message of the "The Little Red Hen," but you believe in the Tooth Fairy?

說真的，蘇西，你會選擇不相信小紅母雞的簡單信息而跑去相信牙仙嗎？

You think someone's gonna give you $5 to $20 for this useless chunk of calcium and minerals, and collagen that your body has just shed?

你覺得有人會給你五到二十塊錢嗎？為了這塊你身體剛脫落的無用的鈣、礦物質和膠原蛋白？

No wonder you've so much entitlement, Suzy.

難怪你有這麼多的資格，蘇西。

You believe you deserve to be compensated for doing absolutely nothing other than existing.

你認為當你一無貢獻時必須得到一些補償。

And I've been thinking, is this normal?

我一直在想這正常嗎？

You know, the cycle of friendships turning over every few years versus being actual "BFF Forevers".

你知道，朋友圈數年更換一次和真正「永遠的好朋友」做比較。

You know, am I just horrible at it?

你知道嗎，或許我真的很不擅長。

Or are friendships actually like romantic relationships where you meet someone, you spend several years getting to know them, and you simultaneously evaluate your compatibility and platonic companionship.

所謂友誼跟感情關係有些相似，當你見到某個命定之人，花上好幾年去了解他，同時評估自己的同理心以及柏拉圖式的陪伴。

I think best friends forever is a childhood lie.

我想什麼永遠的好朋友就是一個童年謊言。

And all of this came about because, surprise, surprise, a friend breakup.

而這一切的結論，是因為，想不到吧，朋友間的分手。

And my therapist has kind of assured me that the process of friendships, of relationships of being a human being Interacting with other human beings is the process of figuring out what does and does not work for us.

我的治療師也向我說過所謂友情、在感情中和他人互動的過程，也是一種了解什麼適合、什麼不適合自己的過程。

It takes time to find our people.

找到和自己相契的人也是很花時間的。

And as we grow into adulthood, we realize our tribe is probably gonna be pretty small.

而當我們長大成人後，我們意識到我們的朋友圈可能會是相當小的。

Now she gave me three questions you can ask yourself when you're evaluating who is a real friend.

現在她給我三個問題，讓你在評估誰是真正的朋友時可以自問。

I'm sorry to make you wait until the end of this video, but your girl's gotta improve her watch time, you know?

對不起讓你等到影片的這麼後面才看到這個，但你的女孩我可得增加一點觀看時數啊，懂嗎？

One, how does my body respond to this person?

一、我的身體對這個人有什麼反應？

Aside from regular social anxiety, do you feel excitement, love, safe, joy?

除了常規的社交焦慮外。你是否感到興奮、愛、安全、喜悅？

Your central nervous system is gonna tell you so much more than your annoying brain can.

你的中樞神經系統能告訴你的能比你那煩人的大腦還多。

Two, how much can you be your authentic self?

二、你能展現多少真實的自我？

Do you have to filter yourself?

二、你能做多少真實的自己？

Do you feel like you have to walk on eggshells?

你覺得自己與人相處時需要武裝自己嗎？

Or do you feel free to showcase who you are at your core?

或者你是否願意展示你的真心誠意。

And three, if you ask this person for feedback, can they be respectfully and lovingly honest?

三，如果你向這個人要反饋，他們能否對你誠實以待。

I think this is one of the most important aspects of friendships for me.

我認為這是對我來說考量友情最重要的面相。

You know, I want someone who can call me on my shit, but I also want them to do it in, like, a loving non-judgemental way 'cause I got a lot of stuff to call out.

你知道嗎我想找一個能罵我的人，但我也希望他們能用一個友愛且不具批判性的方式，因為我有很多會被批評的地方。

You know, I do want to improve. I want to know what I'm doing wrong 'cause sometimes when you're so caught up in your reality, you don't have any clarity on the situation.

你知道，我確實想改進。我想知道我做錯了什麼？ 因為有時當你如此陷入了自己的世界裡， 你會很難明瞭情況的真相。

And most importantly, I want to know when I've hurt someone's feelings so that I can adjust my behavior accordingly.

而最重要的是，我想知道我什麼時候傷害了別人的感情，以便我可以相應地調整自己的行為。

I'm Anna Akana and thank you to the patrons who supported this video.

我是 Anna Akana 並感謝支持這個影片的贊助人。

And I'm very excited that I've teamed up with Audible for today's episode.

我很高興我和 Audible 合作推出了今天的節目。

You can visit audible.com/anna or text ANNA to 500-500. With a 30-day free trial, you can get one audiobook credit every month.

您可以訪問 audible.com/anna 或發短信給 ANNA 到 500-500。 有 30 天的免費試用期， 你可以每月獲得一個有聲書積分。

Good for any title in the entire premium selection of bestsellers, new releases, regardless of price, to keep forever.

適用於整個暢銷書精選中的任何書、新上市書籍，不管價格多少，可以永久保存。

You also get full access to the Plus catalog and can listen to thousands of included titles.

您還可以完全訪問 Plus 目錄並可收聽上千本收錄的書籍。

I just listened to "Text Me When You Get Home: The Evolution and Triumph of Modern Female Friendship" and, wow, I loved this audiobook.

我剛剛聽了《回家後給我發簡訊：現代女性友誼的演變與勝利》， 而且我喜歡這本有聲書。

It covered so many interesting points of view when it came specifically to female friendships.

它涵蓋了許多有趣的觀點，具體關於女性友誼的描述。

The inherent competitiveness that can sometimes happen.

固有的競爭有時會發生。

The insecurity, the jealousy, the misguided feelings brought on by your internalized misogyny.

由你的內在厭女症所造成的不安全感，嫉妒心、心猿意馬。

It was just an enlightening, amazing audiobook.

這是一本啟蒙的、令人驚奇的有聲書。

You can listen to "Text Me When You Get Home" and more by going to audible.com/anna.

你可以聽《回家後給我發簡訊》以及更多的內容，請訪問 audible.com/anna。

or text ANNA to 500-500, bye.

或發短信給 ANNA 到500-500，再見。