Tonight's big news.

今晚的大新聞。

President Trump's team of white shoe attorneys, because they spilled mayonnaise on them took their case to Michigan's oversight committee.

特朗普總統的白鞋律師團隊，因為他們把蛋黃醬灑在他們身上，把他們的案子交給了密歇根州的監督委員會。

Their mission unclear as of press time, but probably the look busy.

截至記者發稿時，他們的任務還不清楚，但可能是看起來很忙。

Here's their star witness.

這是他們的明星證人。

Let me tell you what I did by accident.

讓我來告訴你我不小心做了什麼。

Okay, sir, I wrote a written affidavit.

好吧，先生，我寫了一份書面宣誓書。

Yes, it is.

是的，它是。

Ah, 100% true.

啊，100%真實。

How many registered voters air on their?

有多少登記的選民在他們的廣播？

Did you do you even know the answer to that?

你知道答案嗎？

000 The pull.

000的拉。

The pull book is completely off.

拉本完全脫落。

I know what I saw.

我知道我看到了什麼。

E No.

E號

What?

什麼？

I saw Democrats like to ruin your lives.

我看到民主黨人喜歡毀掉你們的生活。

You take a look again.

你再看看。

Take a look again.

再來看看。

What did you guys do?

你們做了什麼？

Take it and do something crazy to it.

拿著它，做一些瘋狂的事情。

And I sign something, saying that if I'm wrong, I could go to prison.

我簽了一些東西，說如果我錯了，我可能會進監獄。

Did you?

你有嗎？

That is pathetic.

這是可悲的。

And this is from a guy who once tried to get out of a traffic ticket with a puppet attorney named Captain Law Man.

而這是一個曾經試圖擺脫交通罰單的人說的，他和一個叫 "法律人隊長 "的木偶律師一起。

The witness and Rudy Giuliani did hit it off, but the relationship hit the skids when the blood work showed she wasn't his cousin.

證人和魯迪-朱利安尼確實很合得來 但當血檢結果顯示她不是他的表妹時 關係就出現了問題

Mary.

瑪麗

Obviously you've been tithing 10% of your income to Trump's legal defense fund.

很明顯，你已經把你收入的10%捐給了特朗普的法律辯護基金。

You want your money back now.

你現在就想要回你的錢。

Plenty of people do want their money back now.

現在有很多人確實想要回自己的錢。

James, there's a big donors saying, What is going on here?

詹姆斯，有一個大捐助者說，這是怎麼回事？

This entire attempt to overturn the election result has failed.

這整個推翻選舉結果的企圖已經失敗了。

It's embarrassing.

這是很尷尬的。

It's beyond paradise.

這是超越天堂。

I think Trump is deploying a smart strategy here.

我認為特朗普在這裡部署了一個聰明的策略。

He's putting people on camera who speak to his base to catastrophe folks poking their gin soaked dominance into their Uggs.

他把對他的基地說話的人放在鏡頭裡，對災難的人把他們的杜松子酒浸泡的優勢戳進他們的Uggs裡。

Yeah, just to keep pushing back on many here.

是啊，只是為了繼續推倒這裡的許多人。

This is a turning point for the Republican Party.

這是共和黨的一個轉捩點。

For too long, they silenced women.

長久以來，他們讓女人沉默。

Now we're hearing from a brave woman with a strong voice and strong voices in her head.

現在我們聽到的是一個勇敢的女人的聲音，她的腦海裡有強烈的聲音。

Well, Giuliani did his best to lock down Michigan without getting sidetracked by any enchanting teenagers.

好吧，朱利安尼盡最大努力鎖定密歇根州，沒有被任何妖嬈的少年所幹擾。

Down in Georgia pro Trump attorney Sidney Powell, Linwood rolled out there hey filled train car to speak at a so called stop the steal rally.

在佐治亞州親特朗普的律師西德尼-鮑威爾，林伍德推出有嘿充滿的火車車廂，在一個所謂的停止偷竊集會上發言。

I think I would encourage all Georgians to make it now that you will not vote at all until your vote is secure.

我想我要鼓勵所有的格魯吉亞人現在就表明，在你的選票安全之前，你根本不會投票。

We're not going to go vote on January 5th and another machine made by China.

我們不會在1月5日去投票，又是一臺中國製造的機器。

You're not gonna fool Georgians again If Kelly you offer wants your vote.

如果你提供的凱利想要你的選票，你不會再騙格魯吉亞人了。

If David Perdue wants your vote, they've got to earn it.

如果David Perdue想得到你的選票 他們就得努力爭取

Now the good news here is voters who stick to the Republican strategy in Georgia will be entitled to their new sticker reading.

現在這裡的好消息是，在喬治亞州堅持共和黨策略的選民將有權獲得他們的新貼紙閱讀。

I vomited all over my shoes.

我吐得滿鞋都是。

Many is the natural next step in this strategy to encourage Republicans to vote for the opponent to confuse thes Chinese made voting machines.

許多是自然的下一步，這種策略鼓勵共和黨人投票給對手，以混淆中國製造的投票機器。

Indeed, I think you hit the nail on the head, James.

的確，我覺得你說得很對，詹姆斯。

That is probably where they're going to go next.

這可能是他們下一步要去的地方。

I mean, if you did have a deep state agent planted inside the Republican Party, could you do a better job than a Sidney Powell or Linwood?

我是說，如果你真的在共和黨內安插了一個深層國家特工，你能比西德尼-鮑威爾或林伍德做得更好嗎？

These are Trump supporting lawyers who, as you just heard, are telling Republicans in Georgia in these two crucial Senate races January come January, the entire Senate will be decided in these two races, and they're saying, Don't vote for the Republican candidates because it's all rigged.

這些都是支持特朗普的律師，正如你剛才聽到的那樣，他們正在告訴佐治亞州的共和黨人，在這兩場關鍵的參議院選舉中，1月到來的1月，整個參議院將在這兩場比賽中決定，他們說，不要投票給共和黨候選人，因為這一切都是操縱的。

It's a great point.

這是一個很好的觀點。

With the way that Trump supporters air actively working against the Republican Party here, it seems like the Democrats have every advantage to take over the Senate.

以特朗普支持者在這裡積極與共和黨作對的氣勢，民主黨似乎完全有優勢接管參議院。

They won't.

他們不會的

But it's nice.

但它是好的。

It seems like that.

好像是這樣。

Well, I just got to jump in here.

好吧，我只是得在這裡跳。

I, for one, want to say that voting does matter you matter.

我，想說的是，投票確實很重要，你很重要。

You are not alone.

你並不孤單。

Love is love Yanks.

愛就是愛美國佬。

I'm moving on 100.

我在移動100。

Director Robert Redfield issued another dire warning to a citizenry that spent most of science class shoving cigarettes in their dissected frogs mouth, saying he expects the next few months will be the most difficult in the public health history of this nation.

羅伯特-雷德菲爾德主任向花了大部分科學課的時間將香菸塞進他們解剖的青蛙嘴裡的公民發出了另一個可怕的警告，他說他預計未來幾個月將是這個國家公共衛生史上最困難的。

Even worse than World War Two in Civil war one, many when the 500 director says the next few months will be the worst ever.

甚至比二戰中的內戰一戰還要糟糕，很多當500導演說未來幾個月將是有史以來最糟糕的。

Isn't he forgetting about the months after that?

他不是忘記了之後的幾個月嗎？

I mean, yes, it has sense.

我的意思是，是的，它有意義。

You're right, you know, right at the beginning.

你是對的，你知道，一開始就對。

Those of us in the news I don't know if you guys consider yourselves in the news.

我們這些新聞界的人，我不知道你們是否認為自己是新聞界的人。

Oh, we dio good, good to hear we would stop and we would mark, you know, it's now overtaking the death toll from Afghanistan.

哦，我們dio很好，很高興聽到我們會停下來，我們會標記，你知道，它現在超過了阿富汗的死亡人數。

It's overtaking the death toll from World War One.

它超過了第一次世界大戰的死亡人數。

We're heading into a World War two death told territory.

我們正在進入第二次世界大戰的死亡告訴領域。

How many more historical records have to be broken before people in this country take this seriously.

還要打破多少歷史記錄，這個國家的人才會重視這個問題。

And I think what you're arguing for is that we should have some kind of catastrophic event where millions of people die.

我認為你所主張的是我們應該有某種災難性的事件，讓數百萬人死亡。

So we have a sufficient metaphor for what's happening with Cove in not quite what I might.

是以，我們有一個足夠的隱喻，在不完全我可能發生的庫夫。

Well, okay, we'll get the fact checkers on it.

好吧，我們會讓事實檢查員來檢查的。

I heard.

我聽說。

Secretary of State Mike Pompeo has invited 900 people Thio indoor holiday parties at Foggy Bottom and in light of his rumored presidential ambitions, I think it shows great leadership.

國務卿Mike Pompeo邀請了900人在Foggy Bottom舉行室內假日派對，鑑於他傳聞中的總統野心，我認為這顯示了偉大的領導力。

He knows he can better serve each and every American if there's less of them.

他知道如果少了這些人，他就能更好地服務於每一個美國人。

Now, look, I have to jump in here.

現在，你看，我必須在這裡跳。

I want to apologize on behalf of my boy Gavin Newsom for partying at the French Laundry during a pandemic.

我想代表我的兒子加文-紐森為他在法國洗衣店的大流行期間開派對而道歉

I'll hash it out with them at our favorite VIPs.

我會在我們最喜歡的貴賓處和他們一起討論。

Hang out the global seed vault in Svalbard, Norway.

在挪威斯瓦爾巴德掛出全球種子庫。

Man, I'd love to see you locked in a vault, scratching at the door until your fingernails fall off.

我真想看看你被鎖在金庫裡 在門上抓到指甲掉下來的樣子

Help James up.

幫詹姆斯起來。

I can't hear you won't King shame you for that buddy I get You know what that sound means?

我聽不到你的聲音，不會嗎？ 金，讓你為我得到的那個朋友感到羞愧，你知道這聲音意味著什麼嗎？

Today's news has officially become so unbearably overwhelming.

今天的新聞正式變得讓人難以接受。

We can't process more without mentally detaching from it.

我們在精神上不脫離它，就無法處理更多的事情。

So let's lighten the mood with some smart whoops many.

所以，讓我們用一些聰明的呼聲多來緩解心情。

Are you ready for some smart whoops?

你準備好接受一些聰明的呼喚了嗎？

I have no idea what that is, but I'm ready.

我不知道那是什麼，但我已經準備好了。

All right.

好吧，我知道了

Thank God.

謝天謝地

Because we were gonna do this segment.

因為我們要做這個環節。

Anyway, Merrill called our property.

總之，美林打電話給我們的財產。

Looks like we got some marching orders from General Flynn.

看來我們從Flynn將軍那裡得到了一些行軍命令。

Remember him?

還記得他嗎？

He was the lovable scamp Trump.

他就是那個可愛的渣男特朗普。

Pardon for fitting about rubbing elbows with the nation, attempting a cyber coup of American democracy.

赦免適合與國家擦肩而過，企圖對美國民主進行網絡政變。

And now he's calling for martial law.

現在他又要求戒嚴。

He tweeted out a petition reading.

他在微博上發了一份請願書，內容是。

You must be ready, Mr President, to immediately declare a limited form of martial law and temporarily suspend the Constitution for the sole purpose of having the military oversee a national revote.

總統先生，你必須做好準備，立即宣佈有限的戒嚴形式，並暫時中止憲法，唯一的目的就是讓軍隊監督全國的重新投票。

Whoopsie, Whoopsie, Mikey wakey suggested suspending the document deck.

Whoopsie，Whoopsie，Mikey wakey建議暫停文件甲板。

Use your whites.

用你的白色。

Can't make me share Mary on a scale of smart toe.

不能讓我分享瑪麗的聰明腳趾的規模。

Whoops.

哎呀。

How smart.

真聰明

Whoopsie is this news?

Whoopsie這是新聞嗎？

It's pretty.

很漂亮

Whoopsie.

哇哦

James General Flynn took a Q and on oath in his backyard, queuing on being the crazy cult that says the deep State and the Democrats are trying to drink the blood of Children there satanic.

詹姆斯-弗林將軍在他的後院進行了Q和宣誓，排隊上是瘋狂的邪教，說深國和民主黨人正試圖喝兒童的血有撒旦。

For that very articulate answer, I'm giving you a smart whips.

對於這個非常清晰的答案，我給你一個聰明的鞭子。

Er now moving on.

呃現在繼續前進。

Remember this guy, Bill Clinton back in the go go nineties?

還記得這個人嗎，比爾-克林頓在90年代的時候？

He was the president, but he should be in jail.

他是總統，但他應該在監獄裡。

That's according to Doug Band, who worked as a body man and a told Slick Willie, a k a.

這是根據道格-班德說的，他曾作為一個身體的人和一個告訴斯利克-威利，a k a。

The Pillsbury Predator for nearly two decades.

近二十年來，皮爾斯伯裡掠奪者。

Despite Clinton's denials in January 2003, according to band, Clinton visited Epstein's That's Jeffrey Epstein, Private Caribbean Island Little ST James.

儘管克林頓在2003年1月否認，但根據樂隊，克林頓訪問了愛潑斯坦的那是傑弗裡-愛潑斯坦，私人加勒比島小ST詹姆斯。

I wonder what Bill Clinton would have to say about this?

我不知道比爾-克林頓會對此事有什麼看法？

It probably go a little something like this.

大概是這樣的吧。

I may have visited, but I never in had all those underage sex slaves.

我可能去過，但我從來沒有過那些未成年的性奴隸。

Here's all Billy all the way back in three months ago at the Democratic National Convention and for all you trivia heads, get this.

這是比利三個月前在民主黨全國代表大會上的全部內容，各位小夥伴們，聽好了。

His chief of staff was just named Kamala Harris, his chief of staff, and those are your smart whoops, but up up it up before we go, a reminder to be safe this holiday season.

他的幕僚長剛剛被任命為卡馬拉-哈里斯，他的幕僚長，這些都是你的聰明喔，但在我們走之前，up up it up，提醒你這個假期要注意安全。

If you are choosing to travel to see family members try to be mindful of everyone, you may have come in contact with so you don't inadvertently spread the virus.

如果你選擇去旅遊看家人，儘量注意每一個人，你可能接觸過的人，這樣你就不會無意中傳播病毒。

I actually took a good hard look at my Koven pod to see our potential for spread, and what I found was pretty shocking.

其實我仔細觀察了一下我的科文艙，看看我們的傳播潛力，我發現的情況非常令人震驚。

Eso Here's what my covert pod looks like.

Eso 這是我的祕密艙的樣子。

It's probably not too different from yours.

可能和你的不太一樣吧。

As you can see, two people have their mouth and nose covered, basically at all times when the first person has a mask.

大家可以看到，兩個人的口鼻都被遮住了，基本上在第一個人帶著口罩的時候，都會被遮住。

Our risk of transmission is basically zero, but we still made a point of getting tested before we set out on our holiday travel.

我們的傳染風險基本為零，但我們還是特意在假期出行前進行了檢測。

That's very responsible, James.

很有責任感，詹姆斯。

It's also a good idea to go contact.

去聯繫也是個好主意。

Trace your pod to see who we all come in contact with.

追溯你的豆莢，看看我們都和誰接觸過。

So as you can see, here's my cove.

所以你可以看到，這是我的小海灣。

It pot looks pretty good, but when I factor in my Pilates instructor, my husband's walking buddy and all the people in my son's learning pot, it adds up to a lot of potential passing on the virus.

它的鍋看起來相當不錯，但當我把我的普拉提教練、我丈夫的走友和我兒子學習鍋裡的所有人都計算在內時，就會增加很多潛在的傳遞病毒的可能性。

Yeah, I think it's safe to say the holidays are gonna look a little different this year, but with right precautions in place, you can still make the season bright plus A lot of airlines are doing their part by requiring you to wear a mask at all times.

是的，我認為它是安全地說假期會看起來有點不同，今年，但與正確的預防措施到位，你仍然可以使季節明亮加很多航空公司正在做他們的一部分，要求你戴面具在所有時間。

That's right.

是的

You got to play it safe this year.

今年你得小心點

So you could do with Grammy next year.

所以，你可以做與格萊美明年。

Many?

很多？

What sort of precautions have you been taking in your pod?

你在艙內採取了什麼樣的預防措施？

I basically don't have a part, and I don't meet anyone.

我基本沒戲份，也沒遇到什麼人。

And I stay indoors.

而我則呆在室內。

So you do the human centipede alone.

所以你單獨做人蜈蚣。

Well, I'm sure all the nurses and doctors air very grateful.

我相信所有的護士和醫生都會很感激的